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  • Locked thread
Arp1033
Oct 13, 2012
I don't know whether to be glad that I have yet to be dorfed so Munki can't kill me, or sad that there is little chance that I will be able to experience Munki's Madness (tm) on a more personal level...

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Skanky Burns
Jan 9, 2009
I'm personally hoping for a large body count to, you know, free up space for some new blood.

OhCrap
Oct 14, 2011

I MAKE VICTORY!
I'm hoping for campfires that spew the blood of all slain creatures like Matul Remrit, but I'm bound to be disappointed.

TildeATH
Oct 21, 2010

by Lowtax
I'm hoping for an update.

fluppet
Feb 10, 2009
heh guess i picked the perfect time to catch up with bronzestabbed after loosing track around xmas.

:f5h::f5:

Bad Munki
Nov 4, 2008

We're all mad here.


Leperflesh, we're coming up on 24 hours and have hardly heard a peep from the new overseer. I don't want to pester, but shouldn't we have something by now? :ohdear:

:can:

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous

Bad Munki posted:

Leperflesh, we're coming up on 24 hours and have hardly heard a peep from the new overseer. I don't want to pester, but shouldn't we have something by now? :ohdear:

:can:

Yeah, where the hell is that guy? Why isn't he posting yet?

Jazzimus Prime
May 16, 2002

The Brothers Autobot

Bad Munki posted:

Leperflesh, we're coming up on 24 hours and have hardly heard a peep from the new overseer. I don't want to pester, but shouldn't we have something by now? :ohdear:

:can:

Hey, give him another four or five days at least before you start complaining. :colbert:

Thadius
Apr 2, 2010

ANGER HAS NEVER BEEN MORE MANLY THAN THIS
Hey now, let's give him the full 48 before we start complaining.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the dead are never in a rush to screw over the living.

Leperflesh
May 17, 2007

It's alright guys, the next overseer has been in communications with me via PM. Things are grinding to a start, wheels within wheels, there are plans and intentions and secrets revealed in the shadows.

Rurik
Mar 5, 2010

Thief
Warrior
Gladiator
Grand Prince

Leperflesh posted:

It's alright guys, the next overseer has been in communications with me via PM.

Yeah, right. How could a pile of ash type a PM?

Sky Shadowing
Feb 13, 2012

At least we're not the Thalmor (yet)
Yeah, let's give the new Overseer some slack, it's hard enough to figure out Bronzestabbed's layout when you have a brain that HASN'T been all burnt to ash, along with your eyes, nose, and, well, everything else.

Bad Munki
Nov 4, 2008

We're all mad here.


Thanks, guys. I needed a couple quick volunteers. :v:

Bad Munki
Nov 4, 2008

We're all mad here.


Dammit, it didn't do the character encodings right, hang on. :(

Shiv Katall
Feb 11, 2008
Rape knows no boundaries
You are tormenting us purposefully. Just admit it. It's part of your payback for not being selected overseer for so long. Good. Long live (in death) Munki.

Bad Munki
Nov 4, 2008

We're all mad here.



Early Autumn, 245




ashes to ashes, dust to dust
pay for their crimes, everyone must





TildeATH and Pickled Tink grinned at each other in the dim light. They liked this new song they had thought up. It helped the time pass, helped them ignore the sorching walls of their home. They could sing for hours and it would seem as if only minutes had passed. When they sang, it felt as if they were performing for a grand audience, as if the entire fort could hear them. It made them feel as if they weren't alone, as if another was there with them, encouraging them to sing louder and longer and more and louder and more and longer and more and more and




blood for b̶loo̶d and k̡i̛n for kin
everyone here is gúi̛lt̡y o͟f̶ ̵si̷n





Sky Shadowing snapped awake, cold with the sweat of another fevered dream. They were getting more vivid and real, if that was even possible. He was growing fearful that, eventually, he would awake from the dream only to find that he was still in it, that it was no dream at all. By sparing the life of his predecessor and stepping aside as overseer, he had hoped to drive away the thoughts and desires that had forced his hand before, but it was all to no avail. If anything, it had only made the presence more eager and--Ugath below and all else above--stronger. Maybe it was wrong to spare LeJackal? Maybe it was wrong to step down? There was no way to know, now: the matter was out of his hands. At least he hadn't lost his mind yet, right? As long as he still held on to his sanity, no matter how tenuously, he would still be able to




