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 Once when I was a lad, I visited a seer. He told me that my destiny, my purpose, would be found "Where the Gods Laugh". For a long time, I thought this was the senseless blubbering of any charlatan. But today I hear of the greatest battle fought by dwarfkind in decades...against a giant, blind, fire-breathing turkey! Near a score of dwarves fell to bring down the bumbling, off-balanced beast. I asked where this battle was fought. The conversation turned quiet. After buying a few rounds, I learn the name of the fortress: "Bronzestabbed". Surely, a hold where the greatest danger is the fowl served on Queensday's Feast can be called a place "Where the Gods Laugh". I have discovered my purpose. I will set off for Bronzestabbed at once! May I bring honor to the Gods in whatever way they desire!
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Aug 8, 2012 05:36
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 15:01 |
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Lpix is currently malfunctioning. I will update the 2nd post with links once it's up and running and I can more easily identify everyone's contributions. In the meantime, it would seem I'm possibly going to die due to depression. However my dwarf has a trait of being generally cheerful, so perhaps that will save me. Anyway, quite a dramatic turn for the fortress, the first losses from among the Starting Seven.
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Aug 8, 2012 06:43
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OhCrap posted:Found near a pile of ashes presumed to be former overseer and militia captain OhCrap Mountainmist. I have the most terrible idea. Dwarves make soap from lye, right? And lye from ashes? You see where I'm going with this. OhCrap Soap: the Best Dwarf Magic. Protecting dwarves to death and beyond!
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Aug 8, 2012 07:01
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An Epitaph for OhCrappre:_____________________________________ / HEED! \ / \ ¦ Here OhCrap Mountainmist does do Dead ¦ ¦ ¦ ¦ OhCrap was made Dead in Spring of ¦ ¦ 239 by Titan Kovest Earthenrivers ¦ ¦ ¦ ¦ OhCrap was Good Dwarf ¦ ¦ OhCrap was Good Wife ¦ ¦ OhCrap was
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Aug 8, 2012 08:18
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A massacre as beautiful as this needs lovely MSPaint art. I started drawing Willie as a man and later realized he is a she, I think it adds character.
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Aug 8, 2012 08:45
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idonotlikepeas posted:That really was an amazing fight. Let's just hope nothing else shows up before the next migrant wave that needs a functional militia. I'm taking odds of 5 to 1 on a minotarrrr. 7 to 1 on a goblin siege. 8 to 1 on a FB 25 to 1 on a Water Necromancer Maybe someone will even remember to lock the damned internal hatch when they patch up the walls  Kaishai posted:I have the most terrible idea. Dwarves make soap from lye, right? And lye from ashes? OhCrap Mountainmist The Soap of Magic enjoyed a nice soapy bath lately Bene Elim posted:An Epitaph for OhCrap :iamafag: Love it. OhCrap fucked around with this message at 12:04 on Aug 8, 2012 |
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Aug 8, 2012 09:20
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Some statistics ...
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Aug 8, 2012 13:11
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Well I did nothing and got burned to death by turkeythulu. Just like all my attempts at a fortress.
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Aug 8, 2012 13:31
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Glad to see the fortress survived, though the next month of gloom and crankying should be Fun. Chipping in with an agreement, hell of a nattated battle.
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Aug 8, 2012 16:30
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OhCrap posted:Some statistics ... Nice, but there were definitely more than zero bad jokes during my overseership.  I've just updated the 2nd post, so if you recently posted content please check and make sure it's there.
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Aug 8, 2012 16:58
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Leperflesh posted:Nice, but there were definitely more than zero bad jokes during my overseership. I'm afraid the definition of a Dwarven Bad Joke is that you describe it to be such either before, during, or immediately after its telling. They're a literal society, you know.
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Aug 8, 2012 17:09
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Wow, unbelievable mayhem that was! 14 dead dwarves... They are our very own heroes, Bronzestabbed has been baptised in blood.  Now let's just hope a siege doesn't show up.
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Aug 8, 2012 19:03
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That was epic, now craft more armour and weapons!  At least we'll be able to equip the now smaller militia better.
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Aug 8, 2012 19:46
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Demiurge4 posted:That was epic, now craft more armour and weapons! Good news: We suddenly have a large, unexpected surplus of weapons and armor!
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Aug 8, 2012 20:19
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Tarox posted:A massacre as beautiful as this needs lovely MSPaint art. That ash pile is a beautiful touch.
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Aug 8, 2012 20:53
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Alright, I'm ready for the next update.
