Dear Annie: I married “Stan” four months ago. He and his 9-year-old son, “Adam,” have moved into my two-bedroom condo until we can buy a bigger place. Adam shares a bedroom with my 11-year-old daughter, a situation that she complains about every day.
Stan and Adam both like to sleep in the nude. My daughter finds this disgusting. I find it troubling. Further, Adam makes no effort to cover himself between the bathroom and bedroom. He does not own a pair of pajamas. I bought him a robe, but he refuses to wear it.
I have asked Adam to cover up when he is out of bed, but he doesn’t listen to me. Stan sees nothing wrong with his son’s behavior. He thinks my daughter simply will have to get used to it, and that it won’t hurt her to see a naked boy. I should mention that Stan pulls on a pair of shorts when he leaves the bedroom. My daughter has never seen him in the buff, so that is not an issue.
I suspect a large part of my daughter’s distress has to do with sharing the room she previously had to herself. She also is quite protective of her privacy and has a fit if Adam so much as catches a glimpse of her underwear. She has started changing her clothes in the bathroom, which I think is a bit excessive. Your suggestions always seem so clear and reasonable. Can you help me out?
— No Jaybird in Shelton, Conn.
Dear Jaybird: It is not a good idea for an 11-year-old girl and a 9-year-old boy to be sharing a room, especially when the boy walks around naked. Your daughter is obviously uncomfortable with this situation, and you should respect her feelings.
Is there any way to put a divider in the room so each child has private space? If not, tell Stan either Adam covers up when he is out of bed, or the boy will have to sleep on the sofa in the living room. And find that “bigger place” soon.
Dear Annie: I am a college freshman and am having a great time in school. I love college life, except for one thing — my roommate, “Alison.”
Alison and I were best friends in high school, and I thought rooming together would be easy. Big mistake. It turns out we are nothing alike, and our living habits are totally incompatible. Last week, we had a huge argument, and I’m afraid the damage to our friendship is irreparable. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I can no longer stand being in the same room with her. Please help.
— Dorm Doom in South Carolina
Dear Dorm Doom: Be honest with Alison. Tell her you value her friendship and don’t want your living arrangements to ruin things between you.
Suggest that you each request a different roommate immediately. Most schools are quite accommodating. If yours isn’t, arrange your schedule to see as little of each other as possible, and find new roommates next year.
Dear Annie: This is for the teenage girl who has acne on her back. If the acne appears nowhere else on her body, she’s probably getting it from her hair products.
I used to wear my hair to my waist and had frequent acne breakouts on my back, although my face was clear. I discovered my conditioner was causing part of the problem and began rinsing my hair more thoroughly. When I began to wear my hair short, the acne cleared up completely.
— Been There Myself in California
Dear Been There: You were not the only reader to suggest that the oil in the girl’s hair, or the residue from her hair products, might be causing the problem. Many advised her to wear her hair up or cut it off. Thanks to everyone who wrote.
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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@attbi.com, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