the d̴͝e͠a͠d͢ will w̵a͠k͠e͜, the l̨͠͝i̶v̕i̢n̵g̷ will sl̛e͜e̸͞p͘͠
p҉ra͢͏y͠ ̛̀f̧or̀̕҉ ͝m̷e҉͢r͢c҉y̨͜͜, but still you'll w̷͍̹̣̱͕ͅe͚͎e̠̱̬̤p҉͉̜̗̦̹̯̹





Internet Kraken looked up from his desk, a scowl on his face. There it was again, that infernal rhyme. He had no idea when or where the children of Bronzestabbed had picked it up, but they'd been singing it more and more in the past weeks. At first, it was sporadic, here and there. He would hear the eerily happy, singsong voice of a child on the other side of a door, or echoing just right down a corridor, or maybe both, he could never be sure. But then it began to echo about the halls and caverns more frequently as more children learned the ditty. At times, he would hear several of them singing it at once. On the few occasions he tried to find the source, he was never successful. Sometimes this place did funny things to sound, made it carry to places it shouldn't, created discord where harmony was meant to be. At times, it made his skin crawl, as if he was being watched all the time, as if he could feel the warm draft of another's breath on the back of his neck, sometimes almost as warm as a fire, almost as if




there's n̺͔ǫ̯͈̪wh̷̘̰͉̬̪̜e̩̩̻r͓̦e̲̪͚ͅ ̨̖̗̠̘̹͇t̲̣̞̳̪̪̕o̩͚ ̣̬̼̭͓̠͡r̼̖͜u͉͎͉͔̥n, there's n̡͔̝̜̱̥o͙̖w̖̕h͏̣̥̖͉̱̘̜e̝̙̫r̠̘̭̼̳e̮̳̹̱̲̜ ̨̟͎͎͉̞̲t͜o̗ ̯͎͕͉h̷̠̙̫i͇̞̼̭͟d̟̮̯̀e̹̦͕̞̣͜
soon a̼͚̫̟̯̰̹l͚l̳͚̫͇ͅ w̖̥͙͉ͅi͏̬͓̘̰̱̦ͅll̗̺̙̞̤ ̮̖̝̪̪̝͠ͅș̜̮̮t̢̝̩͕̹a̡͉̖ͅn̩̖̟͇̲d̤͇̩̖̫̀ͅ at the B̳͖͉̪̌̽̾͂̒̆͘u̲̪͎ͬ̎̉̅̐̑̋̒͜͟r̰͚̳̞̄ͮͮ̿͆ͦͥͨn̡̺̝̙ͬ̋̒͗ͭi̴͍̜̖̝̘͕̅͐͂̓̌ͨ͌̽̈́͢͡n̨̜͖̱̄͛̕͜g̠̫̮̀̈̈́̿ͫ̚͝ ̴̵̱̼͇ͮ̒ͪ͛̿́̉ͫO̷̖̲̦̥ͨ͐ͮ͟͝n̷͈̩̰̤̹̘̍͒͞e̴̝̙̦̘̪̼͍̐̔̆̑̄́'̡̮͍͙̙̭̥̅͒ͭ̒͌͜s̡̩̼̈́̇̃̃̊͢ side





almost as if nothing. He had no time for this. Stuffing a plump helmet into each ear, he could almost drown out the noise. He had work to do, and it wasn't going to be easy. The idiots had gone and elected a dead dwarf as overseer--a damned pile of ash, no less--and it was up to him to fix the mess, as the previous overseer seemed to have gone batty in his last few weeks on the job, mumbling about conspiracies and dreams and endless utter nonsense. Well, by bolt, plow, or hook, he would turn this place around. First things first, though: he had to secure the position of overseer, despite not technically having been elected as such.

