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Yessss.... Venture bravely forth, Steve! You will soon be...enhanced! 
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Nov 14, 2012 07:24
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 22:16 |
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Now on etsy. Shield with alpaca wool spikes. Perfect for Nerf battles. Payment in bitcoin preferred.
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Nov 14, 2012 11:43
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tonberrytoby posted:Now on etsy. This drat hooplehead's trying to trade our crafts away! Throw'im in the murk, lads!
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Nov 14, 2012 12:11
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 20th Limestone Steve has emerged from the murk, forever changed. Note to Self: Murk is not healthy for dwarves. In the place of a foolish, once beloved hunter is instead a slavering, wicked undead beast. Her skin bulges unhealthily with muscle, her eyes are black pits. This cannot bode well. I am in a crisis! There is no set procedure for dealing with such a creature. What if the creature demands a continuation of benefits? Will the hospital budget be swallowed whole cloth by attempts to sustain its rotting flesh? Not to mention the pensions and continuous injury payouts and workdwarf compensation!  That isn't nice Crisis averted! Attempted Murder by an Altered [Culturally or Otherwise, Permanent Non-Recurring] Dwarf immediately and finally severs all good relations and rights, privileges, and other such benefits. Steve, or Undead Steve, I hereby revoke your citizenship and declare that lex talionis is now in effect. Pursuant to Military Directives contained within the Fortress Defense Coda, I will now order the military to attempt to murder you. An exact mirror of your offense! Larz Ularuzol, you are not a member of the military. Report to the hospital and be sure to document and preserve that bolt in case of legal review. All military units, please note the following  What do you mean, overkill? Aston Ardestobul is first to the fight with his spear!  Bravely, Aston closes in to fight Steve one on one. Defying all Military Squad guidelines to fight in formation, Aston uses his bronze spear and shield to harry the zombie. This brave, perhaps even foolhardy action keeps the vile murk creature from breaching the fortress. Which would violate our Hygiene Coda so badly that I may need to award a Certificate of Bravery along with the demerit for violating Military Guidelines. Aston rushes toward the zombie, nimbly dodging its bevy of bolts! Aston counters with a stab of his spear, skewering through its stinking guts to no avail! In close combat, the zombie's crossbow is no match for the spear. Rotten bones shatter under its heavy haft with shaking the undead monstrosity. Fearlessly, Aston does not retreat but instead tackles Was-Steve, throwing it to the ground. Another deft spear thrust passes clean through the heart - a textbook blow from his training. Good form! For a zombie, though, it is but an annoyance. As Was-Steve flails, the brave speardwarf brutally stabs, splits, and severs the hand! Aston's onslaught is brutal, striking at limbs as quickly as he can to hold the beast at bay until reinforcements arrive. The Recruit Typhus, Macedwarf Dirty Frank and Axedwarf Krushdhead arrive to help Aston with the deadly threat! Krushdhead is first to come to Aston's aid, slamming her mighty steel battleaxe deep into the creature's back. Its spine is severed as easily as goat cheese, but the beast is not slowed. It is only enraged. When brave young Typhus strikes at the zombie, pinned between spear and axe, the first counterblow comes. Brave young Typhus had scarcely the time to recover from the parry before the undead creature's one remaining hand stuck him. So fair a face, so delicate and loved, cracked as an egg beneath Not-Steve's rotting knuckles. According to Bereavement Protocol, I have this to say. "The end for Typhus was swift and glorious. To die in battle for the safety and security of Bronzestabbed is the highest honor to which any dwarf can aspire. Let his name be recorded, songs sung, and his memory guarded as a great treasure for our children's children's children. Thank you."  Enraged at seeing their comrade killed, Aston and Krushdhead redouble their assault with ten times the fury! Krushdhead rips her axe free and with one skilled chop severs Not-Steve's arm, that it might never take another life! With its one remaining arm the zombie tries to steal from us another brave warrior, but both dodge and parry using shield and weapon. With a roar, Dirty Frank joins the battle, shattering limbs with his steel mace. The sun flashes off their weapons as they fall with deadly rhythm, battering, slashing, and stabbing. Not-Steve is pinned down by the unending cataract of blows! Aston pins with his spear, and Dirty Frank batters with his mace, keeping Not-Steve in place for Krushdhead's deadly chops. First the arm is severed, and as they dodge bites and kicks the legs are reduced to bone and paste. Left a sickening torso of rot and hate, Not-Steve is finally dispatched by a single blow to the neck. Krushdhead is victorious, but there is no joy in this battle.  I mark everything in the ledger. One Fatality, One Slain Foe. There is nothing else in the month of Limestone to report. LeJackal fucked around with this message at 14:13 on Nov 14, 2012 |
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Nov 14, 2012 13:53
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RIP Steve, first murked dwarf. What was the name of the shield JimmytheD made? The something of Neutralling? The FPS counter obscured it.
