PARIS, TN—The Henry County Sheriff's Department announced Monday the arrest of a local man charged with burglarizing the climate-controlled beard humidor of country artist Hank Williams, Jr. and stealing his entire archive of human beards. "This man stole goatees, Vandykes, Shenandoahs, French forks, and even the original $4,000 Garibaldi that was the prize of Mr. Williams' collection," Deputy Bob McCrary told reporters. "He left nothing behind but stubble and some mismatched sideburns; it's a miracle we caught him, given his considerable ability to disguise himself." The recovery of the collection has come as an enormous relief to Williams, who for days had been forced to make do with only a soul patch and toothbrush mustache borrowed from friends.