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"Fortunately for Tarox, it was an adamantium shortsword." I evaded Ugathville and saved my family... I played tag with a friend during a siege in the murk and I lived where my friend did not... Now I charge out and flail an expensive sword around with no training and succeed in not being dead. I'm satisfied with my life, you may now kill me with dehydration.
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Apr 13, 2013 21:23
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Arglebargle III posted:
Because we are dwarves? Camoes posted:Wouldn't it be more worthwhile to wait for them and shoot ballistas into their faces? For a variety of reasons, including not actually being able to get any damned siege operators up there in time, and not figuring out which lever the gate lever was, and then not having anybody show up to pull the gate lever. In the end, I said "screwit." Then again, I've never been terribly good at the military aspects of Dwarf Fortress. Now if you want your fort to have a nice screwpump-powered waterfall... (Hmm. Maybe I should build one of these. Future overseers don't need framerate.) Also, next update, we have this:  which goes about as well as you could expect... Leperflesh posted:So, this is going to sound funny, but: there's no "Jazzimus" on the Dwarfing List. Water Necromancer! HEED! Angela Christine posted:On the upside, there are now fewer bodies trying to steal the last of our precious booze supply. Yes, I must admit this is a relief. Also, I'm seriously hoping for More Migrants next Spring; I was very chuffed when Clockwork Cupcake showed up because I thought, well, a vampire? please? but this turned out not to be a thing. Spermy Smurf posted:You could have ended your post with: I actually just checked the legends to see if you had killed anybody, but the truth is more terrifying than you could possibly have imagined. You're from Ripewhips.
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Apr 13, 2013 21:24
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Why do we even build fortresses?
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nvining posted:
I don't know what that means but I assume that means I am from some kind of hippy commune.
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Apr 14, 2013 01:26
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Did you check the labels layer?
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Apr 14, 2013 04:09
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Spermy Smurf posted:I don't know what that means but I assume that means I am from some kind of hippy commune. Reread Year 1.
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Apr 14, 2013 07:01
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nvining posted:Because we are dwarves? The Levers for both gates should have been just north of the main dining hall. The bottom two levers are meant to be connected to the two main gates. Unless I screwed something up big time. There should've been notes on the N window about Sword Gate Lvr and Side Gate Lvr. And similar notes to say which bridge is which. I'm sure I connected both gates... Even without them, the ballistae are fairly safe if you use the space behind the sword gate as a battlefield. Unless they rushed the side gate I guess.
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Apr 14, 2013 07:36
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nvining posted:'Maugrum' Boardburned, Militia Captain Hang on - is this my dwarf? (If so, someone's made a typo.) I had no idea I'd been promoted to militia captain. Good to know I got to boss some dwarves around before my inevitable demise! Also, this turn is delightful to read.
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Apr 15, 2013 00:12
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Typo names are an integral part of the Dwarf Fortress LP experience.
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Apr 15, 2013 00:14
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goatface posted:Typo names are an integral part of the Dwarf Fortress LP experience. Just ask Leperfish.
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Apr 15, 2013 00:53
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Ardeem posted:Just ask Leperfish. He has no other name. I do not know why he acts like he does.