Bad Munki fucked around with this message at 01:34 on Feb 8, 2013

Bad Munki
Nov 4, 2008

We're all mad here.


Followup note: if you see a bunch of squares in the rhymes above, you're probably using chrome, it seems not to like those encodings. Other browsers seem to work fine. I won't do it again, but I wanted the funny business for that post. Try firefox or safari, I know they work fine. :)

Alternately, it means your computer is cursed.

Bad Munki fucked around with this message at 21:19 on Feb 7, 2013

GrabbinPeels
Jan 3, 2010

I only regret not giving up sooner.



Journal of "GrabbinPeels" Dolilnil, 245

Yessssssssssssssss.

EBB
Feb 15, 2005

It begins.

Vaga42Bond
Apr 10, 2009

Die Essensrationen wurden verdoppelt!
Die Anzahl der Torpedos wurde verdoppelt!

Bad Munki posted:

Early Autumn, 245



Avant-Garde art?

Those strange campaign posters actually worked. I just thought it was some Avant-Garde art piece, and now they have elected the ashes as Overseer. Now what? The children sing strange songs. Strange parts of the walls sing strange songs. Internet Kraken looked possessed. Sky Shadowing looked haunted. I have no idea, all seems calm for me thus far since I moved the poster to outside my door.

Only one thing occasionally comes to the forefront of my mind.

ZALGO BAD MUNKI

Tunicate
May 15, 2012



Antitonic? Is that you?

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous

I love using the Pulp-O-Mizer

SirPhoebos
Dec 10, 2007

WELL THAT JUST HAPPENED!

So, is this going to be a joint session with Internet Kraken (like Leperflesh suggested was doable) or is it going to be all Bad Munki.

Looking forward either way.

Crackmaster
Feb 6, 2004

Bad Munki posted:

Followup note: if you see a bunch of squares in the rhymes above, you're probably using chrome, it seems not to like those encodings. Other browsers seem to work fine. I won't do it again, but I wanted the funny business for that post. Try firefox or safari, I know they work fine. :)

Alternately, it means your computer is cursed.

Mobile Chrome on my phone shows the squigglies, but spreads the letters out a bit, Chrome in Windows shows massive blocks of squares, stretching the blocks of text uncomfortably wide, and Chrome in OS X shows the text with normal kerning and the flourish laid over it.

This inconsistent visual experience is your fault. You are the worst Munki.

Knockknees
Dec 21, 2004

sprung out fully formed

SirPhoebos posted:

So, is this going to be a joint session with Internet Kraken (like Leperflesh suggested was doable) or is it going to be all Bad Munki.

Looking forward either way.

:ohdear: we'll just have to wait and see! :ohdear:

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker


This is the secret diary of Impy Copperbulwarks, aged 15, engraved on shale. It menaces with spikes of teenage angst. All craftsdwarfship is of mediocre quality.

Autumn 245

That nightmare again. Flames and ashes and madness. Dwarves being coated in magma but not going away, something still there. It lingers, it waits, it hungers. I told father and mother, but they do not Heed. Why will no-one listen? I hate this place. I hate my life. I want to mandate own black walls and own black door in room. I want to mandate clothes, in black.

Bad Munki
Nov 4, 2008

We're all mad here.




1st Limestone, 245

The leader-less fortress carries on. Somehow, amidst the growing chaos, dwarves find work. Some continue farming, some tend to the livestock, and others train. No new projects are assigned workers, because no new projects exist, as nobody capable of doing so is charged with creating them. The gates are left open, as if inviting the world in. A handful of dwarves decide it is a good time to go fishing.



Of these dwarves--Lorrdernie, Rain, PotatoManJack, Simurgho, Helical Nightmares, Zebrin, chewymouse, Sighencep, Jazzimus, Deceitful Penguin, and HUNDREDHOGS--not a single one of them is aware of the danger that lurks just over the hill from their favored fishing hole. Under normal circumstances, the overseer would be notified of such things and would call everyone back into safety.




