Let’s simulate – just for fun (and with a little cynicism) – a discussion between a recruiter and a candidate looking for work. If you’re unfamiliar with Chauncey Gardiner and the classic movie, Being There, now’s the time to watch at least the YouTube clips of the film. Chauncey is clueless. He utters ambiguities and nonsense that sound profound. Maybe he’s on to something (that’s for you to decide) – though Big Head from Silicon Valley may be a better example of how to parlay cluelessness into riches.
Recruiter:
“So what have you done in previous lives?”
Candidate:
“New stuff. Always new stuff.”
Recruiter:
“Like what?”
Candidate:
“I’m a technology novice!”
Recruiter:
“No … wait … a technology ‘novice’? That doesn’t sound too good. Why are you a ‘technology novice’?”
Candidate:
“Well, when a new technology appears I play with it for a little while until it starts to make some sense. Doesn’t that make me a ‘novice’?”
Recruiter:
“Too literal, my candidate. Way too literal. You need to describe yourself as a technology champion, a technology leader, a technology pilot, an early adopter!”
Candidate:
“OK! I’m a technology adoptee.”
Recruiter:
“What? No, technology hasn’t adopted you. YOU adopt new technology as soon as it appears.”
Candidate:
“Even if I don’t know that much about it?”
Recruiter:
“Right. Even if you don’t know that much about it – and do you know why? Because no one knows that much about new technologies – which is why they’re new.”
Candidate:
“Got it. I think. I adopt technology even when I don’t know all that much about it. But doesn’t that make me sound a little impetuous? A little anxious? A little … well … stupid? Why would I buy something I don’t know how to work?”
Recruiter:
“Good! Now we’re getting somewhere. You’d buy something you don’t know how to work because you just might learn how to make it work, and once you do, it might actually do something really useful.”
Candidate:
“Makes sense. I think. But what if it costs a lot to buy some technology that I might understand, that might actually work and that might solve some important problems? Isn’t that risky?”
Recruiter:
“Look, I talk to companies all the time. They need people who know something – anything – about AI, blockchain, crypto, IOT, AR, VR, big data, analytics and cybersecurity. They’re desperate! They’ll pay tons of money to anyone who knows more than they do about AI, blockchain, crypto, IOT, AR, VR, big data, analytics and cybersecurity. They’re afraid to miss the solutions their competition might find – even if the solutions are hard to find today.”
Candidate:
“So all I have to do is keep repeating AI, blockchain, crypto, IOT, AR, VR, big data, analytics and cybersecurity. Do I have to put AI, blockchain, crypto, IOT, AR, VR, big data, analytics and cybersecurity in complete sentences, or can I just repeat the words over and over again?”
Recruiter:
“Ideally, you’d construct some sentences around AI, blockchain, crypto, IOT, AR, VR, big data, analytics and cybersecurity, like ‘AI will change your company,’ or ‘watch out for crypto.’ Do you remember Chauncey Gardiner?”
Candidate:
“No, who’s that?”
Recruiter:
“He’s an idiot who just says stuff to important people who think he’s smart. He says things like ‘I like to watch,’ and they believe there’s meaning embedded in his utterances. You know, utterances like ‘AI will change your company.’”
Candidate:
“Got it!”
Recruiter:
“The only thing you have to remember is that they know a little less than you do about AI, blockchain, crypto, IOT, AR, VR, big data, analytics and cybersecurity, so as long as you stay vague and ambiguous you’ll nail the interview.”
Candidate:
“Sounds like a plan. When is my first interview?”
Recruiter:
“You have three tomorrow. Everyone wants to know more about AI, blockchain, crypto, IOT, AR, VR, big data, analytics and cybersecurity. Just keep talking about AI, blockchain, crypto, IOT, AR, VR, big data, analytics and cybersecurity. You’ll be fine.”
Candidate:
“Should I practice my lines? I’m not sure what I should say about cybersecurity.”
Recruiter:
“Easy. Just tell them there are things you know about cybersecurity that will scare the hell out of them – but you can’t talk about them until you sign an employment agreement.”
Candidate:
“Works for me.”
Recruiter:
“Let me know how it goes. I suspect you’ll get three offers by COB tomorrow.”
Candidate:
“How could you possibly know that?”
Recruiter:
“Let me tell you about Big Head. Do you know who Big Head is?”
Candidate:
“No … who the hell is ‘Big Head’?”
Recruiter:
“If you watch the series Silicon Valley, you know that Big Head stumbled into $20,000,000 just by ‘being there’— and getting fired. Study some of the clips of Big Head on YouTube – especially the ‘Moonshot’ one. You’ll get the idea. You’ll be leading an emerging technology team in no time.”
Candidate:
“That’s it?”
Recruiter:
“That’s it – until AI, blockchain, crypto, IOT, AR, VR, big data, analytics and cybersecurity are replaced by the next wave of emerging technologies.”
Candidate:
“Yikes. When will that happen?”
Recruiter:
“No one knows. So accept the best offer you get tomorrow.”