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Apr 15, 2013 04:07
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 The Fifteenth Histories of Bronzestabbed a chronicle of unknown provenance, attributed to the author of "The Modern Dwarf's Guide to Burning Everything, Especially The Elves" CHAPTER FIVE Dwarven Secret Weaponry; Bone Carving and the Free Economy; Mysterious Animal Deaths; Potato Jones Crafts An Artifact; Silk Underwear for Everybody; Leather Pants; The Queen Takes a Shot; More Water Necromancy; Vosutmosus, The Adamantine Breastplate  The siege was over, safe for the Goblin Taunting squad situated outside the fortress of Bronzestabbed. This would not stand, vowed Queen Sankis; Goblin Taunting was an affront to all Dwarves. She had passed off the plans for the construction of a new ballista to one 'Clocks' Isultosid, Siege Engineer, who even now was busy installing a new ballista in a very special location. The Queen's tactics were very sound: 1. There is a Goblin Taunting Squad directly across from the river. We cannot attack them directly. 2. We could shoot them with a ballista, if they actually came in the direction of a ballista. 3. We cannot fire the ballista at Point Blank Range at the goblins, for in doing so we would place it too close to the map. (The importance of not placing a ballista too close to the edge of the map, dear readers, is a key facet of Ballista Science. For more information on Ballista Science, contact a Dwarven Community College near you.) 4. Therefore, we must set the ballista significantly further away from the goblins, and fire east across the map at them. The Queen, it should be noted, did not ascend to her lofty position through her knowledge of siege engineering.  Deep in the heart of Bronzestabbed, dear reader, Potato Jones was quietly getting on with his project. Soon, all the Dwarves would know what it was to be a dwarf. Soon, all would be safe.  The traders at Bronzestabbed had, quite frankly, had enough of Bronzestabbed. The trade representative Federico de Soya seemed to spend most of his time sewing socks or dumping items... somewhere. This was not professional. This was not suitable behaviour for the age of the Global Dwarven Market. The Bone Carver 'Rodyle' Eribgisek had some knowledge of negotiation, and overheard the traders planning to pack up their wagons and head to more fertile grounds. (Ripewhips, perhaps. There were ... customers... in Ripewhips, and in the age of the Global Dwarf one could not be too picky about one's export market.) He ran to the trade depot, huffing and puffing. "Excuse me," he said, "Are you willing to trade with anybody?" The trader nodded. Why not? Maybe he could sell this guy a little something.  "In that case," said the Bone Carver, "Please sell us all your booze, barrels, plump helmets, cave lobster, clothing and fabric immediately."  The traders found themselves leaving two hours later, carrying a large selection of vomit-covered finished goods and some high-quality bone carvings in the shape of mosquitoes. Rodyle sat back, pleased. His quick thinking had saved the fortress, and now... well, they had *some* drinks, at least.  Dear reader, some animals have died under mysterious circumstances. The children of Bronzestabbed, whose dog had run out of miasma in the fall, were delighted to have a new plaything. Please imagine, dear reader, the joy in a gas-spurting water buffalo. Soon it will be nothing but a skeleton, to be manufactured into traditional arts and crafts. For now, it is a Rare Novelty in the Winter. Merry Christmas, dear readers, to all of you at home. Meanwhile, in the great Clothiers' shops of Bronzestabbed, the ancient firm of 'Cyster' and 'Diploid', tailors at large, were considering the cloth problem. It was getting pretty dire.  "Well, fine," said Cyster, "what HAVE we got? Find Leperfish." Leperfish was staring into his books, trying very hard to keep himself out of mischief through the ancient and noble art of Putting Ones Head Down and Getting On With The Bookkeeping. "Yes," he said, "we are completely out of raw cloth. None of it is left. This is not good." "Fine," said Diploid. "What HAVE we got?"  "... forgotten beast silk?" asked a puzzled Cyster. "Well, I suppose we could make something out of that." "Yes," muttered Diploid. "Something luxurious." And thus it was that everybody in Bronzestabbed started receiving --forgotten beast silk underwear--. It really felt very comfortable, dear reader, and if you have ever worn forgotten beast silk underwear you know what I'm talking about. Elsewhere in the fortress, 'Hezelius' had created a masterpiece.  Aardvark leather pants, dear reader, never really go out of style.  The Queen, meanwhile, was getting vastly concerned. The ballista had been constructed, but not fired. We cannot imagine what was going through her head at the time, but it was probably something like killevilcrushthetaintdestroyeverythingslicetheleggrindthefleshesfiretheballistamaceratethelumps Do not worry, dear reader, for this is perfectly normal thoughts of Royalty. Where were the accursed siege operators? Why was nobody firing the ballista? In the end, the Queen had had enough of this and decided to take matters into her own hands and fire the ballista herself.  