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nvining posted:Can I play? This sounds fun! You could always make him into a horrible disease of the groin in CE if he keeps missing his deadlines...
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Jan 8, 2014 00:55
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Ghostwoods posted:You could always make him into a horrible disease of the groin in CE if he keeps missing his deadlines... "My colony was fine until the Chief Administrator came down with Leperfish..."
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Jan 8, 2014 01:01
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I'm really tired so tonight's update is a little shorter than the past few have been. Let me just preface it by saying, ughhhh, gently caress you dwarfs, you loving idiots.
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Jan 8, 2014 07:37
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 13th Limestone, 251 The undying husk that once was Lackloss was so brutally quick to slay brave (but foolish) Veloxyll, T-man, and Van Rijn that the militia I had ordered to sally to their aid had scarcely begun to organize; only Murg, Danilh, Enzer, Kalman and Promontory were beyond the gate, and all within a few paces of it. Yet I was startled to learn that of those five, only Murg was actually responding to my order! The others instead sought equipment from among items left outside.  They would be slain piecemeal. There is abundant equipment indoors moreover so they would be slain needlessly. I rescinded the orders to attack, and then shouted that all items beyond the gate were forbidden, regardless of origin or ownership or usefulness or shininess!  There was some confusion then, as a few dwarves immediately came in, but Kalman continued on his quest, and Gnu Sheriff in Town emerged seeking a stray bolt or something. I am not brave enough to confront her about it.  Mzbundifund passed Gnu on his way back in. She moved with swift determination, ignoring his look as he trotted towards Bronzestabbed's entrance.  She passed no more than fifty paces from Lackloss, where he stood motionless over the bodies of his victims, turning to trot roughly northward to one of the murky pools by the stream.  Gnu Sheriff stopped, inspecting the abandoned ballista there. No. She was staring at the ground. She knelt, briefly, and I realized it was the spot where Plank had died.  I held my breath. She stood, looked back at Bronzestabbed, and then turned west... and then south. I breathed out.  On the hill, she encountered Frankosity... yet another military dwarf disobeying orders by being outside, seeking “equipment” which I had just forbidden! If they exchanged words, I could not hear them.    Frankosity then continued, directly towards Lackloss. I cannot fathom why, what the purpose of her suicide might be. Desperate to prevent it, I called down to the dwarves below in the courtyard and ordered all military dwarves to go off duty. A dwarf not on duty does not need more military equipment, I guessed? It worked! Frankosity took another ten steps, turned back to hear someone shouting from the gate, and then she turned around! Cheerfully she began to make her way back toward the fortress... ...and to my horror I realized that Lackloss was following her.  We hollered that she must run and Frankosity ran. Lackloss dodged and weaved between the trees, his head flopping up and down, as though he didn't need eyes to track her but rather moved by instinct unerringly in her direction.  She ran up the slope of the hill, cutting across it rather than going around. Lackloss stopped briefly, swaying in the hip-high grass, as though he had lost her trail: and then he moved again, following up the hill but further behind Frankosity and I had hope then she might survive.  He paused again as she ran down the little gully and then back up the other side. It was as if he could not remember the direction of his quarry, but only move towards her when she was in his line of sight, despite the milky sheen in his unfocused eyes. Perhaps a fiendish murk zombie has no memory beyond what is immediately before him? Only Ugath knows, may he protect us.  She ran through dried pools of human and goblin blood, and from below I heard a dwarf – I do not know who – yell up to me “three ballistae ready sir!” Slooby, Wili, and PotatoManJack had all dwarfed ballistae, and Frankosity was leading Lackloss directly across their line of fire!  She made the entryway, breathing heavily as she passed the first wall, and Lackloss moved silently down the slope. Another three paces and he'd be a perfect target!  I looked down again and saw Wili and Slooby leaving the ballista gallery, having abandoned their posts just as the zombie was in their lines of fire. “What are you doing?!” I fairly screamed. Slooby looked up at me and shrugged. “They're ready to fire,” he said, “so, I got no job now.”  