358: Michaela Foster Marsh: Finding the Star in Every Child

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What can you learn from the themes woven into your life?

Michaela Foster Marsh

November is World Adoption Month, and in honor of that, our guest today is Michaela Foster Marsh, author of the book Starchild: A Memoir of Adoption, Race, and Family, a memoir about her life with her adopted brother Frankie, and her journey to learn more about Frankie after his tragic death by finding his birth family in Uganda. It is ultimately the story of a sibling relationship that transcends borders, time, and life itself.

Michaela is an acclaimed musician with three albums to her credit and has been invited to sing at the Monaco International Film Festival, the Cannes International Film Festival, and for Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth.

She is the founder and Executive Director of Starchild Charity. She lives in Glasgow, Scotland, and has received a Prime Minister’s award for her work in Uganda.

What We Discuss With Michaela Foster Marsh In This Episode

How her parents came to adopt a child from Uganda in the 60’s
What it was like growing up with a black brother in the 60’s in Glasgow, Scotland
How the adoption theme in her life shaped her view of the world
The challenges of transracial adoption as it relates to behavior and trust
The story of Frankie’s passing and the transformation that comes from grief
How she managed to find Frankie’s birth family in Uganda after his death
The spiritual element that has guided her steps along the way

Transcript Highlights

How Her Parents Came to Adopt a Child From Uganda in the 60’s

Michaela’s parents adopted a black child back, named Frankie, in the 60s. This was a time in the midst of the civil rights movement and the year Martin Luther King was assassinated. There were hardly any black people in Scotland at that time so it was extremely an unusual set of circumstances.

Michaela and Frankie bonded right away and there were no territorial issues considering they were identical in age. It wasn’t until later on that racism became an issue and people started to judge. It’s a learned behavior, which is a good thing because it means it’s something we can transform. So if we can help people to see it differently, then it can be changed. And that’s what this world really needs right now. It’s important to see what is beautiful and unique in another person.

Their parents never hid from Frankie that he was adopted. In fact, when Frankie was 10, their parents gave him a folder containing some information about his biological family. Frankie was upset about it because he didn’t want to know anything about them or about Africa.

The Challenges of Transracial Adoption

Transracial adoption is not an easy adoption. There are tensions and a lot of testing behavior involved. There’s primal wound and a sense of abandonment, guilt, and shame. So you need to take into consideration the psychological behavior of your adopted child.

An adopted child usually bears feelings of guilt or that they could have done something wrong that led to their parents giving them up. So there’s that pattern of contesting behavior that can happen.

Grief is Transformative

Frankie died at 27 years old in an accidental house fire. Michaela was obviously devastated but grief always brings about transformation. It’s a very difficult process and you’re never going to be the same person. The complexities of grief can shape you.

Following Frankie’s death, her dad also died. Her mom got very old and died, and then Michaela’s life partner died of lung cancer last year.

To cope with Frankie’s death, she wrote a song and recorded it at the studio. Weeks later, she got a call from a studio and was encouraged to establish a career in music.

After her parents died, she uncovered the folder with all the information about Frankie’s adoption. For the first time, she saw the name of his brother’s biological mother. This set her off on a journey of trying to find his family.

The Events that Led Her to Find Frankie’s Family

Michaela started to write a fictional book that was very loosely based on Frankie’s biological mom. She ended up with an agent in London interested in the fictional novel who advised her to fly to Uganda. So she went to Uganda, found the family, and came back home overwhelmed by the fact that she had seen Frankie’s African brothers and gained three of her own. Frankie’s mother had sadly died.

She was also overwhelmed by the level of poverty in Uganda so she decided to create the Starchild Charity in honor of Frankie. It wasn’t easy however despite the delays and setbacks, she would get messages from the universe, from God, her angels, or whatever you believe in – that she was on the right path.

The Power of Gratitude and Surrender

We are spiritual beings having a human experience. And grief helps expand our consciousness.

It’s very important to incorporate gratitude in your prayer meditation. Be open to the expectation that those cosmic nudges will come to you. Thank the universe and your angels if you get a little gift from them. If you don’t see those miracles in your life, it may be that you’re afraid of taking up what you’ve been offered because the fear is so great.

We tend to push away the opportunity to heal, transform, and transcend. We cut ourselves off from the opportunity. But if we step into it, look at it and experience it, and allow ourselves to experience the disappointment, the hurt, and the pain, we actually reconnect to who we are. You have to let go of the resistance and surrender.

Episode Resources

Starchild: A Memoir of Adoption, Race, and Family

Connect With Michaela Foster Marsh

Starchild Charity: starchildcharity.com
Starchild Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/starchildcharity
Michaela Personal: www.michaelaonline.com
Michaela Facebook: www.facebook.com/michaelafostermarsh

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What can you learn from the themes woven into your life?