Suit Shopping for a Mutant
Current mood: determined
Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping

Do you ever go into a clothing store for a specific item that you're going to wear yourself only to be brainwashed into believing that you're another size or that you're looking for the wrong thing....like you're a child or mentally challenged???

I go into the downtown "soulman shop" of Chattanooga looking for a light grey suit.  My birthday and Easter is coming up, and I thought this would be a nice suit to wear at the NAACP ACT-SO Comedy Show fundraiser.  My suit size is 42XL.  Don't laugh....the L stands for long.  This means that when I put on a 42L, you can see my forearm at the end of the sleeve.  If I try on a 42R, you can see my elbow at the end of the sleeve.  I tell the salesman what I'm looking for and he gives me the "SUUuuureee, you're an extra long."  Of course this was a short man, so I know the scent of envy.  He searches the selection and keeps coming up with 42L....remember, my forearm shows in that size.   Finally, he tells the owner of my request and she insists that she can order it.  She hands me the catalogs, and I find what I want and it even lists a 42XL.  My wallet is out and I'm ready to buy the suit.  She calls and they don't have the light grey color available.  But she tells me that they do have a black, pinstripe suit available. 

Don't ask me if I want a black, pinstripe suit!!!!   I came in here for a LIGHT GREY, 42XL SUIT!!!!  

Then she asks me the worst question....would you try on the 42L and see how it fits?........ 

I am 6'3", 160lbs.  I have been this size for over 10 years.  My mother says that I have been a size 4T since I was 4 years old.  I have the same waist size as my 12 yr old son who had to wear husky jeans not too long ago.   I know my size.  I didn't wake up this morning 200lbs. lighter or a foot taller.

SO QUIT TRYING TO SELL ME SOMETHING THAT I AIN'T TRYING TO BUY!!!!!!

Now the lady mad at me because I ain't buying nothing.  I don't know if she said it in greek or italian, but I could tell that she was  a little perturbed.

I'm sorry that I'm not buying the latest fashion zoot suit in the brightest yellow-plaid with matching gators...excuse me....gata's.

I DON'T LIKE YELLOW-PLAID SUITS!!!  CAN'T YOU SEE BY MY DIMENSIONS THAT I WOULD RESEMBLE A STICK OF JUICY FRUIT GUM!!!?!!???

I'm just going to buy a new shirt and tie to spice up an old suit.

Love it and hate it.... for the money I'll save, and because I still want that light grey suit.

Currently listening : Dave Chappelle's Block Party By Dave Chappelle's Block Party Release date: By 14 March, 2006

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