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Mental Subtraction of Relationships

How to appreciate a loved one by imagining your life without them.

Duration: 15 mins Frequency: 1x/week Difficulty: Casual
Mental Subtraction of Relationships

Time Required

15 minutes. Try to make time to do this practice once per week, focusing on a different person each week. It might help to do this practice at the same time each week—before bed each Sunday evening, say, or at lunch every Friday.

How to Do It

1. Take a moment to think about an important relationship in your life, such as a romantic relationship or close friendship.

2. Think back to where and how you met this person.

3. Consider the ways in which you might never have met this person and never formed a friendship or relationship—for example, if you hadn’t decided to go to a certain party, taken a certain class, or moved to a certain city.

4. Write down all of the possible events and decisions—large and small—that could have gone differently and prevented you from meeting this person.

5. Imagine what your life would be like now if events had unfolded differently and you had never met this person. Bring to mind some of the joys and benefits you have enjoyed as a result of this relationship—and consider how you would feel if you were denied all of them.

6. Shift your focus to remind yourself that you did actually meet this person and reflect upon the benefits this relationship has brought you. Now that you have considered   how things might have turned out differently, appreciate that these benefits were not inevitable in your life. Allow yourself to feel grateful that things happened as they did   and this person is now in your life. 

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