BF myth/fact

This is what I have for you so far, Shell. I know it's lengthy, but there
are multiple things to address here. I may still edit it some, I've asked
from input from others, and folks here are welcome to give input also, of
course.

"Mom is a sexual abuse survivor and nursing feels traumatic."

PTSD can make some of the simple, everyday tasks of life into
a nightmarish struggle for sanity and a normal life. Nursing
is no exception, and in fact can be one of the more difficult
tasks to adjust to, because of the physical and emotional
intimacy involved. Therapeutic preparation, an understanding
doctor or midwife, emotional support from the spouse, partner,
a friend, a doula, or a group of women such as Le Leche League.
Beginning to work through the issue with your therapist as soon
as possible after discovering you are pregnant can help
tremendously.

With your therapist, try to focus on seperating abusive and
traumatic sexual abuse of the breasts from the process of
nursing, which is a nurturing, loving, gentle connection with
your baby. Remember that you are not giving up control of your
body to the baby, but rather regaining control of your body
so you can use your breasts for their natural and intended
purpose of feeding your child. Your perpetrator took away
your control and your feeling of owning your body. You don't
want to give him the power to take away this special
relationship with your child, too!

Some survivors have problems with messy bodily fluids, and
therefore have a problem with the thought of even making milk.
It can be messy at times, but much of them mess can be avoided
with wearing a comfortable bra and using absorbant nursing pads.
And remember, life with a baby is just messy. The birth itself
tends to be messy, and babies are always making more mess at one
end or the other. Babies spit up, poop, and pee frequently, and
it largely falls upon the mother to clean up these messes -- which
often include her in the blast radius. :) Coping with this
becomes a fact of life of being a mother of an infant or toddler.

Some women do experience some sexual arousal during nursing.
This is because nursing releases oxytocin, which is also released
during orgasm and causes uterine contractions. This is a normal
occurance, and does not mean you are sexually abusing your child,
or that your child is engaging in a sexual act with you. Your child
is in no psychological danger from nursing, and it is not in any way
incestuous. If you are concerned about this issue, or that the
possible sexual arousal itself will trigger flashbacks, focusing
on the problem with your therapist is very important.

If you take medications to help with depression or anxiety, discuss
them thoroughly with your psychatrist. Some medications may have
to be changed, but for the most part, you can take -most- medications
through part or all of your pregnancy and while nursing. Some involve
some larger risk factors, and you should discuss it to decide when and
how you should be taking various medications. Remember that for some,
you can "nurse around the peak" -- which means knowing when the drug
is at it's highest levels in your bloodstream and timing your nursing
so as to avoid giving the baby the higher levels in your milk. Make
sure your psychatrist is breastfeeding-friendly, and willing to take
the time to help you make your medications compatible with
breastfeeding.

Sometimes the early breastfeeding relationship can be rough, so make
sure you have good support to help you avoid things like sore nipples,
poor latch and other problems that may cause you some physical pain that
will make you want to shy away from continuing to nurse. Even if you do
have a problem, try to keep reminding yourself (and having your support
person remind you) that it will pass and you will feel better, and the
baby is not doing this on purpose. He's not abusing you, it's just your
body adjusting to a new task.

If you get to the baby's birth and are still feeling apprehensive
about nursing, I strongly suggest that you at least give it a try
for as long as possible after s/he is born. Sometimes you can build
up such things to a frightening point in your mind, but when you
actually get there and do it, it's just not as bad as you thought
it would be.

An example; I was convinced that my first child's delivery would be
emotional traumatic for me. I couldn't even face a simple pelvic
exam without emotional trauma and often onslaughts of tears. I
discussed it with my therapist, she spoke with my midwives, who gave
me extra emotional support, and my therapist was prepared to come
into the delivery room if I really needed it. When I got there, it
turned out I was so focused on the birth itself that I really didn't
have time to be traumatized over it.