It was too late. I could only stare as Lackloss trotted safely past the wall, and looking out, I saw that Frankosity had not turned into the gate as I expected but continued east. Why?  As Lackloss passed directly in front of the open gate, I heard the THUNK of a ballista firing. Apparently Wili had gone back inside and yanked the firing lever on the center ballista, far too late.  There was still one chance, though. PotatoManJack was still near his weapon. I ordered him to fire.  But no, the Fiendish Murk Zombie had spotted a ball of spikes at our wall and changed direction... Lackloss had sensed the War Echidna, and worse, Danilh was just inside the wall for no good reason, and moving straight for Lackloss as well!     A echidna is an admirable durable creature that can survive a broken back but an adamantine sword is the keenest blade made by any mortal creature.  Danilh stepped into the way of Lackloss's third strike, swinging with her bronze shield but missing the unnaturally agile foe.  She did not even have a weapon besides her sheild.  Lackloss ignored her completely, slicing between her legs to cleave the echidna again. Danilh tried again and again missed with her shield. Lackloss responded with another swift stab into the echidna's bleeding body.  A third time Danilh brought her shield around, the edge passing through the air with a whistle, and Lackloss swayed back just enough that once more the shield missed its target. The echidna she sacrificed her life to protect died at her feet in a sad pool of its own blood.  PotatoManJack left his post, not having fired the ballista, seeking a drink instead of war.  Danilh tried a shield bash, driving forward with her whole body, and Lackloss avoided it by rolling backwards on the ground, as agile as a Kangaroo. She followed, and he rolled again, coming back to his feet next to the wall.   She persisted, missing yet again, and then Lackloss dodged away from the next strike.  Suddenly Lackloss struck back, catching Danilh by surprise, and his wicked blade cleaved through muscle and bone and Danilh lost her right arm below the elbow in a gout of crimson.  I had seen enough. If Danilh and Frankosity could not follow orders to station within the walls of Bronzestabbed, they could not expect our gates to remain open for them later. Once again I ordered the drawbridge raised, with an enemy at the gate and two of our own still outside.  I looked back to the melee just in time to see Lackloss remove Danilh's left foot. He followed up by taking off her left arm, relieving her of the shield that, after all, was no protection against this enemy.  She dragged herself groaning across the ground away from him, a pace only, and then collapsed and died. 
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Jan 8, 2014 07:55
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Leperflesh posted:I'm really tired so tonight's update is a little shorter than the past few have been. Less dwarves means a lower rate of adding to the massive pile of junk we have. Of course someone will have to go out and collect all the equipment. And put all their various bits in tombs. Alas, it appears that Gnu Sherrif will soon be joining the casualties unless something changes soon. And, you know, everyone else who went outside the fortress for whatever reason. Veloxyll fucked around with this message at 08:02 on Jan 8, 2014 |
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Jan 8, 2014 07:55
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Goddammit dwarfs, what's wrong with you?
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Jan 8, 2014 08:24
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Curses! You beat the deadline by an hour! And I had Secret of the Magic Crystals all lined up for you.  That being said, it was a good update. That poor War Echidna. It is a sad day when something so cute dies so well in the service of dwarfkind.  drat your cliffhangers Leperflesh! nvining posted:Can I play? This sounds fun!
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Jan 8, 2014 09:02
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I've never understood why--if I'm not mistaken--I've never seen a fortress "bury" all dwarves in lava and then memorialize them in a tablet; it seems most dwarfish.
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Jan 8, 2014 14:09
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nvining posted:Can I play? This sounds fun! Considering the game seems to be "buy games for Leperflesh"... I suspect this is some kind of Tom Sawyer-esque scam going on to get free games. And you're probably in on it! "Ooh, that sounds like fun, hey everyone, doesn't it sound like fun to buy Leperflesh games?". What's your cut, eh? You get the duplicates or something? I'm on to all of you!
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Jan 8, 2014 18:15
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It is a sophisticated emotional manipulation tactic called a "guilt trip" and it is working brilliantly. 
