Battle Royale
Sometimes, when 2 guys start arguing on the Boards, I wonder if guys would pay to see a real-life Battle Royale (WWF style) with say, 20 real-life PC owners involved. Pay-per-view. Winner takes home half the purse, and the rest is divided equally among the other participants. I'd pay to watch that.
So the question is, which 20 guys would you like to see battling it out inside the squared circle?
RagingSol and JaySlater are givens. NapLajoie and Avila should probably be in there. Who else would you like to see?
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This isn't meant to disrespect anyone, by any means. Please don't misunderstand. This should be seen as a badge of honor, major bragging rights for those guys who are known for their bare-knuckle debating tactics and ability to get under the skin of their opponents. Kudos to anyone who makes the list. OWN it!!
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You, Gus, so we can unmask your "aww shucks" nice guy facade.
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You never know what lurks .... beneath!!
Mwahahahaha. MWA HA HA hahahaha.
Aw shucks. Thanks for the nomination, Raging!
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Not the sort of PC user you're focusing on, but I'd like to see yankeebb in the mix.
He'd win, of course, because he'd have 500 page scouting reports on each of his opponents.
He'd also know the exact composition of the wrestling ring, including where its individual parts were manufactured, and likely the hourly wages of the workers who made them.
If foreign objects were allowed, like tables, he'd know the exact forest where the table-maker sourced his wood.
"Hmm...I think I'll powerbomb JaySlater through this table, because wood from [insert region] is known to be tougher than wood from [insert other region]" - yankeebb
Oh, and whenever I see sheikyourboudi post, I think of the Iron Sheik, so I guess he should be in the brawl too.
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Nap would only get involved if he could punch you in the belly, so that he could trademark bellypuncher
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Lol. Great post Super!! Yankeebb and the Iron Sheik are definitely in! So are you for such a great post!
Avila is close to being voted out for bringing up annoying stuff nobody wants to hear about. Although that’s kind of why he was in in the first place, so I guess we’ll keep him for now.
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I would love to see Bbfan throw some punches and Bragankelly bashing everyone
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super and nettles should be the commentators.
I nominate ColinBoucher so Gus and him can talk about maple syrup and hockey after they've both been quickly tossed out of the ring.
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johnmaddox48 and Alycat,as far as l know,the only two women on PC
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Mcvn and Joshanddez wouldn't make it through one of those old school Gene Okerlund interviews without squabbling for sure. Lol
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add ih8jhawks, so all the Three Stooges are in
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Nice nod to Mean Gene, Jay. :)
Our ring is filling up nicely. Great nominations everyone.
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late to this post but a GREAT post by super.
for anyone who is a little more old school, stewbie and dwayne were always good for ridiculous debates on the boards.
thofmann also was the kind of arguer who'd sneak up aon you and take a real cheap shot, but was very effective, so hed be fun in this as well.
if u want an absolute heel, capone80 would be perfect, but hes been off PC for like 4 or 5 years now
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Seems like we've got a lot of heels and tweeners, but few outright babyfaces.
Besides the Pride of Canada, GusPC13, of course.
Do you think you can handle a ring full of vicious baddies, Gus? They'll surely be gunning for you.
Ragingsol predicts a quick exit for you. I have to agree, unless you have a team of apple-polishing, do-gooder Boy Scout allies waiting in the wings.
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I can't decide between "Captain LOL" or "Goody Two Shoes" for my moniker, but either way, I'll be grinning from ear to Canadian ear as I toss each of you big talkers out on your respective (Ameri)cans!
I think Boucher might have my back during the match. We'll definitely use Maple Syrup as a secret weapon - might spread it on the turnbuckles. Or I might form an alliance with the 3 Stooges (I'm pretty sure I'm one of them, though I can't imagine why)
Lol
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Ding Ding Ding
Don’t worry Captain LOL, I got your back, and I’m
bringing Betts, Yelich, Voit, and Snell with me, they go everywhere with me these days. The whole gang will be packing cans of Maple Syrup, they got good arms😉
🍁💪
We’re just gonna give everybody diabetes Gus!
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Cans of maple syrup? Sold by the six pack, 16-pack, and case. Watching hockey with six guys and a keg of Grade A Dark.
Something that has never been heard in the history of brawling: Don't mess with those Canadian guys.
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Mcvn and Joshanddez wouldn't make it out of the tunnel, they would just fight backstage, we all know i'm right.
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well...to be fair, I would make it out of the tunnel
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ColinBoucher, giving everyone diabetes with our maple syrup is a great idea, although it seems more of a longer term strategy. That's a lot of running around the ring waiting for that to kick in! lol
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CaptainLol, we’ll have to take Sol’s suggestion and bring in the Grade A Dark by the keg to hasten the process.
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Ok everyone. There's been enough interest in this post for me to carry it a step further. We now have 20 PCers nominated, so a full ring!
I will begin tonight with eliminating 1 participant at a time by numbering each person and using a random number generator to see who's out.
Witty commentary will accompany each ousting.
Lol
Gus
P.S. The participants are:
RagingSol
JaySlater
NapLajoie
Avila
Gus
yankeebb
Super
Sheikyerboudi
bbfan
bragankelly
ColinBoucher
johnmaddox
alycat
Mcvn
Joshanddez
ih8jawks
stewbie
dwayne
thofmann
capone80
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You better put gbacci in there. The Gentleman Brawler and reigning 6x World Champion.
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Bellypuncher
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I wouldn't duking it out with jkjohnso one last time
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What an honor to be included! Sol your crystal ball should have already told you that your the first one out Nostradumbass! Whatcha going to do brother!
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As a polite, quiet Canadian who would be happy to train Gus and Boucher for the match. I was a collegiate wrestler, hold two black belts and decent JJJ skills. So let's get training.
P.S. In the history of brawling comment ... dude ... look up George Chuvalo and tell me Canadians are not tough.
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Canada = America's Hat
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All I gotta do is run down that ramp slide in the ring and open up a can whoop ass on all you and that’s the bottom line cause stone cold said so
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This entire thread has set the WWE back like 20 years.
Honestly, draw lots and eliminate the selected?
suggestion, Compare two greats at the same position, worst argument about who is better and why gets knocked out.
I will even throw out a comparison for debate Ted Williams or Willie Mays?
Good luck if anyone cares
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Nap I challenge you to this
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Gus, you started this brackets would be nice, I honestly think I would find this enjoyable, true baseball fans using stats, logic, and reasoning to make their case.
Yankebb, Jayslater, Shiek, and Raginsol are my pre-draft favorites
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Ding ding ding. Guy Bacci started the festivities with a booming “let’s get ready to rumble!!!” after announcing that, as creator of the site, he was adding 5 more contestants to the match, including himself. Mcvn and Joshanddez were almost late getting into the ring as they were indeed getting into it in the tunnel.
Most of the participants went straight for Avila, who wouldn’t stop saying the word “belly” but before they could throw him out of he ring, Capone became the first Battler eliminated as he just left the PC ring without any explanation.
Stay tuned for chapter 2 as the other 4 new competitors are unveiled.
...
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Great idea SinCity, but we’d need buy in from all the competitors which we’d never get. Plus I’d become the arch-nemesis of all the losers and I don’t need any more enemies!! (Lol)
However, I do like the idea. So if any 2 participants want to challenge one another, go ahead, and the loser will be eliminated by vote of all other participants who care to vote within the timeline that I arbitrarily set.
By the way, SinCityMarauder is in. How could he not be with a perfect wrestling name like that?!?!
Oh yeah, and ...
Lol
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SinCity, gimme a challenge at was Maris' HR record real!
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he hit 61, no steroids, tremendous abuse from his own fans who didn't want to see Ruth's record broken,
It was an outlier year for Maris without a doubt, he never even hit 40 hrs in any of his other years, but 1961 he hit 61, totally legit
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Jon Jay would hit 61 if u made the season 500 games
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Jon Jay couldn't hit 61 if you gabe him 500 years!
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And I have just hit you with the first dislike in PC history
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OK, I'm taking the Avila vs SinCity debate over Maris's 61 HR season as an official Battle Royale Challenge. Let's have your votes on who makes the better argument. Loser is out.
Voting closes Friday at 6pm Central.
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But think about it. Ruth had so much going against him and huge ballparks! If you gave 362 games, would that 183-homer season by Matt Olson still count? NO! OF COURSE NOT! WHY SHOULD IT? 162 Game seasons are an abominations and a manifestation of corporate greed, endangering players and f***ing up records to make an extra few million a year.
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The conversation was about Roger Maris, the only thing he has in common with Babe Ruth is that both got to play in Yankee Stadium - You are off point.
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Thank you for the opportunity Gus, but in the immortal words of one time Presidential candidate Pat Paulsen, " If nominated I will not Run, if elected, I will not serve"
I would be a light weight versus some of these guys, and I don't even know what planet Avila is from.
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Lol, too bad SinCity, that was equivalent to a first round bye!
Better luck at SummerSlam 😉
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More like Hell in a Cell, which. if I had to have a battle of wits with Avila, is exactly where I would be.
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Just after SinCityMarauder walked away from an almost certain victory over Avila, forfeiting his spot in the ring, another unexpected surprise shocked the entire PC community, as yankeebb was eliminated from the Battle Royale. yankee was minding his own business, leaning up against the ropes doing some calculations in his head, trying to determine whether or not the two female competitors had any advantage or disadvantage over the rest of the geeky, basement-dwelling participants, when alycat and johnmaddox teamed up to toss him over the ropes and out of the competitition.
It's just as well, as gbacci was about to demand that yankeebb disqualify himself and head over to Pennant Chase HQ to hold down the fort while the webmaster proved his prowess in the squared circle.
Big upset, as yankeebb was seen as a definite frontrunner, using brains over brawn in this battle of PC legends.
Oh, and the other additional competitors are DocB, Borg, and Lachupacabra.
Stay tuned ...
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Never happened. I throw the challenge flag. Though there was definitely two women involved.
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To be blunt, Maris held the record until a guy loaded on steroids destroyed it. Was McGwire pre steroids able to hit more than 61. Not a chance, was Bonds able to hit 62 in his non-steroid years. Nope. I watched him throughout his entire career, as did many MLBers, writers etc. who would agree with me ... so uh uh. Maris was a quiet unassuming guy sharing the outfield with Mantle! He had a hell of a year (where he should not have hit 61) but he did. ON his own, against all odds, clean as a whistle. Deal, steroid monkeys, you cheated out a nice guy for a pile of cash and your reputations.
As to JayHawks' America's hat message (who puts their least favourite team in their name?), Canada has been hiding American's bald spot for years and then you elected him president. I know let's have a grudge match with Trudeau (who has had a boxing grudge match) vs. Trump (maybe his puppetmast .... er .... friend Vlad can be his corner man). hehehe.
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Tbh, I'm probably the guy with the 500 pages of scouting reports...
And 10,000 pages of results to analyze and number crunch. Lol
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Ah, Jay, your timing is superb. I just rolled the random number generator and it spit out a "2" which is you on my list. I was hoping to see you stay in longer, since you are one of the guys on here who I have the most history with. Ah well, you'd probably spent too much time in the ring already, and needed to get back to your 500 pages of stats and 15 kids (I keep forgetting the real number! lol)
So ...
JaySlater was looking strong in the middle of the ring, tearing a bunch of other competitors new ones on the boards for various wrong opinions, when he got distracted by my good old ex-pat Canadian friend, Buddy Hartley, who happened to walk down the ramp with a microphone in hand, newly hired to be the ring-side interviewer for newly ousted contestants. Jay ran over to the ropes and started berating Buddy about some long-past spat in Legendary Losers, when RagingSol slipped in behind him and sent him head over heels and out of the match.
In the post-match interview, Jay couldn't get a word in edge-wise, as Buddy wouldn't stop talking about his days playing Strat-O-Matic Baseball and how he used to have to mail out all the results, since it was before the days of computers (and electricity also, I believe).
Sorry to see you go, Jay.
In other news, stewbie somehow managed to reach through the ropes and press the random number generator button again when I wasn't looking, eliminating dwayne from the competition.
Stay tuned ...
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Strong writing work from America's Attic. Both DocB and The Masked LOL putting in some excellent work... with a couple qualifiers to that praise.
