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Neddy Seagoon posted:I honestly thought Pickled Tink had had a turn already at some point (thus giving me a clean shot at overseership), but I guess that must've just been from all the excitement about him being locked in that magma-covered cell. Congrats, Tink! You are getting your tiny ghostly children confused, obviously.  How will Pickled Tink go from Unlikely Narrator to Ghostly Overseer? Stay tuned!
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May 7, 2013 20:45
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Leperflesh posted:Congatulations, Pickled Tink! You're our next Overseer!  Now I am wondering how nvining knew.  e: Gah! HOW DID YOU GET THERE
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May 8, 2013 00:53
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GrimRevenant posted:Now I am wondering how nvining knew. ... I KNEW
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May 8, 2013 00:59
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This was a really good turn, I couldn't help but imagine it being narrated by the guy who does the Nightvale Podcast. 
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May 8, 2013 01:01
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 I can smell him. He is back. He may not look the same, but I know it's him. I went to take a piss for two seconds and that rear end in a top hat told the migrants to leave without me. He left me in my shithole city (that was under siege no less!) for another entire season just waiting for the next group of migrants to depart. Another year sitting on my rear end when I could have been relaxing in Bronzestabbed. A year being terrified our city would be overrun when I could have been here in Bronzestabbed admiring amazing crafts on glorious soap pedestals. But noooo, he loving left me. I will have my revenge. Somehow, some way, someone will look the other way for a moment and I will have my revenge. In this fortress or the next, revenge will be mine.
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May 8, 2013 03:05
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Did anyone here that? I thought I heard something. Ehh, it was probably nothing. Nothing worth worrying about, anyhow. As good as nothing. If that, even.
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May 8, 2013 03:16
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 1st of Limestone 248 Queen Sankis sat on her throne chewing a plump helmet. This was not unusual. It was a very nice throne, after all, befitting her station. What was unusual was a large group of dwarves. She hesitated to use the term "unruly mob" but their attitude was sorely testing her patience. "...and in light of all these disasters, not least of which was the collapse of an enormous carved block of diorite into the magma near the forges, we must insist on you reinstating the position of Overseer for the fortress" HUNDREDHOGS the mayor was saying. "I, of course, volunteer for the position" she continued. Sankis sat back quietly, raising a hand to her chin thoughtfully. It was true, she reflected. The dwarves of Bronzestabbed, indeed the Rare Ship, had not learned the lesson she was trying to teach them. Sure they could survive, and indeed create works of wonder, but they all seemed to lack the drive to work together on their own initiative towards greater things. There would be need of some form of leadership but how could she teach them the lesson that needed to be learned if they had an overseer? Suddenly inspiration struck, and she shook her head. "I agree. The position of overseer must be reinstated. As Queen, it falls to me to make the choice. Sadly, due to your failures this past year I cannot select any of you." Gasps went around the room, and suddenly the room was full of agitated whispering which slowly grew louder. Leperfish stepped forward. "Am I to take it that you will assume the role of overseer?" he asked, his confusion plain for all to see. "No," Sankis replied, "over the years several dwarves of this fortress have entered my service and been assigned to duties that have taken them away for extended periods of time. It served my purposes that these dwarves be thought missing, and so I had no reason to correct you while you were compiling the records. It is from these dwarves that I shall select the next overseer." It was perfect. She could pass on the barest instructions to keep the fortress running while maintaining her project. She opened her desk and withdrew the slab upon which Leperfish had engraved the names of the missing dwarves and made a show of looking through it, shaking her head mock-sadly at several dwarves on the list to reinforce the lie she was spinning. Finally she found a name suitable. A political dissident who had vanished during the overseer-ship of LeJackal. "I appoint my loyal servant Pickled Tink as overseer of Bronzestabbed, from now until the start of Autumn 249," she proclaimed. Before she could continue the air nearby distorted and a ghostly figure appeared. "I get to be overseer? WOW! Wait till I tell TildeATH about this!" The ghostly child shouted. "WOOHOO!" it cried as it drifted off and through the wall while the other dwarves looked on. Sankis was mortified. It was only through tremendous force of will and her own superior breeding that she maintained her composure, giving the assembled dwarves a knowing look. "I have spoken," she said simply. "You are dismissed." A short time later the room was empty save for the Queen. It was then, and only then that she allowed herself to flop forward, the weight of her crown bearing her head to her cold table. Suddenly she heard a soft clapping. "Well done, your majesty," said Bad Munki "Well done indeed!" ---- Outside in the hallway "Overseer!" Leperfish cried, trying to get the attention of the obviously enthused ghost. "Wait! There are things you must know to run the fortress." Pickled Tink stopped and turned to face Leperfish. "Ok. Daddy believed in you and you were always good to me before. I want to do even better than TildeATH so help me." And so Leperfish explained the state of the fortress to the ghostly Overseer. Pickled Tink ectoplasmed himself and floated, a look of horror on his face. "Um... Can I not be Overseer?" he squeaked. "By order of Queen Sankis: No." Leperfish replied.