Grunting and puffing, she staggered out of the fortress of Bronzestabbed with an enormous ballista arrow - the one she had ordered manufactured previously. The Queen managed to load up the ballista, and then fired. "For Bronzestabbed!" she yelled.  Her first shot: a) flew across the river, b) started veering right, c) completely missing the Goblin Hammermen, and d) nearly incapaciting HUNDRED HOGS the Jeweller who was out for his morning constitutional and/or vomiting. "Hell!" he shrieked, and vomited over everything. Not to be dissuaded, the Queen retrieved a *second* ballista shot and fired it off. It veered off to the *left* this time, but failed to connect with the goblins.  "Not to put too fine a point on it, your Majesty," said the siege engineer Clocks (who was of low birth and thus was not familiar with the finer points of the Highest Speech), "but why don't we just get the Gnu Order to shoot crossbow bolts at them until they bleed out?"  "Ugh, fine," said the Queen. "In the Midwinter of 247, her Royal Majesty really couldn't care less any more. I need a drink."   Dear reader, Water Necromancers are afoot. At this point, I am starting to believe in Water Necromancers, and you shall too. For what other explanation is there for the mysterious deaths of 'Klokwurk' and 'kzin', their bodies discovered, dehydrated? One can only imagine Klokwork's final moments on this earthly plane. The Water Necromancer, whoever he or she may be, comes forward. Klokwork lies on the ground, gasping for water, as the Water Necromancer comes for him and his precious bodily fluids. Desperately, Klokwork fumbles in his pockets for soap. Good, precious soap made with Dwarven Magics, dear reader. Good, precious soap that will ward off Water Necromancy, for such is the value of soap in Dwarven Society. He has been making soap all his life in preparation for this, the final battle. But there is no soap. In Armok's name, where is the soap?! It must have fallen out on the ground somewhere. If only his trousers had not rotted through recently. The last thing Klokwurk sees before his death, dear reader, is the Water Necromancer cackling furiously and placing additonal curses on assorted linens and tableware throughout Bronzestabbed.  At this point, dear reader, the Gnu Order seems to have taken to pelting the goblins with vomit-tipped arrows. Not surprisingly, this seems to be working pretty well.  Deep within the forges of Bronzestabbed, Samuel L. Jackson considered himself to be, well, a pretty bad-rear end dwarf. He was simply going about his business of being bad-rear end and hauling some stuff, from place to place, in a pretty bad-rear end way, being an authoritative figure on what was, and what was not, bad and/or rear end, when he heard a voice muttering from with in the magma forge... "death cock" "What?" he yelled. "Say that again, motherfucker." (Dwarves, on the whole, are not prone to Foul Language, believing it to be akin to being Goblins; Samuel L. Jackson, however, had given himself the license to experiment on account of his extreme bad-assedness. He was, after all, an artist, and painted in bad-assedness the way that other great craftsmen worked in clay or bronze.) "... death cock!" came the voice, a little louder this time. "Whaaaaaaaaaaat?!" "DEAAAAAATH COCK! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" A triumphant Potato Jones burst forward, clutching something to his chest. "DEATH COCK!" he yelled, triumphantly, his eyes ringed with fire. In his hands, he held an Adamantium breastplate. "Sheeeeeeeeeit," said Samuel L. Jackson. "That is a pretty drat bad-rear end piece of armour, and I should know." Potato Jones smiled eagerly. "All the same," said Samuel L. Jackson thoughtfully, "perhaps we better think of a better name than Death Cock. I... I do not think the public at large is ready for this sort of an artifact yet." "Uh..." said Potato Jones.  "Yeah," said Samuel L. Jackson. "That's the stuff." Potato Jones shrugged. He was not above sullying his artistic vision in the name of commercial success. Samuel L. Jackson stared at the armour curiously. "Is that a tube of..."  "Vomit!" exclaimed Potato Jones happily, and wandered off to get a drink. Samuel L. Jackson shrugged. Vomit or no vomit, it was pretty bad-rear end. (Elsewhere, the dwarf Archaeology Hat smiled. His program of research had simply taken a different direction than he had planned. But this was acceptable.) Dear reader, lest you think that things are now going well at Bronzestabbed, let me prepare you for a shock. You will find that this is merely the lull before the oncoming storm, when we shall grapple with Intense Personal Tragedy and Madness as everything spirals out of control, towards the fortress's inevitable destruction. Such is the way of the dwarves.
