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With closed eyes Nora leaned on the railing, while the rain was pouring down in sheets. Oh the irony of it all - it all fit perfectly to her current mood. Her cheeks were wet from all the tears that had flown that evening. A gaping black hole where her heart used to be, like a wound. A wound that refused to heal because of a bacteria. In her case Raymond was that bacteria. Whatever she tried, nothing helped against the emptiness he had left behind when he disappeared.
“I have obligations towards Elizabeth. I don’t expect you to understand this, but I expect you to respect it.”
She had given him everything. All her trust, her love, her life and still it hadn’t been enough. It wasn’t enough to keep him by her side. She should have expected that. How many times did he put her last? How many times did he leave her alone and hurried to that other woman? Right from the start he had put his obligations towards Elizabeth over everything else, including her. It was Nora’s fault that she was now suffering like this - she stayed with him, forgave him every time in hopes he would change. Would put her first for a change. How stupid of her. Stupid and gullible. Did she not learn anything from her past? She was good enough for fun and nothing else. That’s what uncle Sean had taught her, and he was obviously right.
„Nora, listen to me carefully when I say that my obligations towards Elizabeth are exactly that, my obligations.“
Raymond never hesitated to let her know that there were parts of his life that were none of her business and she would just have to accept it. One of those parts was his relationship to Agent Keen and she had exactly two ways of dealing with this - accept it or leave. Her love for him only left her with one option, to accept it, and that’s what Nora did, knowing full well that it would slowly break her. With his disappearance that night, he had only accelerated it.
The blonde haired got her phone out and dialed Dembe's number, in hopes he wouldn’t answer. For once, luck was on her side and he didn’t answer.
“Hello Dembe…it’s Nora,” she started calmly, while looking down onto the dark water rushing by underneath the bridge. “At first I wanted to call Raymond, but he disposes of his phones a lot more often than you, so I figured it was better to leave this message with you.” Nora took a deep breath. “Take good care of him, yes? I know with yours and…Elizabeth’s help he will get through this.” She closed her eyes again. “Thank you…and please now give him the phone.” This was the most difficult phone call she had ever made. “Raymond…I hope you are well wherever you are. I wish I could hear your voice, but it’s probably better that I don’t. If I would hear your voice I would probably not be able to go through with it.” She took a deep breath again. “It’s crazy. I was never someone to fall in love easily and then you came along…falling in love with you was…it was like falling asleep. At first slow and then unrestrained.” It had changed her life completely, leading it in all sorts of other directions. “I’m sorry for what I said, that I hit you. I don’t regret it. I regret nothing. Despite everything we went through I’m still grateful for having had you in my life. In retrospect I have to agree with you. Your obligations are yours and it was wrong of me to push you into telling me. You would have thought I learned from my past, but it seems that I belong to those people who will never learn.” She chuckled slightly. “Oh Ray…I wish it was different. I wish everything was different. I wish my love would have been enough to at least give you a little bit of peace, to give you the feeling that you belong somewhere…I wish faith would have meant better with us and not separate us. Well…it is how it is, right? Some things just cannot be changed. It’s okay.” She swiftly wiped away the tears from her cheeks. “I…to demand that you won’t forget me and our relationship would be selfish so please do. Forget it all. Forget everything that was and concentrate on yourself, on Elizabeth and try to be happy, okay? Promise me you will try to be happy. That’s all I’m asking for. I just want you to be happy. I love you Raymond…” After a short moment of thinking if she wanted to say anything else she ended the call. There was nothing left to say. This was it. Apart from this call he’d also find a letter in his apartment. After she had made up her mind, she had written letters. To her Mom, her brother Bradley, her best friend Gina, Dembe and Raymond. She had also written a letter to the team where she confirmed that what will happen next, was nobody else's fault.
With a content smile on her lip she dropped her phone into the water. In this moment she felt nothing but inner peace and the certainty that soon, everything would be better. For all of them.
***
“Dembe…can you please check your phone? The flashing light is driving me crazy…” Red was in a bad mood after the fight he had with Nora just before he left. Did he ask for too much? All he wanted was for her to understand that there were certain things he had to do, especially if it was to keep Elizabeth safe. Maybe it had been a mistake to drag Nora into all of this mess that he called his life.
“Raymond…” Dembe frowned when he started listening to the voicemail and put it on speaker. “Raymond, you need to listen to this”
His friend's voice pulled him from his thoughts and only then he realized that it was Nora speaking. Red went pale when he heard the words of the woman he loved. She had tried her best to stay calm but he could hear the pain. He heard it so many times before. Pain, disappointment, disbelief. Those were common emotions Red caused in Nora. “Dembe…turn around” Red knew what was going on. He knew what this message meant. “Dembe! Turn the goddamn car around!”
Dembe couldn’t react as fast as Red became more and more agitated. Red had tears in his eyes while he tried to call Baz. His hands were trembling, making it hard to dial the number. “Baz! Find her! Find Nora! Now!” Red’s voice was shaky while he tried his best to hold it together. Forget everything was all he heard in his head. Over and over again he heard Nora tell him to forget about her.
Time seemed to stand still while Dembe drove them back to DC. They had just reached the city when Baz told them Nora’s last known location. Dembe drove them straight there. As soon as the car stopped, Red stormed out, almost losing his footing. Standing on the dark street right next to the river he looked around. “Find her!” he shouted as soon as Dembe had left the car. Red went up on the bridge and took a look around. The tears in his eyes made it difficult to see. Just when he was about to give up he saw something down by the river bank. “No…” Red whispered. “No…that can’t be…” he ran back towards the street and made his way down to the river. “No please no!” he prayed that it wasn’t her what he saw from up on the bridge. “Nora please” tears were streaming down his face. It was clearly a body he saw laying in the water. “Dembe!” he screamed to tell his friend to hurry up. Quickly Red walked into the river, trying to fight the strong current. His entire body was tense while he made his way through the water, his gaze never leaving the body.
The world around him seemed to stop when he got close. The blonde hair, the jacket…there was no doubt. He felt like he was choking when he turned her around. “Nora…” his eyes widened when he saw her lifeless face. Swiftly he lifted her up into his arms and carried her back to the shore.
“Raymond…” Dembe came running. Red couldn’t say anything. With Nora’s body in his arms he sank down onto his knees, holding her in his arms. He knew she was dead. The love of his life died…because of him.
“Forgive me Nora…” he started crying “please… forgive me!”