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Jan 8, 2014 19:23
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Leperflesh posted:It is a sophisticated emotional manipulation tactic called a "guilt trip" and it is working brilliantly. Oh, if that's the game, then I can do that a lot cheaper. I'll just start poisoning Bad Munki and start posting, "I hope dear Bad Munki lives to see the end of this..." over and over again. The side benefit of this is too obvious to note.
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Jan 8, 2014 21:54
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I don't know why Spermy Smurf needs a parachute account but it seems I've located it. < >
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Jan 8, 2014 22:13
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I hope dear Bad Munki lives to see the end of this.
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Jan 8, 2014 22:25
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You're all going to feel real bad when I actually die from poisoning. You'll rue the day!
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Jan 8, 2014 22:27
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Spermy Smurf posted:I hope dear Bad Munki lives to see the end of this. I, too, hope that Leperflesh updates quickly enough so that poor Bad Munki can see the end of Bronzestabbed before we see the end of him.
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Jan 8, 2014 22:30
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That's cute how you guys think I care if Bad Munki lives or dies. Adorable. 
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Jan 8, 2014 22:52
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TildeATH posted:I, too, hope that Leperflesh updates quickly enough so that poor Bad Munki can see the end of Bronzestabbed before we see the end of him. This is not what I thought we were doing. I thought it was a trick to make him die faster. I take it back.
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Jan 8, 2014 22:54
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Leperflesh posted:It is a sophisticated emotional manipulation tactic called a "guilt trip" and it is working brilliantly. I am honestly just amazed that there are enough wonderful games on Steam for people to give you! Another victory for Greenlight. In the mean time, I guess I can just sit here and threaten you with Dredmor and CE beta keys menacingly.
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Jan 9, 2014 02:25
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Someone with no connections to anyone else or any groups I'm in tried to add me on Steam. Was that one of you? Fess up if if was because I don't add random strangers on Steam.
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Jan 9, 2014 02:30
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Leperflesh posted:Someone with no connections to anyone else or any groups I'm in tried to add me on Steam. Was that one of you? Fess up if if was because I don't add random strangers on Steam. It may have something to do with Bad Munki scrawling your Steam username on a bathroom stall in a German bathhouse.
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Jan 9, 2014 02:47
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nvining posted:I am honestly just amazed that there are enough wonderful games on Steam for people to give you! Another victory for Greenlight. In the mean time, I guess I can just sit here and threaten you with Dredmor and CE beta keys menacingly. No CE beta keys for goons until Leperflesh finishes this LP 
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Jan 10, 2014 16:52
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I'm feeling strangely weak the last couple days. I dearly hope I live to see the end of this.
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Jan 10, 2014 17:02
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Bernardo Orel posted:No CE beta keys for goons until Leperflesh finishes this LP Alright! Setting the release date to 2015, then.
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Jan 11, 2014 03:33
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16th Limestone, 251 Lackloss stood over the corpse of Danilh for a long time. Frankosity, cut off and unsure what to do, waited in the grass as well.  Inside, Haifisch took the job of pulling the lever to close the gate.  There was nothing else to do. I will not order the military out to fight for Frankosity who was outside without orders or permission or reason. “We're closing the gate!” someone shouted. Frankosity heard and I supposed panicked. She has slain before but not a fiendish murk zombie.   Still she decided to run for the gate despite that being hopeless and within moments Lackloss noticed her and moved to intercept. She turned and ran instead and then I understood she had not panicked but intended to lead him away from the gate and perhaps hope to circle back and come through before it was raised.  Lackloss closed the distance between them at an alarming rate. She hid behind a tree. The murk zombie was not fooled.  Lackloss cut off her foot as he threw her to the ground.  Even as she took her first wound, the drawbridge smoothly raised, protecting all of us within. She was soon disarmed with a bone-crushing shield bash to her left arm, her axe dropping heavily into the dirt. He stabbed her in the pancreas and she shouted with pain and rage, unwilling to accept this fate!   