On Thursday, Joe Biden flashed for the cameras a comical presidential “cheat sheet” that proved just how stage-managed the 79-year-old is by his staff.
Besides instructing him to remember to say “hello” and “thank you,” it emphasized basic steps such as “YOU take YOUR seat.”
Thanks to a White House mole, The Post was able to smuggle a new cheat sheet into Biden’s jacket pocket when he was taking a quick nap in the Oval Office.
Here, what we think the presidential cue card should say:
THE PRESIDENT
Press conference sequence of events
- After ice cream, WALK down hall to press conference. Secret Service agents “Sport,” “Chief,” and “Stretch” will escort you (staff: this is John, Adam and Charles).
- YOU stand at podium. It’s the tall wooden stand in the middle. YOU can hold on for support.
- Greet the press. YOU say “hello,” not “hey friends, ready to cover for me?”
- YOU do NOT sniff Kaitlin Collins’ hair.
- A man named RON KLAIN will try to rush the stage. Stretch will tackle him.
- YOU will not blame Putin or Trump.
- DON’T whisper.
- Seriously, STOP whispering.
- When someone says “Mr. President,” remember, they’re talking to YOU! We can’t believe it either.
- CALL on the Son-of-a-Bitch (staff: Peter Doocy). Don’t sniff his hair. Try answering his question for once.
- Hold up your ARM. Make a FIST. Shake it all about. That’s what it’s all about.
- YOU will be escorted out by your wife (“Jill”). YOU did a great job. It’s Delaware Time. Lukewarm tomato soup and MeTV!
- YOU say we’re going to increase domestic oil production and stop spending so much government money to rein in inflation.