Finally, if you get through all these processes, have great
support, have tried to work through it in therapy, are still
taking medications, and have tried nursing and you still can't
face it emotionally or it's causing flashbacks or emotional
withdrawing -- then it's time to look to bottlefeeding. If
it's the nursing itself that is the major issue, you might
try pumping and feeding the baby expressed breastmilk for the
health benefits. If you have difficulty keeping up a supply
with pumping, or issues with the pumping itself, you may need
to go to partial or complete formula feeding. While nursing
can be very important to an infant's health and growth, the
most important thing is a healthy mother and a healthy
relationship. Just as with medications you must balance your
need to be healthy with your baby's risk factors, your emotional
and mental health must be balanced against the higher risk
factors of bottlefeeding and/or formula. With the help of your
psychatrist or therapist, make an informed decision about what
is best for your and for your baby.

--
~Shell
Mommy to Justin born on July 12, 2000
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/t/tigerbaby/

Michelle Haines <mha...@Io.NANC.com> wrote in message
news:wK536.345$2X4....@petpeeve.ziplink.net...

"I just don't want to have to sit down and have nurse a baby every few
hours"

Since I have nursed standing, sitting, lying (my favorite for my much needed
daily naps) and leaning over the car seat. I do not understand why feeding a
baby would seem like a chore to a mother. At least this lady was honest.
Although she never breastfed beyond a few weeks. She did not realize the
amount of nursings taper off and I guess never felt the prolactin that has
often saved me from deep anxiety from motherhood. I have actually heard that
one in debates. I said well don't you have to give a bottle every few hours
until they learn to hold it? The person never answered. She just said that
she did not like nursing a baby ever few hours because she did not have/want
to take the time out of her day. I guess this person either propped the
botttles (which is a choking risk) or she was allowing someone else to do
most of the feedings so she would not get "burned out". Not sure.
Understandably often we don't in our society want to take time out for a
newborn baby. Some women return to work 4 weeks after giving birth, and some
daycare's accept babies before six weeks. I too can get bit by the "got to
get this done" bug, but a nursing break helps me put into perspective what
is really endearing. Little butterfly lashes on my skin, and a sweet loving
gaze to look down into. Like they are saying Thank You mom for giving me
your time and your warm milk. Actually my 13 month old can say "thank you".
She is soo neat, she can also say "wow, and ut-oh". She calls me
"meh-meh-meh" and motions when she wants to be nursed and rocked to sleep by
going to the rocking chair and lying back on the Boppy Pillow. What a neat
little gal! My son was an eager nurser, who loved to fiddle with my
underarm. "Meeks" was his rescue from bruised knees, upsets, and a relief
from a tedious day. He loved "meeks". Right after my daughter was born, he
tasted "meeks" a few times, and told me it tasted good. But them he told me
that he would prefer "milk" (we use a milk substitute) warmed (hey that is
still his preference) in a cup, please. At our house, "meeks" (named by my
husband) is everybodys breast-friend.

Actually sometimes I have been wanting to cook before I dropped dead from
hunger. DD won't go to my husband (lately) and I think "If only I could let
him give her a bottle of EBM, I could get this cooking, dishes, laundry, or
whatever done." But having nursed my son I reflect on how fast they grow,
how the nursing time once it is gone seems to have lasted only for a
fleeting moment, and that this is natures way of telling me to take a break.
Besides, it gives DH a chance to do some of the housework. It's just been a
bit harder since he took on a second job for the last year, not to be
swimming in filth. Two day old sink full of dishes, sometimes three, LOL.
Thank God he is quitting Jan 1st. I seem to have no time to really tidy up.
I bathe at night with the kids, otherwise no bath, LOL! I am not an
immaculate housekeeper, I just like to be able to not sit down on in a pit
of laundry or not have it topple all over me from above. I don't ask for
much. <smile>

--
toni, ryan, russell 2/26/96 and marris 11/19/99

trmattox <nos...@aol.net> wrote in message
news:u1736.1880$Tq.2...@news.uswest.net...