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Nov 14, 2012 14:21
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LeJackal posted:I have drafted Work Orders for the modifications, beginning with the removal of much of the upper levels. I labored long into the night, chairing and calling to order a Committee for Work Order Design. The discussions were heated but a unanimous decision was reached at last. They are exceptional Work Orders. All craftdwarfship is of the highest quality. They menace with rings of wax. On them is inscribed the symbol of the Rare Ships. God drat that is amazing.
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Nov 14, 2012 16:52
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John Charity Spring posted:RIP Steve, first murked dwarf. Okilmozib Sefol Necak, Testswallows the Entry of Neutralizing, a dog bone shield. Beware its tickling yarn spikes. If only Typhus had possessed it! He may have prevailed against Dead-Steve, instead of dying.
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Nov 14, 2012 17:31
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LeJackal posted:Okilmozib Sefol Necak, Testswallows the Entry of Neutralizing, a dog bone shield. Really? I made the god-drat Goatse of artefacts? And people are surprised my dorf has no respect for any gods whatsoever, with a cruel joke like that?
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Nov 14, 2012 18:02
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See! That wasn't so bad! Our military boys can handle any mirk beasts with acceptable losses! It's time to throw caution to the wind and embrace ambition! 
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Nov 14, 2012 18:19
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Where the gently caress is my dwarf, why is he not doing anything dwarfy? Is he still a child? drat you dwarf-me! Either do something or die
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Nov 15, 2012 10:31
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Toiwat posted:Where the gently caress is my dwarf, why is he not doing anything dwarfy? Is he still a child? He is doing the most dwarf of things. Hauling stuff to a stockpile.
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Nov 15, 2012 12:51
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Just read the whole thread. That was awesome. I'm kind of startled at the effeciency of the place compared to some of the other LPs - no lava floods, civil wars, levers or degeneration. Everything seems to work, if a bit slowly, and unfinished projects are out of the way, not overlapping. I put my name on the list for dwarfing. Fanfiction I can do, overseeing I cannot. One request I would have is more levers and less labels. I like dysfunction junction.
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Nov 15, 2012 16:59
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1st Sandstone I climb the tower to check on the current state of progress on the Queen's new apartments. The work is coming along rather nicely so far, and I am most pleased that the schedule is being kept up. Schedules are necessary to the smooth function of a fortress, {Fortress Management Manual, Sec 14.7} Qword has passed on the foredwarf duties to whoever is most senior on the site. I presume this is Ikubi Akius, the esteemed mayor. I am not surprised, as the RED (Regulations for Elected Dwarves) suggests an 80/20 ration between administration and popularity augmenting public outreach. Also in the work crew are M, Dead Cow, Maelin, Kal909, Saith, Klokwurk, Chaosfeather, Tiny Turtle, Promontory and Yeol. Yeol has seen fit to bring his pet rooster with him to the work site.  Centurium, a precocious child, comments on the strangeness of having a rooster on a job site, particularly one so high in the air. I take this as an education opportunity, as outlined in the Youth Development Directives which state quite clearly: 'After gold, adamantine and alcohol, children are our most precious resource.' "Centurium, Yeol has brought his rooster here in order to act as a mascot, pursuant to Domesticated Animal Duties Directives (DADD), for the purposes of improving morale among his fellow workers by virtue of its alleged adorable nature. In addition, this rooster also acts as a BIRD (Biological Inimical Ravager Detector) and will warn Yeol or any other dwarf of danger when it approaches. Do you understand now the importance of animals, and most vitally, regulatory compliance?" "I know the real reason why Yeol brought his rooster. Wanna know?" I leaned in close, that the child might whisper the secret. "In case the tower falls over. See, Mister Yeol can just grab his rooster's legs and glide all the way to the river in safety!" ".....where did you hear about rooster gliding from, precisely?" "A blonde elf in a green tunic told me about it!" Note to Self: Form and chair a Committee for the Dissemination of Counter-Elf Educational Materials to the Youth.  Satisfied that the tower construction is going as planned, I travel downward to visit the hospital. Larz is resting there after being nearly murdered by Dead-Steve. The cleanliness of the hospital impresses me. There I encounter Lord Ironhat, one of the fortress' illustrious doctors and primary physician for Larz. "Doctor. I trust you have all the appropriate forms and injury tracking documentation filled out in triplicate." He does, thankfully, and annotates verbally some of the more nuanced technical issues.  "Overseer, as you can see from the admitting form I logged Larz in myself and ran a full diagnosis."  "She was lucky. That bolt really tore her arm up neatly. Two handsbreadths to the side and it'd have pierced her heart for certain."  "My recommendations, as outlined on this form here, are the absolute maximum that can be done with our current resources. If you'll please approve..." I place my stamp on the form without delay. Dr. Ironhat is a trusted medical professional and more importantly he completed all the paperwork correctly. In blue ink, no less. Such efforts are always to be rewarded. Before he can attend, however, I slide into Larz's room to console her. "Hello, Larz. It is I, LeJackal, your Overseer." "....ugh. My arm hurts so badly. Where is the doctor?" "He will be here soon. I would like to offer you some words of comfort, in compliance with previously enumerated sections of the relevant regulatory schema." "What?" "Larz, despite the fact that you have been horrifically maimed and will likely never regain full functionality of your limb, leading to an overall decrease in productivity and less importantly quality of life....." "I WHAT?!?!" "Oh yes, right here in your health documents. Let me show you."  "......." "As I was saying, despite your crippling injury, this fortress will not forget you! I have ensured that your absence from productive work is being logged so that you may be denied benefits and compensation accordingly. Likewise, your future accommodations and eventual interment arrangements have been downgraded to reflect your diminished capacity for service to this fortress. Let me now invite you to recover with all rapidity, so as not to overstay your period as dead weight. Oh, as a final note, do be more cautious in the future, as medical resources are valuable and should be expended only in true emergencies." I give her knee a small pat, using physical contact to emphasis my sincerity. "Obviously, the cost for the medical resources have of course been deducted from your recorded production totals." She is so Consoled, so Pacified that she falls right to sleep. Note to Self: Host Intra-Drawf Communication Seminar  The Primary Living Level is being expanded, if slowly. Work is proceeding on the new apartments for minor officials, and the kitchen expansion is planned to code. Hopefully the expanded farm sections will come together as nicely. 4th Sandstone I notice that Larz is being sutured today. Come Timber I will need to catch up with her and make sure new productivity numbers are entered into her records. 9th Sandstone I realize an underlying issue with current stockpiles is the lack of bins. A new Work Order goes out to produce many more bins and wheelbarrows in copper and wood. 11th Sandstone The new apartment complex has been completed, much to my satisfaction. Putting so many officials, such as the manager, bookeeper, and so on is sure to increase efficiency. The Lever Control Room will be located nearby. For now I will begin to furnish and assign rooms, starting with myself. Modest accommodations will endear me to the native population, dwarves of the earth, that common clay of the new fort.  I do not even have time to choose where my furniture will go (within the guidelines allowed by the relevant strictures) when the alarm goes up over the fortress. Another goblin snatcher is afoot!  Luckily I have taken to carrying blank Aggression Orders with me at all times. My quill is fleet.  Slick Slinky is the first after the goblin.  Slick Slinky is very quick, but the green fiend is faster still. More of the military joins in the chase, still steadfastly refusing to to utilize group tactics. The guidelines are written in plain Dwarfish! Chase is given, but the fiend escapes. This time.  14th Sandstone Word comes down from the Queen's tower that a wave of migrants has arrived at the fortress. This very wave was my own, and surely includes my wife and daughter. A lone dwarf is much faster than an entire group, which explains their delay. The timing is most excellent! It was only last night that I finalized the General Entry, Travel, Immigration and Naturalization Protocol. I direct all the newly migrating dwarves to meet with me in the dining hall for processing. Quills are sharpened, papers laid out, and I read from my prepared speech. "Welcome, new citizens of [Insert Fort Here]! You have traveled [long/far] through terrain most [horrific/pleasant] and undergone [trials and tribulations/mild discomfort] in order to arrive here! You have left behind [doom and danger/familiar friendly forts] all in hope of [a fresh start/new opportunities/safety]. Let me be the first to [welcome/interrogate] all of you. I am [Insert Name Here], the [noble/brave/infamous] [Overseer/Warlord/Tyrant] and I will be directing your efforts in the coming months. Please be seated, and fill out the forms in front of you so that we will learn more about you. This information will be used to place you in labor pools, so be honest. The future of [this fortress/our race/your continued non-tortured existence] rides on these forms." I line the immigrants up in alphabetical order, naturally. First up is Clanrat, a dabbling ranger.    Clanrat is not particularly good at any one thing, but is related to sharktamer and AmishSpecialForces. He can find shelter with his relations and join the regular labor pool. Hopefully his wife rzal who also arrived in this wave can find shelter with them as well. Next is Enfield, a child.    He arrives with both his parents, and already has an older brother in the fortress. This will make his naturalization easier since an existing citizen will presumably sponsor him. Following his is Grittybeard, a siege operator.    