Can anyone confirm that somewhere in a field in the north of England there used to be a sign saying: 'Please do not throw stones at this notice'? Are there any other examples of this kind of helpful public information? | Notes and Queries

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RED TAPE, WHITE LIES

Can anyone confirm that somewhere in a field in the north of England there used to be a sign saying: 'Please do not throw stones at this notice'? Are there any other examples of this kind of helpful public information?

I HAVE never seen that sign, but when I was at school in Hampshire I worked at the weekends in a hotel. In the kitchen was a notice, pinned to the shelf above the counter where we prepared afternoon teas, which said: 'Please do not pin notices to this shelf in case the drawing pins fall in the soup.'
Gilla Evans, Sheffield.

EVERY MORNING while driving to work, I used to pass a sign near the entrance to the Sydney Harbour Tunnel which read "No dangerous goods in tunnel". And sure enough, there never were.
Jeremy Davies, London (jeremy@orb.co.uk)

TO CONFIRM the original enquiry, a photograph of a notice reading "please do not throw stones at this sign" appeared in Private Eye about ten years ago. It was certainly in Britain, but I can't remember where. In his book Behind the Scenes in Advertising, Jeremy Bullmore recounts the notices at the end of Manchester Airport escalators which read: "You are now nearing the end of the escalator - please face forward." As you may have guessed, these are only readable by people already facing ahead.
R Townsend, London W2 (rory@ibm.net)

WHEN the A500 dual carriageway was built to link Stoke-on-Trent with the M6, it was necessary to build a structure over the road to convey coal from Wolstanton Colliery to the railway. When driving along the northbound carriageway of the A500, one became aware of a notice attached to the side of this structure. Unfortunately, it did not face the oncoming traffic but was fixed side-on, so that motorists had to crane their necks round to read it, taking their eyes off the road. And what did this helpful sign say?You've guessed it: 'Keep your eyes on the road.' Sadly, with the closure of Wolstanton Colliery a few years ago, the structure was demolished and this ever-helpful sign is no more.
Jason Hill, Burslem, Stoke-on-Trent.

ON THE road to Cork airport there is a sign which says 'Watch out for aircraft'. Fine; but what should you do when you see one?
Andrew Wardrop, Wimbledon, London SW19.

I ONCE encountered a sign 15,000 feet up Mt Kilimanjaro in Tanzania. It read: 'Please do not urinate in this rain gauge.'
David Barker, Loughborough, Leics.

I HAVE been assured of the existence of another north of England notice. On a lonely moorland highway: 'When this notice is obscured by snow the road is impassable.'
Barrie Heads, Twickenham, Middx.

A FEW miles out of Oldham, Lancashire, there is a hill called Hartshead Pike on top of which stands a tall tower built to commemorate the marriage of the Prince of Wales, later to be Edward VII. A plaque over the door bears the legend: 'Look at me well before you go, and see you nothing at me throw.' Since there are plenty of stones lying around, all self-respecting little boys (and some big ones too) use them as ammunition with which to pepper the long-suffering tower.
Harry Rushton, Altrincham, Cheshire.

STRAYING off a public footpath on to a shooting estate between Ashford and Canterbury a few years ago, I came across a stern warning for literate canines: 'Unaccompanied Dogs Will Be Shot.'
Martin Spring, Stirling.

ONE OF the briefest of such notices is (or was) in the Glasgow Royal Infirmary. This reads: 'Basement downstairs.'
Alan Gebbie, Oban.

ALISDAIR GRAY included in one of his novels an 'Errata' slip as follows: 'Errata: This Errata slip was included by mistake.'
Martin Spring, Stirling

A PEDESTRIAN swing bridge over the Oxford Canal at Stretton on Fosse carries the notice "Please do not cross except to open bridge".
Paul Gerrard, Derby (paul.gerrard@capgemini.co.uk)

GRAHAME GREENE in A Sort of a Life says when he started on The Times there was a notice in Battersea which read "It is forbidden to throw stones at the polytechnic". It was obviously taken down some decades before our lifetimes.
John Burton, Australia (john.burton@anu.edu.au)

