Thread: Playground Misfits, Imperial Guard in the Playgound

This is the official thread for the Playground Misfits. Anyone wishing to enlist and serve the imperial Guard may join here. As of now, the Leaders are Colonol Cabal, and myself, Commisar Baxter. We are loking for new recruits, myself for my own unti. Also, if anyone can draw a signature, it would be a aprreciated.

May we walk the Emporer's Giant footsteps!

Alright then, can we get a mod to move this?

Also, I need a tank crew. Now hiring drivers, gunners, loaders and radio operators.

You want to join the Imperial Guard, it's your duty to the Emperor, but you also want to stay alive. How to solve this quandary? Join the tank corps! Yes, nothing keeps the nasty xeno weapons out of your delicate human flesh like a couple inches of the Emperor's Finest Composite Armor (EFCA), and nothing brings retribution like large caliber artillery fired from the Emperor's Finest Battle Cannons! Enlist today, and you may even get to fire or load such a gun, under the auspices of Tank Commander First Class Goblin, who has served with distinction and so far avoided getting killed, which is more than can be said for the rest of his class from the Emperor's Tank Academy!

@^

So, as I posted in the other thread, can I be the obviously evil, daemonic dark eldar psycher who suffered from terrible brain damage and now just wants to be an imperial gaurdsman? I volunteer to be Basxter's bodygaurd. The only reason he ignores the spikes, daemons, alien technology, Slaanesh worship, and torture of enemies is because I save his life on a regular basis.

Move me closer!

I want to hit them with my sword!

Originally Posted by Moff Chumley

@^

So, as I posted in the other thread, can I be the obviously evil, daemonic dark eldar psycher who suffered from terrible brain damage and now just wants to be an imperial gaurdsman? I volunteer to be Basxter's bodygaurd. The only reason he ignores the spikes, daemons, alien technology, Slaanesh worship, and torture of enemies is because I save his life on a regular basis.

An alien, heretic, and xenos all in one? Congratulations, sir, you have just won yourself a one-way ticket to the torture chambers of the Most Holy Inquisition! They'll practically be killing each other over the rights to your mutilated corpse, and Baxter wouldn't get much of a say in the matter except for whether he would go quietly to die alongside you or not. Trust me, I should know - it's only my oh so nice and generous and kind and supportive and loyal and nice and powerful and strong and smart and loyal and nice and great patrons in the Malleus that keep me from being fed to the Golden Throne just because the Emperor gifted me with the ability to melt people's faces off their heads with my mind...and horrible nightmares that keep me awake all the time (and drive my budget for pants through the roof).

Yes... but the trick is that no one has looked hard enough for me. And the horrible anguish and screams in the warp that constantly surround me are put down to the omnipresent assassins come to kill Commissar Baxter. Riiiiiiiight.

Let me join as Imperial Guard #247. You know, that one. The one in the right who waved his hand when the Space Marine arrived.

No, not THAT one. Remember that time with Tyranid and lunch hour? Yes, THAT one..

I hereby bless this Regiment in the name of CAIAPHAS CAIN, HERO SAINT OF THE IMPERIUM!

Sergeant Gareth reporting for duty, sirs!

Corporal Weezer reporting as ordered, requesting transfer to the misfits as a master sniper sir.

It should,but it'll get moved

Also. Commander of the Heavy Infantry for the Misfits. Reporting.


Infantry! Attention! No not like that! The other way! Dance like a man on fire! Dance!

Originally Posted by Moff Chumley

Yes... but the trick is that no one has looked hard enough for me. And the horrible anguish and screams in the warp that constantly surround me are put down to the omnipresent assassins come to kill Commissar Baxter. Riiiiiiiight.

The Inquisition isn't that stupid, and they're very good at hunting out aliens.

(Just make a human, really - not even a joke regiment would tolerate an actual alien in their ranks, let alone a Commissar less astute than CIAPHAS CAIN, HERO OF THE IMPERIUM. Maybe a normal human with a brain injury who's convinced he's actually a Dark Eldar, and tries (badly) to hide it from the regiment? A double subversion of the idea - human who thinks he's a Dark Eldar pretending to be a human - could actually be funny.)

Yah, I guess you're right. Can I at least have some kind of demonically possessed weapon? I just want something so that when anyone's looking at our army they can ask "what's THAT doing there?!?"

Xeno tech is allowed.

Chaos power will be shot down. Fear of corruption is still within our ranks soldier! We don't need no stinkin heretics comming down and bringing a viral bomb down on our tan planets behind.

Originally Posted by Innis Cabal

Xeno tech is allowed.

