Maximum Ride: Betrayal and families.....Please Read!!!!!!!!!

kat:) · Junior Flyer Joined: 26 Nov 2005 Posts: 38

Ok this is my first time writing anything like this and I want you to be brutally honest and tell me what you think. I am following Fang's Blog for the most part. This is Chapter 1 if anyone likes it i will post the rest.

Chapter 1
We that is me and the Flock have been getting ready to find are parents for some time now, but then Fang disappeared and I, no, we couldn't think about anything but finding him. I know what your thinking, but it's not like that I mean I think it isn't. Anyway when he returned I started thinking about finding the Flock's parents again.That's when I noticed the missing papers, I was like Oh my God! I kept telling myself to not panic Fang had a copy of them right? Wrong, Fang's copy was accidentally ruined by the rain. I let it go, and life went on as normal as it could go when you are on the run, and have wings. That's when I noticed Fang was going on his little walks more frequently, but I didn't really think much of it, or what he was doing. Then I found something in his jacket pocket with the initials I. F. H. L. on it.( I had a good reason to have his jacket!) That's when I thought that maybe Fang was, no it couldn't be not Fang never Fang. I decided I was just being stupid, and Fang would never betray the Flock He couldn't, no, he wouldn't. I couldn't handle even thinking about it, I was already feeling a little alone because my voice hadn't talked to me in a while. I thought I would be happy if my voice went away but truth be told I kind of miss it. So I decided once and for all that I would prove this theory crazy, Decided to follow him and see where he went. When he left for his "walk" a few days later I told the rest of the Flock that I was going to get something to eat, and followed him. It was pretty normal at first he got a soda, and was casually looking through shop window's . I think so anyway, I had to stay a good distance behind so he wouldn't get suspicious. Then I recognized where we were headed, The Institute. I watched as Fang marched straight up to the door and knocked, an Eraser answered. Oh know, I thought, I have to help Fang before the Eraser gets him, but no he didn't need help. I watched in horror as the Eraser, recognizing him open the door, I watched Fang, my brother, my friend, my comforter, nod grimly at him go inside.
The End.........Of the Begining. -Max

So there you are I hope you like it.

thiylan_kizuba747 · Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 4:38 pm Post subject:

oooh! good. also, one suggestion: use paragraph form. great start though.
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treehugger · Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 4:44 pm Post subject:

woo i like it but am i right when i say that you have written Fang to be her brother
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kat:) · Junior Flyer Joined: 26 Nov 2005 Posts: 38

I'm sorry about that, it was in paragraph form but when i copied it over it was all together and I didn't notice it til it was too late . Not her brother, brother, her but her brother like figure for most of her forteen years. I'll clarify it in the next chapter. I am working on it now I'll post it as soon as I finish.
kat

arya ride · Tested & Nested Joined: 12 Jul 2005 Posts: 1213

excellent job Kat! welcome to the flock Very Happy

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countryangel · Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 5:56 pm Post subject:

i lurve it!!!
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everybody read fangfans ff called "turning away"

The Lord is my rock and my fortress, and my deliverer;my God, my strength, in whom i will trust -Psalms 18:2

"its better to be hated for who you are, than be loved for who your not"-Van Zant

kat:) · Junior Flyer Joined: 26 Nov 2005 Posts: 38

Thanks you all here is the next chapter. It starts out with Max, then Fang, then Nudge. Hope you like it.

Chapter 2
I stood there for I don't know how long feeling numb.
Fang who was like my brother for almost fourteen years, Fang who carried me while I was having a brain explosion, my Fang.
I didn't know what to do should i confront him and get his side of the story, or leave with the Flock when he is gone sometime or......I don't know, I just don't know.
- Max
I felt like sh**, there is no other word for it.
If Max was here she would have shot me a look that that said, watch your mouth. Max I thought again. No don't think about her another part of me said, She'll hate you when she finds out what you did.
Not that I wouldn't blame her though, I'd hate myself too, even with my reasons.
I hate myself forgetting into this mess.
Why me, Why now.
- Fang
I am starting to worry about Max it's almost dark and she isn't back yet.
I'm not really worried about Fang he was always going out for long periods of but Max?
She doesn't go out often on her own, and it shouldn't take this long, I mean she just went to get food right?
I bet she's up to something, well I probably won't care. I do hope she does get home soon though I'm hungry.
- Nudge

There you are hope you like it.
-kat

hawkeyes1 · Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 6:10 pm Post subject:

MUST POST MRE!!! love it Very Happy

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"Normal" countryangel's, indigo's, winged victory's, and my ff

countryangel · Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 6:54 pm Post subject:

It's awesome!!
_________________
everybody read fangfans ff called "turning away"

The Lord is my rock and my fortress, and my deliverer;my God, my strength, in whom i will trust -Psalms 18:2

"its better to be hated for who you are, than be loved for who your not"-Van Zant

hawkeyes1 · Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 6:58 pm Post subject:

echoes ca
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"I'll spread my wings and ill learn how to fly; I'll do what it takes until I touch the sky..."
-kelly clarkson

"Normal" countryangel's, indigo's, winged victory's, and my ff

countryangel · Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 7:23 pm Post subject:

you always echo me, lol
_________________
everybody read fangfans ff called "turning away"

The Lord is my rock and my fortress, and my deliverer;my God, my strength, in whom i will trust -Psalms 18:2

"its better to be hated for who you are, than be loved for who your not"-Van Zant

hawkeyes1 · Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 7:30 pm Post subject:

hehe lol

_________________
"I'll spread my wings and ill learn how to fly; I'll do what it takes until I touch the sky..."
-kelly clarkson

"Normal" countryangel's, indigo's, winged victory's, and my ff

hawkeyes1 · Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 7:30 pm Post subject:

hehe lol

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"I'll spread my wings and ill learn how to fly; I'll do what it takes until I touch the sky..."
-kelly clarkson

"Normal" countryangel's, indigo's, winged victory's, and my ff

arya ride · Tested & Nested Joined: 12 Jul 2005 Posts: 1213

omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg!!! sooo goooood! i love love love it!
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kat:) · Junior Flyer Joined: 26 Nov 2005 Posts: 38

Thanks so much I have the next three chapters written but I share my computer with my sister so I don't get much time to be on but I'll post the rest asap. Now I have a Question, do you think that I should stick to Max or write all the characters in like i did in the second chapter?
kat