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nvining posted:If you want to unstick the traders, there is a dfhack command that will do it for you. (This kept happening all. the. drat. time. during my turn.)
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May 22, 2013 22:30
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Pickled Tink posted:Yeah, that trader sticking thing was annoying and worrying. Which command did you use? I confess I have pretty much only been using the dfhack install bundled with the game to close the game quickly without saving when I have fired it up to look at dwarf personalities and labours while writing. tweak fixmigrant, I believe? You have to be over the offending idiot. Also, it'll jam up migrations until he actually leaves and there may be more migrants queued up behind him.
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May 23, 2013 08:37
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Maybe give those adamantine crossbows to the fortress guards? This way they will still be an somewhat effective combat team, while delivering less than fatal justice to important criminal dwarfs?
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May 23, 2013 14:51
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Rurik posted:No, not the animals! You can't slaughter Medtob. Dwarf-me's ghost will throw you in a furnace if you do, I swear! 
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May 23, 2013 17:30
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Pets are usually listed as not available for slaughter. It's still possible to kill them, of course, but not via the butchering menu.
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May 23, 2013 17:51
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Leperflesh posted:Pets are usually listed as not available for slaughter. It's still possible to kill them, of course, but not via the butchering menu.
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May 23, 2013 22:07
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Pickled Tink posted:I have butchered several named pets already (Not Medtob), but they are orphaned animals who's dwarves have shuffled off the mortal coil. Seriously, the fortress is running at 15-20 fps and it takes hours to do anything. I'm hoping butchering every living thing I can will improve performance somewhat. Include the dwarves.
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May 23, 2013 22:55
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15-20fps is actually surprisingly good, I think, given the fortress' age and the massive quantity of created wealth inside. Not to mention imported stuff. But killing a bunch of animals should help with FPS, and if you want to you could cage a bunch more to reduce the amount of pathing the game is doing each tick.
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May 24, 2013 00:08
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Leperflesh posted:15-20fps is actually surprisingly good, I think, given the fortress' age and the massive quantity of created wealth inside. Not to mention imported stuff. But killing a bunch of animals should help with FPS, and if you want to you could cage a bunch more to reduce the amount of pathing the game is doing each tick. Does this already include that DFhack patch that's supposed to speed up temperature?
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May 24, 2013 00:52
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Tunicate posted:Does this already include that DFhack patch that's supposed to speed up temperature? The zip includes dfhack from back when the thread first started, whatever was current at the time. I don't think it'd be very difficult to swap in a newer version but I haven't tested that.
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May 24, 2013 01:10
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I installed DFHack r3 in the current zip for kicks, with all tweaks enabled. 9fps before, 9fps after.
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May 24, 2013 10:07
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 10th of Timber, In the eastern hills Smunstu sat on the dirt in shock wiping tears from his eyes as he glared at Arstruck. The axegoblin took a step back, cavy pup dangling from his hand. "What?" asked Arstruck, demonstrating conclusively that he had a brain smaller than a rock nut. "Kills that thing!" Smunstu snarled, his sadness transforming into rage. "KILLS ALL THE ANIMALS!" he thundered. The other goblins backed away and even Arstruck looked frightened as it percolated through even his brain that he might have done something wrong. Smunstu's tone brooked no argument. Arstruck looked around guiltily and then put his axe through the Cavy pup, silencing it. "You heards him! Kills animals!" shouted another axegoblin. The entire ambush group broke apart as Arstruck and Ozud the pikegoblin chased a cavy to the north and the speaker ran off to pick a fight with a dog while the remainder went south. Smunstu sat stupefied as he looked around and realised the effects of his orders. "Moronses" he muttered. "I am surroundeds by complete and utter bloody moronses." Smunstu threw up his arms in the air and walked away. "I HOPES YOU ALL DIE!" he shouted back after them. ---- Northern fields.  "That human has horsie! Kills it!" shouted Arstruck. "Me trying," said Ozud. "It runs quickly!" "Oi! You! Get away from that horse!" yelled Nimu, the human axeman that had been chasing them for the past few minutes. "We has orders human! Goes away!" shouted Ozud calling back over his shoulder at the human, his inattention allowing one of his feet to tangle in a root and bring him down with a scream.  "Ah-ha! I've got you now you scumbag!" Nimu shouted in triumph, closing the distance between the two of them. "Here, let me give you a hand with that!" he cried triumphantly as he brought his axe down in an arc that took the goblins leg off at the knee.  Ozud screamed at the blow and tried to crawl away. As the human raised his axe for the killing blow he heard another voice cry "I sees a bunny!" and then searing pain as his own leg was removed.  "Oh noes!" cried Arstruck. He'd disobeyed orders again and injured a human. Smunstu was going to be really really mad at him now. "Please don't tells Smunstu!" he cried in panic before fleeing. "Wait for me’s!" cried Ozud, leaving the crippled human behind as he crawled away. ---- East of the gate Stang ran northwards screaming and flailing. His attack on the seemingly defenceless dog had not gone according to plan, though this was plain enough to see when the dog in question had its jaws clenched on his buttocks.  Finally, a swing of his silver halberd had dislodged the wretched creature, and another had served to drive the creature off. He was finally safe, he thought.  Then a loud neighing sound caused him to turn. He was greeted with a vision of descending hooves and dodged, but the equine monstrosity kicked at him again. He swung his halberd at it but it deflected harmlessly off the terrifying monsters hooves.  "AIEEE!" he screamed as his nerve broke, his bowels evacuated, and his feet fled.  ---- 14th of Timber, Leperfish's office. Pickled Tink floated into Leperfish's office. "The goblins have attacked the human caravan, Leperfish," he said. "They will do that," Leperfish agreed. "It's not really that much of a problem. It is literally an occupational hazard for them." "I suppose," Pickled Tink admitted with a sigh. "How much did we lose out there?" he asked. "Not much, a few cavies, a couple of dogs, two cats. With the exception of the dogs they were all scheduled for butchery anyway so not really a loss," Leperfish replied. "There’s something else you should know. We've received reports that a ghost has been toppling thrones."   "It wasn't me!" the suspiciously ghostlike ghost protested. "No, it appears to be Fitzy Fitz, he was one of the first migrants to our home, died of old age almost three years ago" Leperfish replied, grinning at the young ghosts reaction. "I know this is a sensitive area for you, what do you think we should do?" Before the overseer could respond, w00tmonger burst into the room. "Why is Anticheese allowed to hunt and I'm not?!" she demanded angrily.  "What?" asked the ghostly overseer. "No ones allowed to hunt. I said to stay inside the fortress," he continued quickly. "Well, she's gone and grabbed a crossbow and headed out into the caverns," w00tmonger. "There are still ways to get into the caverns?" the ghost asked in a fearful voice. "I thought I had them all sealed!" "Yeah, there’s a way into the third cavern layer. We used to use it to go hunting for adamantine. "It's blocked by a couple of cage traps," she added meekly, seeing the look of horror on the overseers face. Pickled Tink put his face in his spectral arms. "I need to deal with this now Leperfish, can we discuss Fitzy Fitz later?" the ghostly overseer asked. When Leperfish nodded, the ghost vanished. ---- Somewhere in the third caverns  Anticheese was on the trail of a bugbat, nasty creatures. She could hear it around the corner up ahead. Sounded like her hastily snapped shot at the last junction had pierced its gut and it was heaving up it's breakfast. Soon the bugbat would be hers. Suddenly there was a noise off to her left. She turned and snapped off a shot, then watched as the bolt sailed through the ghostly overseers head. "What part of staying inside the fortress did you have so much trouble understanding?!" he boomed, his ghostly voice echoing in unnatural ways around the cave. "Well," Anticheese began; "Technically we are inside..." she stopped at the overseers glare. "You will show me how you got down here, and then you will stay inside the fortress. Any way you can get out is a way another monster like Thefin can get in!" the overseer shouted. "If that happens, and you survive, I will haunt you so much. I'm a ghost! I'll do it!" he threatened. "Fine!" Anticheese relented. "The way in is just here to the west. See?" she asked, but the ghost was nowhere to be found. She was pondering running off to finish off the bugbat when the ghost appeared again.  "I've just ordered this hole sealed. Get inside. If you aren't inside the fortress when that hole is plugged, good luck. Daddy told me stories about cave dragons that live down this deep and I don't think you'll last long," the ghost said angrily before vanishing again. Anticheese took one look back over her shoulder towards where she could still hear the bugbat retching, then hurried back inside the fortress. As she ascended the stairwell, she saw the mason Pladdicus carting a stone block going the other way and realised the overseer had not been bluffing.  ---- 20th of Timber, Prison. Doc Aquatic sat on the floor in the prison, he leg shackled to the corner and thought back on how she had gotten into this mess. She remembered the arrest, Gnu Sheriff in Town and a few of her thugs had taken her aside when she returned from patrol to find that the Queen was very displeased about one of her mandates not being met, specifically the construction of a single ballista arrow. She had tried to explain that she was a marksdwarf, not a siege engineer, and couldn't be held responsible. Sadly the Captain of the Guard had stood firm. "Queen Sankis doesn't make mistakes" she had said gruffly as she led Doc Aquatic away to the prison, a dank filthy hole where she was chained up in the corner surrounded by dirt covered in mosses. Tithleth, there were even a few shrubs growing in here. The next morning one of the carpenters, Jessant, came in and installed a bed for her. Another was installed near the other restraint a few hours later. Later that afternoon a middle aged dwarf woman named Rather Watch Em came in carrying a barrel of plump helmet roasts. "Orders of the overseer," she informed Doc Aquatic. "He doesn't want anyone dying in jail because he screwed up, he says. I guess he knows a thing or two about dying in prison." she continued. "What do yo- Oh. Right. Ghost," Doc Aquatic said, putting her head in her hands. A week later a pair of nice statues were added. Sadly the nearest statue failed to inspire confidence or happy thoughts.   The door to her cell opened and Gnu Sheriff in Town entered. "Times up" she said simply, walking over to undo the shackle. Doc Aquatic couldn't believe it. She was finally free! Of all who had come before her, she had finally been the first dwarf to survive dwarven justice. She wanted to dance, to sing, to cry, but most of all she wanted to sleep in her own bed for the first time in nearly a month.  She ran off down the hallway towards her room, making only a small detour to pick up a barrel of dwarven wine. ---- Trade Depot Nish Gusilzano, leader of the caravan was a wily old bastard. He loved making the Bronzestabbed run. You could milk these bumpkins for all they were worth, especially since they never bothered to have their trained broker come to the depot anymore. He couldn't wait to see which of these water drinkers would come down to try to play trader against him. He saw the Queen walk up to the depot, and decided that maybe it was time to put on a bit of a show, maybe earn himself a noble title and a nice cushy retirement somewhere nice. "Ah, my Queen. Such a pleasure to see one such as yourself down here. Have you come to investigate my selection? Finest wares from across The Rare Ship!" he declared proudly. His face fell, however, when she reached into her rope reed fiber robe and withdrew a list. His fears were confirmed when she began to speak. "I need all your booze, metal, a wide selection of your cheeses, some rock nuts, and decent armour and ammunition," she said imperiously.  "That will be expensive..." Nish reluctantly admitted, his instinct to extract the best deal warring with his instinct dedicated to self preservation. "Here is what we offer in exchange," she said, holding out a list that read very much like a list of old dirty laundry. It took him several moments more to realise that this was exactly what that list was. "There must be some kind of mistake. This is just a list of rotten and worn clothing," he tried, hoping against hope that this was actually just a mistake. "You are correct," Queen Sankis confirmed for him. "We have no need for such items," she continued. "You can't be serious!" Nish cried out. Queen Sankis merely raised an eyebrow and raised her hand and two axedwarves sauntered over casually. He recognised them as Astus and Ceebees. "There a problem here?" asked Astus. "No! No problem!" Nish cried. "Your terms are generous my Queen!" he hastily added. "Didn't you just say there was a problem?" Sankis asked with a grin on her face. "No! No problem at all. I'd be delighted to make the trade you suggested," Nish said, his face going pale. "Are you alright?" asked Ceebees. "You look nervous. Is the Queen threatening you?" "NonoIamfinetheresnothingwrongatall!" Nish said desperately. "Oh good," Astus said. "Come on Ceebees. Nothing for us here. Let’s get some sparring in before next shift," "Thank you, Nish, for being so reasonable," Sankis told him before turning and walking away with the axedwarves. Nish sighed. There was nothing for it, nothing beats Queen. At least he was confident of his ability to hock this crap to the gullible humans living to the west. He returned to the depot and watched the locals unload and cart off valuable goods while delivering unto him a bounty of dirty hole riddled socks in exchange. "Bloody Bronzestabbed," he grumbled. ----  3rd of Moonstone, Outside the sword gate.  "poo poo," exclaimed Ngokang Dangbusm said as he watched the baby alpaca flee, raising a hell of a noise that was matched only by the ruckus coming from inside as the alarms rang. "Maybe they hasn't seens us yet. Keepses quiet," he said, a plan forming in his mind. The squad of axegoblins followed his lead and slunk quickly towards the closed gate. "Letses us in! We is dwarfses!" he shouted. "Don't leaves us outs heres with the nasty scary goblins!" "Right," a voice called back. "Just one second while I- Wait a minute..." it continued, growing suspicious. "We don't have anyone out beyond the walls!" "Um... we snuckses out to uh... find tasty rocks?" tried Ngokang, shrugging to his men. Who knew what dwarves ate? "Well, I think you're goblins," said the voice. "No we is not!" shouted Ngokang. "We is dwarfses!" "You're green!" said another voice from above. "Hey Lazy Trebuchet! They're green!" "You're sure Impy?" asked the voice. "Definitely goblins then?" "Definitely," Impy replied. "Now sod off!" she shouted down at the goblins while giving them the finger. "Come on, letses us in. We won'ts hurts yous," Ngokang tried, desperately. "No. Piss off back to whatever hole you crawled out of!" shouted Lazy Trebuchet. "Fines!" shouted back Ngokang. "We's just going to kills all your animals then!" "Go right ahead. Saves us the trouble!" laughed Impy from the walls. "And I startses with the fuzzy noisy thing!" Ngokang shouted.  "Oh no! What will we ever do?!" cried Impy in mock horror before laughing. ---- 18th of Moonstone, Stockpiles above the sterilizer  Ardeem stood with a number of other miners and mechanics and watched as Queen Sankis walked into the storeroom. She had, of course, insisted that she be the one to pull the lever on such an important occasion. He had worked long and hard on the project, along with the other miners. The overseers plan in this had actually been rather clever. He hadn't expected much from the ghostly child, what with him being both dead and a child, but he was the son of one of the miners, a long dead fellow called PoptartsNinja, who had had the foresight to teach his son a thing or two about creative mining, rather than just the simple fiction that all they did was look for metals and gems underground.  The design was simple, but it would be effective if the beast proved to be as lazy as everyone believed. A large block would be carved from the living stone above the beast, a passage for it to smash down through would be created, and the block would be suspended from the ceiling on a support before being dropped to crash through two floors and the beast.  He remembered digging, with the beasts roars echoing up through the stone under his feet. No one was particularly concerned, but the beast was best dealt with. No one wanted to risk it escaping. And now here they stood, waiting for the queen as she moved to the lever that would collapse the support. Sankis stood by the lever and addressed the growing crowd. "It is my great honour to stand here before you and, thanks to your effort, eliminate a threat to our home. Your brave work and tireless devotion too often go unremarked upon and unrewarded, so I thank you for your efforts. You do us all proud here in Bronzestabbed." she said to great applause from the assembled dwarves. Sankis then turned to Nekomata and asked "Is the construction clear?" "I just checked and confirmed that it is, indeed, clear for the drop my Queen. You may pull the lever at any time," Nekomata replied immodestly. The Queen nodded and pulled the lever. There was a cracking sound from within the wall down the hall, followed by two loud crashes and culminating in a loud thudding boom.  In the wake of the noise it took the assembled dwarves some time to hear it, or rather not hear it. The deadly beast was silent.  A cheer went up from the crowd and Ardeem muttered "Maybe now I can get some bloody sleep." Pickled Tink fucked around with this message at 11:33 on May 25, 2013 |
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May 24, 2013 19:42
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Why is Smeagol-speak making me laugh so much?