He has no relations, but brings his drake with him. His skillset is mostly intangible, but he may prove useful in a siege or as a tradesdwarf. Placed into the General Labor Pool. Now that I have the forms ready, I might as well make a record of myself.    I arrive with a bevy of skills that well suit me to be an Overseer. In addition to those, I have practical qualifications and certified expertise in crafting stone. I only dissect animals as a hobby, to relax and unwind. Set as Overseer, set as Craftdwarf post-term. My daughter has arrived with his wave, my lovely little Reverence.    She can stay with my wife and I until she decides on a career. Rodyle arrives with his wife Tyskil and son, Enfield.    Rodyle is excellent at carving bones, which will be handy in disposing of the dozens of corpses cluttering up the place. Assigned to the Craft Labor Pool. rzaL comes to us as part of a large clan.    While only moderately good at farming, I can place rzaL with the Farming Labor Pool. rzaL has so many relatives in the fortress I can only hope they get some work done between reunions. Simurgho left her husband behind to join us.    Simurgho has a number of skills, chief among them stonework. She will make a good addition to the Craft Labor Pool. Spork came with her daughter, following her handsome husband LeJackal.    While highly intelligent, personable, and beautiful, her best skills are put to the most efficient use in the kitchen. She is assigned to the Farming Labor Pool. Tyskil completes the family unit with her husband Rodyle and son, Enfield.    Being so fine a Marksdwarf, I draft her into the military immediately. I hope that the Walled Skies can make good use of her! I update the Military List, to indicate the newest member of the martial order.  21st Sandstone More murk has arrived. I will note that Fortress Directive 26(b) now makes it explicitly forbidden to enter the Murk.  Luckily no-one does. The rest of Sandstone passes without incident. LeJackal fucked around with this message at 12:51 on Nov 16, 2012 |
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Nov 16, 2012 01:48
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I hadn't actually noticed until now, but back on October 28th the dwarfing list surpassed 600 goons. Remarkable! We've now seen about 315 dwarfed, not including temporary visitors from beyond the known dimension, so we're more than halfway through.
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Nov 16, 2012 02:23
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More Dwarven attachment parenting. An 18 year-old "child" is despicable, Mr. Overseer! Awesome updates so far. I particularly enjoy the naturalization form.
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Nov 16, 2012 03:41
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LeJackal, your updates are coming too frequently and I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Can we get some OP intervention on this please? 
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Nov 16, 2012 03:55
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Bad Munki posted:LeJackal, your updates are coming too frequently and I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Can we get some OP intervention on this please? Do you want me to slow down, Bad Munki?
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Nov 16, 2012 04:15
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Doesn't matter to me, I don't even know how to read.
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Nov 16, 2012 04:16
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Bad Munki posted:Doesn't matter to me, I don't even know how to read. I suppose that post was just a lucky guess?
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Nov 16, 2012 05:07
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Bad Munki posted:LeJackal, your updates are coming too frequently and I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Can we get some OP intervention on this please? The quicker he gets through his year, the sooner your chance of losing out to the RNG again. 
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Nov 16, 2012 05:17
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Bad Munki posted:LeJackal, your updates are coming too frequently and I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Can we get some OP intervention on this please? This is a BAD THREADPOST. Your negativity has been noted and the RNG will take this into account next time the overseership is considered.
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Nov 16, 2012 05:24
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Veloxyll posted:This is a BAD THREADPOST. That'd be an improvement, as it certainly hasn't taken any of my other antics into account. 
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Nov 16, 2012 05:33
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Sure it has, and it judged you harshly.
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Nov 16, 2012 05:35
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drat you all, every last one of you.
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Nov 16, 2012 05:38
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Bad Munki posted:Can we get some OP intervention on this please? LeJackal is the most communicative Overseer. He sends me IMs and worries about if his screenshots are cropped good enough. LeJackal is a Good Overseer.