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Apr 15, 2013 04:11
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(Just as a quick survey, Dear Readers: do people want longer, or shorter updates? I'm not sure I'm doing well as far as length is concerned. I am, however, pleased that I am killing at least one dwarf per update.)
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Apr 15, 2013 05:00
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nvining posted:I am, however, pleased that I am killing at least one dwarf per update. Please fix this, it's not near high enough, tia.
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Apr 15, 2013 05:03
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nvining posted:(Just as a quick survey, Dear Readers: do people want longer, or shorter updates? I'm not sure I'm doing well as far as length is concerned. I am, however, pleased that I am killing at least one dwarf per update.) Current length is awesome. You're awesome.
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Apr 15, 2013 05:13
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So someone with more DF knowledge than I, is this thing as ridiculously awesome as I think it is? As far as I know an artifact adamantium breastplate may as well be made out of Impervium. Will this thing essentially make it impossible to harm someone in the chest via sharp weapons?
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Apr 15, 2013 05:50
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Well, the down-and-dirty physics of it is that adamantine breaks them. It's about ten times as tough as steel and it has zero strain under stress - it cannot dent, flex, distort or otherwise change shape in any way until it actually breaks. It's also about as dense as styrofoam. Considering that the breastplate is the only rigid torso armor available, yes, I'd say it's pretty awesome.
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Apr 15, 2013 06:48
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The updates are good. And Mr Munki, he killed 2 of thirst last update. So he's improving! Not to mention the Militia battle...I get the feeling I should have added more coffin orders >.> Edit: And Adamantium armour is already practically impenetrable, the artifact version just means the fortress feels super glum when he gets bashed to death and a thief steals it.
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Apr 15, 2013 08:39
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Dibs! Edit: You all know I'm joking right? Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 13:42 on Apr 15, 2013 |
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Apr 15, 2013 13:39
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Oh dear, I'm getting flashbacks. I also notice in this update that MY ROOMS have become the new secondary magma forges? Am I still, at least, the owner of them?
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Apr 15, 2013 13:44
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Angela Christine posted:Current length is awesome. You're awesome.
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Apr 15, 2013 13:52
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DarkHorse posted:Agreed, I'm loving your update style. This guy's right about what that other guy said. Your overseeing is fun. Kill more dwarves.
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Apr 15, 2013 14:48
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So how many of those thirty coffins have been filled?
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Apr 15, 2013 14:49
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Can none of those ~2000 plants be turned into refreshing beverages?
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Apr 15, 2013 14:51
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TildeATH posted:Kill more dwarves. I support this. Out with the old and in with the new. We need more dwarven man children
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Apr 15, 2013 15:04
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The only thing I'd ask is what date it is in-game. It's hard to track the passage of time here... if all of these updates account for only the first two months of your term, then that could be too slow of a pace. But based on how many events have transpired I suspect it's more, so you're fine. e. Actually, I saw frozen water last update I think, so you've gotten at least to winter. So I think you're probably at least four months in, which is a reasonable pace.
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Apr 15, 2013 18:20
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The current updates are really good. The only nitpick I have, is that my tablets keep breaking.