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May 24, 2013 19:58
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There really needs to be a dwarfy version of  for this sort of thing. Just imagine the little moustache!
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May 24, 2013 20:59
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The new jail works! A success of dwarven industry. That makes 2 successful projects. I am the most effectivest Overseer. That was a nice way to get rid of that forgotten beast I sure hope the dropped architechture didn't open the caverns up to the lava.
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May 24, 2013 21:36
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 This the diary of 'Impy' Copperbulwarks, engraved on shale. It contains an image of 'Impy' Copperbulwarks and Goblins. 'Impy' Copperbulwarks is making rude gestures. The Goblins are making plaintive gestures. The image relates to the Taunting of Goblins by 'Impy' Copperbulwarks on 3rd Moonstone, 248. All craftsdwarfship is of mediocre quality. 3rd Moonstone Gate duty with Lazy Trebuchet. Lazy Trebuchet appears to be colourblind: A group of skulking filth tried to pretend to be dwarves, badly. I taunted them to make them go away, under pain of taunting them a second time. They threatened to help us butcher the animals slated for butchery. The threat was of poor quality and did not have spikes of menace. I used the Sarcasm on them.
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May 24, 2013 23:40
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Veloxyll posted:The new jail works! A success of dwarven industry. That makes 2 successful projects. I am the most effectivest Overseer. I should note I have made a couple of very minor edits to the update, just to fix a few typos the spellchecker didn't catch, and a tiny little omission with the death of the forgotten beast (my hands did not type a few essential words). In my defence, it was 4:40am local when I finally got it ready and posted it. Hopefully I'll be be able to keep the game time moving forward at a reasonable rate from here on out.
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May 25, 2013 11:49
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Pickled Tink posted:I made a dedicated feeder dwarf because the feed wounded job is so low priority. Without that dwarf, our prisoner may well have died anyway, though she only had a month long sentence so possibly not. Yeah. Feed wounded and treat wounded are super low priority. So whenever I have wounded I just take my medical team off all other jobs. Otherwise they never get around to the task. Given how infrequently they come up, I actually wish they were highest. Then you could just use em as regular workers, they'd do their medical thing when necessary and then go back to work when they're done. But alas Dwarf Fortress.
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May 25, 2013 13:21
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Pickled Tink posted:Hopefully I'll be be able to keep the game time moving forward at a reasonable rate from here on out. Honestly I'm not surprised it takes so long to craft these updates - they're fantastic quality and fill me with happy thoughts. I really enjoy the heavy focus on individuals in the writing, seeing the fortress functioning in microcosm. Keep it up!
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May 26, 2013 18:01
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20th of Moonstone, Outside the dining room. GrimRevenant was headed back to the bedrooms to do some more engraving after a fine plump helmet roast when she heard someone calling her name. She turned and saw one of the militia captains, Geekkake, running to catch her. "Aye? What do you want?" she asked. "These bedrooms won't engrave themselves." "Funny, that is exactly what I want to talk to you about. Please come with me." Geekkake responded to GrimRevenant, who shrugged and allowed herself to be led off through the bedroom maze until they reached a room like any other. "This is my room," Geekkake said. "And I have a few problems with what you have engraved on my walls." "Oh aye?" said GrimRevenant in an annoyed tone and grumbled, "I worked hard to make nice engravings here. You complaining about the quality of my work?" "Oh, the engravings themselves are of high quality," Geekkake said hastily, waving her arms in a placating manner to ward off any possible offense. "My complaint is about the content of those engravings." "What's wrong with them then?" GrimRevenant replied icily, indicating Geekkake had failed. Geekkake swallowed. "Well, first, you have engraved a picture of Willie Tomg getting disembowelled by a troglodyte," she complained.  "You were the one that asked for a scene of battle on your wall," The engraver replied. "I wanted something more inspiring," Geekkake admitted. "Well, that should inspire you to not get your guts ripped out by a troglodyte, shouldn't it?" GrimRevenant pointed out, matter-of-factly. "I suppose," Geekkake admitted glumly. "Now there’s this picture here. I know I asked for a picture of some great work of art, but an engraving of an engraving? Doesn't that seem strange to you at all?" she asked.  "I haven't done much but eat, sleep, and engrave the bedrooms in the last five months. If you have a specific request, show it to me, otherwise I go with what I know!" GrimRevenant grumped and continued, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Anything else you want to add your majesty?" "Um, it’s the owl." Geekkake said with a small voice.  "What about the owl?" GrimRevenant replied suspiciously, "I like owls." "Well, it is well done and all, as I have said. But the problem is, you see. Um. The thing is that the picture is of bunch of giant owls swooping down on their prey. And you have it right next to my bed and it gives me a terrible fright every morning," Geekkake admitted, close to tears. "You don't like it? Move yer bed!" GrimRevenant shouted. "But..." Geekkake tried. "Look, we can't redo work once it's done. You're stuck with it," GrimRevenant cut her off. "Look, if it is that big of a problem, you can move to another room. But don't complain about my art again. I'm an engraver. Upon these walls do I engrave our history, and one day I'll be engraving about you." she threatened, waving her chisel under Geekkake's nose. "But..." Geekkake tried before sighing. "Sorry GrimRevenant," she muttered sadly. "Don't let it happen again. Now back to work I go. You have a good evening now," the engraver replied before departing, leaving Geekkake alone surrounded by giant engraved swooping owls. 23rd of Moonstone, Training barracks  Teim swung his axe in a wide and powerful arc, but Dirty Frank parried it with his mace before stepping in and bopping Teim on the head. "Gotcha," he said with a grin. "You dirty cheater!" Teim cursed. "Bah! I'm just better than you are. You'll improve in time." Dirty Frank replied, before taking a more serious tone. "Besides, you learn to cheat on the battlefield. If you don't, some goblin will put a pike through your liver, and let’s just see you drink another ale then, eh?" "You're just saying that. I'm not scared of any goblins!" Teim claimed "I'm not afraid of anythi-AAAAUGH! GHOST!" "Where?!" Pickled Tink cried, having just floated through the wall. "Has TildeATH come out of his hidey hole?" he continued hopefully. "He means you, overseer," said Dirty Frank. "Not afraid of anything eh?" he laughed, punching Teim in the shoulder. "At least you didn't piss yourself unlike some others I could name." "So you two are just training then?" the ghost asked "not an actual fight?" "Yeah, Teim is new and he still barely knows how to hold an axe. I'm giving him a bit of a workout to