Alas her swing with her copper shield was much too slow. Lackloss drove the toe of his foot into her skull so hard that we could hear the sickening 'pop' noise even from within the walls.  The fiendish murk zombie abandoned his latest kill immediately, wandering back to loiter at the end of the gatewall, near the bodies of the echidna and Danilh. Perhaps it was attracted to the horrifying smears of blood and gore that decorate the beaten ground all around our entryway.  17th Limestone We shook our heads and retreated into the safety of the fortress, to regroup and make a new plan. I went straight to the trade depot to interview the human merchants and assess the state of our trade goods.  While there however I received extremely disturbing news. Migrants have been spotted coming from the west!  I gave the merchants an apologetic shrug and followed other dwarves that were already taking to the stairs to see. The solution was obvious.  Just north of the Queen's tower is a smaller construction which is joined to the western hill with a walkway. That walkway has been walled off and fortified but removal of a single stretch of that wall will allow entrance. Better, between the lower fortification and the Queen's tower is a small drawbridge which can serve in an emergency should the zombie attempt to make entry there. The walkways over the courtyard are extensive but aside from the bridge, they allow only one other way in: a hatch on the roof of the old western training tower.  The stairs in the fortification lead up to its roof, but that roof is walled off from the other walkways. It is a limited entry and we can unseal it in a matter of a day.  We must hope that while we do so, Lackloss takes no notice.  While waiting for that job to be filled, I was informed Davincie is hauling the new platinum door to the Mayor's office.  Priapus is resting in the upper hospital and ProfessorGroove is actually going to diagnose her wounds.  18th Limestone A child, It's That Time Domasram, who is aged all of two years, is capable of demolishing good dwarven fortifications. It is amazing to think that not even the mightiest of ancient beasts can accomplish such a feat.   After days gathering materials, Orv has begun his lifework.  19th Limestone After picking at it for a full day, It's That Time got the wall opened up wide enough for migrants (and their animals) to get through, if they can find us. I will not send anyone out.  Lackloss is still at the front walls, staring into the sky unblinking and unmoving.  The migrants came almost immediately, by which I understand one of them must have been keeping watch although I do not know how they were aware of the danger at the gate. It is a good sign that some dwarf among them is prudently cautious. I got word the human merchants have decided to leave. It is baffling.  20th Limestone There are six. I will learn their names if they survive. T-man is dead but her corpse has not been inspected so according to rules she is marked as missing.  LLSix used the back entrance to exit the fortress in search of equipment against orders confining all civilians to the burrow inside.  Lackloss was moving. He headed west and up the slope. I dreaded that he had somehow sensed the migrants still making their way inside.  LLSix who is a legendary miner but not a member of the military moved immediately to intercept Lackloss while the migrants huffed across the hill towards safety.   I know what a miner of LLSix's caliber can do with a pick but I fear a pick is likely inadequate to slay a fiendish murk zombie that wields adamantium. The creature and the miner hurled together at full force...  ...no, LLSix hurtled past the zombie at a dead run! The thing spun and lunged and followed immediately, as LLSix led him down the hill, back the way it had come.  Startlingly, he outpaced the zombie despite its quickness.   Four of the migrants were already inside, and one had made it to the walkway.  The last was still much further away, on the hill, though; she would need a little more time.  LLSix earned it for her. He made north, towards the river, weaving a little to stay ahead but not too far ahead that the zombie chasing him might lose him among the trees.  The straggler made the walkway, three baby animals trailing along behind her.  I faced a new dilemma. Should we wall up the entrance, sealing out both the zombie, and LLSix? Or leave it open, in case he could outpace the thing that chased him long enough to circle back around and sneak in... and if we did that, would it be so close behind that it might get in before we could then reseal the fortress? I watched and hesitated to make a final decision. 
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Jan 11, 2014 08:49
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I think you need to remember the first rule of overseeing.
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Jan 11, 2014 09:06
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Veloxyll posted:I think you need to remember the first rule of overseeing. Designate the majority of booze as 'MINE'?
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Jan 11, 2014 15:44
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Veloxyll posted:I think you need to remember the first rule of overseeing. Kill them all, there's always migrants to replace them?