ONE of the beaches in Hong Kong is said to proudly display the sign, "Beware of holes in the shark net".
Catherine Bennett, Hong Kong (caff-@rocketmail.com)

WHILE working as a technical author in a large UK company, I was once admonished by the editor for not adhering to the house style requiring all (previously) blank pages in manuals to be marked: "This page intentionally left blank."
Andy Douch, Newmarket (andyd@gtl.com)

The lavatories in the Bodleian Library, Oxford, are designated "Men readers" and "Women readers".
Will Ham Bevan, London, UK

On the A27 between Brighton and eastbourne is a sign which proudly declares "No Horse Racing", and I can safely say I never have either.
Stephen Lockyer, UK

Whilst walking in a wood some years ago on Midhurst Common, I can across a sign attached to a telegraph pole which read, ?This pole complies with all rules and regulations appertaining to poles?
Alan Metcalfe, Accrington

When working in Canary Wharf Tower I remember a sign in the lifts that lit up "please exit when doors open".
Guy Borer, Wembley, UK

At Mevagissey Harbour in Cornwall, a sign announces landing charges for visiting craft: Up to 10 feet £10 10-20 feet £10 20-30 feet £10 30 feet and over £10
Alan Paterson, London

Many roadworks sites display the sign "Heavy Plant Crossing", but I have yet to spot one.
Glenn Oliver, Ashbourne, UK

There is (or was) a sign on the entrance to gardens on Richmond Hill (Surrey) which read "These gates will close half an hour after advertised time".
Matthew Payne, Hampton, UK

I have seen a sign reading 'Do not throw stones at this sign' in Wroxham Norfolk. It is visible from the river when you sail past.
Alex Lister, Estepona, Spain

I worked for a while at the Royal Air Force Station St Athan in South Wales. In the Station HQ there were two mens' lavatories: one marked 'Officers' and the other marked 'Gentlemen'.
Bill Giles, Brighton UK

Seen on Facebook today: A box with the warning - "Facebook will delete this box soon, click here to keep it"
Paul Cardin, Wallasey

The first time I saw a notice reading 'do not throw signs at this notice', it was in the marginalia of a comic paper in the '70s. The same marginalia once advertised a book entitled "How to Teach Your Terrapin to Tango in 10 Easy Lessons--and 2 Incredibly Difficult Ones."
Valerie Shubert, Seattle, United States

PC magazine had a back page feature called "Abort, Retry, Fail?" which carried this sort of non-sequitur. In the late '80s it carried the photo of a sign in a field which said: "It is forbidden to throw stones at this sign." The brief caption said it was sent in by an English reader.
John Fitzpatrick, Houston, USA

I remember seeing the sign, Do not throw stones at this sign, on a farm building in Devon many years ago. But an equally funny sign, is fixed to a fence in Sonning Berkshire. It reads, This is a private sign. Please do not read.
Bob Elliott, Stockbridge UK

The very busy A12 used to have a sign SLOW RACES AHEAD about a mile ahead of the way in to the point-to-point car-park.
V. P. McLoughlin, IPSWICH Suffolk

I think there was a sign matching the description given by the questioner, in the pond at Three Kings Piece in Mitcham, Surrey
Stuart Bannerman, Romsey United Kingdom

An early reference to the "don't throw stones" sign was aired on TV in the UK in the David Frost show, or Frost Tonight or whatever the program name was (circa about 1965 ish) and referred to a sign erected on the Yorkshire Moors.
George parkinson, Leeds Now Australia

Curious to know - as an American unfamiliar with your traditions but mindful of the need for equal representation - do you guys also have signs 'Please do not throw signs at this stone' ?
Mark Porter, Wateloo, NY USA

When we were kids (1960s) my dad used to drive us from Pontefract to Pwllheli. We always stopped at a lay-by in the Pennines and I am sure that we saw the sign there.
Bernard, bury st edmunds uk

John Lennon and I were kids playing together by the boating lake in Calderstones Park, South Liverpool when a bloke erected a noticeboard on the boat shed which he then, an accomplished(!) sign writer painted on the immortal words: It is forbidden to throw stoned at this Notice.
Tony Glister, Tynemouth, UK

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