Kids can mercifully overlook a lot of flaws in movies, especially if there are dumb jokes about body fluids and emissions, but it may be hard for them to buy into “Jungle 2 Jungle” (PG). Popular funnyman Tim Allen stars in this remake of the recent French bomb “Little Indian, Big City,” but he displays none of the charm of his previous film work (“The Santa Clause” and “Toy Story”) or his hit TV series, “Home Improvement.”
While the premise is a complete farce–Allen brings the 13-year-old son he never knew he had from a South American jungle village to New York– it’s the acting that’s most atrocious. Newcomer Sam Huntington has a horrid jungle-boy accent and veterans Allen, Martin Short, Lolita Davidovich, JoBeth Williams and David Ogden Stiers remain stiff throughout.
Films like this only work with the kiddie crowd when they are manic and over-the-top, spilling jokes at the audience nonstop and pratfalling whenever the action slows. “Jungle 2 Jungle” never gets close to that, and it’s likely only to bore its intended audience.
“Absolute Power” (R)–Director-star Clint Eastwood left his usual trademark precision out of this film about sex, lies and death in the White House. Language, the sexual situation and murder are mixed with action-style violence, making this an adults-only film.
“The Beautician and the Beast” (PG)–A comic, updated retelling of “The King and I” with Fran Drescher of TV’s “The Nanny” as a brash, warm-hearted New Yorker hired to Westernize the kids of a Balkan dictator. There’s some salty language, but fans of the star’s sitcom will feel right at home.
“Beavis and Butt-head Do America” (PG-13)–The movie’s objectionable content is the same as the MTV show’s; there’s just a lot more of it. The animated duo’s mission to score is a hopeless failure, so they never venture into “Fritz the Cat’s” turf. And there are few expletives. But the crude jokes never stop.
“Beverly Hills Ninja” (PG-13)–With plenty of belly flops and geeky adolescent humor, Chris Farley’s latest should go over well with “Dumb and Dumber” lovers. Parents shouldn’t fret too much over the mild violence, language and feeble double entendres. But Farley’s talent and charm deserve better than this.
“The Crucible” (PG-13)–This is no teen witch flick like “The Craft,” but Winona Ryder does play an impressively evil young woman who sparks the infamous 1692 Salem witch trials. Sometimes-harsh history, some sexual innuendo and lots of drama.
“Dante’s Peak” (PG-13)–Special-effects specialists give us the state of the art in flowing lava, avalanches, a town destroyed by an earthquake, fires, a helicopter crash, and other calamities that may be too much for younger children. Besides the intense action, though, there’s a decent story line.
“Daylight” (PG-13)–If your kids aren’t afraid of torrents of water, big explosions, cramped enclosures or rats, then this might thrill them, because the plot holes and horrid acting certainly won’t. The violence mostly stems from forces of nature instead of human meanness, and there’s some language.
“Donnie Brasco” (R)–Mob drama is based on a true story. FBI undercover agent Joe Pistone, a k a Donnie Brasco (Johnny Depp), infiltrates the mob on a mission that pulls him into an unexpected friendship with the aging hit man (Al Pacino) he is supposed to be targeting. The chemistry works and the story is interesting, but it’s a heavy adult drama that isn’t for the younger crowd.
“The Empire Strikes Back” (PG)–The most exciting and imaginative entry of the “Star Wars” trilogy. Unless parents object to a few dark overtones or the faux Zen of Jedi master/Muppet Yoda, this is one to show the kids for posterity.
“The Evening Star” (PG-13)–Riveting funny/sad sequel to “Terms of Endearment” was rated R the first time around. Upon appeal, it was changed to PG-13 for some brief language and sexual situations, including Shirley MacLaine’s love affair with a therapist half her age.
“Evita” (PG)–In spite of the PG rating, this is no kiddie flick. The spectacular, fast-moving film version of the Broadway musical traces the controversial life of Eva Peron (Madonna), the powerful wife of Argentina dictator Juan Peron. There are scenes of violence, sexual references and some language.
“Fierce Creatures” (PG-13)–This is a zany comedy about cuddly critters and a strange zoo, but the wackiness isn’t aimed at tots. The late-breaking comic bite — not to mention the cleavage shots, incessant sex talk and an accidental murder played for laughs — make this a joke-fest for only the most mature teens.
“First Strike” (PG-13)–Jackie Chan kicks international butt in this stunt-filled, violence-packed action romp. With no sex, very little swearing and a brief bit of nonsexual male nudity, First Strike is more harmless than your average Hollywood shoot-’em-up.
“Fly Away Home” (PG)–Triumphant tale of a 13-year-old who teaches orphaned Canada geese how to fly south for the winter. Hunters bang away at the geese, a car wreck kills a parent and there’s some mild language, but don’t let that keep youngsters 8 and up from this affecting film.
“Fools Rush In” (PG-13)–In this comedy about a couple’s adjustment to married life (starring Salma Hayek and Matthew Perry of “Friends”) is refreshing for their growth from self-absorbed young singles to two people accepting responsibility for their actions. Language and adult issues make this a movie for adults or mature teens.
“Ghosts of Mississippi” (PG-13)–Decidedly placid for a film about a racist killer and his victim’s wife, “Ghosts” does contain one violent scene and strong language. It doesn’t have the action or the look to hold a tot’s attention.
“High School High” (PG-13)–Early teens might enjoy this scatter-shot send-up of “Dangerous Minds,” but what little humor there is will elude the youngsters.