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Jan 11, 2014 15:49
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I still say this is nothing that can't be solved by a massive flurry of bolts.
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Jan 11, 2014 15:49
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Losing is fun. Keep the door open. Heck, maybe I'll wander over and drop a sock there.
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Jan 12, 2014 00:22
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22nd Limestone, 251 LLSix reached the river and turned left, skirting a pond. Then he made a wide half-circle, as Lackloss followed his trail rather than cutting off the arc, and began moving generally southwest.  In violation of the burrow order Tarox and Murg are both outside the fortress. Why are my orders not obeyed? On a day that every dwarf is safely indoors I will then conduct an inquiry. Lack of attention to duty is foolhardy and also disobedient.  LLSix had ventured as far westward as possible while still keeping the fortress within sight and then turned south.  Tarox headed north while Murg wandered around the side of the fortress, going east apparently to find some equipment. I looked back to find Lackloss and realized he no longer chased LLSix, who had opened up a huge lead. Now he stood in the grass, his arms hanging down at odd angles, his eyes directed towards nothing in particular.  I watched for a long time to be sure. I watched long enough to see Tarox wander past the corpses of military dwarves who died protecting him, making straight for the fiendish murk zombie and his certain death.  Tarox is a raw recruit and he has his copper shield but he is otherwise unarmed. I will watch him fight pointlessly because it is my duty to Oversee but I cannot feel sympathy for a dwarf who is too stupid to live. I felt one shame that his relatives will be sad to miss him. His mother Juc is dead but his father Rurik and his brother Grey Hunter are both still here in the fortress. Perhaps I will console them that their family member is best dead if he is too dumb to obey an order to stay inside when there is a murderous fiendish murk zombie loose outside slaying skilled military members effortlessly while we all watch in horror.    Tarox ran right up to Lackloss who stabbed him immediately in his left arm. To his (very small) credit Tarox tried to strike back with his shield but missed. As Lackloss yanked the sword free Tarox tried again to bash him with the shield but again missed.   Lackloss took off his outstretched arm with a neat motion of his blood-crusted adamantine sword which will never become dull cutting through dwarf bones.  Tarox staggered back leaving his arm and his shield in the dirt. He turned and ran trailing blood through the grass.  Poking around at the entrance Murg inspected Danilh's corpse and reported her definitely dead by shouting up at the walls. Thank you Murg we knew that already come back inside.  Tarox kept running. He was running back towards the new back door. After LLSix had led the zombie out to the forest and left him there so that we could safely allow dwarves inside and have time to re-seal the way, now Tarox would lead the zombie right to us and take away that opportunity. I hoped then that Tarox would bleed to death very quickly.  He did not die but he did run very very fast.  Miraculously he outpaced Lackloss enough that the zombie again stopped following.   23rd Limestone Lackloss went back north following the blood trail back to Tarox's arm.  Frankosity who is dead has been dead for a week and therefore is missing. Dwarven status reports are always complete but often tardy.  Tarox recognized that medical attention can only be found within the fortress.  Dowl, Murg, and LLSix are all outside doing things they should not do!  I realized with a sinking realization that it is the newest corpses. Their belongings are not officially forbidden. Confinement to the indoors burrow is apparently not enough to convince a dwarf to ignore a work order to collect the belongings of a deceased dwarf outside where a murk zombie rampages. I forbade Tarox's arm and his shield and his mittens and the body and belongings of Danilh. The dwarves are still wandering around out there. At least none approached Lackloss.  25th Limestone A cloud of fiendish murk is spotted, far away to the north beyond the stream where no idiot dwarf wanders. Perhaps it will blow south and slay more disobedient faithless fools.  There is too much to do for spending more days watching from the walls. I went indoors and interviewed the newcomers for the immigration records. Hihohe Lolokruthosh “Granitedistant” is a talented dyer of middle age with no relatives and no previous associations. He has heard of our great works of craft and art and came to Bronzestabbed for duty to the Queen. He will haul things when we do not need cloth dyed which will be almost always.    Isoleucine Ustuthikal “Fencedhealed” is a trader and appraiser of middle age who has chosen to settle down at Bronzestabbed and abandon the lonely dangerous life of the caravanner. She is very strong. She has no particular origin nor family members to speak of. She claimed poor success at merchanting and desired to “find a place with a decent drink.” She was a bit sloppily sober.    