DocB is preparing for 1.21 gigawatts to power his flux capacitor, which would give him a leg up in the Battle. He clearly wants to use time travel to win. Devious.
Slater must have been Snake Eyes? Gus says he rolled the number generator, which implies dice. Are they D20 (twenty sided) dice? There are more than 12 participants, so they can't be standard D6. Or, more likely, Gus is implying falsehoods and/or limiting who can be eliminated until the Battle is down to 12. This is masked villain behavior at its most rawbone.
The Masked LOL's bigger transgression, though, is mentioning an ex-PCer who consistently promoted other baseball sims on the boards, weaving other sims' names into his twisted opinions. That was one reason he was my archenemy. Google why men move to Thailand, and you'll see the bigger reason he was my archenemy.
And here's Gus bringing his Buddy back to the boards, I'm assuming to distract me and others from the Battle at hand. Didn't work you diabolical masked man.
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Lol. Nice, Raging.
No dice, though. (Lol)
The first random number generator that pops up on my google search is a simple program with a minimum and maximum number on the right that you can edit (so 1 to 25 for our purposes) and a blue bar underneath with the word "Generate" which you click to produce the next victim. No deviousness up here in Canada, of course, where we're all polite, law-abiding citizens, who apologize profusely when we haven't even done anything wrong! (sorry)
Nice commentary on my friend Buddy, who was definitely brought in to distract you and send you into raging hysterics. I think it's working.
lOl
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Avila was at the center of attention again (as usual), as a number of other competitors tried to drag him from the center of the ring towards the ropes. Joshanddez stuck up for him, though, and it backfired big time. As he tried to pull people off of Avila, three opponents turned on joshanddez and threw him over the top instead. Avila lives to annoy for another day.
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I am counting on Marty and Biff to save me. :)
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“Google why men move to Thailand” is such an amazing line Sol! ...Buddy is where he wants to be 😉
Cap’n Lol, this is entertaining, Thread of the Year!
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Flattery will get you nowhere with the Random Number Generator!
Quick question - if it turns out the Random Number Generator leaves me as the last PCer still standing, how much of a hit will my credibility take?
Lol
😂
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Mcvn and Borg were engaged in a ferocious battle in one corner of the ring, while the Canadians were involved in a heated argument with gbacci over the value of the Canadian dollar and why it cost them so much more money to run a custom league. The Webmaster tried to throw ColinBoucher over the ropes, but DocB jumped in and saved his compatriot with some of his wicked martial arts moves (which nobody has ever seen, so I'm going to call them his "theoretical martial arts moves").
Meanwhile, mcvn, still miffed over Borg's comment that he and joshanddez "wouldn't get out of the tunnel" finally managed to heave borg over the ropes and out of the ring while yelling "You can't HANDLE the TRUTH!!!"
That leaves our Battle Royale with 18 remaining competitors:
RagingSol
NapLajoie
Avila
Gus
Super
Sheikyerboudi
bbfan
bragankelly
ColinBoucher
johnmaddox
alycat
mcvn
ih8jhawks
stewbie
thofmann
DocB
gbacci
Lachupacabra
Stay tuned ...
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ColinBoucher made the fatal mistake of bringing up keeper leagues, and got into a heated argument with RagingSol about whether or not signing guys early so you could use their next season’s stats amounted to cheating. It obviously doesn’t, since Canadians don’t cheat, (although I’m not positive if that rule applies to FRENCH Canadians).
Anyway, DocB again came rushing to his countryman’s aid, but wasn’t very helpful this time, since he was holding his two black belts in his hands (again, theoretical black belts). He could only watch as Sol raged Boucher over the top rope and out of the match using nothing but his fury and his wrath.
And then there were 17. Who won’t make the Sweet 16?
Stay tuned …
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Wow, Sol’s rage is real!
I’m not actually French, “not that there’s anything wrong with that” lol
....100% understand why anyone would assume tho. (With a name like that)
Thanks again Gus for the entertainment, I’ll leave the pallets(skids) of Maple Syrup in the locker room for the post match celebration ✌️
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The fact that Avila is still in proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that my random number generator is legit!!
Thanks, English Boucher!
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See, Captain LOL, aka Mr. Goodytwoshoes Gus resorted to treachery, calling on his fellow Canadian lackey turned Thailand import, Hartley to distract me. His 'nice guy' persona is rapidly eroding in this battle royale.
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I'm honored to be listed in this rougues gallery !!! ;-)
- The (Iron) Sheik
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Hmmm .... well, theoretical black belts are okay by me, nothing to prove on this end, I am nearing 60 and semi-retired with two bum shoulders and a iffy knee. However, if you are interested in my pedigree, I am Nidan (American Kenpo - Parker style) and Shodan in Shorinji Kan Jiu Jitsu, I hold Kyu belts of various rank in several other styles but have not been actively training for over a decade at this point. I messed around in the early days for Shoot Fighting but I was in graduate school and doing my doctorate so basically had to stop before I got too involved in the MMA craze. Looks like fun, though.
Doc
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The man known only as Super thought he was doing color commentary for this extravaganza, but he has now been informed that he's actually a participant in this “slobberknocker.”
He tosses down his headset and approaches the ring. The fans are mystified as to why he was sitting at the announce table at all, since he hasn't uttered a word since mentioning that yankeebb should be involved. This Nettles person blinks at him in confusion, then shrugs as if to say, “No great loss,” and continues his own commentary.
But instead of entering the melee, Super circles the ring and then heads up the ramp, to the back.
Some of the crowd jeers, but he ignores them.
He has a plan.
And that plan is to gather information.
And where will he get that information?
From yankeebb, of course.
It is known that yankeebb has 500 page scouting reports on all the battle royale participants.
(It's also rumored that someone named JaySlater has 500 page scouting reports of his own, but Super has looked up their respective PC win rates, and JaySlater's is far inferior, so he ignores those rumors.)
With the information contained within these reports, Super will know every weakness of every “wrassler.” He will be able to trample them underfoot like the rats they are, all while shouting dynamic badass phrases.
But first he has to obtain those reports.
He also has a plan for that: to distract the already eliminated yankeebb, and steal the information.
He hopes the info is stored on yankeebb's laptop, but knowing the guy, he may have hard copies of each report written in a language he's invented, and only he can read, to prevent thieves and saboteurs from profiting from his hard work.
Super rubs his hands together like a stereotypical mustache-twirling villain, thinking about his imminent triumph...
...and bumps into yankeebb, who, as it turned out, was prowling through the halls, his face set in intense concentration.
Not good.
TBC....
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Yankeebb: “Sorry. I was calculating the effectiveness of the sacrifice bunt setting if it's set to 47%, with two left-handed batters allowed to sac bunt, with the batters placed on the second and seventh spots in the batting order. I didn't see you.”
Super: “Uh....”
Uh? Uh?!
Think quick! Create a distraction! Get him out of the building and away from those reports!
Super: “No problem. We all have those moments when we're, uh, calculating stats and bump into someone.”
Yankeebb: (with infinite grace and benevolence) “Thanks for understanding.”
Super: “You know, I don't mean to bother you, but I just heard that there have been 658 trades over in New Deal within the last 24 hours. 99% of those trades involve paul21. The league chat box is in an uproar, and paul21 is on the verge of a breakdown.”
Yankeebb: (nodding with a sagaciousness unparalleled in the annals of history) “That's typical of him. And to think I made him vice commish...I'll handle these issues now. Thanks for informing me.”
With that, he turns on his heel in a movement that engineers, choreographers, and astrophysicists have called “mathematically perfect.”
He strides purposefully down the hall, a stately aircraft carrier with flags whipping in the breeze and proud sailors saluting the horizon, the rest of the arena's staff and other PC members mere dinghies in his wake.
Once Super has recovered from his brush with Greatness, he hurries to yankeebb's locker room, where these reports are surely held, hoping to pilfer them before yankeebb realizes his duplicity.
TBC...
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And now, since we need another subplot....
A man wearing a black suit, a black tie, polished black shoes, and a black watch enters the building.
(In case you miss the symbolism, the black means he's sinister.)
A perky female staffer bustles over, thinking the man has come to watch the brouhaha and needs help finding his seat, but the man shoots a glare at her as cold as ten thousand Siberian winters, and she meekly retreats.
This man is Pierre la Pierre, and he's with the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers.
And he is here to terminate his traitorous countrymen with extreme prejudice.
You see, the Canadians are using maple syrup as an aid against their opponents.
That is not allowed.
As Section 23.44.675.xi.vi.ccc.lviv of the Maple Syrup Code states: “Maple syrup shall not be used in conjunction with any wrestling or sports entertainment production, for any reason whatsoever.”
GusPC13, ColinBoucher, and their ilk may think they are safe.
They may think the Code means nothing, that Pierre's cartel is merely a nuisance staffed with finger-wagging white-collar idiots.
They're wrong.
Pierre has been greasing a lot of palms lately. He's masterminded a lot of black ops operations. He's employed a lot of Russian hackers.
All in the service of maple syrup.
Soon the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers will control all the world's maple syrup, not just Canada's.
And what a glorious day that will be.
But first, matters such as this must be attended to.
One could argue that this minor event is beneath Pierre la Pierre's notice.
But the devil's in the details, and Pierre is nothing if not thorough.
“Prepare to die, you perfidious Canadians,” he hisses.
Hearing his voice, a nearby baby begins weeping uncontrollably, and an older religious woman whispers “Satan speaks!” and falls and breaks a hip.
Thus ends these entries. Having spent far too much time writing them, the author will now try to relax by watching some engrossing movie on Netflix.
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Alliances are being formed as the PC Battle Royale becomes a Sweet 16 (although not many of the remaining participants could be accurately described as "sweet").
The Canadians (Doc and Gus) are currently battling the Royals fans (bragankelly and ih8jhawks), while the two female competitors, JohnMaddox and AlyCat, are trying to decide whether they should team up or become archenemies.
The Iron Sheik (Sheikyerboudi) is literally Sheiking (shaking) his bright red spandex booty at RagingSol, trying to draw him in like a matador lures a bull to his death. NapLajoie and Avila are engaged in what seems like a centuries-old battle of wits (or rather, nonsense).
thofmann and stewbie were hiding somewhere in the midst of the throng, neither having even logged on to the site since early November.
Webmaster gbacci has a device in his hands and seems to be working at rewriting the code of the match, trying to somehow get yankeebb's elimination reversed. It's not working. In frustration, bacci throws the device across the ring, narrowly missing Avila (who surely must have been the intended target) and hitting thofmann (aka The Tyrant) on the left temple.
Hofmann stumbles around for a moment, dazed and confused, wondering where he is (not on Pennant Chase). Unfortunately for him, he wanders too close to the Sheik's Iron Booty and with a violent upward hip thrust, the Sheik launches Hofmann up and over the ropes, eliminating him from the Battle.
More to come ...
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Cat fight!!!!!
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AlyCat has taken to walking, cat-like, from turnbuckle to turnbuckle around the entire ring, balancing on the top rope - a very risky move that is attracting a lot of attention, especially from the many bottom-feeders still in the ring. A few of the neanderthals have tried, unsuccessfully, to knock her from her perch, but she's been able to elude them thus far.
Whoa!! Someone just took her out with an unbelievable flying drop-kick! What a vertical!! Or should we say "horizontal"?!? That was WAY above the top rope! But wait, the flying-drop-kicker's momentum also took THEM over the top rope! And what's this?? AlyCat never actually hit the floor! She somehow hung onto the rope and is holding onto it, from outside the ring. Her feet haven't touched the concourse floor yet. She's still in this if she can hoist herself back over the rope and into the ring.
I can't see who that drop-kicker was! Ah! It's bragankelly! And he is ALSO hanging on to the top rope by one hand, both he and AlyCat are dangerously close to letting go and falling to the concrete and out of the match.
And now, they've drawn a crowd, as it looks like johnmaddox is trying to help AlyCat back into the ring, while bbfan and Lachupacabra are peeling bragankelly's fingers back one by one.
...
...
bragankelly just can't hold on any longer! He tumbles to the floor, as AlyCat deftly springs back from the abyss and lives to fight another day.
Whew! That was intense!
And then there were 14.
Stay tuned ...
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Wait, why are there only 14?? There should still be 15. Where did Super get to?