Do me a favor and edit my first sentence to:
PTSD can make some of the simple, everyday tasks into a nightmarish

Sounds better. :)

Michelle
Flutist

I glanced through this one. The style seems a little more anecdotal than
what I thought the project was trying for. The first sentence seems
pretty good, but the second seems to be aiming more at one woman, rather
than at general facts to dispell a myth.

BTW, -- and please don't take this to be offenseive; I asked some friends
to proofread my bit for grammar, too -- you are making some sentence
breaks where you should have commas, resulting in some sentence
fragments. For example, your first sentence should read:

needed daily naps) and leaning over the car seat, I do not understand why

The "since" means you need to have a clause responding to it. If you want
to write it in two sentences, it should read:

Although your original wording does flow better.

Your third sentence has the same problem, and you have an extra
sentence tacked on there. It should read:

" Although she never breastfed beyond a few weeks, she did not realize the
amount of nursing tapers off."

I'm not actually sure what you mean by:

You seem to be missing or confusing a few words, maybe?

Honest, I'm not trying to be an English professor, but when I write a FAQ
(I wrote the Gerbil FAQ as well), I try to take care to follow grammar
more, because lots of people will be reading it and because it can make it
more understandable. Incorrect grammar and spelling can not only make
something difficult to read and understand, but can jar the reader into
paying attention to the writing, and not the point of the article.

Michelle
Flutist

Whoa Nellie! Incomplete sentence alert! Fix this, please, Shell.

Should be:

Therapeutic preparation, an understanding doctor or midwife, and emotional

such as Le Leche League can be an essential key to successful
breastfeeding. Even for a woman without PTSD issues, constant suggestions
to wean and no support for the breastfeeding relationship can cause her to
cave into to the pressure and give up. Just as you have a support system
to help you through such things as flashbacks and suicidal ideation, you
need to have a support system in place to help you over the rough spots
that may crop up in nursing.

Also, in the fourth sentence of the first paragraph, "issue" should be
"issues".

*grumbles to herself about proofreading better next time*

Michelle
Flutist

I'll be doing some editing as I pull it all together.

news:qba36.349$2X4....@petpeeve.ziplink.net...

Will do.

Thanks!

Will do.

news:wAb36.353$2X4....@petpeeve.ziplink.net...

Thanks for the corrections ladies, typing with one eye on the on the kids,
and my mind wondering it's hard to make a complete sentence at times. LOL If
you need any clarification Shell, just let me know.

What about this one.

He/she was just getting too big to nurse.

"she took both breasts, and then still wanted an 8oz bottle"

i.e. 10 minutes on each breast - and then baby is still hungry.

Lauren

news:3Js36.1695$wi3.3...@news.uswest.net...

Yep, that's on the list.

Can you provide a fact for that one? I don't think anyone has it. Also,
for the opposite reason?

"Baby is too big."
"Baby is too small."

Thanks!
--
~Shell (Lady underscore Arcadia at go dot com)

What can I help with? I have a complete list. (I'll post it to the NG)

Yep, it's under:

"Baby gulped down a bottle, therefore I don't have enough milk"

Is this one you can take??

You mean you actually watch your kids?? Why? I just stick him in another
room. I figure he's so small, he can just lay there by himself.

;-)

Thanks again,

http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/t/tigerbaby/

Oh yeah, that is a classic isn't it!

What about this one, Some mothers just don't have the desire to breastfeed.

Yes someone actually said that to me! I am not even going to comment on what
I think of that statement...

/snicker/
I was just telling my MIL today how obedient Elijah is: I put him down,
say "Stay there!" and ... he does! What a boy :-)

Alison

My husband makes remarks about our daughter, "She was so much easier when you
could put her someplace and she'd stay there." He also occasionally laments
that she learned how to talk. She has a bit of a smart mouth, and is a born
smartass.

Nothing like me, of course. *whistles innocently*

Michelle
Flutist