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May 9, 2013 03:21
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Oh this is gonna be great-
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May 9, 2013 03:45
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Yessss. "Oh no! I was trying to fix the thing but then three dwarves got burned alive in floods of magma! Being ghost overseer is HARD."
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May 9, 2013 03:57
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Pickled Tink posted:And so Leperfish explained the state of the fortress to the ghostly Overseer. This can only go well.
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May 9, 2013 10:31
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Did this LP already turn into "Let's keep Bad Munki alive by all means possible" or shall that evolve into this LP's shtick later?
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May 9, 2013 10:43
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Rurik posted:Did this LP already turn into "Let's keep Bad Munki alive by all means possible" or shall that evolve into this LP's shtick later? Not if Overseer kills him next update. 
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May 9, 2013 11:51
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my dad posted:Not if Overseer kills him next update. Dibs.
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May 9, 2013 12:29
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Bad Munki is the lp's Starscream
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May 9, 2013 13:59
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Veloxyll posted:This can only go well. Also, spoiler: Most of you were less effective than a Duck. Just saying. Writing the update now, will probably have it done by tomorrow evening.
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May 10, 2013 07:31
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I suspect a duck managed to kill a Forgotten Beast or something. You should've just sent Bad Munki. Instant victory.
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May 10, 2013 07:54
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The duck's probably a water necromancer.
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May 10, 2013 09:03
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Pickled Tink posted:nvining gets to take home the Bad Munki award for dwarf fortress fuckery. I had an eventful first day in office. Yay! I'd like to thank all the little people who made this possible and are now dead!
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May 10, 2013 09:34
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At least I'm still alive! And the mayor!
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May 10, 2013 11:58
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nvining posted:Yay! I'd like to thank all the little people who made this possible and are now dead! They're dwarves. They're all little people.
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May 10, 2013 18:48
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Pickled Tink posted:
That is so far away.
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May 10, 2013 19:15
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Die Zombie Die posted:That is so far away. ... I genuinely have no idea what I actually did, so - yes, I agree! What the gently caress did I do? 
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May 11, 2013 00:07
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nvining posted:... I genuinely have no idea what I actually did, so - yes, I agree! What the gently caress did I do? Maybe the vomit stockpile overflowed.
