How you know you're posh: Do you like the crusts cut off your toast... or are you a married man who never wears a wedding ring like Wills? Here are the tell-tale signs one's properly pukka 

  • Posh men will never wear a 'showy' wedding ring - but signet rings are tasteful
  • Champagne can be served in any vessel - a pewter tankard or a cheap wine glass 
  • Key extra ingredient to a well-made gin and tonic is a dash of angostura bitters

David Cameron is so posh he likes having someone cut the crusts off his toast — according to a Tory MP who has breakfasted with him.

This compares with Jeremy Paxman’s tale about the Prince of Wales (which Charles denied) that seven eggs are cooked for him each morning, ranging from runny to hard-boiled, so he can test them before choosing one.

Here, MATTHEW BELL offers a genteel guide to the foibles of the uber-posh . . .

David Cameron is so posh he apparently likes having someone cut the crusts off his toast

David Cameron is so posh he apparently likes having someone cut the crusts off his toast

SLIPPERS WITH A CREST 

Many aristocrats have slippers monogrammed with their initials. Firms such as Shipton & Heneage specialise in them — made and embroidered by hand in the UK ‘from the finest-quality velvets and leathers’ and finished with a satin lining.

Retailing at £310 a pair, they can be customised with a family crest.

Old Etonians such as Mr Cameron can buy slippers available only to alumni of the school and sold at outfitters New & Lingwood on Eton High Street.

They come in corduroy — maroon, dark blue or bottle green — with a black leather sole. Old Etonian Charles Moore (Mrs Thatcher’s official biographer) ordered a pair for his birthday some years ago.

What’s more, the well-heeled often take their slippers when they visit friends as they don’t like to pad around in their socks.

Old Etonians such as Mr Cameron can buy slippers available only to alumni of the school

Old Etonians such as Mr Cameron can buy slippers available only to alumni of the school

WEDDING RINGS ARE SHOWY

Really grand men never wear a wedding ring. Prince William is proof, as are Prince Philip and David Cameron. Those posh men who do wear one would consider only a very plain thin band in solid yellow gold.

The fact is that jewellery on men has always been considered faintly effeminate, especially in military or hunting circles, where unnecessary bits of metal can get in the way in the heat of action. There is one exception, however . . .

Posh men - including Prince William, Prince Philip and David Cameron - will never wear a wedding ring

Posh men - including Prince William, Prince Philip and David Cameron - will never wear a wedding ring

SIGNET RINGS ARE TASTEFUL

Prince Charles famously likes to fiddle with his — which is always worn on the little finger of the left hand. Signet rings were traditionally worn by noblemen as a portable way to seal letters with their family crests.

But since no one uses molten wax to seal letters any more, the only reason to wear one is to show how important your lineage is.

Inevitably, this means they have become slightly uncool among the genuinely posh — who don’t feel the need to boast about their blue blood.

BATH SALTS FROM ITALY

Grand people spend their lives having baths, partly to keep warm in their draughty old houses and partly because they are one of life’s great pleasures, always preferable to that cheap, modern invention — a shower.

But luxuriating in bubbles like film stars such as Brigitte Bardot is considered frightfully common. Instead, bath salts are de rigueur.

These were once seen as somewhat Victorian, but they’re back in fashion. Brands of choice are Italian soap makers Ortigia or Santa Maria Novella (especially the pomegranate fragrance, selling at around £74 for a 500g box).

Failing that, a drop of scent from upmarket perfumer Floris in London’s Jermyn Street will do.

GIVE A HAND TO LINEN

Forget fluffy towels, the smartest are crisp white linen and look more like table napkins.

They may be less effective at drying your hands, but they trap fewer bacteria and hang in a more formal and pleasing way.

They’re a throwback to the days before cotton towels and have been used in elegant European mansions since the 19th century.

Of course they are changed daily so there must be a large supply in the cupboard. Linen takes up less space than cotton when folded away.

EGGS FOR BREKKERS

Regardless of Prince Charles’s denials about having seven eggs prepared (from his favourite Burford Brown hens), the only breakfast requested by dukes is eggs — ideally boiled for no more than five minutes.

For an egg — laid by a hen on your own estate — provides all the protein and vitamins needed for the day ahead. An exception to this rule is the Queen, who likes cereal for breakfast, which she famously keeps in Tupperware boxes.

The only breakfast requested by dukes is eggs — ideally boiled for no more than five minutes

The only breakfast requested by dukes is eggs — ideally boiled for no more than five minutes

IN THE PINK

The key extra ingredient to a well-made gin and tonic is not lemon, but a dash of angostura bitters, an aromatic preparation of the alpine flower gentian and a variety of vegetable colouring first made in 1824 in Venezuela.

It turns the drink pink and gives it a slightly herbal twist. Lime and cucumber are suitable alternatives, but nothing speaks chic like this distinctive papered bottle from a producer that had a warrant to supply the Queen Mother.

CRASH THE ASH

Even if you don’t smoke, it is important to have plenty of large china ash trays placed around the house in case of one your guests chooses to light up.

Making a fuss about smoking is impolite, as we’ve all known the health dangers for years and it is just not done to rush to judgment on those who are reluctant or unable to give up tobacco.

FLORAL WALLS AND HALLS

Often derided as naff, patterned wallpaper has been ever present in the houses of the super-posh.

Many of Britain’s stately homes are festooned with ancient floral prints from Colefax & Fowler (the firm set up by London society hostess Lady Sibyl Colefax as a ‘make-do and mend’ decorating service).