Super, you have 10 seconds to get back into the ring before your absence is noted by the zebras and you're disqualified!!
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Bye bye Super aka Below Average.
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jhawks at his Stoogiest.
Super(Fly) and The Masked LOL absolutely throwing down some of the best content in PC entertainment lore.
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Ringmaster, I can attest Super(Fly) was, actually, in the ring while you were giving him a 10 count.
While I was by a turnbuckle, watching The Sheik tweet at Nikolai Volkoff ["You jabroni, I break your back for being not here"], I felt a drip on the back of my neck. I also heard a voice seemingly come out of the ether and say, "Super(Fly) have SuperCry."
I looked up and saw an iPad hovering about five feet above the ropes, and it was streaming "Downton Abbey."
I quickly surmised what was happening:
Super(Fly) was standing on the top rope, clinging to it with his bare feet, watching Netflix.
Super had obviously somehow obtained yankee's patented Chameleon suit, and was completely blending with every background, from every angle, appearing invisible to anyone looking at the ring. Given his addiction to quality programming, Super was using the suit to continue his binge-watch of "Downton Abbey" that the Battle Royale had interrupted.
I testify, to you, Masked LOL, that this is what I then saw:
Super(Fly) was in the flood of emotions the Abbey had wrought, when his iPad, which was being powered by the same source as his Chameleon suit, shut down. Yankee had clearly designed the suit's power needs to be more important than any attachments, just as any sensible uber-genius would.
Super(Fly) was so upset that the Chameleon suit was forcing him to wait to finish the Downton episode, he threw the iPad to the concrete, then ripped the suit off and tossed it into the crowd. This happened just after AlyCat sprang back into the ring to thunderous applause. AlyCat was working the crowd so effectively that most didn't see Super(Fly), essentially, appear out of thin air. I did see it, though. I confirmed with Super that the tears were a mix of him being upset that Bates was in jail, and of him being angry the suit had let him down. Then, I gave him a forearm shiver, but couldn't knock him off the top rope.
Super(Fly) can't be counted out because Super was in the ring, emotionally wrecked, the entire time you were doing your 10 count.
Re: Battle Royale
wow, i guess i missed a lot this weekend
Re: Re: Battle Royale
Can't believe gbacci hasn't shut this down yet! Lol
Now that we know the back-story on Super, it looks like he'll live to fight (or "fly") another day! He now seems to be walking around with reams of paper either given to him by yankeebb, or more likely, stolen. He's scouting all the other participants to find their weaknesses, which seems like a super idea, except for the fact that he's not really paying attention to what's happening around him. Hmm. Could be dangerous.
mcvn4 is being worked over in the corner by the Maple Syrup boys. DocB is doing most of the "working" while Captain Lol is making jokes and appears to be the only one laughing at them.
Lachupacabra is literally opening up a can of whoop-ass that he seems to have retrieved from a hidden location under the ring, and he's spraying it into ragingsol's eyes at the moment, turning sol's face a disturbing, almost cartoonish, shade of red. Captain Lol is finding that particularly humorous.
The main event seems to be Avila and NapLajoie attracting the attention of the rest of the wrestlers.
Avila is running around the ring like a crazed animal, half out of his mind, asking anyone who will listen if THEY are the troll, or who they think MIGHT be the troll. "Are you the troll? Are you the troll? It can't possibly be you, can it?? I can't believe it could be YOU? Do you think I'M the troll? I'm NOT the troll!! How could anyone think that?? Hey, there's gbacci! I'm going to check in with him to see if HE knows who the troll is!"
Meanwhile, NapLajoie is following Avila around the ring, childishly copying all of his moves and actions, all the while chanting "We want a pitcher, not a belly itcher! We want a catcher, not a belly scratcher!" in a maniacal sing-songy voice.
The Webmaster seems to be equal parts apathetic and enraged, taking turns between the two as if he has a split personality. The other wrestlers are converging on Avila and Nap, and trying to hoist them into the air. Bbfan, stewbie, and the Sheik have got Nap three-quarters of the way over the ropes, while Avila seems to be slipping through everyone's grasp like a greased pig. Nap is now outside the ropes, but still standing on the mat, holding onto the ropes for dear life while taking punches from his three attackers!
And there it is!! It takes 21 consecutive punches to Nap's belly (7 each by bbfan, stewbie, and the Sheik, but Nap finally succumbs to the pain, lets go of the ropes, and falls to the concrete floor, eliminated from further competition.
Avila continues to s(troll) around the ring as if in a dense fog, now talking about possibly banning himself from the competition.
Stay tuned ...
Re: Battle Royale
Yeah but are you the troll?
Re: Re: Battle Royale
Avila, you are SO lucky that I'm an honest Canadian. Otherwise I would keep pressing that random number generator as many times as I had to (up to and including infinity) to ensure your immediate ousting. I am (and I'm sure many others are) now literally praying that your number comes up soon!!
(Lol)
Re: Battle Royale
Hey gus, how's the redesign going? Are you adding new features soon? (lol)
Re: Re: Battle Royale
Just an explanatory note for those who don't know the history, Avila is one of two different PCers who have repeatedly confused me (Gus) with the Webmaster (Guy). Obviously it's an easy mistake to make for those who do not have a firm grasp on the English language (or reality).
Re: Battle Royale
That's the joke
Re: Re: Battle Royale
And the match rages on.
Super, now armed with pages of insider information on each opponent, has become a target, and will have to watch himself. He is currently trying to build an alliance with johnmaddox and alycat, as they are in one corner of the ring looking intently at one of Superfly's files.
Lachupacabra's can of whoop-ass seems to have run out, and he's locked in a battle with RagingSol in the middle of the ring.
GBacci, the Webmaster is leaning on the ropes with his back to the rest of the competitors, engaged in deep conversation with one of the fans in the front row. Oh. It's yankeebb, of course. They're discussing what to do about the latest brushfire on the boards. Something about JaySlater and Favorite Teams Leagues. The Webmaster better watch his back, as he's not concentrating on the match at all (this is likely true in real life as well!) (Lol)
Now there's some action in the corner! Super is shouting out instructions to JohnMaddox and AlyCat, who are ... ... it's not actually clear WHAT they're doing. Oh, they're chanting something and making strange motions with their arms and ... OH! They're cheering! They're doing a cheer ... like ... cheerleaders!! Sort of.
It's getting clearer now. They're chanting "ROCK CHALK! JAYHAWKS! KU! (clap, clap) ROCK CHALK! JAYHAWKS! KU! (kick, kick) over and over again. Super is encouraging them, and looking over at ih8jhawks to see if they've got his attention. They do!! ih8 had been applying a sleeper hold on Stewbie, but he lets him slip to the floor and glares at the two cheerleaders.
Wow! He's got a crazy, enraged look on his face. He's at the boiling point! He yells out at the top of his lungs " I HAAAAAATE JAAAAAYHAWKS!!!" and lunges toward the cheerleaders. Just as he's about to smash into JM and Aly, as if they'd choreographed it ahead of time, they each turn to the side, step back, and at the same time, lower the top rope with one hand and heave ih8 over the ropes and into the second row of rabid fans.
Super tosses his ih8jhawks file into the stands after him, and nods at JM and Aly, mouthing the words: "One down, ten to go".
We'll see about that.
Stay tuned ...
Re: Battle Royale
Classic thread. Should be stickied forever.
And there's still more fun to go!
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I'm running out of popcorn lol
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Enraged indeed, they found my weakness! That damn stupid chant!
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In case anyone's wondering, Superfly's stolen notes are real - the chant was legit. Google it.
(Lol)
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Yeah it is real and makes no sense.
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Gus, you are the Crazy Canuck! I haven't laughed this much at PC boards ever. Great job, love the random element as well. Nail biting time. lol
Re: Battle Royale
Let's get ready to rumble on a Monday night!!
But first, a little back story on LaChupacabra. Many of you rabid wrestling fans may already know this, but for those who don't, there is something called "El" chupacabra, which is a mythical monster that attacks animals and consumes their blood. Among its favorite dishes are goats, sheep, and rabbits, although I'm sure it wouldn't mind having an Avila or an AlyCat once in awhile, or maybe even some Stew! The El Chupacabra myth originated in Chile and it is one of the most famous monsters in the world along with bigfoot and the loch ness monster.
That would be interesting and topical if we had anyone named El Chupacabra in the match. But we do not. Instead, we have something called "La" Chupacabra, which sounds like a French version of the beast, which likely prefers wine and fries to goats, sheep, and rabbits.
Anyway, not sure if our guy is really French at all, since his name is Armstrong. Doesn't really have a French ring to it, like, say, Boucher. The world is turned upside down these days, though, so who knows!?!
Anyway, Armstrong, or "Bras Fort", or La Chupacabra, or whatever his name is, seems to be getting hungrier as the match goes on, or maybe "hangry" as the kids say.
His latest tactic is running circles around the ring, taking shots at every other competitor as he goes by. His strong arms are being put to good use as he clotheslines Stewbie, elbows Captain Lol in the head, and punches the Webmaster right in the thinktank!
In other news, Mcvn and the Sheik are in the middle of the ring, sprawled out on the mat, looking like they're engaged in a painful game of Twister. They have each other in exactly the same hold, bodies twisted around so that each one is squeezing his legs around his opponents' neck. They can barely breath, let alone speak. And yet, they're somehow managing to have the following argument, gasping out one word at a time:
Sheik: Auto... Leagues ... are ... the ... real ... measure ... of a ... PC ... genius.
Mcvn: ... Nonsense ... Autos ... are ... for ... newbs ... and ... losers. The ... real ... men ... are ... in ... Privates!
Sheik: I ... have ... twenty ... two ... thousand ... Auto ... wins ... this ... year ... alone!! Take ... that!
Mcvn: My ... Private ... League ... Win ... Percentage is .... huge! Six ... Seventy ... Three! And ... Seventy ... Eight ... Rings! Maybe ... even ... more ... I ... haven't ... looked ... since ... this .... stupid ... match ... started ... last ... month!
Sheik: Seventy ... Eight ... Rings. ... ... ... ... HA! ... Ouch. ... That's ... nothing .... I ... have ... Two ... Hundred ... Ninety ... Eight ... Rings ... and ... the ... most ... wins ... of ... ALL ... .... ... ouch .... TIME!!
Mcvn: Well ... my ... privates ... are .... more ... im ... pressive ... than ... your ...
Pardon the interruption! As fascinating as that conversation is, we must shift focus to more pertinent story-lines. ...
Re: Re: Battle Royale
Continued from last post. Mcvn and the Sheik are still twisted up in the middle of the ring, but La Chupacabra is the center of attention as he's strong-arming everyone he sees. His next victim seems to be bbfan! As he makes a beeline for bbfan, bb quickly pulls something out of his pin-striped trunks. What is that?? It's a foreign object! It's a BB Gun! How did he get THAT into the ring?? He aims right for La Chupacabra and pulls the trigger. It's a HIT!! He gets Chupa right in the chest. ... ... But nothing happens. La Chupacabra isn't fazed at all. In fact, he's even more enraged than ever! He charges at bbfan, who ducks out of the way at the last moment.
La Chupa trips over bbfan, and crashes right into Avila, who is standing on the bottom rope, his back to the ring, yelling out to the crowd "WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE TROLL!?!? He's still yelling "TROOOOLLL!?!? as La Chupacabra crashes into him with his full force (not to mention his strong arms), hurtling him seventeen rows deep into the cheering crowd.
A big thank you goes out to the random number generator for its excellent selection of number 4. Tens, if not hundreds, of PCers thank you very much!!
Stay tuned ...
Re: Battle Royale
I think I’ve stayed behind to long I believe it’s time to make a special appearance. As a big fan of the attitude era and since lachupacabra has brought out stone cold I believe it only fair that the people champion brings it.
Re: Re: Battle Royale
NOW ENTERING... MATT OLSONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
Re: Battle Royale
Super(fly) just pulled out LaChupacabra's file and is going over it with the other members of his alliance - JohnMaddox and AlyCat. But just as they open it up and start looking at the first page, LaChupa charges past them, tears it out of Super's hands, opens up his huge jaws and shoves it into his mouth, taking a huge bite. Half the file disappears into his maw, and as he chows down, he throws the rest of the file into the air. Chupa's hunger is insatiable as he swallows down half his file and grabs loose papers out of the air, shoving them into his mouth as fast as he can. He hasn't eaten a thing since this match began. And he hasn't had a decent sheep or goat in weeks! He's about to LOSE IT!
