Invest in Relationships or Pay the Price Later

Hearing a lot lately about the value of time and some complaints about there not being enough of it to go around.  Well, I am not going to say a word about time management because that is not my expertise.  I do however want to share a perspective on time as an investment opportunity in building relationships both personally and professionally.

At a recent workshop,  I shared a story about a disagreement I had with my thirteen year old daughter and how we used coaching and conflict resolution skills to collaborate and ultimately agreed to meet one hour per week to talk and listen to each other on a variety of topics.  A woman in the audience asked, "How in the world can you carve out another hour of the week with a full time job and four children?"

It wasn't difficult to do the math.  On Monday, I spent two hours trying to track her down when she didn't call in after school and another talking with my husband on how to handle it.  On Tuesday, she and I had another miscommunication that cost me an hour with her and one hour in conversation with my husband and on Wednesday, the wheels came off the bus when she blew up about her allowance.  I spent another hour and half with her resolving and an hour an half with my husband bringing him up to speed and deciding on an action plan.  3 + 2 + 3 = 8.  Eight hours because we didn't have clear alignment around check in times and allowance.  I just spent another hour writing a counter proposal to her allowance proposal which we will discuss at our first meeting. 

So the one hour investment on Tuesdays makes a lot of sense.  It's proactive relationship management with a clear long term payoff in time not to mention a more positive relationship and less drama!

The same is true at work.  Time after time, I hear workshop participants and clients say that there just isn't enough time to build relationships or coach their co-workers, boss, or employees.  Well actually, there isn't enough time NOT to.  How much time does a relationship or communication failure cost you and what might become available if you were proactive in managing your relationships with partners, peers, bosses and direct reports?   We  have the choice of being proactive in building our relationships or doing damage control when "people issues" arise.  Which is more efficient?

As always, would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

All the best,

Lora

Lora Banks, CPCC
lora@TheCoachApproach.net
The Coach Approach, LLC

Comments

[Steve]

Lora,

Well, the daughter-alignment tale brought a smile to my face...you are a member of a very large club!

Here's the thing about relationships on the job and why there is more lip service than reality when it comes to a personal or organizational investment. (You actually gave the answer in your final paragraph).

1. Businesses look for a business reason to invest in something. If it can't make money or save money, it's off the radar screen.

2. Your comment about what might become available--combined with the cost of communication failure--is just the kind of powerful statement to address #1.

For those of us who inherently understand the value of relationships, it's sometimes difficult to understand how others would not. Yet when we present the same information as "practical relationships for practical people" (that's my latest tagline), it grabs the attention of the other camp.

Thanks for the post!

Steve Roesler

[Lora Banks]

Steve -

I love your latest tagline, "practical relationships for practical people" and here's to redefining the corporate radar screen!

I hear you on the lip service part. Have you ever googled "relationship business"? 253 million results from every industry in the world. Looks like we are all in the relationship business and I know from experience, it is pretty eye-popping for organizational leaders to take a closer look at the costs and benefits of positive, productive and let's add practical relationships in the workplace.

Thanks for the comment.

Lora

[Kent Blumberg]

I don't think I could lead if I didn't invest time in building relationships with those around me. Relationships are what make it happen - at least in my experience.

One way to do this is with regular coaching sessions (http://kentblumberg.typepad.com/kent_blumberg/2006/08/monthly_coachin.html).

[Kent Blumberg]

Looks like the link in my previous comment doesn't work. To see more on my approach to monthly coaching, go to my blog at http://www.kentblumberg.com, then to the August archive, and checkout "Monthly Coaching Sessions" on August 2.

[JibberJobber Guy]

Hi Lora, there is another interesting angle on this - the way I'm reading this, you are saying it is time well-spent for your job... I'd add that this is time well spent for your CAREER. These relationships can and should cross over from career to career - you may be in a position of power now but perhaps a few job changes later they'll be in a more powerful position, or at least more complementary... these long-term relationships are invaluable!