2nd Limestone, 245

Across the river, where few dare to go, another cloud of murk appears, slowly drifting towards the riverbank. A kestrel slowly circles about, hunting a weasel, neither aware of the foul plumes that draw near.




3rd Limestone, 245

Not far away, by the bridge across the very same river, Bularin loads a cage trap. She has no idea what transpires to the east, and none are there to warn her. Her life is in grave danger, but she is alone.




4th Limestone, 245

"Look, fairly elected or not, this fort needs a living overseer. How long do you think it would take this place to descend into chaos and despair if we were without one?" Internet Kraken folded his arms across his chest, waiting for an answer. "Well? How long until we're home to goblins, and are just the same as all the others?"

Leperfish paused for a moment, as if giving the proposal serious though. "It's not that I don't think you're right for the job, and it's certainly not that I think we can go without. But we have a system in place. If the elected overseer isn't available to take the position, we have rules to deal with that. Specifically, we have to hold another election."

Internet Kraken put a hand to his brow. "drat the election! It hasn't even been a full week yet and already this place is falling apart. Why, just the other day, some idiot child was enjoying a drink on Bad Munki's memorial out front, using it as if it were just another chair! When I yelled at him, the git jumped up and ran off so fast that he knocked the memorial over, and nobody's even taken the time to prop it back up yet! Worse yet, I saw a hauler carting it off to the stockpiles or who knows where! That's the sort of thing that happens without an actual leader."

Internet Kraken was clearly agitated, although he wouldn't dare let on that his emotional state had nothing to do with the ruined memorial--not directly, anyhow. The dreams had been growing stronger and been coming more frequently of late, it was starting to become a problem. He'd heard other dwarves complain of such dreams, and of hearing voices, too. He definitely couldn't let anyone find out he heard the voices, if that happened, then surely he'd--

"Okay, we can figure this out. What exactly is your plan?" Leperfish said suddenly, bringing Internet Kraken back to reality.

"Simple. Hold a recount, but don't actually recount anything. Just give me the position. You know I'll do right by this place. Heck, I was elected fairly once before. If it makes you feel better, just consider it a delayed assignment. But keep that detail to yourself. You know what we're up against here, you know what's at stake. The dwarves here, some of them aren't right, and their numbers are only growing. If we don't take serious action soon, all you hoped to find here will be lost. Maybe it's something wrong with the very dwarves themselves, I don't know. But I do know that if we're to have a chance at fixing it, we have to end some traditions, and maybe this is simply one of them. We won't know unless we try. Besides, I've been preparing for this since before Sky Shadowing even vacated the position! I know exactly what needs to happen, what needs to be addressed, and believe me when I say that several of those items are dire emergencies. Did you even know that there were almost a dozen dwarves standing around fishing right now while a murk cloud sneaks up on them?" Internet Kraken waited for a response.

Sighing with the weight of such a decision, Leperfish put his head in his hands, elbows resting on the sturdy desk in front him. "All right, how about this: for the next couple weeks, you go ahead and run things. Give your orders to me, and I'll forward them on to the appropriate parties anonymously. I haven't actually announced who won the election yet, so we'll just let that hang for now. It's about time I got a drink anyhow, and that should lend you plenty of time to prove you're not going to screw this up too much. If everything's still in order by the time I get back, I'll "finish" the count then and you'll have your overseership."

Internet Kraken was practically hopping with excitement. The overseership was important, yes, but as Leperfish had spoken those last words, that constant hot, dry breath on the back of his neck had lifted, for the first time since Sky Shadowing had stepped down. "You won't regret it, I swear."

Leperfish looked up from his hands. "I sort of already do."

Bad Munki fucked around with this message at 03:40 on Feb 9, 2013

Bad Munki
Nov 4, 2008

We're all mad here.


Updates will start in earnest tomorrow, I just wanted to get the wind-up out of the way. :)

Sky Shadowing
Feb 13, 2012

At least we're not the Thalmor (yet)
4 days. 4 days is all it took from my resignation for this place to fall apart. :colbert:

I can't wait to find out how we're all going to die horribly survive this.

