Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis How Much BS do I believe?!

Hi Neil-

"how would you make those into goals?"

well- i think thisis hard when we have such little contact
but my actions are:

Listen/validate him and hear him when we talk on the phone or in person or even w text messages.
stop bringing up my family when we talk.
continue working on boundaries w my family for ME.


is that enough??

THANKS

are these goals ok?

i think so. maybe break them into smaller ones too. I'm not 100% sure...still trying to figure my own out! LOL

yea- i agree...its also hard when they aren't around very much. but i guess these goals are really for ME anyway.

i know that i will stop discussing my fam w him at all....
and i will acknowledge him more and more and more.....
and really listen to what he is saying.


thanks!

going to see my H tonight- spontaneous dinner! yay! i look good and cant wait to see him- ill update ya'll with my SUCCESS after

OMG! went sooooo well- he opened up so much about everything! he said he realized he needs to change, that i have made so many changes already, he sees that the grass isnt greener....everything i wanted to hear! music to my ears! i am elated...we hugged for sooo long- i kissed his neck...i am sooo excited. i know i need to back off and give him space still..i said its fine to take things slowly...im here for him any time to talk as friends! he said this week was really hard for him bc work finally slowed down and he had time to think- he went through the same feelings i did last night about being in the singles world and told his friend that he wanted to leave a bar...he said it was awful. YAY!!!!! he said he still isnt sure (ya right!) ... i really listened and validated, but my tongue and let him talk and get it out...very time i wanted ot say something and i started- he would say more...he kept going and going. he found his voice! this is the #1 thing he didnt have...and he is using it...so much more! i am on cloud 9- i will be calm and cool...i promise :

How was your weekend?

jack! i missed your posts! i had a fun weekend- saw baby animals at the fair! i am shocked still at my H opening up but i have an update...he called me yesterday and we talked about hour house for sale- he also said her ended up going to our college friends wedding - i was surprised- but didnt show him this..then he said he got trashed drunk and ended up on stage- very unlike him- i just laughed and rolled my eyes to myself. he said he needs to stop drinking so much 2 drink max, i said good..so it was a good chat but brief..then i emailed him later with more house stuff and he replied it was good tot talk to you and good to see you too but my emotions dont think so. i am looking at seeing someone to talk to - i have been telling too many people about my sitch and i need to talk to one person ...just wanted to let you know...

i know he is setting up a meeting with a life coach bc my best friends H is the guy he called- he has used this coach when he was in a bad place before. so this is only good right? i am terrified that he'll walk away but why would he be opening up to me so much?
he is comng by my office today to sign some house docs ffor a cabin we are selling- should i ackowledge him for openieng uip to me? i sort of already did in person last week and email last night...
any input jtb?

thanks!

Then you did already.

I think you are doing great, keep being a safe person for him.

You get through this with time, patience and a will to see the other side.

ok- i know there is no magic bullet...i just dont want my fears to take hold of me- i feel like all i can do is everyting i have been doing. listen, validate, stay quiet calm and collected and SHOW him i am there for him and love him...
"a will to see the other side" is true- now i feel ike i am getting aheead of myself- i almost jumped the gun and called myself a piecer- i think thats called IMPATIENT!