The pages of Chupa's file are fluttering down from above, distracting other wrestlers. As Stewbie stares up at the pages, DocB picks him up and piledrives him into the mat. AlyCat takes the opportunity to climb up the ropes to the top turnbuckle and launches herself at RagingSol, connecting with a violent flying drop kick. Raging is knocked flying into the ropes, but stays in the ring.
GBacci sneaks up behind LaChupacabra and jumps on his back, putting him in a sleeper hold. LaChupa is going berserk, trying to buck Bacci off of him, but also snapping at Bacci's forearms with his sharp teeth, narrowly missing out on a delicious meal. But the sleeper hold is starting to take effect. Bacci is whispering something into LaChupa's ear. Lachupa immediately stops struggling and is listening intently. Whatever Bacci is saying to him is certainly getting the big strong-armed monster's attention.
Let's see if we can lower a microphone into the vicinity and pick up some of the Webmaster's words ...
Bacci: It's true, Chupa. I wouldn't make this up. I can change the code for you in the WAR Room. I can give you a stacked team. I can give you ANYONE!
LaChupa: Anyone??
Bacci: Anyone at all. Who do you want?
LaChupa: (with a wild look in his eyes) LAMB!! I want FRESH LAMB!!!
Bacci: Umm, do you mean Jake Lamb? He had a crap year last year.
LaChupa: ME WANT LAAAAAMB!!!
Bacci: Ok! Ok, sure!! No problem. You've got him. I'll give you one of his better years too.
LaChupa: YEAH! YOUNGER LAMB!!! That GOOD!!
Bacci: I could even import some players from the past. I can import anyone from history, and put them right onto your team.
LaChupa: MORE LAMB!!
Bacci: Okay, sure. If you like. I don't think they're very good, though.
LaChupa: MORE LAMB!!
Bacci: Right, there's a MIKE Lamb.
LaChupa: YEAH! MORE Lamb!!
Bacci: There's a David Lamb, a couple of John Lambs. Even a Lyman Lamb. You can have them ALL if you like!
LaChupa: And RAAAABBIT!!
Bacci: You mean ... Maranville?
LaChupa: Yeah! Maaaaarinated!!
Bacci: Ok. You got it. We'll work out the details later. But only if you join my alliance and help me WIN this thing!
LaChupa: Ok. Me will.
see the conclusion below! ...
Re: Re: Battle Royale
...
But then, just as GBacci relaxes his hold on Chupa, the monster spies AlyCat running across the top rope again. He launches himself at her, but she spins away, watching as the monster (and GBacci's dreams of an alliance) sail out of the ring.
With LaChupacabra out, we have 11 participants left.
Stay tuned ...
Re: Battle Royale
Eleven competitors continue to battle it out in the epic Pennant Chase Battle Royale!
Well, ten, anyway. One of them isn't really battling anymore. RagingSol and the Iron Sheik are duking it out in one corner. The Canadians (DocB and Captain LOL) are battling it out with Super, AlyCat and JohnMaddox in another corner. Mcvn and Stewbie are trying to wrestle bbfan's BB Gun away from him in a 3rd corner. But all alone in the center of the ring, fittingly, is the Webmaster, the center of the PC Universe, GBacci. He looks like he just lost his best friend, which he actually has, twice now. First it was yankeebb, and then his latest pet project, LaChupacabra.
He looks lost. He's staring into space. His eyes are starting to glaze over. Now he's starting to mumble, almost incoherently. But let's get that mic closer to him. See if we can make out what he's saying. Looks like he's just babbling, stream of consciousness nonsense. His lips are moving but it looks like nobody's home. Let's have a listen ...
GBacci: "Have to focus. ... Work to do. ... Rings to grant. ... Family responsibilities. ... Work's calling. ... Baby to be fed. ... Smartphone app on the fritz. ... fritz ... fritz ... Yitz ... Yitz is on the fritz. ... Haha. ... Yitz. ... Yitz on the fritz ... No more Yitz. .. Avila's the new Yitz. ... Avila's on the fritz ... trolls are on the fritz ... Olson's on the fritz ... Ads are on the fritz ... pop up ads ... pop fly ads ... too many pop flys ... change some to grounders ... change some ... change is good ... change the layout ... don't change the layout ... they like the layout ... they hate the layout ... layout's too dark ... layout's too light ... layout hurts my eyes ... can't read the font ... font's too small ... font's too weird ... change is bad ... nobody likes it ... change the color ... change the font ... baby needs changing ... change the baby ... baby ... bb ... yankeebb ... change the leagues ... problems with the leagues ... fix the leagues ... fix the quick draft ... fix the keepers ... fix the autos ... Sims too slow ... Sims not working ... leagues are backed up ... Back up the player table ... when are 2018 stats available when will my league fill where's my ring baby's hungry don't forget zeedood's suggestion why isn't Tommy John in all-time greats tweak the dwar I miss RF can we have passed balls catchers should make errors I don't get rankings rankings suck change the rankings rankings not working rankings are zero get rid of ranking get rid of Avila whos the troll can't be that guy call the CIA don't call the CIA not that big a deal don't feed the trolls feed the baby baby needs feeding favorite team leagues need tweeking wife needs attention Japan leagues not working Sims auto Yitz Leagues trolls rings Avila wife work keepers baby bb rnks ottos pz sheeting vaby arriva matoolson ohtawwwnii gurggg rfesilileew .
... to be continued ...
Re: Re: Battle Royale
That very much sums up what it's like to run this site. And what's going on inside my head. Scary how well Gus knows it.
Re: Re: Battle Royale
Well ... that was just too sad to let continue. Bound to happen eventually, though. As the Webmaster mutters away, the other 10 wrestlers respectfully gather around, gently lift him onto their shoulders, carry him to the edge of the ring, and carefully lower him into the waiting arms of yankeebb and papadharma, who likes to help out whenever he's needed.
We'll miss you Gbacci. Get well soon. And try to get on some of those important changes, will ya!!
But seriously, we do appreciate all you do for this crazy ragtag bunch of hooligans. Amazing! Much thanks.
But the random number generator doesn't care. So you're out.
(Lol)
Re: Battle Royale
There's a thread waiting for you on pc parodies of songs. Already done: "Drift away". Sorry gbacci! Maybe a song about you is on the way
Re: Re: Battle Royale
It was an epic departure, much thanks. To Gus, not Avila.
Re: Battle Royale
Naplajoie sends out his phony "congratulations" to gbacci. Let's take a look at what naplajoie is doing now!
We cut to Naplajoie, 100 stories aabove Oakland.. Doing his taxes on that $35 Million paycheck is a man in an a's logo cap, who pretended to be a padres fan on the internet to avoid being found out. He sits in the office building, connecting to pennantchase.com. He, however, must avoid suspicion and mask his IP. He calls Al gore, who invents a whole new internet just for him connected to the world wide web. Mr. Gore emails him a password, which connects to the Deep State's IP. It is here that this man, secret agent for the CIA and Oakland baseball player, deploys Operation Insane Fanatic. The CIA's secret program is an experiment on us!!! The man behind the "naplajoie" name is... MATT OLSONNNNNNNNN!
Re: Re: Battle Royale
Ten legends left in the Battle Royale. Well, nine legends, and Captain Lol (Canadian humility).
Stewbie still hasn't been on PC since the beginning of November. His PC muscles are beginning to show signs of atrophy as he seems less able to defend himself from the beating he's currently taking from RagingSol and the Sheik.
Mcvn is looking confident and strong now that gbacci is out. He's definitely one of the favorites and a veteran presence in the ring. He's taken to calling bbfan "kid", and seems to be trying to form an alliance with him; keeps talking about himself in the 3rd person "The Truth this" and "The Truth that". bbfan doesn't seem to be impressed, and pulls his BB Gun out from his pin-striped trunks, aiming it at Mcvn and pulling the trigger.
Mcvn has some veteran moves though, and spins out of the way as the bb whips past him. It ricochets all over the ring, first off a turnbuckle, then off the Sheik's iron booty (Ping!), then off DocB's black belt, then off Captain Lol's funny bone (Ouch!! ... Lol), then off Super's file, then off Sol's rage, then off Trisha's alias, then off AlyCat's bejewelled collar, then off Stewbie's unexplained absence, and finally lodging itself in bbfan's childish simbino. Talk about a plan backfiring!! bbfan is hit!! He's hit so hard, he doesn't know where he is! He doesn't even know what year it is!! Could be 2013 when he was just a kid. Could be 20013 for all he knows!! (let me know if any of you get that one!!)
He spins around clutching his childish simbino, as if shot. It's just a bbgun pellet, but it stings like H E double tooth-picks!! He's still a kid. His swearing is rookie-league at best.
Mcvn starts toward him, thinking, "he did shoot at me, but he's just a kid. I'll give him another chance." But before MC can get to him, Doc B (who is actually a card-carrying member of Doctors against BBs) belts him over the top rope and onto the concrete floor below.
Sad day. Senseless violence. He was just a kid, after all.
And then there were 9.
Stay tuned ...
Re: Battle Royale
Please don't use my name unless you know what the hell it means...
Also, I'm 18...don't call me a kid.
Re: Re: Battle Royale
Baseball
Re: Battle Royale
tough break, kid
Re: Re: Battle Royale
I do apologize if my stories/remarks rub people the wrong way. In true Canadian fashion ... I'm sorry. My sense of humor isn't for everyone, but it's all in good fun, and meant to be some comic relief in the midst of this crazy world we live in.
As far as the "kid" reference, bb, that's just what us old people call anyone younger than us. When you're over 50 and have "kids" in their 30s and 2 grandchildren in their teens, an 18 year old is definitely a kid, but it's not a term of disrespect at all. (in my defense, you do have "childish" listed as your first name, so I think I get a pass for choosing that particular story line). I don't know what "simbino" means, but it made a great line in the story. Writer's perogative.
I hear good things about you on the boards. Hope we're good.
Yours Canadianly,
Gus (Captain Lol)
Re: Battle Royale
Please don’t use my name either, unless it follows ‘the great’.
Re: Re: Battle Royale
Lol
Re: Battle Royale
Stewbie has now lost all ability to defend himself, having been off the site for over a month. His PC memory muscles have frozen up, and he stands in the middle of the ring.
Mcvn decides that this is a great time to work on his flying elbow smashes, and climbs the ropes to the top rung. Standing on the top turnbuckle, he launches himself at Stewbie, connecting with a sharp right elbow to the jaw, knocking Stewbie to the mat. Mcvn walks purposefully back to the corner and climbs the ropes again. When he gets to the top, he turns to face a prone Stewbie, this time announcing to all who will listen "I am the TRUTH!" as he launches himself for another flying elbow smash onto the helpless Stewbie.
Watching this spectacle from the far corner, Captain Lol says to DocB "Well at least he didn't add "and the WAY and the LIFE!! ... Jeez. Us Canadians better watch our backs with some of these guys. They're hard core!
Mcvn is back atop the ropes, going for his third flying elbow smash. This time he says, to no one in particular: "If I win this thing, it better count as a ring in my Private League totals! Otherwise what's the POINT?"
Before his fourth launch, he says: "Actually, since 15 guys have been eliminated from this match, that should technically count as 15 wins for me, and zero losses. YEAH BABY! I'm FIFTEEN and O in this Battle Royal, baby! How about THAT! (this time Stewbie gets a full body slam as Mcvn launches himself with new-found purpose).
On his fifth trip up to the top rope, he says: "Someone get the WEBMASTER on the phone. I want these victories RECORDED! 15 and O, baby!! (Smash)
Mcvn scales the ropes for the sixth time, and is working himself into a bit of a frenzy. This time, however, Super yells up at him from below before he can begin his next speech.
Super: Hey Mcvn! I have your file here. I think there's a discrepancy.
Mcvn: What discrepancy?
Super: It looks like "the great" Yankeebb (Captain Lol laughs at this. "Lol") has been credited for his wins in the Battle Royale, but you haven't!
Mcvn: WHAAAAAAT???? A vein pops out in MC's forehead.
Super: Here, see for yourself.