“Jingle All the Way” (PG)–This holiday semifarce offends not in the traditional Hollywood manner (except for a smattering of language), but in deeper ways. Some fun does come through, but very young Santa believers might be shaken by a smuggling ring run by Santas and elves gone bad.
“Kingpin” (PG-13)–In this comedy about a one-time bowling champ who tries to coach an Amish farmboy to victory, kids will roar during the rambunctious moments, but everyone will grow restless during the many lethargic passages. Considering the language, violence and sexual innuendo, the rating is lenient.
“Mars Attacks!” (PG-13)–Director Tim Burton has the kind of colorful imagination children adore. While his irony may go over some heads, his ‘toon-inspired cinematography, with its wild colors and amazing shapes, is a kid magnet. This farce is heavy on explosions and people dying, but Burton and his cast of thousands never lose their sense of fun.
“Marvin’s Room” (PG-13)–Beautifully acted black comedy, adapted from Scott McPherson’s play, takes on serious themes–family love-hate, living with the dying and the value of caring for others. Arson, salty language and power of the material account for rating.
“Michael” (PG)–John Travolta’s angel drinks, smokes and picks up cute rural waitresses, but Nora Ephron’s comedy is as light as a celestial wing feather. With no overt sexuality or offensive material, “Michael” is about as safe as a lewd-angel flick could be.
“Microcosmos” (G)–It’s not made for kids, but this unique documentary offers an extremely close look at ants, ladybugs, bees, spiders, wasps and a couple of amorous snails. Many amazing, witty moments, but as Woody Allen said: It’s a banquet out there. So expect battling beetles, a spider shrink-wrapping grasshoppers and a hungry, ant-pecking pheasant.
“The Mirror Has Two Faces” (PG-13)–Life-affirming romantic comedy about two academics (Barbra Streisand and Jeff Bridges) who agree to a sexless marriage. Adult situations and a bit of language, but its exploration of sexual and beauty myths is rich and reassuring.
“Mother” (PG-13)–There’s no violence, no sex and only a few off-color conversations and references to lingerie. But parents might find the subject matter of this adult comedy irksome: A grown man moves back home with Mom after his second divorce to sort out his relationships with women.
“The Portrait of a Lady” (PG-13)–Although it’s usually a good thing to entice kids to literature through the movies, this Jane Campion (“The Piano”) adaptation of Henry James’ drama may do more to turn away teens with its brooding, dark storytelling.
“The Preacher’s Wife” (PG)–Sweet Christmas comedy about an angel who comes down to help a pastor too busy to spend time with his choir director/wife. Youngsters will relate to the kids, but the whole family will dig the giggles, gospel music and messages about love, faith, hope and community.
“Prefontaine” (PG-13)–Tale of a running champ’s brief life inspires, but there are snatches of strong language.
“Romeo and Juliet” (PG-13)–Baz Luhrmann adapts Shakespeare to a modernized, tragically hip setting that has teen fave written all over it. Open-minded parents will also be pleased, but the gunplay and other spontaneous violence should keep tots home with the sitter. Best of all, it’s compelling enough to send Shakespeare newcomers searching for the other plays.
“Rosewood” (R)–Based on an incident that took place in 1923 in a black Florida town called Rosewood. A white woman falsely accuses a black stranger of assaulting and beating her, and a mob of men from the neighboring white community of Sumner declare war on their black neighbors. Definitely for mature audiences only.
“Shine” (PG-13)–This often-mesmerizing tale of a troubled piano prodigy contains some non-sexual nudity and addresses prickly issues of family trauma and mental illness. Still, its uplifting message should win over parents who are willing to answer a few questions.
“Small Wonders” (G)–Moving, Oscar-nominated documentary about a violin teacher in East Harlem who refused to give up when school budget cuts killed her job. Inspirational portrait of a dedicated teacher and her spectacular young students. A must-see for anyone working with children.
“Space Jam” (PG)–Don’t worry if your kids aren’t Michael Jordan fanatics or steeped in Looney Tune minutiae; they’ll be thrilled anyway. Lola Bunny may seem like a crass commercial creature who’s only there to hook in little girls, but funny thing, it works.
“Star Trek: First Contact” (PG-13)–It’s time for the next generation to take a big-screen “Trek”, and this imaginative sequel shouldn’t bore anyone. Aside from the usual ray-gun violence, a couple of drinking scenes and hints of an intergalactic tryst or two, “First Contact” is a safe, peppy night of planet hopping.
“Star Wars” (PG)–Believe it or not, the spiffed-up “special edition” lives up to its inescapable hype. Sure, the acting’s cheesy, the commercialism is overwhelming, and many of the effects are no longer state of the art. But the adventure still enthralls, and the lessons of the Force are timeless.
“That Darn Cat” (PG)–This remake of the 1965 Disney movie has a definite ’90s touch, but its story of a lovable cat and a teenager tangled up in a kidnapping is plenty safe for the family.
“Vegas Vacation” (PG)–Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) decides to take his family to Las Vegas. When they arrive, each is tempted by its enticements. A lot of the material in the movie, including bathroom humor, sexual innuendoes and dialogue, is aimed at an older audience.
“Zeus and Roxanne” (PG)–A dog and a dolphin. Spells romance, doesn’t it? This tale of an unlikely interspecies relationship that ends up getting two humans hitched is OK, inoffensive kiddo entertainment, with a couple of threatening scenes of underwater endangerment.