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May 11, 2013 00:29
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This is a poorly crafted parchment describing the passing of Boing Helmsscale, daughter of JimmyTheD Helmsscale. It is encrusted with tears and menaces with spikes of madness. My daughter is dead. Not in glorious battle, defending the fortress. Not in fire and convulsions at the hands of a forgotten beast. No, these would be meaningful deaths. My daughter died from a goblin thief. Ambushed... While tending to the bees she so loved in her adulthood. Only Tithleth knows the meaning of this, I fear... and both Etest and Ugath are laughing at us all. Last term, we had no overseer at all, and now? A ghost. I swear by Titthal, a ghost. Not the ghost of a warrior, or a great accountant, or even a humble Engineer like myself. No. The ghost of a child. We all witnessed it, Sankis believing herself so clever... and then it happened. I am uncertain I wish to live in a world where a ghost rules over the damned. And I dearly wish to rejoin my daughter, my late wife, and the rest of my family in the afterlife... ...I just wish that were more likely than haunting these damned halls forever after death, though.
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May 11, 2013 00:42
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Die Zombie Die posted:That is so far away. Maybe he moved to Australia this morning so the update is coming right now.
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May 11, 2013 01:07
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Spermy Smurf posted:Maybe he moved to Australia this morning so the update is coming right now. Or maybe he was already in Australia and moved to Alaska, so the update is coming tomorrow! 
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May 11, 2013 01:15
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Bad Munki posted:Or maybe he was already in Australia and moved to Alaska, so the update is coming tomorrow! You are a bad person.
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May 11, 2013 01:33
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In the Queens Tower "Do you know what a forgotten beast is, Overseer?" Leperfish asked the young ghost, then seeing the expression on his face quickly continued "They are creatures that wander the underworld, each different as though they were forged from the scraps left over from creation. We have a problem with one." "Aren't they weak things like that snow monster that died from a single blow?" Pickled Tink asked, unconcerned. "If only that were the case" Leperfish said, opening his binder and withdrawing a piece of paper with a description of the beast in question.  "I remember daddy talking about chert once. He didn't like it. He said it was really hard and-" Pickled Tink replied, but was cut off by a cry of alarm from down below.  "-it flaked really sharply so I think the beast could stab us real good and-" "Overseer!" Leperfish cried. "-I guess while I don't have to worry about poison gas you might and-" "OVERSEER!" "-I thi... yes Leperfish?" "There’s a Goblin ambush squad near the Sword gate!" Leperfish cried. "Then close the Sword gate!" Pickled Tink shouted before continuing in an enquiring tone "Goblins can't get in if we close the gate, right?"  "No, well not except through the ballista battery doors. But there are almost thirty dwarves outside Overseer. We can't just leave them" "Then gather the army!" ---- Outside Krysmdragon was having a bad day. She was sick of the old clothing she had been forced to wear, and the long patrol she was coming off. Most of all, however, she was annoyed by the Goblin Maceman that had smacked her in her pride and joy: Her forgotten beast scale shoes. "Argh!" she cried as her bones shattered.  She swung her axe clumsily at the goblin, but it brought its hard iron flail down on her hand, breaking it and causing her weapon to fall from her nerveless fingers. It laughed as it broke her other arm, just for the hell of it.  Disarmed and disabled, all Krysmdragon was able to do was scream as the goblin further mangled her body until she finally passed out from the pain:  At which point the goblin decided to use her head as a drum.  If she had been awake to hear it, she may have appreciated it's catchy beat. ---- Elsewhere  Shorter than Some was angry. He was angry because he was a miner, and damned good at it. He was not a nurse yet everyone called him one. He barely knew how to identify a cut for crying out loud. He was angry because he hated the sun. He was angry because some joker had volunteered him to pick up wood outside. Did they even use wood in the fortress anymore? This was such a waste of time. Dwarves wouldn't be doing this pointless make-work if there was an overseer about. About the only way his day could get worse is if a goblin attacked him from behind that bush. "Raar!" shouted a goblin, leaping out from behind that bush. "Eek!" squeaked Shorter than Some. "Crack" went the copper scourge. The bone in Shorter than Some's arm followed suit with some enthusiasm. Shorter than Some screamed as the goblin drew back for another blow.  ---- Nearby OniElem was on his way back to the sword gate from his task of gathering some plants. He had heard the alarm cry signalling an ambush and decided that bravery was the province of the soldiers like his wife and son, and his place as a metalcrafter was behind the nice solid walls of the fortress proper. Sipping a dwarven rum preferably. Unfortunately, he arrived shortly after the gate was raised. "YOU BASTARDS!" he cried to alert the dwarves to his presence. The sound of goblins nearby told him that was not all he had alerted to his presence. "Well bugger" he muttered. "What was that noise?" Spoke an evil voice before the goblins came into view. "Look! It has crutchies!" One of the goblins exclaimed to his comrades, pointing at OniElem. "Getses him!" cried another. "Aieeeee!" Screamed OniElem as he turned and fled, hobbling back off to the east past the great outdoor pond and northeast towards the ballista mounted near the river.  "This one fast!" shouted one of the fatter, slower goblins. "Grumph!" exclaimed another as it tripped over a shrub and got a mouthful of mud, washing away the foul taste of its earlier meal. Let the topic of goblin cuisine never again be mentioned. "GO CHASE SOMEONE ELSE!" screamed OniElem, vaulting over a young tree. ---- The Queens Tower "Leperfish, why are the dwarves running into the trench under the sword gate?" Pickled Tink asked.  "I do not know overseer. Your predecessors have made it very difficult to keep track of everything." The wise old dwarf replied. "Why not go inspect it yourself. You are a ghost after all" The ghostly childs eyes brightened at the suggestion, and he eagerly headed off towards the gate, drifting down from the tower across the courtyard to the cries of "Eek! A ghost!". It did not take the young ghost very long to discover the problem. "There’s a hole in the wall leading to the fortress down there Leperfish" Pickled Tink explained when he returned a short time later.  "I'm going to order it plugged, if that's okay with you Leperfish" the ghostly child said "I just don't see the point of a gate that doesn't lock enemies out" "You are the overseer. It is your responsibility to make these decisions. I shall help, of course. I think sealing that hole is an excellent idea." Leperfish spoke kindly. "Now that we have a moment, I need to draw your attention to the forgotten beast I mentioned earlier." "What about it?" "Well, at last report it is sitting in the sterilizer control room chewing on levers, just south of the main forges."  "Weapons aren't going to work on that thing, are they?" "I doubt it. Many dwarves would die if it were to move, or we were to attack it. Unless you have some ghost powers...?" Leperfish enquired. "No but..." Pickled Tink turned and stopped a passing mason. "There's a forgotten beast chewing on levers in the sterilizer control room. As overseer I order you to wall up the access to that room. Quietly." "Rightawaymroverseersir" said the dwarf, glancing from the ghost to Leperfish and back again while backing away quickly before breaking into a sprint for the stairs. "Yay, people respect me!" ---- At the magma forges GrimRevenant was terrified. A ghost had spoken to her, and worse still, Leperfish was calling it Overseer. What was the world coming to when the dead not only wouldn't stay dead, but got placed in positions of high office? Still, she had an order from a legitimate overseer (Appointed by the Queen herself, apparently) and therefore a job to carry out. She had grabbed two other dwarves as she headed down to the forges and now she, UraniumAnchor the Animal Trainer, and HONK HONK HONK the Carpenter were planning how to block off the passage. "We'll build the wall here" GrimRevenant said, back out of the beasts view. Do not enter the room. Theres a boulder nearby so I'll use that to put up the first segment."  "The two of you will grab blocks from the stockpile up there. I don't care what kind, and move in when I'm done." "I've been watching how animals move" said UraniumAnchor. "Remember to not put all your weight into your steps at once. Keeps you quieter." A short time later GrimRevenant was creeping down the corridor. Foremost in her thoughts was "I wish someone else was told to do this". Still, she was a master mason and she had a job to do and made her way to the marble boulder in the corridor and lugged it into position, stting it so that the rest of the all could be joined as seamlessly and sturdily as possible. She retreated as HONK HONK HONK arrived and started sealing her block of diorite into the new wall, having a much easier time with the pre-cut stone.  