Super tosses Mcvn's file up to him. The file is surprisingly heavy, as it contains info on all 78 Private League Rings and over 30,000 total PC victories.
The sheer weight of the file throws MC's balance out of whack and, after teetering for an impossibly long 3 seconds, as if time had slowed down and the crowd were watching in slow-motion, Mcvn finally falls backward, off the top turnbuckle, landing awkwardly on his neck, right on top of his huge file, which ironically breaks his fall and perhaps saves his life. But sadly, Mcvn has been eliminated by his own success.
Super winks at his alliance members and says "Go and get me the file on Gus. I'm getting really sick of that laugh." (bbfan tosses a BB Gun towards Super from the 2nd row of the arena seats. It lands at his feet without him noticing)
To be continued ...
Re: Battle Royale
Geez Gus, really lashing out lately, calling people”kid” and “French Canadian” 😉
I guess the PC is for PennantChase, not polit......Cor.... bla bla
I know it’s been a long BattleRoyale and you may have taken a few bumps on the noggin’, but if you don’t tone it down, you will be forever known as RagingGus 😬
Keep up the good work, always looking forward to the next update
Can we have some odds on the contestants that are left pls
Re: Re: Battle Royale
Dang random number generator! Gets me every time!
Re: Re: Battle Royale
Lol, Frenchy. RagingGus. Good one.
OK, we are down to the Elite Eight. Still standing are (with odds for Boucher and everyone else who cares (which is no one)):
RagingSol - 4:1 (co-favorite in spite of anger issues)
Gus (Captain Lol) - 32:1 (old and arthritic, long shot)
Super(fly) - 8:1 (would be higher, but the other members of his alliance are starting to talk behind his back)
(The Iron) Sheikyerboudi - 4:1 (co-favorite for obvious reasons)
JohnMaddox - 8:1 (flying under the radar, that's what happens when you use an opposite-gender alias - keep them guessing!)
AlyCat - 8:1 (strong alliance, tight-rope walking skills, sharp claws)
Stewbie, - 32:1 (used to have mad skills but they've turned to dust and ashes after a month and four days of radio silence)
DocB - 16:1 (has the chops, but he's old, he's Canadian, and he's in an alliance with Captain Lol - can't help the first two, but should have known better on the last one - bad decision Doc)
Stay tuned ...
Re: Battle Royale
Crafty non-veteran move from the Childish Simbino. Captain Lol fell for it like Dudley Do-Right tripping over a moose dropping. Let's look at the replay, to see how Captain Lol ended up in The Sheik's Camel Clutch:
Bbfan, from outside the ring, hurls a softball condemnation at Captain Lol, but the slightly harsh words find their mark and crush the Captain in the "Aww Shucks."
Within moments of bbfan being catapulted out of the ring, Captain Lol, as witnessed in the replay, drops to his knees, looks skyward, raises his noodley Canadian arms to the heavens, and shouts, "Soowrey, I apologize for making you slightly uncomfortable!" Captain Lol obviously has scouted out the most effective way to reach the most ears with his apology as it turns out there is a microphone hovering just above the middle of the squared circle, thus enabling the Captain's sorry to reach all ears within the arena, the ears of millions watching on TV, the ears of a thousand people gathered outside the arena at a "stop the Fave Teams exploit" rally, and the ears of a hundred Slater children milling among the ralliers chanting "keep the Fave Teams exploit."
Attentive Battlers in the Royale ring, as the replay shows, take note how Captain Lol's rush to apology has left him completely vulnerable to attack. In short order:
JohnMaddox helps Captain Lol stand from his apologetic genuflect only to then help AlyCat hoist the Captain into a German Suplex.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_3..
The Captain apologizes to JohnMaddox for not giving her an exactly equal opportunity to German Suplex him as AlyCat had.
DocB quickly moves in, helps the Captain up while simultaneously tucking the Captain into position for a vicious pile-driver.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iK..
The Captain apologizes for his ear lobes scraping the inside of DocB's knees. DocB replies, "Namaste."
As Captain Lol lays dazed in the middle of the ring ("Soowrey for not standing"), Super(fly) climbs to the top rope and launches a SuperFly Splash across the Captain's chest.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVX..
The Captain apologizes to Super for neglecting to eat an extra bite of Montreal Smoked meat, which would have made his stomach a bit cushier for landing upon after Super flew 12 feet thru the air.
And, then, at the end of the replay, we see The Sheik throw a reverse elbow into Stewbie's noggin', sending Stewbie crashing into Super, knocking Super off of the Captain for The Sheik's express purpose of slapping the Captain into a Camel Clutch.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1i..
...continued...
Re: Re: Battle Royale
As we rejoin live action, RagingSol and mcvn are locked in a verbal fracas by the ringside Chat Box, where RagingSol calmly points out that mcvn was clearly the one intended to be catapulted from the ring, instead of bbfan. Mcvn (while reciting various lyrics from a half dozen mid-80s songs, chief among them, "I Can't Fight This Feeling" aimed directly at joshanddez seated in the third row) claims Sol has no point, no skill, and no business bringing up the subject. RagingSol, while sipping a tea, points out that a careful reading of the paragraph that exited bbfan from the Battle Royale could have just as accurately launched mcvn into the showers. Sip, sip. MC strikes back, hard: "I've got the Eye of the Tiger, it's the thrill of the fight, rising up to the challenge of my rivals, And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night, and I'm watchin' you all with the eye of the tiger. And trading with you for your top 5 draft pick and a crappy RP in exchange for my 30th pick."
Meanwhile, in the center of the ring, The Sheik is working Captain Lol over in the dreaded Camel Clutch.
Captain Lol can be heard, "Soowrey for getting my neck sweat on your palms."
The Sheik, seemingly a split-second from garnering a submission from the Captain, drops Captain Lol face first -- mask first -- toward the canvas. The Captain's masked Flapper Pie hole bounces off the mat. The Captain is spent. He is barely moving. Five other Battlers are circling, ready to lift him and give him the heave ho over the top rope.
Will our intrepid Captain ever Lol again? Will he have the strength to apologize for not dieting more rigorously before the Battle, so that he would be lighter for his competitors as they toss him to the concrete below? The Captain is surely doomed.
But, wait, what's The Sheik doing!?! The Sheik is going for Captain Lol's mask!
The Sheik screams, "Enough of your nice guy facade! Show us your true red colors with a Maple Leaf plastered in the middle of your forehead! Unmask yourself, you faux jolly Canuck! You call yourself Gus, but there's nothing to suggest your name actually is Gus!" As The Sheik buries eight fingers under the edges of Captain Lol's polar bear skin mask, a silence befalls the packed arena. 74,000 fans hushed into near silence.
After 3,744 PC wins and a .630ish PC win percentage, after 5,700 LOLs and a 1.000 LOL percentage, the mask could FINALLY be coming off.
The Sheik pulls with all his strength. The Captain's chin is exposed... the lips... The Sheik struggles to lift the polar bear skin...
And then it happens.
...continued...
Re: Battle Royale
A low rumble emerges from the depths of the potentially nicest guy on PC...
"Soowrey." Said with a genuine inflection, but with the force of a grizzly's roar.
Within seconds of the apology escaping his exposed lips, a flood of sharp verbiage and accurate deconstruction of PC culture bursts forth from Captain Lol. As the words pour forth from The Captain, and the cleverness stacks up, The Sheik is blown backward into the ropes. In one swift move, Captain Lol pulls his mask down and kips up to his feet, just in time to catch the rebounding Sheik, and lift the Sheik straight up into the air, only to drop him into a brain buster.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezY..
Captain Lol again pops to his feet and in body contorting, arm waving, maniacal motion unleashes his patented LOLs toward all of the remaining Battlers. Even the first ten rows of the audience has to cover their ears. One after the other. LOL. LOL. LOL. LOL!!!! Decimating the remaining Battlers with one guffaw after another. Every wrestler in the ring, except the whirling Captain in the center, clutches their ears to try to block the force of the Laughs Out Loud.
All wrestlers are staggering around the squared circle from the LOL force, ping-ponging toward Captain Lol as he delivers painful reminders of who is boss, to every one of the remaining Battlers:
"Soowrey." Head butt.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wh9..
"Soowrey." SuperKick.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2H8..
"Soowrey." Body Slam
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yn2..
"Soowrey." Knee Drop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIZ..
Carnage. Hurt ear drums. Woozy Battlers.
And then, just as suddenly as he started, Captain Lol stops the assault of hilarity(?):
"Aww, Shucks, guys, soowrey about that, I know you're just doing your best to be your best. Gather your senses, and we'll move on. Lol. I'll give you a few minutes before fate decides who is next to go. Lol. You do know that everybody has equal odds, since I use a random number generator. I'll give ColinBoucher some fake odds, because if I don't, he may send Yelich, Snell, deGrom, and other All-Stars for my Maple Syrup supply, but, as I've said a few dozen times, it's all random. Lol."
Within a few hourse, mcvn had taken the Lol train to outta-here's-ville, leaving only eight.
Re: Re: Battle Royale
Excellent morning read, Raging!! Sorry for not reading it earlier. Lol. Fantastic addition to the thread! Nice videos too! The last one had a bit too much flair, but still great! Took me back to the good old days, when my name was different and my lols were innocent and carefree.
Oh, and you also reminded me that I forgot to put in my note about the odds last night. Can't remember which show I was watching a few weeks ago on the old telly, but there was a very funny scene about odds - some idiot declaring the odds of some impossible occurrence being 50-50, saying "either it WILL happen or it WON'T happen, so ... 50-50. I loved it!! So now, whenever the topic of odds comes up and someone says "what are the odds of THAT happening!!" I answer "50-50. Either it will or it won't." I highly recommend it to you all. It'll get you some really strange looks and more than a few lols.
Lol
Re: Battle Royale
well, im glad to see raging finally found something on this website that he is half-decent with. keep up the good work!
Re: Re: Battle Royale
This may just go down as the greatest PC thread EVER. Lol
Re: Battle Royale
The Battle Royale has risen to the category of a must-see world wide spectacle. Media is invading the arena. The major networks are setting up shop on the concourse. Some of the biggest stars in the WWE, past and present have shown up, some to watch, some to sell their merch, some to try to get in on the action. Gbacci says they can get in the ring if they make a significant enough donation to PC and pass a simple baseball-related quiz.
The Battle is now being sponsored by Whoop-Ass Energy Drinks and Aleve.
AlyCat and JohnMaddox are in one corner, talking to their new agent about a possible movie deal. DocB is talking on his phone with a representative from a wrestling syndicate out of Asia. The deal is that Doc will be hired on as head of training and developing, wrestling part-time against far-inferior competition (guys with only one black belt) so that his reputation will stay intact. Talks are going well, but he's demanding a Quebec Maple Syrup clause be included in the contract.
Meanwhile, the action continues in the center of the ring where Captain Lol is laughing hysterically at Stewbie's inability to defend himself against the onslaught reigning down upon him from the co-favourites (oops, sorry for the Canadian spelling of favorites).
The Sheik and Raging Sol are showing no mercy, almost tasting victory and the prize that gbacci will inevitably offer up to the ultimate winner of the match.
Super is looking through his files, frowning at something. He takes a page out of Stewbie's file and hands it to Gus.
Captain Lol doesn't laugh. ... He looks sheepish. He's made a huge error. He can't believe how sorry he is. He's never been this sorry before.
It says that Stewbie's last PC login was NOT 1 month and 4 days ago. It was ACTUALLY ... ... wait for it .... ... TWO YEARS!!!!! ONE MONTH, and FOUR DAYS AGO!!!! How could Gus have missed that detail?? Could it be that he was using the metric system?? Stupid Canadians.
Super has highlighted a clause at the bottom of Stewbie's file page. It says that after 2 years of inactivity on PC, GBacci considers the person in question "dead to me", and it's signed by the Webmaster himself (although it looks like it's actually in "the great" Yankeebb's handwriting - just another gopher job that bacci has offloaded to his manservant, "the great" lackeybb.
So Stewbie isn't just tired, or incapacitated, or apathetic, or atrophied. He's actually dead!!
... to be continued
Re: Re: Battle Royale
...continued from the "last post"
Captain Lol says something to the Sheik and RagingSol, who cease their onslaught immediately. Fair is fair. You can't hit a dead guy after all. Well, you CAN, but you shouldn't.
