Many people are saying (ok, just one person is saying, for now) that the Buffalo Bills should change their name. For those who don’t know, the team received that name after Buffalo Bill Cody, an infamous Rough Rider, gunslinger, actor, and frontiersman who was a bit of a mixed bag judging through the lens of today’s level of political correctness. On one hand, he partnered up with and treated Native Americans as equals during a time when it would have been very easy for him not to, even including them in his traveling shows and attempting to portray them as authentically as possible. On the other hand, as a U.S. Army scout early in life he fought and pushed Natives west as part of American efforts towards manifest destiny, and even claimed to have killed and scalped Native Americans in over a dozen skirmishes with them over the years. One could argue symbolically that he represents a painful historical moment in driving Native Americans out of their long-settled homes.
This article is not meant to dissect and deliberate Buffalo Bill Cody’s transgressions, assess the role of American cultural icons in modern society, or a thesis outlining pros and cons as to whether or not the Buffalo Professional Football Team should change its name. Those all sound like important articles though.
This article is purely about if we (meaning me) were to change the name, what would some of our options be? Let’s discuss in tier form from worst to best:
Tier 4: Nathan Peterman Division
Buffalo Swords – admittedly not a great name…but on the other hand, you could just borrow the Sabres logo and be done with it. Who doesn’t want the Bills to become more like the Sabres right now!
Buffalo Bill (McKinley)s – with "Presidents" being a popular name bandied about as a replacement for the Washington R-Words, if the folks at OBD wanted a cop-out they could always just say they interpret it as paying homage to a president from the WNY area (albeit, not an inspiring one).
Buffalo Mafia – (on a related note, do we need to change the name of the Bills Mafia too now?)
Buffalo Bleu Cheese – if you think about it, Buffalo Bill Cody was definitely a ranch guy (*ducks*)
Buffalo Balls – imagine just being called the Balls? I would buy so much Balls merch.
Buffalo Rumblings – obligatory
Tier 3: Trent Edwards Division
Buffalo All-Americans
Buffalo Pan-Ams
Buffalo Blizzards
Buffalo Lakers
Buffalo Sports
Buffalo American Football Team
In general, it’s obviously easy to come up with a ton of generic names that begin with ‘b’ (the Bruins, the Bobcats, the Badgers) or nearby geological sites (the "Canals" doesn’t strike fear in my heart). Worth noting that Buffalo did have a pro football team called the All-Americans about a century ago. Given that the current logo is already a buffalo and we like to think of ourselves as the real America’s team, I think this could be a rare case where a team doesn’t have to have a true "nickname" per se.
With that said, much like Trent Edwards career, that would seemingly be the check-down move. Let’s get a bit more creative, shall we?
Tier 2: Rex/Rob Ryan Division
Buffalo Bulls
Buffalo Bisons
Buffalo Braves
Buffalo Bandits
Uh, let’s get more creative I said? Regardless, these are some very solid names so it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if the Bills just plucked from one of these already-existing sports names.
Tier 1.5: Marshawn Lynch Division
Buffalo Jills
Bring back the Jills! Had to squeeze that in here somehow.
Tier 1: Bruce Smith Division
Ok, now we’re getting to the good stuff:
Buffalo Wagons – there are a lot of alternative mascots we could choose in keeping with the frontiersy theme, but I love saying "Circle the Wagons" too much not to include this.
Buffalo Soldiers – did you know the "Buffalo Soldiers" were famed for their valor and for the fact they were the first peacetime regiments made up of only black men in the U.S. Army? Unfortunately I don’t think Native Americans would see this as a huge upgrade since they fought in the Indian War. Plus the Shout Song is too good to substitute it for Bob Marley anyway.
Buffalo Nickels – some nice synergies/double entendre with Coach McDermott’s defensive schemes, but given these are also called "Indian Head Nickels" I think this is out.
Buffalo Wings – I know we call them "chicken wings" round these parts but this is just a solid name regardless of food culture.
Buffalo (Labatt) Blues – we’re trending in the direction where all teams are just going to be named after colors and plants and meteorological phenomena anyway, so why not the Blues? They practically stole Ryan O’Reilly from us so we should get the name back in return.
The Niagara Falls – it’s believed that the word Niagara was derived from an Iroquoian word. Plus I would love to hear someone say they are "a Fall", my brain hurts trying to figure out what that means.
Alright, time to crown the winner…
Buffalo Buffaloes - I mean, how can you not love this name. Practically nothing changes as most people conjure the buffalo already when they think about our mascot/logo. Say it with me:
NOBODY CIRCLES THE WAGONS LIKE THE BUFFALO BUFFALOES.
Let’s ride.