Jazzimus Prime
May 16, 2002

The Brothers Autobot


1 Limestone 245


There's nothing quite as relaxing as an early morning fishing trip. It's just myself and my wits versus nature. And that's a contest I never lose. As Armok's my witness, I'm the best fisherdwarf in this fortress.

Fishing puts the mind at ease. It helps me to forget about the disembodied voices and the strange goings-on that seem to be going on more and more frequently around the fortress lately. Fishing helps me to forget how I was unfairly cheated out of the second half of my overseership a few years back. I'm still a little bitter about that one. Ah well, I'd rather be fishing than overseeing anyway.

On the subject of overseeing, I still haven't heard an announcement as to who will be following Sky Shadowing as our next overseer. Not that I really care who it is, as long as it's not Internet Kraken. That dwarf always did despise me, from the moment I first stepped into the fort and interrupted his final moments together with his dog, and every moment ever since.

I suppose I'll find out who the new overseer will be soon enough. For now, there are fish to be caught.

Shiv Katall
Feb 11, 2008
Rape knows no boundaries
this is going to be good. Why is it not already tomorrow

Rurik
Mar 5, 2010

Thief
Warrior
Gladiator
Grand Prince

Bad Munki posted:



Internet Kraken put a hand to his brow. "drat the election! It hasn't even been a full week yet and already this place is falling apart. Why, just the other day, some idiot child was enjoying a drink on Bad Munki's memorial out front, using it as if it were just another chair! When I yelled at him, the git jumped up and ran off so fast that he knocked the memorial over, and nobody's even taken the time to prop it back up yet! Worse yet, I saw a hauler carting it off to the stockpiles or who knows where! That's the sort of thing that happens without an actual leader."

So that's how it's going to be. :D

Internet Kraken
Apr 24, 2010

slightly amused


4th Limestone, 245

Finally.



I've waited years for a chance to steer this fort in the right direction. I've watched all manner of idiots take the reins and do nothing to combat the true forces of evil. They might claim victory because they've wiped a few dozen goblins or so, but they've done nothing to combat the true forces of darkness!



Even now, I can see a thick fog of it creeping towards the fort. And nobody cares! They just continue on with their...fishing?



Wha...? Why are so many dwarves fishing? Why is ANYONE fishing?! We don't need fish! Any fish caught here are probably tainted with murk! There are many more important jobs to do such as-



...nothing. A good chunk of the fort is sitting around doing nothing because there are NO JOBS. What the gently caress? What kind of overseer lets that many dwarves sit around being useless? Not only is it a waste of productivity, it's dangerous. Idle dwarven minds come up with terrible ideas.

Solving this problem will require a lot of thinking. And booze. At least that horrible fever went away so I can finally think straight.

6th Limestone, 245



Shockingly, the dwarves that went fishing came back empty handed. I'm sure surprised, I mean you'd think a filthy river full of slime and murk would be teeming with life!

Idiots.



At the very least their silly fishing trip led to them spotting another vile creature of darkness. The murk continues to corrupt the local wild life, creating this horrible thing. I don't think it will be much of a threat to our soldiers though.

But then I got to thinking, why do we not have a full militia anyways? We have many gaps in our military, yet none of the idle dwarves have been drafted. Clearly Mortal Sword is failing in his duties as commander.

So I've decided to replace him with someone more competent.



Me.

First order of business was making sure all the squads were full and training around the clock. Most of the dwarves I recruited can't tell a pike from a spear, so they'll need a lot of guidance to become acceptable soldiers. Still, it's better than them just sitting around doing nothing. I'm sure they'll become decent soldiers eventually.

Or they'll die. Either way, it's a problem solved in my book.



I put Mortal Sword in charge of a big squad of rookies and told them to go stab that weasel zombie to death...or undeath. Not sure how it works with these things. Anyways, I figure if they see the horrors they are up against first hand they'll take their training more seriously and maybe actually accomplish something.