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Nov 16, 2012 05:48
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Just wanted to say a few words of encouragement. LeJackal is doing a fine job with this thread.
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Nov 16, 2012 06:00
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Agreed, this turn has been fantastic so far. Keep it up!
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Nov 16, 2012 06:06
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20 goondorfs to go until I'm in! Hopefully we get a nice big wave so that I can enter under our wonderful efficient current overseer instead of whichever Bad overseer follows him...
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Nov 16, 2012 06:32
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^^^ Spoiler: You will appear in a migration wave. During a siege.
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Nov 16, 2012 06:37
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Is there a link for the dwarf list?
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Nov 16, 2012 07:21
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 13 Sandstone, 243 Dear Diary, I'm sorry I haven't written during the trip until now, travel tends to disagree with me for some reason. But as we near our destination I find myself hopeful somehow. Tomorrow we arrive at Bronzestabbed. Hopefully things get off to a better start there than this trip did. We all know I spend hours combing my beard and hair every morning, but as I was hurrying up to the caravan the bustle in the area overcame me. I was drenched by a passing wagon splashing a puddle and just a second later a mule knocked me over. Luckily I landed in a bit of sand so I wasn't injured, but no more did I regain my feet than my traveling companions found me. I was instantly Grittybeard. One of the dwarves we were traveling with got called ahead. Someone said he was going to be the next Overseer of Bronzestabbed but I can't believe it. No one without any Record Keeping experience would be assigned that job, surely. I mean, I'm not amazing at it myself, but I can hold my own. This LeJackal fellow couldn't keep track of fine barrels of dwarven rum to save his life. I suppose at least I won't have to worry about things being overly officious once we arrive, it'll be nice to just ease into fortress life. Dumat is doing well, although I think he misses his lady duck friends. For some reason they would always hide when they saw him coming, I think it is a game that ducks play. Grittybeard fucked around with this message at 04:33 on Nov 17, 2012 |
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Nov 16, 2012 07:30
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LowellDND posted:Is there a link for the dwarf list? First page, second post. I only know this because I check it religiously after every migration :P 3 away from being dorfed hell yeahhhhh
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Nov 16, 2012 11:36
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14 Sandstone; Someyearorother NineOfEight's Journal Dear Journal; Life has been boring the past few overseers, it lacks a certain je ne sais quoi. Maybe it's because of my crutch slowing me down, but I never seem to get into any of the good fights, and the glass furnaces seem to be more decorative than functional. Meanwhile I'm almost 21 and no good Dwarf bulging with muscles has seen fit to propose to swap spores with me. Am I ugly journal? I don't think so, I shed my childling weight long ago when I went through all that terrible fighting and training, so why am I so unapealling? Does my lack of foot disfigure me forever? Well, I might as well ask our overseer. Maybe one of his strange papers holds the answer. -Nine of Eight
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Nov 16, 2012 15:45
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I decided to look where I was on the dwarfing list. And discovered that, despite signing up for it a few months ago, I'm not on it. So not only is the so-called 'RNG' passing on Bad Munki every time, but now names are disappearing from the dwarfing list?  I'm onto you, Leperflesh!
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Nov 16, 2012 17:26
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SirPhoebos posted:
Remember how the "RNG" kept Leperfish the dwarf from being prosecuted? I think we're all on to Mr. Dwarftits.
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Nov 16, 2012 17:36
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SirPhoebos posted:
You misspelled your own name, doofus. #540. Nine of Eight posted:14 Sandstone; Someyearorother Grittybeard posted:13 Sandstone, 233 243.
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Nov 16, 2012 17:52
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Absolutely love the work you're doing on this year, LeJackal. We've had beurocrats before, but never this OTT or this well done. I'm going to start filling in the forms needed to host meetings on forming a committee to assess whether you can be recognized as Good Overseer.
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Nov 16, 2012 19:29
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Leperflesh posted:You misspelled your own name, doofus. #540. .....oh 
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Nov 16, 2012 19:33
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Bene Elim posted:Absolutely love the work you're doing on this year, LeJackal. We've had beurocrats before, but never this OTT or this well done. I'm the committee and LeJackal is the best.
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Nov 16, 2012 19:40
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 22:16 |
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Leperflesh posted:243. Doh, I went back and looked and everything, then still took 10 years off what i meant to. Or perhaps my dwarf is easily discouraged because he's been expecting to arrive somewhere every day for the last 10 years without doing so. Edited the right year in.
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Nov 17, 2012 04:35
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