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I feel the same way.....all the energy they put into being sad, if they put that into being happy we would all be better off. I guess it must be some silly pride or perception of self respect or something along those lines.....I don't get it do they want to be happy or do they want to be right?

Kids are amazing. I came home yesterday and my Mom had them make me and my W a card. It made my day. I love them dearly and take a lot of pride in being an involved and loving dad but sometimes I just get overcome with horrible guilt and depression because they remind me of my current situation.....I really need to work on that!

Hi TwinDad

I just read your thread, hope you don't mind me coming in on this. Just one thing crossed my mind when reading, you said

"I just want to reach out to her and put an end to this silly game, but I feel like it will just push her further away. She is having a very rough time at work now and I can't do my job as her husband to the full extent. This whole situation is just sad"

She is not letting you do the job you would like to be doing as her husband. I really think you are doing your job as her husband because by not cushioning her all the time you are letting her feel the consquences of her own actions. It sounds like you really want to protect her from hurt but you can't. This is the path she has chosen to take and I think she has to feel it to realise what she has got.

I hope your week with you children is improving. Use these times to show her what she is missing and that you are a fantastic Dad and that your children are as happy as they can be in that situation. I think that you will find that rewarding even if you feel you are not getting rewards from her.

Julia,

Thanks, please come by anytime, that is one of the main reasons I am here. I really want to hear what others in my position or similar positions have to say

I couple weeks ago I took the kids on a vacation for a week and was able to practice that quite well. This week for some reason has been very hard on me. I guess it must be because it is the first week that is close to the reality (in my "new" home) and not on vacation.

That must be really tough. Some periods of time will definitely be harder than others, as you know I am finding this week particularly hard too. I suppose it is about hanging in there, to use a cliché - I hear a lot of those at the moment.

I find it really hard not to try and offer solutions as I am prone to that. I have come to realise that sometimes you have to just feel, those feelings will morph into others soon but they are not nice when you are experiencing them.

I find that all of this is a big long process of adjustment and just when you make one adjustment, something else pops up or a new variable comes into play - anniversary, vacation, family event, whatever. Sometimes you get surprised by what hits you. On the positive side, sometimes you suddenly realize - wow, I just got thru that ok.

I think it's what you say, Julia. We have let our feelings be what they are. If we repress them or resist them, it will just be worse for us. One of the themes that keeps coming up in my reading to is to just be in the moment. . . .

Thanks Seek,

I actually had a fairly easy time the first two weeks. I was helping my W move into her new house and I was moving into mine. We had a lot of contact and it was all pretty much good. There were times of loneliness but nothing too bad....I even spent one night with the W. This week was my first week with the kids at my place and I have actually had a good amount of contact with my W. I guess I would have never imagined having feelings of such loneliness when I was with my kids. I would have never dreamed that in a million years. Hopefully it will be better the next week I am with them.

Hey,
I just wanted to check in to see how you are the the end of your week?
Julia

Julia,

Thanks for checking in. Overall the week was worse than I would expected. Yesterday was nice, but that is probably because we spent the whole day together. I just always feel better when I am with her, or what I should say is that I don't feel lonely when I am with her. We had a party to go to yesterday afternoon and when we got back from it she hinted around that she wanted me to come back after me and my mom (who is visiting) got the kids settled down. So I did and it was a nice time. We talked about the business that she wants to open up and had a fair amount of snuggle time on the couch.

I think I am still at the point where I will always be there for her, I guess this is just because I think this S will be a short lived one. I have a couple of artificial dates coming up where if things don't improve by then that I will probably force myself to detach more.

Thanks for caring :-)

Not a problem!

That all sounds like things are moving forward at the moment. Even though it feels abolutely horrible it sounds like you are doing well in your actions as she is responding and not backing away. Keep on!

Well I had a pretty good time this weekend. The W and I spent a lot of time as a family along with my mom who was visiting. A coupe highlights were:

Saturday Night after spending the whole day together I dropped off my W at her house before taking my mom and kids back to my place. As she was getting out of the care she said "yeah our niece isn't spending the night here tonight". Translated this meant "I am lonely and I want to spend time with you". So I took the bait and my mom volunteered to watch the kids. We spent the night talking about a business she is looking at openeing...I nice night.

Sunday we spent the day together and Suday night she called and said that she forgot to pick up wine on her way back. I asked are you going to drink wine alone? She then said "You might as well move back in, all men are a-holes, at least I know you and you are the father of my children". I just laughed and said "yeah your right, besides, all women are b*tches, and I know you and you are the mother of my children" and she laughed. Not exactly a ringing endorsement but a step in the right direction. We spent the evening drinking wine and snuggling up on the couch (lots of huggs, etc). I played it cool and didn't bring up the R at all. This morning when I dropped the kids off,she actually smiled when she saw me for the first time in a long time. I am remaining caustiiously optimistic at this time