Underwell MD Rigothmubun “Craftspracticed” is a high master gem setter of middle age. Like her companions she has no particular family nor memorable birthplace. She desired not to discuss her motivations but suggested if I could offer some excitement “nobody would get hurt.” When she is not cutting gemstones she will haul things which will be almost always.    Kinetica Tulonzithis “Roadmeshes” is a talented axedwarf of middle age. He is agile and proficient with armor and shield and will be a welcome addition to our militia. He reported slaying a kobold at Bronzestabbed while visiting as a caravan guard in 246.     Tomahto Ishreg “Bargloves” is a clothier of middle age with no particular origin and no family to speak of. She has come to Bronzestabbed because it was the first thing she thought of upon ending her career with the merchant caravan. Bronzestabbed has use for clothiers and when not making socks she can haul things.    Jarl Phoebos Asteshnoram “Cudgelrelief” is a trader of middle age who has decided to settle at Bronzestabbed. She is smart. She desired to visit our cows and consume good dwarven ale and perhaps wield a short sword. Lolance is a novice fighter but may make an adequate recruit, having no particular failings.    There is also a baby alpaca and two cavy pups. The alpaca will yield excellent wool and a cavy looks exactly like a little furry cavy roast consisting of finely minced cavy, finely minced cavy, and finely minced cavy.  
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Jan 14, 2014 06:21
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CURSES! You may have escaped me this day in the same way Tarox escaped Zombie Lackloss, but it will not last forever. Be prepared for fantasy magical horse breeder sim doom! I'm kind of surprised that with all the military losses lately you haven't drafted all of these poor fellows and made them into sword/axedwarves.
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Jan 14, 2014 10:47
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He's probably waiting until he can re-seal the fortress. So they don't go outside to get equipment.
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Jan 14, 2014 12:25
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Dammit I HAD an Adamantine sword but some jerk must have took it when he drafted me. Now I have one arm... On the bright side I almost single-handedly(HA HA HA GET IT) brought death to the fortress and lived!
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Jan 14, 2014 13:05
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Rename my dwarf to Bad Munki and send him out there to fight.
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Jan 14, 2014 14:13
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Fat and Useless posted:Dammit I HAD an Adamantine sword but some jerk must have took it when he drafted me. Now I have one arm... I had one. It didn't help much.
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Jan 14, 2014 14:48
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See, this is why I made it a policy to never make armor out of Adamantium. Sure Dead-Lackloss is a near unstoppable tank of dead flesh, but at least he's not in a magic blue metal can. You're welcome.
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Jan 15, 2014 15:55
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Yes, but. And I feel this is important. Neither are any of the dwarves who've been sent out to stop him. Really wish I'd remembered that moat in front of the fortifications. Then our Crossbow dwarves could cheerfully break all his limbs from the safety of our walls. Well, until they scale the fortifications to get more crossbow bolts from outside.
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Jan 15, 2014 16:16
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Veloxyll posted:Yes, but. And I feel this is important. Neither are any of the dwarves who've been sent out to stop him. We only have like 4 crossbow dwarves who actually have a crossbow AND bolts in their hand dont we? Recruits have had a year to get ammo, but decided to attack goblins with the butt of the xbow right?
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Jan 15, 2014 16:48
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Spermy Smurf posted:We only have like 4 crossbow dwarves who actually have a crossbow AND bolts in their hand dont we? Recruits have had a year to get ammo, but decided to attack goblins with the butt of the xbow right? I was in the ranged squad last I checked and I just walked up to a murk zombie and lost a perfectly good arm and shield.
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Jan 15, 2014 17:37
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 22:18 |
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This kind of terrible dysfunction is part of what makes Losing not Fun.
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Jan 15, 2014 17:49
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