The company went through a tough time in the Seventies, but the minimalist revolution is over and patterns are back. Nothing speaks confidence more strongly than bold, bright wallpaper.

Patterned wallpaper has been ever present in the houses of the super-posh

Patterned wallpaper has been ever present in the houses of the super-posh

WRITING COLOURFULLY

Plain white writing paper is fine, but really smart people have their personalised stationery printed on bright orange, yellow or green paper. It is not cheap, but pays off — no one can fail to be charmed by receiving a jauntily coloured envelope.

Hence the success of uber-chic stationer Smythson of Bond Street (where David Cameron’s wife Samantha, a baronet’s daughter, acted as ‘creative consultant’), which sells a box of 25 sheets of watermarked white wove writing paper with a cerise border for £16.

WE LOVE A LURCHER

Once it was the pug, then the whippet — but now the dog to be owned by the smartest people is a lurcher.

From author Jilly Cooper to the Countess of St Germans, society has fallen in love with these gangling hunting dogs, once bred for chasing hares.

It’s partly because they require plenty of space and a big house, but also because they are friendly and docile, despite their hunting pedigree.

From author Jilly Cooper to the Countess of St Germans, society has fallen in love with lurchers

From author Jilly Cooper to the Countess of St Germans, society has fallen in love with lurchers

INITIAL DISCRETION

As well as having your crest or initials on your slippers, getting them woven onto your shirt is a necessary luxury. One foreign nobleman insists on the lettering being in block capitals during the day, but italics in the evening (requiring a change of shirt).

The initials must be located discreetly — such as just above the waist, where they will be covered by your waistcoat or suit jacket.

It is completely wrong to have the letters stitched onto the shirt cuff, where everyone will see them, as this betrays vulgar exhibitionism.

Millionaire fashion retailer Touker Suleyman, owner of the brand Hawes & Curtis and one of the tycoons on BBC TV’s Dragons’ Den, should take note as he often sports bold TS initials on his cuffs.

SECRET STIFFENER

An utter extravagance, since no one but you will know you are wearing them, silver collar stiffeners slip into the little stitched pockets on the underside of a shirt collar to prevent the pointed ends curling up.

In olden days, gentlemen wore detachable stiff collars held in place by gold studs, which had to be put in place by a valet, of course.

The detachable shirt collar is a tradition maintained only by barristers, young fogeys and Old Etonian Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg (who, according to Spectator Life magazine, is set to be worth £150 million once he and his wife come into their full inheritance).

BE A DIM BULB

Before electricity, plenty of candles demonstrated your wealth.

Today, the golden rule is classy lamps — one placed on every table if possible and preferably wired so that they can be switched on or off at the wall.

Low-wattage bulbs are considered best as they create a candle-like glow. Definitely verboten is overhead lighting, which casts a vile ghostly shadow over everything.

ORAL TASTE TEST

Pink and rather foul-tasting, Euthymol toothpaste is a washbag staple of the grandest people in Britain.

Its distinctive flavour is due to the antiseptic ingredient, euthymol, which is meant to help prevent mouth ulcers.

Johnson & Johnson, which makes Euthymol, had to stop production for a time in 2012 while it was reformulated to comply with EU safety rules on cosmetics, even though the previous formulation was safe and had a long history of use.

Smart people like it because they believe in the health benefits of the special blend of antiseptic ingredients and essential flavour oils and because of its reassuringly old-fashioned packaging.

Euthymol toothpaste is a washbag staple of the grandest people in Britain

Euthymol toothpaste is a washbag staple of the grandest people in Britain

WHEN IT’S WINE O’CLOCK

A myth has developed that the bigger the wine glass, the posher you are. Yet this is wrong, as proven by the enormous naff balloons found in binge-drinking High Street bars such as All Bar One.

It’s true that large glasses allow wine to breathe, but make little difference to bargain basement Chardonnay or Merlot.

And not for nothing were they known as ‘deb’s deceivers’ . . . for their ability to get impressionable young women tipsy. Much more elegant is a small Victorian glass on a normal height stem, suggesting fine wines and restraint.

BUBBLY IN A TANKARD

Don’t be fooled into thinking posh people care what shape of glass their champagne is served in. Tall or shallow, wide or thin, they don’t mind so long as the champagne is cold and there’s plenty of it.

Pewter tankards are fine, as is any old cheap wine glass.

MOVERS AND SHAKERS

The poshest hosts give guests their own individual salt and pepper grinders, placed just north of their dinner plate on a silver cruet.

This prevents the need for tedious ‘pass the salt’ requests, which interrupt the flow of conversation.

DON’T KEEP IT CLEAN

Whether it’s because they are too lofty for such a menial task or living in the muddy countryside means it’s a never-ending job, but posh people never wash a car inside or out — unless they have a chauffeur to keep it scuff-free and clean of lurcher hairs.

LURID CORDUROY

Red trousers have long been a staple of the Bufton Tufton wardrobe, but other garish shades are becoming just as popular.

Mustard moleskin or baggy corduroy in cornflower blue, apple green or papal purple are favourites.

CHILL WITH THE GENTRY

It’s a badge of honour for country house owners to provide enough piping hot water for up to 20 overnight guests to have simultaneous baths (usually at about 6pm, before they come downstairs for pre- prandial drinks).

This is a priority above heating their vast property. Electric blankets and plug-in radiators are much more popular than expensive central heating, which in any case damages one’s antique paintings and furniture.

BARE-FACED CHIC

Make-up is not to be worn during the day outside London — but it’s fine in the evening, darling!

 

The comments below have not been moderated.

The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline.

We are no longer accepting comments on this article.