Now, how to get Stewbie out of the ring in a respectful and honorable fashion? Raging says "I'll take care of it."
Raging then raises one eyebrow and levels a devastating look at Stewbie - a look that would turn the Rock Stone Cold, a look that is 2 parts rage, 2 parts sheer madness, and 1 part pure evil (the bad kind).
Stewbie, his skin ashen but his eyes still open, literally crumbles to dust under the power of Sol's soulless glare, leaving behind a pile of ash and a pair of white trunks with the Phillies' logo on one butt cheek and a pic of the Phillie Phanatic on the other.
The other 7 remaining competitors bow their heads in honor of their fallen comrade. Or perhaps their heads are bowed to hide their sinister smiles, since all they care about is winning at all costs.
The moment of silence is broken by the sound of a squeaky wheel, as the actual Undertaker wheels a large, cheap, open, fiberglass casket toward the ring. He stops at the edge of the ring, then deftly jumps up and enters the ring, holding a large broom. He gives Raging a long look, then slowly raises a hand and gives him a "thumbs up". The Undertaker then sweeps the ashes (and the trunks) into the waiting casket, jumps down from the ring, and slowly wheels the casket away.
As the Undertaker disappears, GBacci is seen handing him a sheet of paper with the name of his next victim. The Undertaker takes the paper, nods solemly at the Webmaster, and slips away into the shadows.
Stay tuned for the next episode of Whoop Ass Energy Drink's Battle Royale, brought to you by Jones Soda. "Jones Soda. We're bringing Whoop Ass back with a vengeance!"
Re: Battle Royale
In a world ... where Thursday Night Football reigns supreme, only a handful of fans are left in the arena seats to watch our seven remaining heroes of the ring.
With no distractions, the wrestlers get down to business. "Time's a wasting" says Raging, as he stalks after Captain Lol, who stays two steps ahead of him as they weave around the other bodies in the ring.
The Sheik and DocB are exchanging punches, kicks, elbows, headbutts, knees, and forearms. They're also pausing occasionally to compare various strategies and moves. They seem to be getting along pretty well for two guys trying to smash each other through the mat. Watch for a possible alliance here. Much mutual respect as they knock each other senseless.
Earlier, Super was talking strategy with AlyCat and JohnMaddox, working on another elaborate plan to oust one of their few remaining opponents. But now he's on his phone, just hanging up and turning back to the duo. Let's get a mic on that convo.
Super: Okay that was the movie exec. I've been back and forth with him all afternoon working out the details. It's gonna be super awesome. I've got a super title, and he agrees that it'll sell. It's gonna be a blockbuster!
JM: What's the title?
Super: Wait for it! ... Superfly Matt Batt and the Barbie Twins Take on the World!
JM: That's horrible.
Super: What? What are you talking about? It's solid gold! Simply Super!!
Aly: We're not twins, and we're certainly not Barbies.
Super: It's just a title. It'll catch the attention of the masses. We'll make millions!
Aly: It's ridiculous. You're ridiculous.
JM: Super ridiculous.
Super: Well what would YOU name it?
JM: Something less ridiculous.
Aly: It should have the word "cat" in the title.
Super: THAT'S ridiculous. Not everything has to have the word "cat" in the title.
JM (to Super): You're a super jerk, you know that?
Super (to JM): Maybe so, but have you looked at her file? Have you seen her team names? Here ... let me read some of them to you: the Barcelona Kitties, the Barcelona Katz, the Barcelona Bad Kitties, the Barcelona AlyCats, the Crazy Cats, the River Catz, the Stray Catz ... you get the picture. You really want HER naming our movie???
JM: It'd still be better than YOUR title.
Super: Look, I'm the leader of this alliance, so ...
Aly: Says who?
JM: Yeah! Says who?? Why are we even IN an alliance with you ANYWAY? I looked at YOUR file TOO, you know. Your PC win percent is CRAP! You haven't even won a RING yet!!
Super: I just FOUND this site!! How many rings have YOU GUYS won??
JM: I've won more than YOU!!
Super: HOW MANY?!?!?
JM: ONE!!!
Aly: YEAH!! ... We've won ONE!! ... (and then a little sheepishly) ... altogether.
Super: You both better watch your step. You'd be NOWHERE without me.
... see next post (brought to you by Aleve)
Re: Re: Battle Royale
... spoiler alert - This is Part 2 of 2 (read previous post first)
Aly and JM look at each other meaningfully, nod their heads, as if signaling the commencement of a previously-agreed-to scenario, and jump into action.
Needless to say, Super doesn't stand a chance. Twenty-three seconds later, he's laying, beaten and bruised on the concrete arena floor with two dislocated shoulders, a SUPER intense headache, and an unbelievable number of claw marks all over him.
Bad Kitty.
And then there were Six.
Stay tuned ...
Re: Battle Royale
RagingSol, The Iron Sheik, DocB, AlyCat, JohnMaddox, and Gus - the final 6 battlers in the Battle Royale. Let's see what they're up to:
Sol and the Sheik are embroiled in an epic struggle, exchanging blows and talking smack at the same time.
Aly and JM are taking on the Canadians. The 4 contestants have each other in a series of strangulation holds so that all four are strangling someone while being strangled by someone else. At the same time, they're managing to banter back and forth about which of their countries is superior.
Gus: Well at least in Canada, we keep our alliances.
JM: Super was the weak link. He needed to go.
Gus: That would never happen with Doc and me. We're tight!
Doc: Damn straight! We love all the same things. Maple Syrup.
Gus: Check! Lol
Doc: Tim Hortons.
Gus: Check! Lol
Doc: Hockey!
Gus: Check! Hockey RULES! Lol
Doc: See? Everything. We're unbeatable.
JM: Hey Doc, why don't you ask Gus what his favorite baseball team is?
Doc: Why? It'll be the Jays, right Gus? Old buddy, old pal?
Gus: The Jays are GREAT, Doc. Lol
JM: But not your FAVORITE, right Gus?
Gus: Well, second favorite. The Twins are my favourite team, actually my favourite THING in the WHOLE WORLD. I love them even more than laughing out loud! lol
Something in Doc seems to snap. He yells "TRAITOR", and releases his grip around JohnMaddox's throat, reaching for Gus's throat and clamping down on AlyCat's claws that are already digging into Gus's neck.
Doc: You're finished, Gus. I'm tossing you out on your traitorous a$$.
Gus manages to choke out a response, saying "I don't think so, Doc. Lol. Look around. I've got backup. Everybody here LOVES me. Lol. I'm LOVABLE. I'm funny. I'm humble. I'm Canadian, but not TOO Canadian. I apologize alot. People LIKE that. I LAUGH a lot. People LOVE THAT! People ADORE me. They're going to come to my defense.
Aly: I'm not.
Gus: Haha. Good one, Aly. Lol (His lol isn't as jolly this time)
JM: Me either.
Gus: Ha! Quit joking around. Lol (that laugh wasn't genuine at ALL)
Sol: I kind of HATE you, actually.
Gus: That's not true, Sol. We go way back. ... Lol (that one sounded more like a "col" (cry out loud) than an Lol)
Sheik: I'm ambivalent.
Gus is starting to hyperventilate now, alternating between lols and cols, apologizing profusely for anything he might have said or done in the past. He says Raging should go next. "Come on, guys. Lol Nobody likes someone who's ANGRY all the time. Col. Let's get Sol! Lol. Col. Sorry Sol. No offense, bud. Lol. Col.
Throughout Gus's sobbing, blubbering, pathetic, over-the-top Canadian speech, the others have hoisted him up by the throat, making his words, laughs, and cries almost incoherent.
He cries out his last words "People LIIIKE MEEEEE!" (col) as Aly, Doc, Sol, and the Sheik hold him spread-eagle, as high in the air as they can, while JM gives him a flying drop kick into the 3rd row.
Aly: There's no crying in baseball, you dork.
Stay tuned ...
Re: Re: Battle Royale
The Back Story behind the last posting (spoiler alert - read previous post before this one)
Gus woke up on Friday morning with a major problem with his laptop. Something was wrong with the random number generator. So far, it had worked perfectly - choosing random numbers for every story, while avoiding Gus's number (5) every single time. Things were looking good.
So ... who will it be this morning, Gus wondered to himself. He secretly hoped for #1 to pop up. That was RagingSol's number. He'd raged away at Gus on a couple of occasions, and although Gus had forgiven him and considered Sol one of his best friends, he worried that some of Raging's ornery personality was starting to rub off on him.
"Come on, number ONE!" said Gus as he clicked the mouse on the bright blue "Generate" bar, watching the numbers whirl. "Oh SHUCKS!! Gus exclaimed, as he saw the number 5 on the screen in front of him. HIS number.
"DANG! I wasn't ready." He looked around to see if anyone was watching. Nope. The coast was clear.
"Let me try that again." He clicked the mouse again.
5
"Nooo! Ding DANG it! (sorry, pardon my language) That one doesn't count. My dog bumped my leg just as I was clicking the mouse. One more try.
5
" Shootily shootin’ TOOTIN!! Arggggggghh. This can't be HAPPENING! What are the chances of THREE 5's in a ROW!!!!" He remembers his joke from a few days ago, chuckles, and says "Oh yeah. 50-50. Either it WILL happen, or it WON'T!! Lol. Good one."
Okay. One more time.
5
"Holy DING DAG NAB IT!! What is this, a PRACTICAL JOKE??"
5, 5, 5, 5, 5.
What the FUDGE!!!! GUY BACCI OR YANKEEBB HAS HACKED MY RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR!!!!
5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5
Gus hangs his head, defeated. He's sorry that he tried to cheat. But he's even more sorry that he's out of the match. This sucks.
He considers writing RagingSol out of the story anyway, regardless of what the Random Number Generator says. But he knows he can't do that. His conscience and his Canadian heritage, combined with the angel on his shoulder (and the other angel on his other shoulder) won't let him.
Alas. He gets up from his hacked laptop, puts on his winter parka, and heads out for a slow, sad walk on the icy, snowy streets of his depressing, joyless city, starting to piece together his exit story.
Col
Re: Battle Royale
"Alas. He gets up from his hacked laptop, puts on his winter parka, and heads out for a slow, sad walk on the icy, snowy streets of his depressing, joyless city, starting to piece together his exit story. "
So your telling us you live in Canada's version of Cleveland? my condolences. Rub some denim on it. Perhaps you could join the Canadian Navy. I hear the row boat has a seat available.
Re: Battle Royale
The action inside the ring is hot 'n heavy...
...but let's shine a spotlight on the interesting happenings outside the squared circle.
Super is LIVID that he has been eliminated from the epic contest. With his reams of top-notch information, he should've been the clear-cut favorite.
But those two women betrayed him utterly, tossing him out on his keister all because of a ridiculous argument over movie titles!
He should've been prepared for this, as all women are known to be duplicitous, vain, promiscuous, conniving, social-climbing hags with hearts of ice, souls of swampy decay, and minds full of materialistic mush.
That's not misogyny. That's a simple fact.
(Before we move the plot forward, Super desires to set the record straight re: his supposed indulgence of this Brit-ish show “Downtown Abbey.” [sp?] [see, he doesn't even know how to spell it!])
(While the sharp-eyed Ragingsol did see Super watching this show, and did see him hit by a wave of The Feels, Sol mistook his intense emotional maelstrom to mean he adored the show.)
(Super does not.)
(He was “emotionally wrecked” because seeing the approval – nay, the obsession! – people have with this show rocked him to his core. Instead of doing something productive, like watching a testosterone-fueled movie, having a glorious hike through a sun-dappled forest while the birds flit about, or poring over stats on Baseball Reference to they can “pwn” others on an online sim game – mainly by using the favorite teams exploit – people watch this garbage Brit-ish show!)
(It's ludicrous! LUDICROUS!)
We now return to the action, sponsored by Aleve. All day strong: Aleve.
Though eliminated, Super is still dangerous, and he plans to get revenge on the two female backstabbers, as well as everyone else who's wronged him. He prowls at ringside, consulting the expert strategies compiled by “The Great” yankeebb, waiting for an opportunity to strike.
Then Gbacci swoops down on his baseball-shaped hoverbike, an admonishing look on his sweaty, weaselly face.