help him get a bit more experience under his belt before we have to face goblins again," Dirty Frank said. "Hah!" Teim scoffed. "Goblins are about as threatening as a bloody kitten." "I know we haven't really had to bother with the goblins in the last few months, but there’s always the risk that some idiot will leave a door open and in they'll come. When that happens you'll change your tune Teim, assuming you survive." Dirty Frank grumbled, scowling at Teim’s bravado. "There’s also stuff down in the caverns that just plain scares the crap out of me. Last I checked there were four forgotten beasts down there besides the one the Queen smashed the other day. One of those gets in with intent and we're in for a hell of fight," he snapped at Teim. "We have virtually no defences inside the fort, once something gets inside, it's up to us to deal with it or everyone dies. That includes your son, Triple A," he added. "The army certainly hasn't been very useful in the time I have been back," the ghostly overseer grumbled. "In fact, I seem to recall you ignoring an order to gather to defend the fortress when I started," he accused. "Aye, that's true, and I apologise," Dirty Frank said with sincerity. "Discipline fell apart without an overseer for so long. Now that there’s someone to give us a good kicking back in charge, Internet Kraken has been drilling that all back into us, which is why I'm here with Teim. Lots of holes in the roster, so we need everyone as good as we can get them," he explained. "I hadn't really thought much about the military, honestly," Pickled Tink admitted, "Especially after your performance at the start of the year. You guys are obviously trying though. Please keep it up. In the meanwhile, I might be able to find some more recruits for you. "Much appreciated overseer," Dirty Frank said, "Now just let us get back to work. I still have Teim for another hour, and I hope to have him able to handle that damned blade of his by the end of it." "Hey, I can use it!" Teim exclaimed, swinging his axe around at Dirty Frank again. "You can swing it, but you have no control of it!" Dirty Frank replied, stepping back away from the swing, then slugging Teim in the face and dropping him to the floor. "You're over committing!" he shouted, "And your body language practically shouts what you're trying to do! That's an axe in your hands, not a club!" Neither noticed the ghost float away with a thoughtful expression on his face. ---- 30th of Moonstone, HUNDREDHOGS Office. Three dwarves sat in HUNDREDHOGS office while a single ghost floated nearby. "Overseer," HUNDREDHOGS said, "Since you banned us from going outside the walls, we've been unable to get to our usual garbage dump. We need a place to dump refuse and we need it soon. I approve of the animal control project, but the kitchen area has stunk of rotting cats for months now and there’s nothing we can do about it until you let us dump it somewhere." "I know, but we just don't have anywhere for it. I suppose we could dig something, but that just shifts the mess from one place to another," the overseer replied. "We used to toss our garbage in the magma near the sterilizer, but too many dwarves died because of the monsters that live in the stuff, plus there was splashing with the larger drops. We closed it off at some point," HUNDREDHOGS admitted. "Throwing it in the lava is a good idea. I'm pretty sure we could come up with a better way to do it without the risk of lava creatures or splashing," said the overseer. "A long time back some of the old miners dug some sort of obsidian factory below the forges. There might still be some magma there, cut off from the main flow. That would take care of the creature problem," said InwardChaos, the miners’ representative at the meeting.  "We could install some sort of retractable hatch too so we could remotely dump the garbage into the lava." said Kerrhyphen, the last dwarf at the meeting and mechanic. "Overseer, could you check the location out for us?" HUNDREDHOGS asked, "Your ability to float through walls would be-" she said as Pickled Tink vanished "-invaluable," she finished lamely. A few minutes later the ghost reappeared. "We have a single levels gap between the magma and the eastern part of the forges. I suggest we make something like this," he said, drawing a diagram.  "That could work," said InwardChaos approvingly. "We'll get to work on that immediately. I take it that lower path will be for installing the retracting trapdoor. I think we should stick a door in the tunnel and keep it locked unless we need to retrieve something. Don't want to accidentally drop a dwarf in the lava." "That sounds like a good idea," Pickled Tink agreed. "Then lets get to it," Kerrhyphen suggested. "The sooner the better," HUNDREDHOGS said, "I have had enough dead cat smell to last me a lifetime and beyond." ---- 6th of Opal, Bedrooms Inspiration strikes at odd times and in odd ways. In this case, it struck Balon just before he woke, and it struck him in the form of a falling rock. "Ow," said Balon, rubbing his nose and climbing out of bed. "Argh!" shouted Balon as his foot encountered the rock on the floor. "Aieee!" screamed Balon as his hasty hop off the rock tangled his other foot in his blanket and dumped him to the floor. When Balon came around a few minutes later, the rock sat before him, it's contours oddly smooth yet... not and it shone in a colour he could not really describe. There was something very odd about it, Balon thought, and as he studied it an idea began to form. Slowly but surely the great gears in his head creakingly ground to life and the idea began to grow, consuming his entire being within minutes. Balon stood up slowly, pocketing the strange stone carefully. It was a good idea, but he couldn't tell anyone. They'd try to take it from him. They'd try to take his stone. He had to be careful. He carefully scribbled out his plans in code, so no one could read them. He doubted he would need the notes, but the idea was so important it needed to be safe.   Balon left his room, acting as casual as he could. No one seemed to take notice of his progress. "Good," he thought to himself as he headed out to the stairwell, careful to avoid the dining room. He didn't want anyone to see him yet. Once down the stairs, he walked over to the nearest masons shop and saw Forer emerge with a freshly created limestone table. "Sorry Forer," he told her. "Overseers orders say I use this shop for a while. You'll have to use the next one over for a bit," he said, projecting confidence but inwardly fearing she would catch him in the lie. For a moment, he thought she had, before she shrugged and went off to the next shop to continue work, this time on a coffin.  