HONK HONK HONK retreated as UraniumArcher showed up with his block of limestone.  A loud crash emanated from inside the control room, but UraniumArcher was a veteran with dealing with angry and violent animals, though he would freely admit that none of them were as dangerous as this particular beast, and kept his wits about him while completing the wall and sealing the forgotten beast Thefin inside.  "I don't know about the rest of you lot," HONK HONK HONK spoke once they were all clear "but I think I need a drink". ---- Outside "Oh crap oh crap oh crap!" muttered OniElem as he reached the river, goblins hot on his heel. "Stops Dwarf! We won'ts hurt you!" jeered one of the goblin pursuers. "Bullshit!" OniElem screamed back before realising he was about to enter murk country. Oh gods why couldn't he have paid attention? He was practically cornered. "Oh well, nothing for it" He muttered, and quickly turned back, trying to break back past his goblin pursuers and trying to run to the west. He stabbed his crutch into the ground and span around it, yanking it free as he changed direction, surprising the goblins. One swung a silver scourge at him and he felt a brief sting but he was out past them.   "HAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU CAN'T CATCH ME YOU LITTLE SHITS!" OniElem screamed. "Come back and we take your other leg!" the goblin lasher screeched back. ---- Inside the ballista corridor The military was gathering. It was doing it painfully slowly though as a result of a year without an overseer to maintain discipline. Dirty Frank had had enough. He'd been on duty for weeks, the very sight of the sun made him sick, and above all else he was tired. "You know what, blow this. I'm tired and I've been working non stop. Screw the lot of you, I'm going to bed." he loudly and rudely exclaimed before storming off to do just that.  ---- Outside, atop a hill Sunbro watched as OniElem ran towards him, spitting obsceneties at the half dozen goblins pursuing him. Still, he had his routine to go through. Check the crossbow, make sure the gears are all oiled, slide in the bolt, and ensure the string is nice and tight. You have to do these things right, after all. Only after all this was completed did Sunbro finally sight down his crossbow and fire two quick shots, taking the goblin in the gut and chest.  He nodded to himself, satisfied as the mortally wounded goblin fell and tried to crawl away. He put a couple more bolts into it for good measure before sighting in on the next and sending a bolt whizzing past his ear. "drat" he muttered to himself watching the goblins turn and run.  Still, he unloaded a few more bolts at them to make sure they didn't get any ideas of coming back. OniElem came up the hill behind him and shouted "You, my friend, are the best dwarf in the whole bloody WORLD! Thank you!"  ---- In the fields A goblin crept slowly through the undergrowth towards the fortress the hated dwarves had named "bronzestabbed", careful not to be spotted and grinned silently. The ambush squad had failed, and been utterly humiliated by a limping one legged dwarf. It didn't bother him, may even mean advancement for him at home. The defenders would be out of the way and nothing would be able to stop him from grabbing one of those oblivious dwarven children. As he reached a bush he heard a rustling noise from behind him. He froze, eyes scanning for the source ears listening for any hint that he had been detected. Confident he had not, he turned to investigate. He took one step and a duck exploded out from the bush in front of him. he cried out in panic and stabbed at it, knocking it down. It stood up again quickly and quacked at him threateningly. A cry went up from the nearby dwarves at the gates and he bowled the creature over as it tried to nip at his foot.   ---- The Queens Tower Pickled Tink and Leperfish looked on from above as the goblin snatcher fled chased by an angry limping duck. Both were also glad to see OniElem and Sunbro returning to the fortress. They had also received word that the forgotten beast had been sealed away. A crisis had been averted, mainly through dumb luck. Pickled Tink wanted to imagine some of it had been because of his decisive overseeing though. "Now, young overseer, you must learn the most difficult part of being overseer." Leperfish remarked. "And what might that be?" asked the overseer. "The paperwork, of course!" Leperfish replied with a grin. Pickled Tink's face went pale and Leperfish laughed.