Chaos power will be shot down. Fear of corruption is still within our ranks soldier! We don't need no stinkin heretics comming down and bringing a viral bomb down on our tan planets behind.

Indeed.

Those of us with stashes of "questionable materials" (Xeno weapons and tech, older literature, Cain's non sanctioned memoirs, whatever) want to make very sure the Inquisition doesn't come down on us.

Lt. Chiasaur reporting.

I for one like my tau weapondry. So fun. Not blasty but we'll over look that.

Wont we!

*Polishes his shotgun quietly and muses about how lasguns are for the weak*

*Begins loudly reading scripture from the book of saint belkar the shoeless*

Quietly polishes Diresword and D-Cannon.

"Sir, why does that man have a gigantic weapon capable of ripping a whole into the warp that he probably shouldn't be able to CARRY?"
"We'd ask, but whenever we look at it, he starts getting very nervous and fingers the trigger..."

Edit: "And why are his ears pointy?"
"Sir, do you know what a diresword does to your soul?"

*Salutes* Veteran Trooper Knight reporting, sir. You need anything fried? *Fingers trigger on Hellgun*

Bone'ead Chtulu rep-ort-ing here, Sah!
Mah Ripper Gun dun't work ok since I broke it on that ugly tyra-thingy's head; may I pleez have 'nother, Sah?

From the other 40k thread, where this idea was spawned...

{table=head]Forumite|Model
Baxter190|Commissar
warty goblin|Baneblade commander
Innis Cabal|Heavy Infantry commander
Chiasaur|Heavy Infantry lieutenant
The Glyphstone|Sanctioned psyker
Kane|Gunner or gunship pilot
thorgrim29|Veteran sergeant w/ carapace
Lord Mancow|Air marshal
Z-Axis|Mukaali rough rider commander
turkishproverb|Mercenary or Inquisitor
Oslecamo|Veteran stormtrooper
BRC|Priest
Lord_Gareth|Competent but Unimportant Sergeant
Zenos|Sentinel pilot
ChocolateChtulu|Ogryn Bone'ead
KnightDisciple|Veteran w/ hellgun
Lorn|Veteran Sergeant
Illiterate Scribe|????
RPGuru1331|Master vox-operator
WychWeird|Techpriest Enginseer
YPU|Anti-tank support squad sergeant
Foeofthelance|Basilisk (commander?)
Moff Chumley|RECORDS LOST
Shas'aia Toriia|Heavy Weapons team
Destro Yersul|Plasma gun operator
Fri|Infantryman #247
Weezer|Master sniper
Da King|Demolitions expert[/table]

Homeplanet: Stych
The planet Stych was the sort of world that every pre-Imperial colonist hoped for: temperate and teeming with life, the vast majority of which lacked a voracious appetite for human flesh. They set about colonising it forthwith, forming happy, joyful cities filled with food from bonteous harvests.

This being 40k, the planet was engulfed in warp storms for several millenia, during which time society advanced, regressed, advanced and regressed again until eventually the warp storms moved on and the Imperium finally arrived sometime in M43. Luckily for the planet's ecosystems, the settlers did not bring the STC for nuclear weapons.

Now, Imperial missionary work is a rotten and dangerous job, and so when the first shuttles landed they kept the weapons trained on the populace. After slaughtering the first few towns after bad negotiations, they eventually got the attention of the planetary government: the High Order of Stych. Appropriate displays of force demonstrated the Imperium's might with an absolute minimum of collateral damage (the palace was a small price to pay, really, for cooperation).

For the next few decades, the Imperium slowly indoctrinated and converted the populace, but for convenience, the government was allowed to remain as the Order of Stych. Other parts of life on Stych changed drastically. Skulls were dug up and placed on tasteful points on every building, and then more skulls were dug up and placed everywhere else. The efficient and organised law enforcement body was deemed heretical, and replaced by a disgraced Arbites officer who promptly drunk himself into a stupor, allowing crime to go wild: to counteract this, the Imperium burned several city districts. Local livestock were replaced with the highly aggressive Grox, who offered about 2% more food - failed lobotomisation cost numerous farmers their lives.

In short, the Imperium grimdarked the place up.

The Imperial officials were meriful on Stych, and only charged tithes for the past fifty years rather than the several millenia since contact was first lost with the planet. The new governor desperately tried to meet this demand, and as part of this effort he recruited Imperial Guard regiments en masse from every continent, importing equipment from anywhere it could be obtained.

In the millenia since, everything has settled a bit, but the planet still continues its mismatched IG traditions. They are called the Playground Misfits, for which there's probably a reason, but the Misfits aren't telling anyone what it is.