9th Limestone, 245

I seem to have overestimated the intelligence of these recruits.



w00tmonger encountered the weasel while out hunting and used all her ammunition attempting to pin it down. During this time, a recruit named Tendales had caught up with the weasel.

The problem? She didn't bring a loving weapon. She has no way to kill the thing other than trying to punch it to death, which is not working.



She's been at it for days now. I'm amazed that she hasn't fainted from exhaustion. I'm more amazed that nobody in her squad has shown up to help.

14th Limestone, 245

How could this happen? Why are these dwarves so STUPID?



Somehow, a miner named Bularin managed to get caught in the murk. How? How could you be that dumb? I just don't get it. You see a big green fog and you think it's a good idea to walk through it? Dwarves like this don't deserve to live.

Well the rookie squad caught sight of her murkified body on their way to deal with the weasel problem. Oddly, the creature didn't attempt to devour them like I expected and instead ran away, seemingly in fear. But how could these things feel fear?



Well, regardless of what it felt the creature ran straight into the fort. It was immediately surrounded, yet despite being beset from all sides it continued to crawl deeper into the fort.



When the human soldiers at the depot caught sight of the zombie, they too attempted to kill it. The creature squirmed on the ground, seemingly in intense pain yet at the same time unhindered despite all the injures it had sustained.



Finally, Zebrin managed to delivered a blow to the neck that beheaded the horrible thing. It continued to squirm and twitch for a few minutes, but it finally was dead.



Predictably, the sight of a former dwarf being turned into that beast and then butchered by the military has created a large amount of panic in the fort.



But you know what? I consider this a good thing. These idiots never believed me about the dangers of the murk, and now many of them have seen first-hand what it can do. They know the danger it poses, and now they'll come crawling to me for help. They'll beg me to save them from a similar fate!

Now I just need to come up with a plan to actually solve the murk problem.

20th Limestone, 245

Normally I don't compliment myself but I've come up with a brilliant plan. One that will solve both the murk problem and the lack of jobs at the same time. It's simple too, so all these idiots will be able to-

....

Ha...that's odd, I could've sworn I heard a voice for a second. Again. Whatever, it's time to put my plan into action. This is going to be-

Internet Kraken fucked around with this message at 22:24 on Feb 8, 2013

Sky Shadowing
Feb 13, 2012

At least we're not the Thalmor (yet)
So is this a joint turn, or has Bad Munki transcended the game and is now speaking through Internet Kraken?

Also, :stonk:

Zapdos
Nov 13, 2010
This is gonna be great :allears:

First Spear
Jun 27, 2008

Internet Kraken posted:

But then I got to thinking, why do we not have a full militia anyways? We have many gaps in our military, yet none of the idle dwarves have been drafted. Clearly Mortal Sword is failing in his duties as commander.

So I've decided to replace him with someone more competent.



Me.

It wasn't my job to recruit. :(

But seriously, maybe as a squad leader my guy'll see more action, even if it does end in horrible death. He was super-boring as militia commander.

Trundel
Mar 13, 2005

:10bux: + :awesomelon: = :roboluv:
- a sound investment!
Hahahaha, awesome! Since Bad Munki has been planning for months I can't wait to see what masterful plans are being brought to fruition via ghosting.

Pickled Tink
Apr 28, 2012

Have you heard about First Dog? It's a very good comic I just love.

Also, wear your bike helmets kids. I copped several blows to the head but my helmet left me totally unscathed.



Finally you should check out First Dog as it's a good comic I like it very much.
Fun Shoe
Nice update Bad Munki Internet Kraken.

Finally, another Bad Weasel roams the land :allears:

Edit: I must have been seeing things. vv

Pickled Tink fucked around with this message at 22:31 on Feb 8, 2013

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous
edit: irrelevant now

my dad fucked around with this message at 22:26 on Feb 8, 2013

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Internet Kraken
Apr 24, 2010

slightly amused

Pickled Tink posted:

Nice update Bad Munki Internet Kraken.

Finally, another Bad Weasel roams the land :allears:

I have no idea what you're talking about.

fixed

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