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Apr 15, 2013 18:26
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Lando131 posted:So someone with more DF knowledge than I, is this thing as ridiculously awesome as I think it is? As far as I know an artifact adamantium breastplate may as well be made out of Impervium. Will this thing essentially make it impossible to harm someone in the chest via sharp weapons? Cliff-notes version: The wearer's torso is functionally invulnerable. May lead to cult-ish behaviour. nvining posted:(Just as a quick survey, Dear Readers: do people want longer, or shorter updates? I'm not sure I'm doing well as far as length is concerned. I am, however, pleased that I am killing at least one dwarf per update.) Maybe make the spoilers slightly less overt in the intro
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Apr 15, 2013 18:28
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Leperflesh posted:The only thing I'd ask is what date it is in-game. It's hard to track the passage of time here... if all of these updates account for only the first two months of your term, then that could be too slow of a pace. But based on how many events have transpired I suspect it's more, so you're fine. Yep, we're in the second month of winter now.
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Apr 15, 2013 19:16
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Dear Reader, the following message is for the eyes of BAD MUNKI ONLY and has been brought to you by my being too cheap to buy PMs. Would you please e-mail Leperfish with notes on your damned deathtrap? I'm trying to repair it because it isn't working and I need the original blueprints. Also franky it is a lovely DEATHTRAP and needs to be rebuilt to KILL MORE DWARVES and I will do this if you send me the DAMNED INSTRUCTION MANUAL Again, this message is for the eyes of BAD MUNKI ONLY. Thank you. .... Bronzestabbed! I mean, SERIOUSLY. Did you buy the plans off of Pozzo or StarkRavingMad or one of those other guys who goes about selling Death Trap plans on the Internet and all it is is a lever that shoots magma all over the place? Woo loving hoo. Sheesh. nvining fucked around with this message at 06:04 on Apr 16, 2013 |
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Apr 16, 2013 05:58
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Seems like my task in this LP has become to pop up every once in a while to heap praise on an overseer I really like. Like Nvining. I'm always thinking about what makes a good overseer/DF LP, and I tried posting some advice earlier (like "skip all the menial parts") but looking at nvining, I think it all comes down to one: effort. We've had more than two dozen (!!!) Dwarf Fortress LPs so far - we've seen everything (well, except vampires I guess). So whatever happens in the game, it's old news for us, and it all depends on your presentation. If you write in a dry matter-of-fact journal style about how the caravan came and how so-and-so made an artifact and spawn a baby... well, I've found myself skipping more than a half of the overseer updates here in Bronzestabbed... If you put effort into entertaining us in a new way, you end up being like nviving who manages to present everyday DF features we all know about (vomit, mandates, dead of thirst...) in a highly amusing way. tl;dr: Love your updates, nvining!
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Apr 16, 2013 10:20
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Agreed, you're doing a fantastic job. Could I get an update on my humble craftdorf Simurgho? She seems to not be dead yet and I feel moved to utter her story.
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Apr 16, 2013 12:51
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Best Overseer. Ever.
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Apr 16, 2013 15:55
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I can't find Leperflesh's email address for some reason. If you want to email me directly, badmunki@goondorfs.net will work.
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Apr 16, 2013 16:38
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This next update is taking me a bit of time to edit, mainly due to a lot of screenshots and another drat migrant waves without as much as a single vampire in it. Whyyyyyyy?! Preview of coming attractions: 
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Apr 16, 2013 17:55
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YES
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Apr 16, 2013 17:58
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Is it not possible to put a wall at the edge of the map in front of the firing arcs for the ballistas and keep the bolts? Or will they just shatter the wall or themselves upon impact?
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Apr 16, 2013 18:08
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I KNOW Qword: Best troll-dwarf slash ghostly child-killer for best fortress.
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Apr 16, 2013 18:15
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OhCrap posted:Best Overseer. Ever. I love that he's taking bits and pieces from the overseers of the past and using them. Like Water Necromancers and Heeding
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Apr 16, 2013 18:16
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Oh by the way, Nvining, you should probably press F12 to turn off the open-type mode and switch back to the original text. It prevents those horrible black spaces.
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Apr 16, 2013 18:31
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markus_cz posted:
I don't see them. v  v
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Apr 16, 2013 18:33
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