Opera appeared on my screen and for the very first time an upgrade had
preserved all my custom toolbar settings! My joy was brief, however. As
soon as I clicked my first bookmark, my monitor exploded in a fiery cloud
of dust. If I hadn't been wearing my shaded "nerd" glasses, shards of glass
might have damaged my eyes! Note: Opera 7.11 really ought to blow up
monitors in a more user-friendly way. The present implementation is a
disgrace!

Out of the smoldering hole in what once was my screen stepped a small
mannikin with a bald, bright red head and large pointed ears. In a thick
accent, Norwegian or Welsh or Dutch maybe, he said something unintelligible
that sounded like "Thou shalt NOT greedily downlott Oprah verzions thad haf
NOT been offishely unnounzed." Note: there's something seriously wrong with
localized voice support in Opera 7.11. A shame!

The red gnome produced a spoon-size Viking axe, took a step forward and
began furiously hacking away at my mouse and keyboard. Thanks to my
nanosecond "nerd" reflexes, I could retract my click-finger just in time,
otherwise I might have been seriously injured in one of my most vital
parts. Note: these new radical mouse gestures in Opera 7.11 are
overreactive, spontaneously triggering undesired events. Bah, an incredible
oversight!

I now saw what the angry red creature was trying to do. A little silvery
bug was crawling along my keyboard, and he was trying to smash that bug
with his axe. "Jaaah", he gloated, "Jaah! Zee verry verry last Oprah bug,
zee verry last wan! Wee stamp you out for ghood! Not a zingle bug anymoor
in this grate prroduct! Zee cuztomers shell bee happy!" Note: Opera 7.11
contains a little silvery bug. Such a bug does not belong in a final
product. I will certainly report this to the proper authorities.

The gnome finally hit the bug right on its shield. A green goo-ish
substance splattered over my desk. Had I not been wearing my Hongkong-made
"nerd" face cover, it might have splashed right into my surprised wide-open
mouth, and would no doubt have made me sick. "Jajaah", the demon cried,
"gotcha little monster!" He began dancing on the insect's remains. Note:
This was not even a *known* bug. Opera got its priorities all wrong, as
*known* bugs (better known as pets) ought to be trampled first. I will file
a complaint!

Now that the bug was killed, the smoke surrounding my monitor suddenly blew
away, leaving behind a jagged hole in the screen. Through the hole I
catched a glimpse of Opera's inner workings: intricate wheels and pulls and
knobs and levers, and a whole army of micro-gnomes running around with
mysterious packets at incredible speed. Only thanks to my "nerd" education
I could make out, more or less, what they were doing. Note: this 7.11 open-
source interface is still way too confusing for the average user. An
intolerable design error!

The little red devil jumped back through the hole and magically closed the
glass behind him, like a skin. All looked normal again. I wiped the cold
sweat from my forehead: what to do now? Go back to 7.10? No, my typical
"nerd" judgement told me I'd better teach those bug-squashing Opera devils
a severe lesson, once and for all. I would sorely miss all those wonderful
7.x features, but it was worth the price: I would go back to the only Opera
version that ever was officially declared infallible, yeah even once was a
nominee for sainthood in Rome. I would reinstall 3.62. Note: But 3.62 does
not support DOM! It is a bloody unacceptable shame that Opera does not
provide maintenance upgrades for older versions!

At this point I awoke with a jolt from my nightmare, to find myself in my
crumpled "nerd" bed. Unfortunately (please accept my apologies) it was just
too late to cancel this post. Note: there is no "retract" button! A
gruesome omission! I guess I will file a complaint!

Henk