 | | |
Mateja Kezman
A Tate-full of entries this week, plucked from an even larger mound of festering Photoshoppery. First prize - a T-shirt from The World Chico and a copy of Andy Gray's autobiography Gray Matters - goes to Matt Maguire for his excellent diagram explaining the once prolific Serbian's current goalscoring malaise. Second prize - a months free subscription to LOVEFiLM - goes to newcomer Rob Calver for his juxtaposition of our Kez with... Kes. Let his impressive debut be an example to those of you who bombard us with pathetic efforts week in week out. Finally, special mention - but no prize, because the cupboard's alarmingly bare - goes to Joe Skinner, simply because Kezman really does look like Hervé Villechaize (except a wee bit taller). Sorry about that, Joe - you'd probably have preferred no mention at all. This week we want your Stuart Pearces. Send your efforts - as a jpeg or gif if possible - with a short caption to gallery@guardian.co.uk before noon on Tuesday March 23. By the way, if you want to see a bigger version of the entries below, just click on any of them to bring up a fancy pop-up type thing.
|
| |
 | | Off target
Matt Maguire reckons Chelsea should call in the boffins to establish why Kezman's got five goals in 34 starts. "At last, the scientific team at Chelsea discover Kezman's problem," he guffaws.
|
| |
 | | Blooming confusing
None of us have the slightest clue what incendiary literary work Russell Joyce is referencing here, but according to Barry Woolhead, it's Flowers for Algernon, the story of a simpleton temporaraily made a genius by a scientific experiment.
|
| |
 | | Going ape
"Surely I can't be the only person to have noticed the similarity between Helena Bonham-Carter in Planet of the Apes and Kezman," says Diego Black. Indeed Diego, there was plenty of monkey business this week, but yours was the only one to make us go (mildly) bananas.
|
| |
 | | Mateja Kezman gallery pic
This one comes from Andy Chambers, who apparently hordes old tat for just such a purpose. Good work, sir.
|
| |
 | | A dream come true
"'De plane! De plane!' shouts Kezman/Tattoo, except this time the tables are turned and Mourinho/Mr Roarke grants Kezman's wish to play in the Champion's League knockout stages!" Joe Skinner, take a bow.
|
| |
 | | Not-so dynamic duo
"In this partnership Robben is the fast, feared if weak-ankled leader and Batman is the often-out-of-his-depth sidekick who occasionally comes through for the team," says Matthew Stallard.
|
| |
 | | Tour of duty
"A scene from the stirring film, A Stamford Bridge Too Far," says Paul Doyle.
|
| |
 | | Kitchen sink drama
What's in a name? Anthony Casey must have hoped we'd reckon quite a lot when he knocked up this grubby little effort.
|
| |
 | | On the right
"Don't you think Kezman looks like Bell's Bush?" says Brian Corcoran, hope dribbling from his lips like drool from a St Bernard's chops.
|
| |
 | | Four wheels on my wagon
"He looks like one of those Amish people," says 'Dave', hopefully. "This is him getting his new company car." Very nice, now get back in the cage.
|
| |
 | | Mummy's boy
"There, there Matty. You be a good boy and Mr Mourinho might let you play next time," says Jon Harris. We're still trying to work out quite how he did this... The arms... What the..?
|
| |
 | | Mateja Kezman gallery pic
'It's not the beard rash on my face that worries me," said Mateja's girlfriend, through her unhinged interpreter Neil Ardiff.
|
| |
 | | Dying to score
"Kezman eventually found a completely foolproof way to hit the target," opines Leo Byrne somewhat randomly.
|
| |
 | | Winging it
More comparisons with a certain bird-deprived northern sprog from Rob Calver. It's his first effort for The Gallery, so it'll be downhill all the way from here on in.
|
Design your own World Cup supporter T-shirts and accessories