A Clarification

In my recent series of posts in which I supported my contention that
"age has nothing to do with maturity," I used a hypothetical 14-
year-old girl as an EXTREME example. I believe I have left some of
you with the impression that I'm a pedophile, and I want to clear
this up. First of all, a pedophile is an adult who is sexually
attracted to a child or children. I specifically stated that the
girl would have to possess a certain level of maturity before I
would consider getting involved with her in any sort of intimate
relationship, so that would rule out children. William Parker
pointed out that most 14-year-old girls are not mature enough to
function in a LTR, and I agreed with him on that point. I would also
add that, out of the entire population of 14-year-old girls, I would
estimate that the proportion of those that might be considered
mature enough to be much less than 1%, with the percentage
increasing with age (obviously), but never reaching 100%, or
anything close to it (and this applies to men as well as women - but
I'm not interested in men, as I don't "go both ways").

I would also add that, in a recent response to William, I drafted a
profile for someone who would be a potential S.O. for me. I will
paste it here for convenience:

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If you have read my website, you should have some idea as to what
I'm all about. If I were seeking a S.O. with which I could have a
LTR, it would have to be someone that would be very much like
myself, or could at least tolerate the flaws and differences between
the two of us. So basically, the profile is there, at my website.

I think we could agree that a relationship with a "party girl" would
_DEFINITELY_ _NOT_ work for me. I think it is quite obvious that
I am not a "people-person," that I am not the social type. (In the
time that I have been posting to this group, I've alienated about
half of the posters in here, and the only reason why I have yet to
alienate the other half is because I have not been posting here long
enough.) Though I have been alone for the biggest part of my life, I
never get lonely. If my prospective S.O. is someone who desires much
in the way of social interaction, of going out to parties, clubs,
events, of having lots of friends to socialize with, then she will
not be happy with me. Since neither I, nor my potential S.O., are
inclined to be socially active, then it stands to reason that we
will have little opportunity to ever meet.

As part of the profile, she would have to be the quiet type, who
does not speak unless she has something to say (I can't stand to be
around the type that runs off at the mouth, jabbering away about a
whole lotta' nothin') - but that does NOT mean passive and
submissive. On the contrary, she would have a great deal of inner
strength. She is the type that doesn't go to pieces in the face of
personal crisis, but can keep her composure. She is the type that,
if someone threatened her with physical violence, would grab a
weapon and dispatch her assailant as efficiently as possible,
without hesitation nor regret. If I took her dove hunting, and she
wounded a dove, she would have no problem running it down and
breaking its neck to finish it off - she is not squeamish at the
sight of blood and guts.

She is the type that doesn't care about what others think of her,
that doesn't have to prove anything to anyone. She doesn't care
about trivial things, such as style and fashion, and not at all one
to follow trends and fads, not one to care much about status
symbols. She is not very materialistic, and cares nothing about
living the lavish life. She cares nothing about ornamentation and
accessorizing - jeans and boots work fine with her - her idea of
being beautiful is to be fit and trim, she keeps the fat off and
stays in good health, and that doesn't mean that she works out every
day, nor is she fanatical about it, but is just sensible about it.
She does not have a problem with body-image, doesn't care about the
size of her breasts, or that she doesn't have any "curves."

She does not have much in the way of an ego, and has the capacity to
laugh at herself when she makes a blunder.

She has a good sense of humor (and the more off-beat it is, the
better), with a quick smile and an easy laugh.

Conventionality means nothing to her. She is not at all dogmatic in
her beliefs, and is open to all possibilities. She is largely
detached and ambivalent about many things.

She is very rational, logical, highly practical, and not prone to
allowing emotions to influence her thinking. Though she is an
emotional being, and understands her emotional self, she does not
base her personal policy decisions upon emotional reaction.

She is someone who knows and understands herself, knows who she is
and who she would like to be, and where she is going with herself.

She is the type who is very patient, tolerant, and not easily
angered, certainly not over trivial matters (like leaving the toilet
seat up or down - geez). She is very diplomatic, with an easy-going
nature. She is the kind that can engage in conflict resolution
without a lot of unnecessary histrionics or emotional outbursts. If
she believes that she is right about something, then she has the
conviction to stand her ground. If she can be shown that she is
wrong about something, then she has the maturity to admit to it - a
very reasonable individual, she would be, open to compromise and
making sacrifices, to a certain amount of "give and take."

She has strong principles, some sort of coherent system of values.
The more that those values and principles coincided with my own, the
better. Commitment is a very meaningful word to her: If she made a
long-term commitment to me, she would not dump me if someone better
came along, and I would certainly not do the same to her.

... And, of course, she is the type that can love, and can give
love, as we value each other's happiness and interests above our
own.

This profile is not all that unrealistic, and I am sure there are
girls that would fit it, but it is doubtful that I will ever
encounter any of them in my lifetime. On top of that, many of these
characteristics would be considered appealing to a large population
of men. Since it is men who initiate relationships, a girl like this
could just pick and choose (and she would do it wisely) from a pool
of suitors, of good men who would involve themselves with her in a
committed LTR, men who don't have an issue with shyness and extreme
introversion. It is not likely that she would be available for very
long, and that is why I take the position that age should not be a
limiting factor. Otherwise, the chances for guys like me would go
from bad to worse, or, more accurately, from worse to virtually nil.
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As should be obvious, the level of maturity that this profile
indicates is beyond that of a child, and I doubt very seriously
that I will EVER get involved with anyone, that I will EVER find
a S.O., as it would be quite improbable that I will ever even
encounter someone who fits this profile to a significant
degree - for ANY age. So what we have been discussing here,
with regards to this matter, is largely academic,
at least from my perspective.

So I'm just doing this for funsies. :-D

As an ulterior motive, I have also been making a point about our
"sexually liberated" society. We have come to accept homosexuals,
bisexuals, transvestites, promiscuity, wide-spread pornography
(on television and in the movies), open marriages (which is not
much different from Mormons practicing polygamy), children born
out of wedlock, Sadomasochism, and probably a few other things
that I have overlooked (or just "in the dark" about). I really
don't have a problem with any of that (as what other people do
behind closed doors is none of my business, as long as they do
nothing to bother me), and I'm not passing judgement on any of it,
but it does bring up the issue as to where to draw the line on
"sexual deviance," and about our cultural norms as a totality,
and the rationale behind it all.

(OK - so I'm doing a bit of trolling here.)

Some of you have made the point that 14-year-old girls are too young
to commit to a LTR, and I have pointed out in response that it is
commonplace for people as young as this (and younger) to marry in
other cultures, that this is a cultural issue in which the
objections are based mainly on "moral" grounds. I would also remind
everybody that most people become SEXUALLY mature when they reach
their teens, and, increasingly, some before then.

http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/lessonplans/sexdevelop.htm

http://www.emagazine.com/November-december_1997/1197gl_health.html

So, our "sexually liberated" society has opened up a "Pandora's Box"
from which all sorts of things can fly out, some of which many of
you may find quite distasteful.

Such is the price of liberty.

Solitary Soul -> http://users3.ev1.net/~solitarysoul/
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Nothing is certain, and anything is possible
- Solitary Soul