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Aug 8, 2012 20:57
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TildeATH posted:I'm afraid the definition of a Dwarven Bad Joke is that you describe it to be such either before, during, or immediately after its telling. They're a literal society, you know. 23rd Felsite 236 posted:23rd Felsite OK maybe that doesn't count.
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Aug 9, 2012 00:05
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1st Slate 239 In 16 Timber 236 I recorded speech given to dwarves of Bronzestabbed. I repeat it here: quote:“Bad Munki,” I asked, and again the Militia Commander stood to attention. “What is the duty of a soldier?” In the early spring of 239, Bad Munki Bomreknitig was struck down by the brush titan Kovest Earthenrivers the Oars of Wind in Bronzestabbed. The Overseer tells migrants are coming and therefore a titan must be slain lest they be slain. The overseer Rawkking is correct. Bad Munki did duty to fortress and comrades. Many other dwarves did duty as well. Bad Munki died of fire and of honor. I did not fight. I brought Bad Munki here. I convinced dwarves to come. I made Bad Munki militia commander. I clad Bad Munki in bronze and leather. I killed my friend Bad Munki Bomreknitig. It is the cost of Sankis' gambit, the price of the Noble Work. The cost is too high. For all of the Rare Ship, the cost is too high.
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Aug 9, 2012 00:15
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Leperflesh posted:OK maybe that doesn't count. I will include it in the spreadsheet and it will show next time I update the unOfficial Statistics if ever, but all Bad Jokes must be noted as such in future I'm still in the lead for Bad Jokes, anyway
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Aug 9, 2012 02:53
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Man, death by cleansing fire is the opposite of rot and corruption. However, my dwarf's wife was also killed by a brush titan, so I wonder if he felt regretful or fulfilled at the end.
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Aug 9, 2012 02:56
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I think a death by a titan's fire is a Good Death, although I do hope Peas can carry on without his wife. Did they have offspring? That's going to be a fun talk.
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Aug 9, 2012 04:13
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Plek posted:I think a death by a titan's fire is a Good Death, although I do hope Peas can carry on without his wife. Did they have offspring? That's going to be a fun talk. A fun talk, and a fun dinner! They'll be eating the monster that killed daddy for months.
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Aug 9, 2012 06:38
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During the update when the murk showed up, did anyone else hope to see Kovest getting murked?
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Aug 9, 2012 10:52
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Rurik posted:During the update when the murk showed up, did anyone else hope to see Kovest getting murked? Yes, and I feel like a bad person for it, felt like I was making light of the sacrifices for Bronzestabbed that have been made. And then I laughed at the thought of a blind undead turkey that shoots fireballs.
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Aug 9, 2012 11:47
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Rurik posted:During the update when the murk showed up, did anyone else hope to see Kovest getting murked? Heh, yep. That would've been perfect.
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Aug 9, 2012 15:54
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Rurik posted:During the update when the murk showed up, did anyone else hope to see Kovest getting murked? I really wanted to see it.
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Aug 9, 2012 18:09
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Can forgotten beasts be murked? I've never seen or heard of it. Also, where the dwarf is my dwarfing update?
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Aug 9, 2012 18:59
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I don't know if forgotten beasts can be murked, but it'd be fun if the next group of goblins to come by wound up getting murked. At least it'd make up for not getting to see Kovest get it like I wanted. 
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Aug 9, 2012 19:03
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You guys do realize that our military was just utterly decimated, right? A murked goblin raid would mean we'd probably be forced to turtle to survive, and might lose an entire migration wave to them.
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Aug 9, 2012 19:09
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Leperflesh posted:You guys do realize that our military was just utterly decimated, right? A murked goblin raid would mean we'd probably be forced to turtle to survive, and might lose an entire migration wave to them. And that's a bad thing because??
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Aug 9, 2012 19:11
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Look, I'm not saying we'd definitely lose the fortress in year 4 with what you're talking about, but if you're seriously saying "hey I hope the fortress gets utterly hosed in year four! That'd be great!" then I just can't agree. There's also about four hundred and fifty goons still waiting to get dwarfed, so losing a whole wave (and probably not getting more waves for a while) would suck for them too.
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Aug 9, 2012 19:19
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Leperflesh posted:Look, I'm not saying we'd definitely lose the fortress in year 4 with what you're talking about, but if you're seriously saying "hey I hope the fortress gets utterly hosed in year four! That'd be great!" then I just can't agree. There's also about four hundred and fifty goons still waiting to get dwarfed, so losing a whole wave (and probably not getting more waves for a while) would suck for them too. Also is there a tower in the region? I mean it's evil and you mentioned it in the backstory in some fashion, so I assumed the tower has access. I'm curious how anyone would survive an undead siege no matter how well-prepared the overseer, nevermind the possibility of some other siege group (or merchants even) getting murked.