He needed to be careful now. The materials couldn't be rushed, and nobody must suspect a thing. First order of business was ore of some kind. The adamantine ore was too well guarded, and any use of it would give away far too much. On the other hand, there was plenty of malachite just sitting out in the open up by the levers. No one would care if he took some of that. Finally getting put in a stockpile they would think. Perfect. The first trip went perfectly. No one even gave him a look. On the second trip, however, Nemo2342 gave him an odd look. "Why aren't you using a wheelbarrow?" he had asked. "Couldn't find one," Balon had replied desperately. "Besides, I need to get in shape," he had said. It wasn't really a lie either. He was pretty fat, something he had wanted to deal with for a while but had never found the time. In any case, he couldn't risk taking a wheelbarrow. it would be too noticeable. He supposed he would have to make do with two pieces of malachite and move onto the rest of his materials. Balon headed up to the trade depot next. The trading had finished late last month, and several of the things he required could be found there. He joined the group of dwarves that were hauling the goods away, grabbing hold of a cloth bin and taking it to the stockpile. To the outside observer, he was just another dwarf carrying a bin to a stockpile. Anyone who had been paying close attention would have seen him slip a bar of electrum into his shirt and a piece of raw glass into his pocket. He could feel the eyes of the others on him as he returned to the depot. He could sense their desire. They wanted his idea. They wanted what he knew. He couldn't give it to them. It was his and his alone! He pocketed some alpaca wool and cave spider silk as he walked through the depot, concealed by the bins. He grabbed another cloth bin and made his way to the stockpile, a way to maintain the lie and justify his presence when Frederico de Soya called out, "Hey, you!" Balon turned and saw the broker approaching. "You aren't on duty up here." the broker accused. "I know sir," Balon said. "I just thought I would pitch in and lend a hand since I didn't have anything better to do sir," he had tried desperately. "Good man!" Frederico de Soya had said. "We could use more like you." "Thank you sir, with your permission I'd like to get this stored away," he had replied, his relief almost palpable. "Of course," the broker had replied before looking over and seeing a child in the depot "Hey! Don't think I didn't see you take that. Put that steel bar back Dirt or I swear I'll have a word with your parents. "My parents are dead!" Dirt replied, giving the broker the finger and running off with his prize. Frederico de Soya chased after him. Balon sagged with relief. That was a close call. Still, it was only a matter of time before his idea would found out, and then they would take it from him. He would have to move quickly to realise it before that could happen. His need for haste forced him to visit one of the tanners shops directly where he pilfered a strip of large rat leather while the tanner, ZZT the Fifth, was getting a drink. Later that night he snuck out to the wood stockpile and grabbed a black cap log. His triumph of returning to the workshop with the last component turned to horror when he saw two year old ImPanda sitting there in his workshop playing with his electrum and reading his notes. "Whatcha doing?" ImPanda asked. "GET OUT!" Balon screamed, snatching from the child both his notes and his electrum. "YOU'LL NEVER STEAL MY IDEA! GO AWAY!" he bellowed picking up the child and hurling him bodily from the workshop. As the child's cries retreated towards the dining room, he knew he had won. Soon his idea would be real. He fished the strange looking stone out of his pocket and set it on the bench in front of him. He had a lot of work left to do.  ---- 10th of Opal, Pickled Tink's office. "You wanted to see me overseer sir?" w00tmonger said as she entered the cramped room. "Please, have a seat," Pickled Tink said with a smile that did not reach his eyes. "What can I help you with overseer sir?" w00tmonger said, suspecting something was wrong. "Well, I was wondering what you were doing in the caverns on the third of Opal." the overseer said with a brittle calm. "I was out looking for mushrooms" she tried. "And I suppose the reason you had to go armed with a crossbow and 40 silver bolts," the overseer continued. "Yes sir, the caverns are dangerous sir," w00tmonger agreed earnestly. "I do not like being lied to, w00tmonger," Pickled Tink said sadly. "I expressly forbade hunting. When you reported Anticheese for it on the 14th of Timber, I drat near crucified her for it. Now here we are, less than two months later, and I find out that you went and engaged on a hunting expedition of your own to those very same caverns!" Pickled Tink bellowed, his eyes beginning to glow with eerie red light.   "I ordered those caverns sealed for a reason. Did you not hear that enormous boom last month? The boom that signified that a large chunk of the ceiling had been dropped on top of a forgotten beast that had found its way inside the fortress? Have you not seen the vomit that coats our floors, the mark of a forgotten beast syndrome that affects you all? These creatures are dangerous in the extreme, and any pathway into the fortress could get each and every last one of you killed!" the overseer shouted as w00tmonger cringed. "Sir..." w00tmonger tried before she was cut off. "I do not want to hear any excuses. I do not want to hear any promises that you aren't going to do it again. What I want to know is how you got into those caverns!" he shouted as the room grew dark and the air began to grow cold. "There’s a path, from the screw stairwell. It leads into the great big hole above the magma tube where there was that thing that fell when we had no overseer. It connects to another stairwell that leads up to the caverns," w00tmonger cried as frost started to coat the desk. "Please don't kill me!" she cried. There was a deep eerie sigh. "I'm not going to kill you," the ghost said, the darkness dissipating. "What I will do, however, is seal you outside the fortress next time. At that point, you are on your own. There is to be no more hunting. All access ways to the caverns are to be reported immediately, and you are to report to Kerrhyphen as soon as this meeting is done. You like shooting things so much? Then you can do it protecting this fortress as a member of The Walled Skies rather than foolishly risking it to sate a stupid hobby." "Yes sir! Thank you sir! It'll never happen again sir!" w00tmonger cried with relief. "It had better not," Pickled Tink scowled. ---- 23rd of Opal, Masonry Workshop Balon sighed. It had been hard work, and had taken weeks, but finally his idea had become reality. He stood back and admired it for a moment before pulling down the barriers he had built to ensure his privacy.  "Ladies and Gentlemen!" he cried out, drawing a crowd of curious onlookers. "For too long have we gone without a quern! Today I have solved that problem! I give you Skinnedentrance!"  The crowd cheered. ---- 1st of Obsidian, Leperfish's office "So, how are things around the fortress Leperfish?" Pickled Tink asked. "H1KE gave birth to a baby boy on the 25th of Opal, overseer," leperfish replied. "She named him Robinday. She seems especially proud of his beard, which she has already braided."   "I wish I had a beard," Pickled Tink said sadly. "Also, you'll be pleased to hear that Baragon has finished hooking up the trapdoor in your new magma dump to the nearby lever. Rubbish can now be melted again. Hopefully this time without also melting the dwarves throwing it in," Leperfish reported, scowling at the last. "Hey! I'm pretty sure this one is going to be safe. I checked that magma out and it isn't connected to the magma sea. There’s no way a fire imp can sneak in, and the hatch should stop splash issues!" the ghost protested.  "We'll see," said Leperfish sceptically, "As for the rest, the war against the stray animal population continues to go well. We now have less than 80 of the little pests running around, despite the numerous births. The food stores look steady, and we are obscenely wealthy, even if all we do trade is old socks," he said with a smile. Pickled Tink laughed at that last. He almost felt sorry for the dwarven traders when he heard what her majesty had done to them at the depot. "And what of that artifact quern?" Pickled Tink asked. "Balon installed it in the dining room, where everyone could look at it yet it was still convenient for actual use," Leperfish said, "I think he's proud of it."  "And the secret project?" the ghost asked. "The last windmill is being installed as we speak, and the funnel has been completed," Leperfish answered. Pickled Tink rubbed his hands together with glee. "Excellent!"
