When it comes to parenting, everybody has an opinion — even people without kids — and this certainly rang true when TikToker Destini Davis shared how she approaches giving her children an allowance:
"I do not pay my daughter for chores," the mother of two shared. "But I do pay her for the things that she is passionate about."
Destini used the example of when her daughter asked to learn gymnastics and, when lessons began getting difficult, her daughter wanted to quit. "I said, you know what? Let's make this your job. I'll pay you for that. And my belief behind it is that I want my daughter to know and have a positive association with money ... [and feel that she] can actually get paid to do something that [she] enjoys."
After hearing her rationalization, some loved the idea of incentivizing interests and believed their younger selves may have been more encouraged to further pursue hobbies if they had been given such a privilege.
@suxelamai This is actually brilliant. I quit a lot of things growing up because I felt embarrassed because I didnt think I was good enough for any of them. This could alter a growing adolescent’s perception drastically and for the better! That’s a wise and loving mom !
Or they believed that self-care tasks like daily chores would have been viewed less begrudgingly without the money.
@suxelamai That's a beautiful idea. I don't think receiving money for chores made me hate chores less, just resent them more. Switching things up could have made a huge difference. I hope her whole family thrives off her way of thinking 🥰
However, as in any debate, others across the internet were completely opposed to the concept.
@ATwstedFantasy My thing is, her daughter already decided she didn’t like it, so is she not indirectly teaching her to suffer through something she doesn’t enjoy just to get paid?
Good. However in behavioral analysis it’s been shown that if you pay someone for doing something they already loved and did not require payment in the first place, it becomes a job, and eventually they stop doing it on the sir own just because but do it only if they get paid https://t.co/oBhTIun5zv
Surrounded by thousands of differing opinions, I decided to talk with an expert — licensed marriage and family therapist Jaynay Johnson.
When confronted with the debate between intrinsic versus extrinsic motivations, Johnson clarified: "There is research that suggests positive and negative aspects of both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation in children," she said. However, "There aren’t many risks [in] providing an allowance for hobbies to children. ... As Destini stated in the video, incentivizing hobbies, passions, and even extra house duties teach children that their time and interests are valuable."
According to Johnson, allowances can become harmful to the child when misused by the parent — either inconsistently or as a method of control or punishment. "For example, if you agree to give your child [an] allowance for cleaning their room but decide not to give it to them because they didn’t clean it by a particular time, that can be considered punitive," she said.