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Aug 9, 2012 19:43
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Any problem can be solved with
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Aug 9, 2012 20:26
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TildeATH posted:Can forgotten beasts be murked? I've never seen or heard of it. Depends on if they have the [CANNOT_UNDEAD] tag. If I had to guess I'd say they are immune though.
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Aug 9, 2012 20:26
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Nakar posted:Also is there a tower in the region? I mean it's evil and you mentioned it in the backstory in some fashion, so I assumed the tower has access. I'm curious how anyone would survive an undead siege no matter how well-prepared the overseer, nevermind the possibility of some other siege group (or merchants even) getting murked. I consider the answer to this question to be a spoiler. So I will neither confirm nor deny. I will say however that the backstory carefully did not say exactly where the tower in that story was located, in relation to The Rare Ship and/or Bronzestabbed.
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Aug 9, 2012 20:30
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Leperflesh posted:I will say however that the backstory carefully did not say exactly where the tower in that story was located, in relation to The Rare Ship and/or Bronzestabbed. "Such matters are important," replied the Envoy, "but alas that is not the reason for my visit. I bring orders from the Mountainhomes instructing you to evacuate immediately, for the sake of your lives and your souls. Our greatest rune-sages have traced the necromantic invocations, and they're coming from beneath the fortress." Yeah, I know that necromancer towers and demonic fortresses are different things, but I couldn't resist the obvious Hollywood reference.
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Aug 9, 2012 22:29
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 2nd slate It has been over a week since the beast was slain and yet Kovest's fire continues to consume the brush. Some vegetation is spared which gives me hope that it shall not spread to the surrounding areas and danger the migrants.  Click here for the full 1276x1004 image I also spot antitonic wandering around the fort on her own two legs. She began to walk on Granite 27th, a mere couple days after Kovest's fall.  The mayor Kaishai's turkey gobbler is found strutting around in the corpse stockpile, covered in the burnt slag of our fallen warriors. I shall have to speak to her about this.  Cerol is in the same state and location as before, somehow completely unharmed by the flames that swept through his living quarters. ...someone needs to clean these birds. This is unnerving.  At the least, Idles has been released from the hospital. Only Magrov and Star Guarded remain.  Although treatment has progressed I worry for Star Guarded.  5th Slate Scamtank begins to work on his project, having found all he needs. I order some cage traps placed near the stockpile. I worry of wild animals or worse approaching this mass grave. I later discover that my order has been misinterpreted and the cages place on display need to be removed, replaced with actual traps. A significantly less morbid display than live animals in a mass grave. whoops  Zapdos continues to wander the forging area and great hall, looking increasingly emaciated.  Most give him a fair distance but some particularly devoted worshipers of Ugath congratulate and cheer for him and his "sacrifice". 6th slate Kaishai does not have the turkey cleaned but ends her trade prohibitions which is useful for possibility of elves coming to trade in spring.  Overthefalls, already unfortunately familiar with death, carries the hero Nomikos to a final resting place. The coffins are mostly finished and I order them placed so that heroes such as geri_khan do not have to decay alongside pets. Bad Munki's war cheetah Urist paces around the area where his master turned to ash.  Scamtank continues to work without heed of others. I really do not think he should drink the morning dew of that grass...  No gain can compare to the loss of fourteen brave dwarves, but that is a lot of meat.  7th slate Most post-battle work has been completed and it is time for the unfortunate task of remanning the diminished military. All patrols are currently cancelled as in this state I cannot afford to lose more soldiers. Citizens are warned of the new state of the wilds and told to plan accordingly. GNU Order, our Fortress Guard, is assigned a proper uniform. It is made clear to them that punishments to lawbreakers will be made not with shooting but with the actual crossbow itself. Ammo is still assigned for training and in case of thieves and other fortress intruders.  They are now more than sufficiently clothed.  Mortal Sword and Fiddler Three have been placed onto active duty along with fresh recruits Peas, Barbarossa, and Helical Nightmares into the new squad The Rainy Boots, the new name reminding them to train hard lest they meet a fate similar to the Stormy Lancers. Mortal Sword was one of the few qualified dwarves in a quite diminished talent pool for militia commander.  ...with the definite exception of Internet Kraken, but Tradition dictates that melee soldiers are to be considered first and foremost for militia commander. Himself and his subordinates Olesh and Mzbundifund have received a score of new soldiers to train. Some are promising such as the ranger Pladdicus and formerly retired archer Antique, others are raw and untested. The squad is off-duty this month but soon training shall begin.  Idles has been promoted to militia captain of the Creations of Luck with the unfortunate loss of the dedicated leader OhCrap. With the number of wounded and crutch-bound soldiers in it the squad is in poor condition and extremely immobile. However when they learn to handle their handicaps and recover from wounds the squad could easily outfight the far greener Rainy Boots.  Finally the Nets of Charm, even with the reassignment of Mortal Sword and Fiddler Three, is still being run as a training squad for possible future military talent. La Croix, Three Phase, and woytaz all have professions valuable to the fort but with plenty of downtime between assignments. They may now spend this time learning to protect Bronzestabbed should disaster strike and we have need of able warriors.  We have need of finely crafted weapons but we shall not have them just yet as Vox Nihili and Nettle Soup celebrate Bronzestabbed's first Thanksgiving, in honor of not only those who fought the Brush Titan Kovest but of all of those who have sacrificed their lives to ensure that we may survive in this hostile environment. They drink fine brews and eat for their mutual long-term acquaintance Bad Munki as some of the children watch. The rest of the fort seems reluctant to stop their work with full awareness of how vulnerable we now are. Hopefully next year the fort will be in better shape and proper festivities may be had.  I order the masons to construct a second floor above the Trade Depot, marking the site of the first guard tower of Bronzestabbed. It is clear that those out there who wish to do us harm are already well-aware of our presence, as if the ash surrounding our lands wasn't unsubtle enough. We must construct true fortifications and defenses to thwart our foes.  9th Slate Scamtank has...finished.  Asizeggut Kathillir, Flashgullies the Wet Climax. It is a fitting name for our bloody triumph over Kovest.   It is an impressive piece, and the most valuable artifact made in Bronzestabbed to date. This very light bone helm may be suitable for an elite marksdwarf, should one become skilled enough to deserve such a treasure. 14th Slate Pladdicus returns from the caverns with a massive earthworm on his shoulder.  Apparently he wished to polish his skills before military duty by hunting more dangerous game.     I am glad that he does not seem to have any serious injuries but will not permit hunting in the caverns for the time being. In fact the hatch to the caverns shall be closed for the next several months after we have retrieved all the equipment left discarded in these caverns by prior tragedies. 16th Slate I am told that while retrieving equipment left by the defeated goblins under exceptionally sunny and humid weather Leperfish suddenly began to scream.  He kicked and clawed at the ashes of the charred land surrounding him in between sobs. The outburst was brief, perhaps due to embarrassment of someone of his position acting as such. He continued about his work a mere 5 minutes later.  Already very unhappy + cave adaptation unhappy thought = tantrum 17th slate Magrov is physically fit to return to The Creations of Luck but not mentally fit, still mourning for his lost wife Geri_Khan.  I reassign him to The Nets of Charm for the time being. 19th Slate At long last!  I am heartened to learn that in spite of all that has happened all 28 of my traveling companions have survived the journey to Bronzestabbed! Rawkking fucked around with this message at 04:03 on Aug 10, 2012 |
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Aug 10, 2012 03:48
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Leperflesh posted:Look, I'm not saying we'd definitely lose the fortress in year 4 with what you're talking about, but if you're seriously saying "hey I hope the fortress gets utterly hosed in year four! That'd be great!" then I just can't agree. Not at all. I think we'd just enjoy the creativity of an overseer in dealing with the problem. Losing the fort would suck, as would a whole migrant wave. Also, I just wanted to find out if a titan could be murked. I also don't think we've seen enough murked beasts to understand if wandering off the map is a consistent behaviour. Maybe the Minotarrrs are eating them.
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Aug 10, 2012 03:52
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Rawkking posted:I am heartened to learn that in spite of all that has happened all 28 of my traveling companions have survived the journey to Bronzestabbed! Just in time for a Fine Turkey Spleen Roast! Enjoying your updates, Rawkking  e: Rawkking posted:The mayor Kaishai's turkey gobbler is found strutting around in the corpse stockpile, covered in the burnt slag of our fallen warriors. I shall have to speak to her about this. Kaishai testing out that soap theory. OhCrap fucked around with this message at 04:02 on Aug 10, 2012 |
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Aug 10, 2012 04:00
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Rawkking posted:Scamtank has...finished. Flashgullies, the Wet Climax...  I godamned love this game.
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Aug 10, 2012 04:23
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