In his hand is a giant hammer, adorned with the fifth-grade-art-class style images that PC users can select for their team logos.
Super wonders what this dread hammer is for, then notices the head-whacking object is labeled with “Banhammer.”
Re: Re: Battle Royale
Gbacci: Your impure thoughts are littering the boards, Super.
Super: Huh?!
Gbacci: That mental rant you just had denigrating women. We can't have that here.
Super: Why the hell not?! Those two [expletives] betrayed me! I have a right to talk about them any [expletive] way I want! Plus, there are only two confirmed women on this site! None of the knuckle-dragging men...erm...I mean the intelligent and savvy male PC users...care what I say!
Gbacci: While it's true that there are few women on this site, I expect that to change. I'm going to do a Big Marketing Push, which will bring in a slew of new users. What will they think if they see your execrable jabbering on the boards?
Super: I wasn't jabbering! I was THINKING! You can't police my thoughts!
Gbacci: I can, because I'm the webmaster, and this Big Marketing Push is essential for the future of --
Super: Why don't you Push yourself over to your computer and fix the favorite teams exploit before you get any grandiose ideas of baseball sim domination, oh great and glorious webmaster?
Gbacci: (with a manic twitching eyebrow) That's it, you poor winrate, ringless, only-one-MVP scumbag!
Gbacci drops the Banhammer down, but Super is agile enough to dodge it – barely. Instead, the hammer bans some people sitting in the front row, who just happened to be new PC users. They're instantly removed from the site, and their Gmail inboxes receive a message about “conduct detrimental to the well-being of the Pennant Chase community.”
Looking into the crystal ball, we see that these confused users will never return to PC.
Gbacci: Damn you! DAMN YOU TO THE PITS OF HADES! Look what you made me do! Those were potential donors!!!!
Super is scrambling now, because the Banhammer is on the move, and Gbacci's special hoverbike is swift. Around and around they go, Super evading the furious blows, and Gbacci becoming more and more enraged and he inadvertently bans more and more people from his beloved website.
Super shoots a quick glance behind him, to see if Gbacci is getting closer – and bumps into a soft, pillow-like object. He takes no damage himself, but this absurdly weak marshmallow thing does about three backflips before landing against a guardrail.
He's just crashed into GusPC13, aka Captain LOL, who looks like he's recently been lobotomized.
Re: Battle Royale
Gus: LOL. I nice...nice...kind...mistreated...[indecipherable]...LOL.
Super: Gus?! Captain LOL?! You OK?
Gus: sol* [*sobbing out loud]
Super: Uh...guess not. Look, I know we've had our differences – for example, you swept my Flibbertegibbets in the World Series in the BNBL League, and I think you're a dirty cheat, because my team was clearly superior – but if you don't get outta here, Gbacci's Banhammer is gonna send you to PC hell!
Gus: lol. Malaise...too...deeply...rooted...in...my...nice...Canadian...psyche. LOL.
Gbacci approaches with shocking speed. While Super is still scrambling, Captain LOL stands still, a small spot of drool running down his chin, evidently eager to accept his fate, now that his naive belief in the goodness of the world has been shattered.
But then Gbacci does something unforgivable – for a Canadian.
His Banhammer hits one of the vats of Maple Syrup the Canadians were using to harass their opponents.
The vat instantly disappears, and all tariffs, taxes, and duties are returned to their respective governments and/or citizens. The Canadian government receives a sternly-worded email about “conduct detrimental to the well-being of the Pennant Chase community.”
Gus: lol?
Gbacci: Oh, it's you, the dolt who started this absurdity! Did you know this one thread is using as much server space as 634 Best of 2000s leagues?! I should Banhammer you too!
But Gus is barely listening. His cherished Maple Syrup has been vaporized...
...and he is ANGRY.
(In a nice, socially-responsible way. LOL.)
Gus: (his words now coming forth clear and true) You should not have done that, webmaster. Lol. While I respect your work on this site, and I do believe we all––
Gbacci: Oh god. Get to the point, you hand-wringing, simpering Canadian.
Gus: You banned that Maple Syrup! And that is unforgivable! Unless you apologize sincerely. Then I will overlook this slight. Everyone can find redemption. LOL.
Gbacci: I apologize for nothing!
Gus: Then we must battle, and I will teach you the error of your ways! I'm sorry I have––
Gbacci: STOP BEING NICE!!!!
Super has bustled back to Captain LOL's side, and is grinning ear to ear.
Super: So – how about an alliance, Cap'n? Neither one of us can handle Gbacci alone.
Gus (blinking): With you? I thought you despised me because I swept your Flibbers in the World Series. That really must've been disappointing to you [LOL], to see your––
Super (teeth grinding): Don't...mention...it. So, you want to team up against Gbacci or not?
Gus: Hmm. Gbacci's webmaster powers are indeed strong, and his hammer makes Mjolnir look like a broken spork. Let's do it!
And so, a most unlikely alliance has formed, and the battle is joined....
Re: Battle Royale
First of all ... we have a ROWBOAT NOW??? SWEET!
Re: Re: Battle Royale
Secondly, "Did you know this one thread is using as much server space as 634 Best of 2000s leagues?!"
Lol.
Super nice!!
Re: Battle Royale
Gus, are you sure your pet Beaver hasn't gotten a hold of your Tim Horton's coffee?
Re: Battle Royale
Who let the sled dogs out
Re: Re: Battle Royale
Lol. Watch it ih8, or I'll start that Jayhawks chant again! : )
Re: Battle Royale
All I know is "I can smelllll ll ll l, what the wife, is cooking" (smells like pizza...)
Re: Battle Royale
Few fans remain in the arena now as we're into the weekend, and as everyone knows, the weekend is for football. But the Battle must go on, and indeed, sadly, end. (gbacci whispers a prayer of thanks)
Gus (no longer Captain Lol, he's just not feeling it anymore), is hanging around ringside, trying to cheer himself up. He knows that people still like him. He's counted all the "likes" on his posts, and there's well over a dozen. That's something. One post even had FIVE likes. That helps sooth his soul. Even Raging has "liked" quite a few posts, although those were probably disingenuous. Whatevs. At least the Twins just signed Jonathan Schoop. That makes him feel better. He's still an eternal optimist. Still nice. Still happy on the inside. The laughs will surely return. Maybe tomorrow.
Anyway, the Sheik is on a rampage at the moment. He's already knocked RagingSol to the mat with a flying body slam. He's now got JM in a painful-looking armlock. AlyCat is tangling with DocB. Doc has her tangled in the ropes and is trying to use them as a kind of slingshot to launch her into the air and out of the ring. There she goes!!! Tway-ay-ay-ay-angggg. Aly is shot into the air, at least 6 feet above the ropes, but the trajectory is wrong and she falls straight back down, landing back on the mat (on her feet, of course), but outside the ropes.
She's a bit disoriented, so Doc takes the opportunity to again tangle her up in the ropes. But he changes the launch angle. There'll be no mistake this time. Tway-ay-ay-ay-ayngg. There she goes - up, up, up into the rafters, and at an angle that should take her 7 rows into the stands.
But ... she doesn't come back down. She's grabbed onto the side of the giant score-clock that's hanging from the arena ceiling. Cat-like, she clings there for a moment, then launches herself back down toward the ring, landing back in the same spot.
Doc can't believe it. What does she have, nine lives?
For a moment, Doc is distracted by music. It's faint, but it gets slowly louder as he strains to hear the words:
"and the cat came back, the very next day.
The cat came back, I thought he was a goner
but the cat came back. He just couldn't stay away."
Doc shakes his head, trying to clear it. For the 3rd time, he moves toward Aly, meaning to tangle her up in the ropes for a final launch.
But while he's been standing there, JohnMaddox (who has freed herself from the Sheik), has been busy. She's somehow got her hands on Doc's 2 black belts, which he absentmindedly left by the side of the ring (he's old). She's fashioned them into a slingshot of her own, and as Aly lands (on all fours) back in the ring, they quickly loop the belts around Doc and fling him over the top rope and onto the concrete below.
JM (in her best Bugs Bunny voice) calls out "Eh ... What's up Doc" but immediately regrets it, as she kind of feels sorry for the old guy. She shakes off the feeling. Must have had too much Canadian contact this week.
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I've been busy wit work. I worl with kids that have special needs
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Can I join the battle
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You can’t make this stuff up. 😂
First of all, Yitz, ... No.
Second of all, thank you. You gave me back my lols!
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There goes the neighborhood!
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The Battle Royale will wrap up soon, and a champion will be declared. They will receive bragging rights for eternity, and a yet to be determined prize from the Webmaster (likely nothing).
Here are your Final Four, along with irrelevant stats:
Name, Rings, Win%
RagingSol - 27, .578
Sheikyerboudi - 300, .588
JohnMaddox - 1, .469
AlyCat - 0, .462
With the Canadians eliminated, it's an All-American Final 4, at least we assume so. The Sheik could very well be from Saudi Arabia with a name like Drew Elliott. Who knows!? Also, for all we know, JohnMaddox could be a British Agent working deep cover for MI6. She does have at least one alias that we know of, likely more. AlyCat could be from either Gotham City (where Catwoman is known to roam) or Wakanda. And RagingSol could very well have come from the pits of hell.
The Sheik and Raging are involved in an epic battle, assuming that they just need to be the last "man" standing, and the championship belt will practically be theirs. They've forgotten about the two female competitors, which could be to their peril.
Aly and JM are saving their strength. They've got Aly's ipad (complete with Hello Kitty cover), and they're watching clips from the 2017 movie "Battle of the Sexes" starring Emma Stone as Billie Jean King, and Steve Carell as Bobby Riggs - the true story of an aging, egotistical male tennis star losing in spectacular fashion (6-4, 6-4, 6-3) to a young female at the top of her game. Riggs said to King after their match "I should have taken you more seriously". Indeed.
Not that that has anything to do with our Battle Royale, which exclusively uses a Random Number Generator, but it does appear more and more likely that the RNG has something against male PCers. It has thus far refused to come up with either a 12 or a 13 (the numbers corresponding to JM and Aly) but has had no trouble selecting numbers that have corresponded to 21 male participants in a row. Hmm. Curious.
The video is over, and Aly and JM, full of inspiration turn their attention to the battle raging between their two male counterparts. The Sheik has been talking smack about how many more PC Rings he has than Raging.
Sheik: "I have enough rings to put 30 on each of my fingers. You don't even have enough for ONE finger's worth! HA!!
Raging immediately gives Sheik the finger.
But the Sheik has awoken Raging's rage, and Sol now has the Sheik on the ropes. Sol's rage is intense. He's battering Sheik with forearms and elbows to the head. The Sheik is dazed. A flying drop-kick should finish him off. RagingSol runs to the other side of the ring, planning on using the far ropes to propel him back towards the Sheik with enough force to drop-kick him over the ropes and out of the match.
But just as Sol launches himself at the ropes, Aly cuts the top rope with her razor-sharp claws, while JM steps on the middle rope, causing Sol to trip over the ropes and plummet to the concrete below.
Sorry Sol.
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Thanks, Gus. It was an honor to be a part of your epic battle. I am in awe of your creativity and your equanimity. You are the best. You are the nicest, kindest, most humble, wittiest, least annoying PCer. Now and forever.
May your SPs dominate and your batters hit many a "beauty right down the line" followed with plenty "Oh my, Gus's Player demolished that one!"
In Worship of The One We Call "Gus"
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omg you are hilarious! lol
glad that number generator thing likes me :)
oh and you really didnt have to show off my horrible stats lol
loved: bejeweled collar, sharp claws, cat like reflexes and 9 lives lol
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Thanks for all the kind words Raging and Aly. But no, Raging, I'm not letting you back in the match. And no, Aly, flattery will not get you the title. Only the luck of the RNG will. So you can both tone it down a bit.
But thanks, both of you, for noticing how funny and humble and awesome I am. You're not wrong. I'm probably the most humble person on the entire planet. Strike probably. I'm DEFINITELY the humblest. By FAR. I'm AWESOME at that.
Good luck in the finals everyone. Winner has already been decided by the way. I clicked on the RNG twice last night, and tried to think up the story while I slept. I got nothing. I might just say: "Stuff happened. So-and-so won. End of story." We'll see.