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May 27, 2013 14:45
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Wait. what happened to my trash shaft then :O That should've gibven all the dumping capacity a fortress needs. Also yay secret projects and rebuilding the drat military again!
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May 27, 2013 16:17
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You had a trash shaft somewhere? The fortress is huge and was designed by a succession of crazy people. I didn't even find the overseers burial chamber until last night. How do you expect me to find a tiny little trash shaft? (It is entirely possible I have already found it and walled it off as a security risk)
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May 27, 2013 16:25
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Windmills? Funnels? Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease let it be the MISTER! Let it be Vindication! Also, good job handling the defence holes, you're doin' a drat good job, Pickled Tink!
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May 27, 2013 19:07
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Pickled Tink posted:You had a trash shaft somewhere? This is the most Succession LP thing posted in the Thread.
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May 28, 2013 00:01
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And I'm finally in. Hadn't been posting since I really had nothing to say that no one else has already said, let's see what horrible fate befalls my dwarven self.
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May 28, 2013 02:32
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JamieTheD posted:Windmills? Funnels? Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease let it be the MISTER! Let it be Vindication! This is a finely crafted Vindication. It menaces with spikes of Mister. It was constructed by Pickled Tink because OhCrap's a godless construction-destroying bastard pile of ashes.
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May 28, 2013 15:14
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I'm going to say it now: I have no plans to engage in any kind of fluid manipulation, especially not something constantly pumping like the mister. Framerate is abominably low already and water features generally cause a pretty big hit to it when I play normally. Also, there's a tree blocking the old misters feeder trench. Sorry 
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May 28, 2013 22:18
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Would the mister have any use in the first place? I thought it was designed to get murkdust from the clothes of dwarfs. But apparently this isn't a real issue.
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May 28, 2013 23:11
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Given the current vomitario, what we need no is an Enemer.
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May 29, 2013 00:01
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How much longer will the fortress have before framerate death? Would letting some forgotten beasts free to roam and be killed help out? You should release the forgotten beasts.
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May 29, 2013 00:35
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The most important factors affecting framerate are ones that are harder to deal with. Pathfinding and liquid calculations affect things, so does fort population, but really the big thing is the many millions of dwarfbux worth of produced and imported items. The game tracks everything, not every tick but it all gets tracked, and 250+ dwarves are constantly shifting it all over the place, interacting with it, wearing it all out, etc. But it's still playable for now. If we get to a state where it's genuinely impossible to keep going due to framerate, I'll take a look at some of the more severe options, such as using dfhack to clean things up.
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May 29, 2013 00:57
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A round of bodily fluids removal might go a long way. That poo poo spreads.
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May 29, 2013 01:01
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goatface posted:A round of bodily fluids removal might go a long way. That poo poo spreads. You want to rob us of our greatest natural resource? You can take the vomit stockpile when you pry it from my cold, dead hands. (No, really, I died in like the second year.)
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May 29, 2013 01:05
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Pickled Tink posted:I'm going to say it now: I have no plans to engage in any kind of fluid manipulation, especially not something constantly pumping like the mister. Framerate is abominably low already and water features generally cause a pretty big hit to it when I play normally. Also, there's a tree blocking the old misters feeder trench. Sorry D'awww, JimmyTheD is saaad! But seriously, getting rid of that vomit would be a good idea, and, while fluids would definitely temporarily kill the framerate, washing all that vomit into lava with a light water flow would help once the framerate stabilised. Our main problem is the sheer amount of crap that's piling up on the floors, and while cat murder helps once all the bits are used/dumped, the fact remains we have metric tons of vomit, and a quick rinse of the fortress is definitely in order. Although I agree that constant pumping like the mister would be a bad idea... although it is pretty. To be honest, that's what the Mister project was for... a very pretty, dorf-pleasing, poisoned chalice that an experienced overseer would dismantle as the FPS threat it is, setting up the inevitable decline of JimmyTheD, who, against all expectations, has refused to die, despite losing her life's project (The Mister), her daughter, and probably, by now, quite a collection of bits, bobs, and internal organs. Also, I genuinely just wanted to build one, because I have terrible luck with planning my fluid movement in DF. Hence the one tile flooding...
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May 29, 2013 01:14
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I noticed a while ago when I was catching up my dwarf was bumped up to chief medical dwarf but my dwarf wife is the mayor too? We're slowing taking over this stinking pit of despair with our winning personalities. I think I also noticed there are two hospitals? There should probably just be one big one in the name of medical efficiency if any future overseerers are looking for a project. The rate of recovery seems to have greatly increased with dwarf ProfessorGroove in charge of things but he can still do better.
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May 29, 2013 03:09
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Dorf-me is trolling everyone with permanent decorations. I don't think I've even been so proud. 
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May 29, 2013 11:08
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JamieTheD posted:D'awww, JimmyTheD is saaad! Now OhCrap is sad for ruining JimmyTheD's dream.
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May 29, 2013 14:23
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Man how many years has this fortress been going? seems like forever.
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May 30, 2013 00:54
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In real life, we've just gotten to the 11 month anniversary. In Amon Atho, the world of The Rare Ship and Bronzestabbed, it is currently 1st Obsidian 248 and Bronzestabbed was founded 1st Granite 236, so it has been 12 years 11 months.
