Return Of The Bosom

IT'S time to talk boobs. After all, everyone else is. And with good reason, because breasts - the big, bouncy, bodacious sort that heaved their way through the Golden Age of Hollywood - are back. Chances are, when you first saw Vogue's June cover you noticed not one but two substantial features - property of Kate Upton and hoisted into the limelight by a dainty Dolce & Gabbana bikini top. And right now, raging on primetime TV in the war of the boobs, Sofia Vergara of Modern Family battles ratings and cleavage inches with Christina Hendricks of Mad Men. The makers of Modern Family are so conscious of the power of Vergara's assets, they paid tribute to them earlier this season when Julie Bowen stared slyly, furiously, at the other actress's overflowing breasts, parodying that famous sidelong stare from Sophia Loren at Jayne Mansfield's even more ample frontage, caught by a very candid camera at a Hollywood dinner in 1957. So what brought breasts back? Well, Victoria's Secret helped. What began as a sexy underwear label has become a cultural phenomenon, thanks in part to its cleverly marketed cast of "Angels". Adriana Lima, Doutzen Kroes and Miranda Kerr are more athletic than the average fashion model and considerably boob-ier - although, it should be noted, not Kate Upton boob-y, whom the brand famously refused to sign, sniffing that she was " too obvious". Regardless, the new body shape quickly gained momentum. Today, the brand's official Facebook fan page has 25 million likes, its Instagram has 4.5 million followers and its last show was watched on Youtube by 2.5 million viewers. Even fashion, which since the Nineties had been shining its light on a straighter body shape, turned its head. In the autumn/winter 2010 Louis Vuitton show, Laetitia Casta, Bar Refaeli, Catherine McNeil and Karolina Kurkova all walked, where previously their bust size could have disqualified them. According to Jamie Ellis, a model manager at the agency IMG, which represents super "glamazons" including Kate Upton, Lara Stone and "the boobs from Brazil" Gisele Bundchen, "model diversity is a very hot topic at the moment as there is an increasing appetite for different shapes and sizes of girls." While models with boobs were previously discounted from a lot of high-end editorials, thanks to the size of the designer samples, which tended to discount breasts, Ellis says, "Recently we've been seeing designers more willing to change samples to fit a special girl." So if boobs are not yet an out-and-out fashion trend, they are becoming a frequent exception to the rule. Men love boobs - that's a well-documented story we needn't explore here. But for women, as is true for fashion, the relationship is more complicated. In short, breasts are difficult to dress. During couture week, Jourdan Dunn exclaimed on Twitter, "Ahahahahahahha I just got cancelled from Dior because of my boobs!" But, she reasoned, "I'm normally told I'm cancelled because I'm 'coloured' so being cancelled because of my boobs is a minor : )" As sexy and becoming as breasts may be in a racy, lacy balcony bra, put a high-neck T-shirt over that scenario and the slenderest of girls can look boxy and uncomfortably constrained. If you've got boobs it's near impossible to escape their constant sexual connotations: you can't dress up as a tomboy, jackets can be problematic, and anything bra-less is unimaginable. And this I can write with total authority because I have them. Thanks heavens then, for Dolce & Gabbana, because these maestros of the hourglass silhouette know how to dress breasts. And Stefano Gabbana's commentary on the subject is revealing: "We always try to create clothes that enhance a woman's curves. We like to think that a Dolce & Gabbana girl wants to be very feminine, sensual, strong and fierce of her body." So it would seem that old adage "if you've got 'em, flaunt 'em" remains true. Indeed, from the minxy swimwear range 41-year-old Vergara has designed and modelled for Kmart to the armoured bra she wears on the billboard for Machete Kills, it would seem that she wholeheartedly agrees. And yet Florence Brudenell-Bruce, the new face and body of Rigby & Peller's swimwear range, says that this innate confidence which big bosoms seem to demand isn't always so easy to acquire: "When I was young, I spent so much time with my shoulders hunched, feeling self-conscious about my boobs. I had to learn to embrace what I had." Recently what she had has increased to a buoyant size 32DD: Florence shot the Rigby & Peller campaign while 12 weeks' pregnant. "I didn't feel self-conscious though. And that had a lot to do with Rigby & Peller being experts in fitting. When you wear the correct size, properly structured, it flaunts everything to its best advantage." Vogue's beauty and health editor, Jessica Diner, has some advice for looking after the area: "Second to the face, the décolleté is one of the most delicate areas of skin on the body and, when neglected, ages quickly. Always extend the serum, cream or lotion you use on your face down to your chest and wear sunscreen at all times." Still looking for boob inspiration? Then observe this year's red carpet at Cannes, for this is the current domain of Salma Hayek in tight pink strapless Saint Laurent, Lea Seydoux's in emerald green plunging Prada. And then there are, in a league all of their own, the melon-like miracles that are Blake Lively's bazookas - be they in burgundy breast-hugging Gucci or strappy, sparkling Chanel they are always golden, upright and quite simply mesmerising.