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I guess I am S.O.L. As awesome as you are (lol), Big G., you missed that low-hanging fruit. My finish in the Battle Royale, brought to you by Aleve ("All day long, Canadian strong"), matches the story of my PC life over the last year: Make it to the final four and, then, get ousted.
AlyCat and johnmaddox48 deserve to make the final three. They are clearly trailblazers. The Sheik seems like a fine chap, so I don't mind him making it to the finals, although I do hope he finishes third. I would like to note that The Three Stooges (mcvn, joshanddez, and ih8jhawks) all were outlasted by a dead guy, very likely because the dead guy outsmarted them.
Your persona and your sense of self are very lucky I didn't win, Gus. As my prize, I was going to request of The Great Gbacci in The Cloud that every "lol" you type from this point forth is automatically changed to an "sol." So, sorry, my friend (lol), my ouster has now kept you from that sol-ful pleasure.
But, let's focus on a few things that your Royale has exposed about you, Gus. STOP!!! I'll lose every reader if I talk of exposing Gus. Aww, shucks. Too late. Lol. Wait a minute, maybe my revenge on you can be to out-Gus Gus, thereby sending you into a crisis of identity and purpose! I can lol frequently, I can pretend I'm nice and jovial. I'll have to think on that. Done thinking about it. No way. That would be like shoving a suave, smooth dude into a Canadian Do-Gooder.
Gus, your Battle has clearly unmasked your duplicity. One post you say I am your friend, the next you are going to write me out just so you can stay in. But, to be fair, you saved your soul by staying honest, so I guess there cannot be too much scorn thrown your way on that one.
How about this: As soon as some two of us -- AlyCat and me -- told you how funny and brave you are, how much of a genius and swell fella you are, how clever and dashing you are, you IMMEDIATELY contemplated throwing in the towel and ending the whole Royale with a couple sentences. Clearly, praise for you is exactly the wrong way to spur your creativity. That's a sign of a sociopathic Maple Syrup chugger. But, as with your duplicitous impulses, I believe you will do what is right and give a proper finish to this Royale de Battle. I believe you are conducting The PC Battle Royale for more than just your own glory, I think you really do care about your audience of thousands. Hundreds? Dozens? Six people, a parakeet, two cats, and a chair that looks like it has a face because the cushions got filthy in a certain pattern.
But, this is where the excuses and mitigation end for you, Gus. This is where you are finally unmasked for all to see...
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There is one character flaw in you that cannot be pardoned, Gus. And, by my logic, you have a lot of long, personal soul-searching to do. It is this: Your fixation on making rage sound bad. Do you really want the world to perish, Gus? Do you really want the tropics to become like Canada? Doesn't surprise me, but, let's be very frank here, Gus: That makes your world view extremely dangerous. Consistently talking (writing) about a raging sol as if it is evil only lays bare your contempt for the world and its people.
We, as a PC communicty, as members of the human race, should all be very frightened that Gus's mania could spread and wipe us all out.
Who wants a sol that isn't raging? When has any astronomer ever described el sol as "humble," "nice," "lol-ish," or any other gentle, sweet verbiage? Explosions. Combustible convergences of gases and liquids and solids. That's what we all better want el sol to be, or kiss your ugly dog good-bye in about three weeks as we all freeze, starve, and cannibalize each other in a futile attempt to stay alive. That gushy feeling you have inside when el sol goes from raging to lol-ful? That's your innards turning to jelly because life can't exist without a raging sol. But, Gus would have the world believe otherwise; Gus would have us believe that rage is bad, that a sun who LOLs thru the universe is good. Very dangerous. Very, very dangerous. Clearly, the man is likely a sociopath who must not be seen as merely a bunch of LOLs and clever words.
Consider yourself unmasked, Gus.
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Personally unmasked or not I can't wait to read his book he is writing Sol. You know it is titled Tim Horton hears a Who.
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Wait. Stewbie came back in to personally push a button and eliminate me? And I’m just finding this out on the same night that my (and Thof’s) Cowboys beat his Eagles (for the 2nd time this season)?
That’s the best possible way I can imagine being eliminated. Wherever you are, Stewbie, I hope you and your family are very well. Also, Scoreboard!
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This is literally part 1 of 2, and together, these are literally the last two posts in the Battle Royale thread (some cheers, some inconsolable weeping from the forty-seven in attendance).
Yes, attendance is way down on a Sunday afternoon, literally. But a few have forsaken the NFL to show up for the main event. They include: RagingSol (who is literally holding up a “Gus Rocks” banner), Gene Okerlund, Super, bbfan and his kid brother, Yitz and Chaim, the real John Maddox, the real Garry Maddox with his amazing ‘fro sticking out from under a Phillie’s cap, the real Iron Sheik, Vince McMahon, Vladimir Putin, Tommy Lasorda, Steven Spielberg, Ken Burns, and just seven of AlyCat’s actual cats (all the others stayed home to watch a must-see Lions-Cardinals NFL game, an epic cat vs bird matchup they were literally unwilling to miss). Vin Scully has showed up to do the play by play.
To the action. This is literally for all the marbles (Guy Bacci did come through with a prize after all).
Oh. First of all – a very important rule update. Rule 42b: A competitor is not eliminated until they’ve gone over the ropes and part of their body touches the concrete floor. Literally.
The Sheik can’t help thinking he’s got this thing locked up. The two women have been trying to tag-team him, but he’s been able to literally hold them off with relative ease thus far.
JohnMaddox has been literally kicking his a$$ for over five minutes, but it doesn’t seem to be having any effect. The Sheik bears a remarkable resemblance to the real Iron Sheik, except that our Sheik has an even larger, more muscular booty. AlyCat jumps off the top rope and lands on the Sheik’s back, but he tosses her to the mat like she’s a mosquito. Now the Sheik turns his attention to JM, tired of literally getting his a$$ kicked. He’s literally starting to feel it now.
… to be continued in Part 2 …
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Part 2 of 2
He grabs JM’s foot as it comes up for another kick and flips her onto her back. Then he picks her up off the mat and hoists her over his head. She’s still punching him and manages to open up a gash above his left eye. He tosses her in the air, thinking “she’s literally as light as a feather” before tossing her over the ropes and into the seats. She lands on Putin's neck, killing him instantly. And then there were 2.
But just as the Sheik throws JM over the ropes, AlyCat runs up behind him and dropkicks him in the back of the head. Over the ropes he goes!
But just before he lands on the concrete floor ... the REAL Iron Sheik jumps up from his seat in the front row and catches our Sheik, tossing him back into the ring. But AlyCat jumps off the top rope and lands on the Sheik’s back, wanting vengeance for her partner.. She’s got her claws out and they are literally as sharp as knives. She claws at the Sheik, leaving him literally scarred for life. Oh Wow! She’s literally clawed his eyes out. The Sheik is stumbling around the ring blindly. And now HE’S in a rage. He reaches back and pulls Aly up by the neck, hoisting her over his head into the air and throwing her across the ring. The force of the throw has her going over the ropes!
She grabs at the top rope on her way over, but can’t hang on. Down she goes toward the concrete below!
The Sheik is overjoyed at his apparent victory!
But what’s this? AlyCat never touched the floor. Just before she hit the concrete, Yitz and Chaim slid out from underneath the ring, trying to sneak into the match without anyone noticing. Their plans were foiled though and their timing could literally not be worse, as AlyCat landed, one foot on each of their throats, neither one touching cement, then springing into a backwards somersault back up into the ring.
The Sheik is doing a blind victory lap. He doesn’t know what’s happened. Aly lands on all fours, then, like a linebacker for either the Panthers, Bengals, Lions, or Jaguars, she smashes into the blind, bleeding Sheik, propelling him up and over the ropes and down to the concrete below. The REAL Iron Sheik is there again, but this time he can’t save him. Our Sheik’s booty is literally too heavy for him, and he drops him to the concrete, literally ending the match and the epic battle. Vin Scully throws his mic in disgust, literally spilling all the marbles. Lasorda thinks they're gumballs and eats 5 of them before realizing his mistake. The cats are going wild!
The End!
Congratulations to AlyCat, certainly not one of the favorites early on, but well-liked by the Random Number Generator and a crowd favorite as the match wore on. Congrats to all the competitors for being such great sports.
I hope you’ve literally laughed out loud at least once, or at least been mildly entertained. If you had half as much fun as I did, then I had twice as much fun as you (literally).
This is Captain Lol, signing off. Good luck and play safe.
Gus
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Acknowledgements:
Guy Bacci for the great site and for not deleting this thread, especially after he was eliminated from the battle.
RagingSol for some superb extra content along the way. Oh, and btw, I WAS planning on using S.O.L. after you got eliminated, but was a little gun-shy after the whole "bb the kid" incident. Didn't want to make fun of your name and get chastised for it! And yes, I thought Sol was short for Solomon all this time! lol. If I'd known it was the sun, I would have definitely taken advantage of the low-hanging fruit! Now that I get the sun metaphor, I see your logic, and have a higher tolerance for the necessity of the raging sun for the future of life on earth. Come to think of it, you and the sun have a lot in common. You burn us on occasion, but it would be hard to live without you! lol (btw, thanks for unmasking me. I think everyone can now see that I really am the nicest and greatest guy here on PC! lol
Super, for some super extra content and for hanging in there until the end, even though you were ousted.
RyansExpress, for nominating JohnMaddox and AlyCat in the first place. They changed the landscape of the battle and gave me some great ideas for content.
JaySlater, for delving into the history of the Boards for some great extra content.
ColinBoucher and DocB for being great teammates and members of the "Canadian Alliance". Represent!! Great work!
AlyCat and JohnMaddox for putting up with all of this nonsense and not demanding that it be taken down immediately!! Thanks for being such good sports!
Avila and Yitz, for being yourselves and adding another element to the battle.
Mcvn, yankeebb, Sheikyerboudi, and all the rest who posted some great additions here and there. Much appreciated.
And the Random Number Generator, who liked me right up until it didn’t, and who thankfully kept some of the more interesting characters around until the very end! Thanks RNG!
Thanks all! It's been a blast! Now, to get back to my teams so I can maintain my incredible winning percentage, and beat you all in the battles that really matter.
Sorry for the month-long interruption, and lol.
Gus
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i want a trophy!!!!
probably be the only one i ever get in this impossible game lol
ps - make my partner in crime the winner too, it was a group effort :)
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I agree that AlyCat and johnmaddox deserve a trophy for the great PC Battle Royale.
They outlasted 20-plus GMs (who have a combined hundreds of trophies) to not only best us mentally and tactically, but physically, too.
This is a sim site. This particular simulation was enjoined by pages of excellent commentary by The Big G., but it was a legitimate simulation IF we trust the Canadian Do-Gooder never fudged the RNG results.
The argument that it was completely random is a non-starter. Anyone who has ever been a massive favorite in a playoff series and lost... better yet, anyone who has ever had an absolute juggernaut team and been swept by a terrible team in a three-game series has to agree that there is a lot of randomness baked into PC.
The only reason to not recognize AlyCat's victory with a trophy is if we don't trust that Gus played it all on the up and up. I, personally, trust that Gus played it honest, even if he has a dark side that he must, internally, constantly fight just to put on his LOL.
The greatest thread I've ever seen on PC or any site deserves a trophy for the clear and undisputed champion .
Give AlyCat and johnmaddox a trophy for the great PC Battle Royale!
PS - Anyone who disagrees - in writing - with my position on this will immediately become my new archenemy.
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Doing a search on this thread for "lol" brings up 141 matches.
I expected it to be much higher.
Still, those are enough LOLs to turn any Gloomy Gus - or raging sol - into a Jolly Jerry.
And while (non-gloomy) Gus's RNG could actually be a cold, calculated plot, there is no hard evidence of this fact. And there never will be, unless someone braves the Canadian winter to interrogate Gus and get the truth from his maple syrup-covered lips.
Therefore, Gbacci should add a trophy to Alycat's profile, awarding her the winner of "The Most Epic Battle Royale in PC History," or some other suitably lofty title for this lengthy, wacky affair.
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I do hope AlyCat wins her first trophy soon... I am not going to rob her the thrill of her first real PC trophy, but I can immortalize this thread if someone wants to aggregate it in a readable format. I can create a permanent blog post for it.
Congrats Aly for winning, and thanks Gus for the entertainment.