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May 11, 2013 10:16
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This is wonderful. Also, how are the other casualties? Did that one dwarf survive the head pounding?
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May 11, 2013 10:25
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Oh right. I never did order a moat builtin front of the main balista line. No idea if it was me or nvining who knocked the hole in the wall. Might have been me for orpse recovery while the sword gate was down.
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May 11, 2013 10:32
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This is going to be another amazing year! 
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May 11, 2013 10:32
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GrabbinPeels posted:This is wonderful. Well, you know once you get a tune in your head, you cant really get it out?
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May 11, 2013 10:44
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GrabbinPeels posted:Also, how are the other casualties? Did that one dwarf survive the head pounding? nvining posted:... I genuinely have no idea what I actually did, so - yes, I agree! What the gently caress did I do? 1: Every tree and plant outside was designated for harvesting. I probably underestimated the number of dwarves outside/going outside at the start because of that task. 2: Goblin ambush immediately. Technically not your fault but I'm blaming you anyway. 3: Thefin in the sterilizer control room is the big one. When I spotted him and saw his nature I totally panicked. I had visions of a stone terminator marching through the fortress blasting everyone with acidic nerve gas and shrugging off everything the dwarves could throw at it (This would have been awesome if it had been later in the turn). I was originally starting to move some soldiers to try and kill it when the ambush hit, at which point I just sat there for a few minutes muttering "Oh gods oh gods what do I do?!". I spent the next hour and a half paused trying to figure out what to do while talking to Leperflesh. You gave me the best springboard ever. Pickled Tink fucked around with this message at 11:47 on May 11, 2013 |
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May 11, 2013 11:45
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WHO UNSEALED MY PLUG?   I sealed that when I accidentally opened it, but I guess SOMEBODY had to go and remove that construction, which led to a HORRIBLY UNSECURE FORTRESS!
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May 11, 2013 13:20
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Sky Shadowing posted:WHO UNSEALED MY PLUG? I think the mantra of Bronzestabbed by now is, "When in doubt, blame Bad Munki."
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May 11, 2013 14:52
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And here I was worried we hadn't had enough Forgotten Beasts. I just wish the levers were critical, and irreplaceable.
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May 11, 2013 16:07
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Pickled Tink posted:1: Every tree and plant outside was designated for harvesting. I probably underestimated the number of dwarves outside/going outside at the start because of that task. They are actually secretly harvest vomit, while disguised as treecutters. quote:2: Goblin ambush immediately. Technically not your fault but I'm blaming you anyway. Not taking credit for that, no. quote:3: Thefin in the sterilizer control room is the big one. When I spotted him and saw his nature I totally panicked. I had visions of a stone terminator marching through the fortress blasting everyone with acidic nerve gas and shrugging off everything the dwarves could throw at it (This would have been awesome if it had been later in the turn). I was originally starting to move some soldiers to try and kill it when the ambush hit, at which point I just sat there for a few minutes muttering "Oh gods oh gods what do I do?!". I spent the next hour and a half paused trying to figure out what to do while talking to Leperflesh. Hah. Okay, so this is *probably* the Forgotten Beast that harassed Red October before it ran off in the final chunk of my updates. Alternately, this is NOT the Forgotten Beast that harassed Red October before it ran off in the final chunk of my updates. I tried to figure out which one it was but they had all buggered off underwater. So somewhere there is a crack in the fortress defenses. Not sure where.
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May 11, 2013 19:32
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OhCrap posted:And here I was worried we hadn't had enough Forgotten Beasts. I wish forgotten beasts could pull levers.
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May 12, 2013 00:22
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Angela Christine posted:I wish forgotten beasts could pull levers. So basically this: 
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May 12, 2013 04:03
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SirPhoebos posted:So basically this: Always this. A thousand times this.
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May 12, 2013 17:23
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