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May 30, 2013 00:57
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3rd of Obsidian, Leperfish's office. Leperfish sat at his desk with two files open before him. Beside him floated a ghost. "Fitzy Fitz keeps knocking chairs over down below, you should do something about it," Leperfish told the ghost. "If he wants to hang around it's his business, " the ghost replied. "I'm not about to evict him just because he keeps kicking over that silver throne. Especially since he just picks it back up again and giggles a bit each time. He's doing no harm." "There are complaints-" Leperfish began. "Metafurk just pities him," the ghost interrupted. "She sees him as a broken soul denied the afterlife and wants him put to rest. I've spoken with him and he's just having some harmless fun." "I suppose, you would know better than I the dealings of the dead," Leperfish conceded, standing up and heading to the door, "Please come in," he called out to the figure standing outside. A dwarf entered and looked to Leperfish, then the overseer, then back to Leperfish again. "Hello sirs," he said calmly. "Hello Bad Munki," Leperfish replied. "We have asked you here because there's a problem with the records." "What seems to be the problem?" Bad Munki asked with a look of confusion on his face. "Rawkking's notes made during her overseership claim that almost ten years ago, on the 21st of Granite of 239, you were killed battling the Brush Titan Kovest outside the walls. I remember you setting forth that day as fire rained. So many died, consumed by the flames. No bodies were recovered," Leperfish said, tears in his eyes. "How did you survive? Why did you leave? Why did you take so long to return?" Bad Munki frowned for a moment. "I do not know how I survived," he claimed. "I woke far away after the battle and it took many years to return safely. I didn't want to cause a fuss with my return, so I have kept my head down and gotten on with work, for the betterment of Bronzestabbed. It has changed a lot since I was last here." "You should have told me," Leperfish pleaded. "We were friends. I would have understood." "So much time had passed. I thought you would have forgotten me after all this time. We only knew each other for a few years before my... incident. I did not wish to be awkward," Bad Munki claimed hesitatingly. "I am sorry, Leperfish." "I'm glad you're back Bad Munki, however it came about," Leperfish replied gladly. "We could use a dwarf of your skills." Bad Munki was taken aback. "What?" he asked. "How could I help beyond the farming tasks I have been performing for the past year?" "Your military skill is the stuff of legends around here sir," Pickled Tink said politely. "I grew up hearing tales of your battles to defend the fortress in the early years." "That's all in the past now," Bad Munki protested. "I'm a simple farmer now." "Nevertheless, we need you. I can't put you in charge of a squad, but I am going to assign you to the One Way Outs. Hudlinkin is in charge presently, and I expect you to give her the full benefit of your experience." the ghostly overseer said with a cheerful grin.  "As the overseer commands then," Bad Munki said glumly, getting to his feet. "See you around the fortress Leperfish. Once again, I’m sorry for not telling you," he said before turning to the overseer. "Is there anything else?" "Not at this time, Pickled Tink answered. "Thank you, and welcome back." Bad Munki turned and left, shutting the door to the room behind him. Once the sound of his footsteps had faded away, Pickled Tink turned to Leperfish. "He's keeping something from us. I don't know what it is, but something feels off. Please keep an eye on him," he said. Leperfish could only nod. ---- 8th of Obsidian, Southern portion of the third caverns. "So ye see, overseer," Viper, one of the miners was saying, "This is where we have been harvesting adamantine recently, and it is cut open to the caverns in all directions. Ye asked us to tell ye about any holes in the fortress. Given there are beasties that can fly down here, I thought ye should know about this one." "Thank you Viper. We should seal this up quickly, but it isn't going to be an easy task. We'll need most of the masons to do this," Pickled Tink replied thoughtfully. "We should start with the more easily accessible parts and build scaffolds to support the construction of the rest. This will take a while"  "Aye overseer," Viper replied. She hesitated before leaving to pass on the instructions for a moment, then asked "I hear that as a ghost, ye can pass through walls," she inquired. "Yeah, but Leperfish is getting annoyed with me poking my head through his wall and I keep scaring people by doing it." "Well, that sounds like a mighty useful talent. See this?" she asked, thumping the floor with her pick. "This is adamantine, king of metals. Light as a feather, and can hold an edge so sharp it can cut the shadow from a fly. Rumour says that the spires are hollow, and there’s bad things inside. We've been careful so far with minin' the stuff from this and the other spires to make sure we don't puncture it, but every little bit helps, and if ye could help us by findin' the bits that are safe to mine, we'd much appreciate the help." "I can help!" the ghost said happily floating downwards towards the metallic surface with a grin on his face. His enthusiasm promptly turned to confusion when he bounced off the blue metal floor. "What?" he asked incredulously. "What's the matter overseer?" Viper asked, witnessing the overseers’ distress. "I can't seem to pass through this," Pickled Tink replied. "This stuff is solid to me. I didn't think there was anything that could do that. Looks like I can't really help you here after all. Sorry," he said sadly. "Don't worry about it overseer. Ye tried, and that's all I could ask," Viper replied in a comforting tone. "There’s still more of this one and some of the others without risk, so it's not like yer' lettin' us down. I better go get those masons and get started on this. Take care little one," she said before departing back up the stairwells to the fortress proper, leaving the overseer to his thoughts. ---- 18th of Obsidian, Tiny Turtles office. "Another hole has been sealed overseer." Tiny Turtle said, looking up from her desk as the ghost floated through the door. "Peas reported that the Ugathville cistern was tunnelled straight into the bottom of the river. Apparently any Titan could have, were it so inclined, and I quote -smashed its way in and surfed to the dining room - end quote. Sounds like that would have been delightfully disastrous," she explained, pushing a diagram over towards the ghost.  "That's good. But water isn't the only thing these creatures can move through. That stone beast, Thefin could have made his way in through magma as well, and come in up through the forges." Pickled Tink said, worriedly. "There are other magma creatures as well that have killed a lot of dwarves in the past that I am concerned about too. I checked the passage fuelling the forges and it does look large enough for such creatures to enter. I'd like to drop a section of the cavern roof down to block the access way, some of the miners are digging a plug out now. The trapped magma should be enough to keep the forges operating for centuries," he explained.  "I think that sounds a bit excessive," Tiny Turtle responded, then after a moment’s hesitation continued, "but you are the overseer." "I just don't want anyone else to die to one of those things," the ghost explained with a shudder. "I was out in the caverns earlier looking at them, and none of them are even remotely pleasant. The further I can keep them from you and your sons, the better. Being a ghost isn't all fun. I really miss drinking booze," he said sadly. Tiny Turtle nodded briefly, then gestured towards her work ledger. "I've just approved your latest work orders, by the way, though I don't know what you want with all those glass discs. They aren't really the best weapon," she said.  "They are easy to make, and take almost no resources. I'll probably be ordering a lot more of them in future," the ghost replied, "They also give the glassmakers something to do. Archaeology Hat and Toussaint Louverture were complaining about being nothing but fancily titled haulers earlier in the dining room." "Lets hope we never need to use them," Tiny Turtle said, shaking her head. Also, soap is finally being produced again, but there’s a holdup on the lye production phase. We have two units produced though. Maybe that will help clean up the mess around here." "I guess I'll see if I can find space for another Ashery, and maybe find some more dwarves who know how to make lye. Only Debonaire Dwarf and that new migrant, Ninjavitis specialise in it, and Debonaire Dwarf spends most of his time training with the Golden Barbs," Pickled Tink grumbled, then sighed. "I suppose we'll have to work something out." "Speaking of working things out, the butchers are complaining that their workshops are starting to resemble mausoleums. I saw cat skulls stacked twelve high in one of them when visiting the kitchen for a mug of dwarven wine." Tiny Turtle said, grimacing as she remembered the smell. "They need somewhere to put it, and the bones are useful so we can't simply toss them all in the new magma dump." "What about the refuse stockpile? Records say there’s one outside the old gate," Pickled Tink asked.  "It is full of goblin and ogre skeletons overseer," Tiny Turtle informed the ghost helpfully. "I've never understood why we just leave them there for year after year. They certainly don't scare off the goblins at all." "Well, I guess we can toss all those skeletons in the incinerator then," said the ghost. "No point keeping them around." "Thank you overseer. That thing has been a pointless eyesore for a decade now. Is there anything else?" she asked. "Well, I suppose we should check the cages nearby and toss any dead animals in the incinerator too. There shouldn't be too many unless the caretakers have been slacking off."  Tiny Turtle scribbled a note down on her task ledger and nodded. "Done, I'll see to it," she said, grinning. ---- 26th of Obsidian, Outside. "Mother, come quick! I founds a skellington!" came a voice from below. "Aww poo poo," T-man muttered as she came down over the hill and saw her daughter, Clamps McGraw, standing over the skeleton of a dwarf and poking it with a stick. "Get away from there!" she yelled at her daughter. "But mother. It can't hurt me. It's dead," Clamps McGraw whined. If only you knew, she thought. "It's disrespectful," she explained. "I think it might be Shorter than Some. He vanished last autumn."  T-man took a moment to examine the body. It looked like some maniac had put something through the unfortunate dwarfs head but it was hard tell anything more after six months of work by the local insects. "I hope I don't get left out here like that," she muttered, flipping the body over with her boot and solving the mystery. "Zolak was here," she read the graffiti aloud. "drat goblins," she muttered. Clamps McGraw rushed in and pulled out a scrap of parchment clutched in the skeletons hand. "I told you to get away from there!" T-man yelled at her daughter, who ignored her and began to read. "Dear Dwarfses. I hateses you all and hopes you all and hopes you alls die. Sined ---- SPRING 3rd of Granite, The sterilizer. For two months since the large, unworked, slab of stone had fallen through the ceiling, it had been silent in the sterilizer control room. It had remained sealed ever since, the dust settling into strange patterns upon the floor, all that remained to indicate the existence of the rooms previous occupant were a few scratches on one of the walls, and a fading, almost imperceptible, acrid smell of poison in the air. The silence was suddenly broken by a faint bubbling from the southeast pool. The sound grew, as did the disturbance in the water until an enormous figure hauled itself free of the grip of the cold water and pulled itself up into the darkened room, gasping for breath. It looked around for a few moments before climbing to its feet, and then let out an inquisitive roar.   <Thefin?> the beast cried. <You around here?> The creature poked around the room, noticing strange contraptions around. To the southwest was a strange bulky device with a crank handle. To the northeast were a series of three large stone sticks. The southern one looked damaged, as though examined with great clawed hands. <You were right about the tunnel Thefin,> it grunted. <This place does look like it was made by the delicious hairy ones. How do we get to them?> it asked with a purring rumble, standing up on it's hind legs to peer up the stairwell. After several more minutes of silence, the creature rumbled again curiously. <You did wait for me, didn't you?> ---- 16th of Granite, Adamantine Spire. "We're almost done overseer," said Priapus, shaking her head. "Can't say I understand the caution sir. Nothing down here that poses that much of a threat, and even if there was, it wouldn't be able to get up here." "Please come here, Priapus," Pickled Tink asked, gesturing her to the one last hole in the almost completed spire seal. "Look out there and tell me what you see." She peered into the darkness, squinting her eyes to try and make something out. After a moment her eyes adjusted to the dim light provided by the luminescent cave moss growing across the cavern floor. "I don't see anything," she said, her voice confused. "Just wait a moment. You'll see it," the ghost assured her with a mix of worry and smugness. Then there was movement. It took a moment for her eyes to focus and her mind to discern the shape. It looked like the shoulder of something huge. "By Titthal!" she exclaimed loudly as her mind finally resolved the colossal figure. She stumbled backwards and fell over, then scrabbled away from the hole in fear.  Both of them heard a metallic creak followed by a low thudding boom as the creature took a step forward into the caverns claimed by Bronzestabbed. The next boom was accompanied by a snapping crunching sound as some deep shrub was mashed beneath the creatures enormous feet. "That is the kind of thing I am worried about, and why I am devoting so much energy to hunting down and eliminating any possible way for such a creature to enter," the ghost explained. "Now I suggest you plug that last gap before it decides to wander over and give climbing this cliff face a try," he suggested. "Yes sir, good idea sir," she stammered, settling the last stone block into place, blocking out most of the noise of the latest addition to the third cavern layers menagerie.  ---- 20th of Granite, Incinerator  "Ergh!" Mzbundifund grunted and he heaved the skeleton of an ogre down the trash chute where it crashed atop the mound of bodies already hurled there waiting for incineration. "By Lorsith those goblins make their ogres heavy!" he grumbled, pausing to catch his breath. "Oi! Out of the way! You aren't the only one who has a bloody corpse to toss!" Aximus grumbled behind him, another ogre carcass in his hands. Mzbundifund stepped back out of the way and watched Aximus shove the next ogre in before turning to walk back up the stairs. "This is bloody tiring," he said. "I know what you mean," Aximus grumbled. "Still at least someone having fun," he muttered as sharktamer skipped past with a kobold skeleton slung over his shoulder. "This is great, isn't it?" sharktamer cried with a grin on his face. "Bah!" Aximus spat, then grumbled "Bloody overseer." "Got to admit, It'll pretty up the place, and make our home look like less of a graveyard, which should hopefully keep evil wizards away." Mzbundifund tried. "You shouldn't believe all this talk of water necromancers," Aximus said, starting an all too common rant. "Just a bunch damned fools building walls and trapping themselves on the wrong side, or doctors being so wrapped up in treating their patients injuries they forget to give the poor bugger a drink. Mark my words, it's all a load of hogwash!" "Maybe," Mzbundifund said, hesitating briefly before continuing, "But I still think there was too much happening to rule out evil magic." "Bah!" Aximus shouted, giving up as they reached the top of the stairs and emerged back out into the sunlight again. "Something lighter this time, maybe?" Mzbundifund suggested. "That's what you said last time, and we grabbed a pair of ogres." Aximus grumbled as they entered the refuse stockpile and started poking through the mess. "Well, to be fair. Our first trip was minotaurs." Mzbundifund said sheepishly as they hoisted a pair of goblins over their shoulders. ---- 25th of Granite, Dining Room. HUNDREDHOGS stood up on a table in the dining room and cleared her throat noisily. Silence fell across the room as the mayor shuffled through her cue cards before she began to speak. "I apologise for interrupting your evening meal, but I have a few announcements to make. First, and most importantly, three enormous corkscrews are required for... reasons I'd rather not disclose," she announced.  "Secondly, the Queen has mandated the construction of ballista arrows again. Also, their export is once again prohibited, so I had better not see any in the trade depot."   "Third order of business. Mr Vile, please keep your dog inside the fortress. It almost ran into a cloud of fiendish murk the other day. We did not have you war train these animals just to have them become zombies."  "Fourth, the overseer wishes to extend to you his congratulations. The mountain of corpses that has blighted our doorstep for almost a decade has finally been disposed of. The butchers tell me that the kitchen is finally starting to clear up as they can shift their refuse outside where it poses no risk of tainting our beer." "On that note," HUNDREDHOGS continued, "Please stop reporting that you have found animals dead of starvation when you open up the cages. We are pretty sure every single one of the ones we asked you to check is dead."  "Animal caretakers, you are on notice. Do not let this become a habit. These creatures are under your care, and your job is to keep them alive until the butchers come for them. I understand that some of you have a hard time maintaining emotional distance from them, but letting them starve to death is depriving us of good meat." "It'd help if you bloody well told us they were there!" Kennel shouted from the crowd. "Perhaps you should check the animal stockpile every now and then?" HUNDREDHOGS replied immediately. "Unlike the other stockpiles, the animal stockpile is actually easy to find and in it's own area near your workshops." When there were no more interruptions or comments from the crowd she stepped down off the table. "Thank you for your time ladies and gentlemen. Enjoy your evening," she said resuming her seat and taking a swig of her ale. ---- 4th of Slate Seven weary figures walked around a hill to the west and caught sight of a giant bronze hilt sticking up from behind the next hill. Finally, they had arrived at Bronzestabbed. 
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May 30, 2013 14:32
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