Arsene Wenger - currently in the 15th year of an argument about next door's hedge.Paul Lambert - your mum's always saying how he used to be a great dancer when he was younger. This always causes him to leave the room.Roberto di Matteo - your mum's third husband. Sort of get the feeling he doesn't really want you around. (Her second? Gary Taylor-Fletcher. That didn't last long)David Moyes - lovely most of the time, but absolutely fucking explodes if anyone doesn't eat all their vegetables.Martin Jol - hobbies: listening to Marvin Gaye, slagging off TV presenters' haircuts.Brendan Rodgers - started separating out the recycling a full decade before the council started providing bins for it.Roberto Mancini - always away on business, usually in Switzerland.Alex Ferguson - thinks you need to stop listening to that hip-hop rubbish and do your homework.Alan Pardew - automatically assumes anything made by a Japanese company will fall apart if you so much as look at it.Chris Hughton - really thinks you should try taking up judo.Mark Hughes - has never been remotely happy with any of your school reports.Brian McDermott - fortnight in Corfu, every summer.Nigel Adkins - insists on performing a solo concert of Bob Dylan covers for the whole family. Every. Fucking. Christmas.Tony Pulis - indirectly responsible for causing your first girlfriend to dump you. And the one after. And the one after that.Michael Laudrup - your gran hates him, but not as much as your grandad does.Martin O'Neill - always insists on engaging telemarketers in conversation for at least half an hour.Andre Villas Boas - says he'll be happy with whatever career you choose, gets pissy if you suggest it's anything other than being a lawyer.Steve Clarke - has a model railway in the attic.Sam Allardyce - much more fun when he's drunk.Roberto Martinez - not angry, just disappointed. And it fucking kills you every time.
― William Bloody Swygart, Saturday, 18 August 2012 23:29 (eleven years ago) link
Martin O'Neill. He's northern and he wears glasses and he actually looks quite like him. Bit more stoic though
― Number None, Sunday, 19 August 2012 02:49 (eleven years ago) link
my dad died when i was young but i think i'd quite like martin jol to be my dad.
― 4'33" (dubstep remix) (Merdeyeux), Sunday, 19 August 2012 03:32 (eleven years ago) link
not sure when ilf turned into the place for drunken melancholy, but so it goes.
― 4'33" (dubstep remix) (Merdeyeux), Sunday, 19 August 2012 03:33 (eleven years ago) link
i'm voting in place of my bf who says his dad would be an older larger mark hughes
― the most astonishing writer on ilx (roxymuzak), Sunday, 19 August 2012 03:38 (eleven years ago) link
classic swygart btw <3
― the most astonishing writer on ilx (roxymuzak), Sunday, 19 August 2012 03:44 (eleven years ago) link
McDermott looks like a younger verzh of my dad there but temperament-wise the cantankerous old sod is probably Pulis or Allardyce.
― just one little Tayto (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 19 August 2012 04:03 (eleven years ago) link
First thought was Pardew but after motd last night he looks far too tanned, healthy and jovial. So I reckon it's Wenger.
― Ismael Klata, Sunday, 19 August 2012 08:36 (eleven years ago) link
btw nobody had better say AVB
― Ismael Klata, Sunday, 19 August 2012 08:38 (eleven years ago) link
Gonna have to say Rodgers, only cos I've started noticing how Irish he seems.
My dad is a ringer for Carlo Ancelotti tho, one of the best lookalikes I've ever enjoyed.
― Know how Roo feel (LocalGarda), Sunday, 19 August 2012 12:43 (eleven years ago) link
with the raised eyebrow n'all
― pandemic, Sunday, 19 August 2012 12:52 (eleven years ago) link
that should have had a question mark at the end otherwise it sounds like i know your dad. which i don't.
― pandemic, Sunday, 19 August 2012 12:53 (eleven years ago) link
was ready to vote mcleish and then rememberedwent moyes. something in the pained look
― toandos, Monday, 20 August 2012 06:19 (eleven years ago) link
None of them really, but O'Neill probably comes closest.
Best dads here would be Jol, O'Neill and Martinez, in different ways. The worst would be Mancini (emotionally distant, would throw his children out of the house for months on end and end up breeding serial killers).
Pulis strikes me as the sort of dad who all your friends would love because he'd take sadistic pleasure in minorly humiliating you in front of them.
Fergie would be a fucking nightmare but you'd grow up to be a brain surgeon.
― Matt DC, Monday, 20 August 2012 08:54 (eleven years ago) link
I can't really get my head round AVB in relation to this conversation at all.
― Matt DC, Monday, 20 August 2012 08:56 (eleven years ago) link
Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.
― System, Friday, 24 August 2012 00:01 (eleven years ago) link
my dad is basically big sam
― Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 24 August 2012 00:17 (eleven years ago) link
half allardyce half carolgees
Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.
― System, Saturday, 25 August 2012 00:01 (eleven years ago) link
how could Villas Boas remind anyone of their dad
― Number None, Saturday, 25 August 2012 03:13 (eleven years ago) link
Went Pards in the end. In the "ill-advised comment in a restaurant" sense.
― William Bloody Swygart, Monday, 27 August 2012 23:56 (eleven years ago) link
not saying he couldn't, but he'd have his work cut out to fashion a rape metaphor from a curryhouse menu
― Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Tuesday, 28 August 2012 01:22 (eleven years ago) link
pardew was disconcertingly cheery in his post-match apology to the referee last week
he was really enjoying it....what a moment, pushing the ref, great moment, very silly to be fair to all the lads involved but what a great moment
― Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Tuesday, 28 August 2012 01:26 (eleven years ago) link