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Dimitri Moisevitch:
This is a good game, it's called "The Truth."
Dr. Heywood Floyd: You just read that report? Took you this long to steal our secrets?
Dimitri Moisevitch: How long does it take for your people to steal ours?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Same amount of time.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: I do seem to remember a process where you people ask me questions and I give you answers, and then I ask you questions and you give me answers, and that's the way we find out things. I think I read that in a manual somewhere.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: I don't know if Hal is homicidal, suicidal, neurotic, psychotic, or just plain broken.
HAL 9000: I'm completely operational, and all my circuits are functioning perfectly.
Walter Curnow: If it has to taste like this, I don't care if my electrolytes are imbalanced or not.
Victor Milson: So, here we are on your actual brink. My agency's going to become a part of the military, I've got a president with his finger poised on the button, and you want me to walk across the park and tell him we want to hitch a ride with those very same Russians. Have I missed anything?
Heywood Floyd: That's about it.
Heywood Floyd: I'd love a hot dog.
Walter Curnow: Astrodome. Good hot dogs there.
Heywood Floyd: Astrodome? You can't grow a good hot dog indoors. Yankee Stadium. September. The hot dogs have been boiling since opening day in April. Now that's a hot dog.
Walter Curnow: The yellow mustard or the darker kind?
Heywood Floyd: The darker kind.
Walter Curnow: Very important.
Chandra: Whether we are based on carbon or silicon makes no fundamental difference. We should each be treated with appropriate respect.
Dave Bowman: You see, something's going to happen. You must leave.
Heywood Floyd: What? What's going to happen?
Dave Bowman: Something wonderful.
Heywood Floyd: What?
Dave Bowman: I understand how you feel. You see, it's all very clear to me now. The whole thing. It's wonderful.
Dave Bowman: My God! It's full of stars!
Victor Milson: 'Course, there's one good thing about a reactionary President, he's not into health foods. Last one, we didn't have lunch, we grazed.
SAL-9000: Will I dream?
Dr. Chandra: Of course you will. All intelligent beings dream. Nobody knows why.
HAL-9000: Dr. Chandra, will I dream?
Dr. Chandra: I don't know.
HAL-9000: What is going to happen?
Dave: Something wonderful.
HAL-9000: I'm afraid.
Dave: Don't be. We'll be together.
HAL-9000: Where will we be?
Dave: Where I am now.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Someday, the children of the new sun will meet the children of the old. I think they will be our friends.
Victor Milson: I didn't want your job, you know. I'm not the one who forced you out. I didn't blame the whole thing on you. So if this is your plan to try and get me killed, you got the wrong guy.
Tanya Kirbuk: You think I was wrong to send Max.
Heywood Floyd: Doesn't matter what I think.
Tanya Kirbuk: You think I was wrong.
Heywood Floyd: Yep.
[HAL is told he may have to sacrifice himself to save the crew]
HAL 9000: I understand now, Dr. Chandra. Thank you for telling me the truth.
Dr. Chandra: You deserve it.
[about Dr. Chandra]
Heywood Floyd: Install the device tonight, while he's asleep. If he ever does sleep.
Walter Curnow: How can you tell?
Heywood Floyd: [referencing Discovery's schematic diagrams] Are these the power connections for all the control-based circuits?
Walter Curnow: Most of them, yeah.
Heywood Floyd: What other ones are there?
Walter Curnow: Well, all the environmental controls are fed with this one here...
Heywood Floyd: Yeah yeah yeah, but this is the one that feeds into HAL, right?
Walter Curnow: Right.
Heywood Floyd: Okay... I want you to install this little beauty... right about... there. Just inside the cable trunking.
[hands a small device to Curnow]
Heywood Floyd: I want you to put it where no one can find it without a deliberate search.
Walter Curnow: No shit?
Heywood Floyd: No shit.
Walter Curnow: This is pretty sweet... Non-conducting blade, so there won't be any short-circuits when you trigger it... Where's the remote control?
Heywood Floyd: If I trigger it. The control's in my compartment. Little red calculator? You've seen it. You put in nine '9s'. Take the square root, and then hit 'Integer.' In an emergency, even you could do it.
Walter Curnow: What kind of emergency?
Heywood Floyd: Well if I knew that, I wouldn't need this stupid thing now, would I?
[holds up the device]
Walter Curnow: Y'know, Chandra'd have kittens if he found out.
Heywood Floyd: Yeah. But he isn't gonna find out, is he.
Walter Curnow: Not from me. They could tear off my fingernails, I won't talk.
Heywood Floyd: Good. Install it tonight when he's asleep. If he ever does sleep.
Walter Curnow: How can you tell?
Dr. Chandra: HAL was told to lie - by people who find it easy to lie. HAL doesn't know how.
Heywood Floyd: Reason? There's no TIME to be reasonable!
Victor Milson: You've checked this? Please say you haven't... You aren't saying anything, Floyd.
HAL-9000: [message relayed from monolith] All these worlds are yours, except Europa. Attempt no landing there. Use them together. Use them in peace.
Tanya Kirbuk: We are going to send a probe.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Gooood!
Dr. Vasili Orlov: What was that all about?
Chandra: I've erased all of HAL's memory from the moment the trouble started.
Dr. Vasili Orlov: The 9000 series uses holographic memory so chronological erasures would not work.
Chandra: I made a tapeworm.
Walter Curnow: You made a what?
Chandra: It's a program that's fed into a system that will hunt down and destroy any desired memories.
HAL 9000: Dr. Floyd?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What is it HAL?
HAL 9000: There is a message for you.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Who's calling?
HAL 9000: There is no identification.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What's the message?
HAL 9000: Message as follows: "It is dangerous to remain here. You must leave within two days."
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What?
HAL 9000: Do you want me to repeat the message, Dr. Floyd?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Who recorded it?
HAL 9000: This is not a recording.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Who's sending it?
HAL 9000: There is no identification.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: I don't understand.
HAL 9000: Neither do I.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Is this message by voice or keyboard?
HAL 9000: I don't know.
Heywood Floyd: My response is, we don't have enough fuel for an earlier departure.
HAL 9000: The answer is, "I am aware of these facts. Nevertheless you must leave within two days."
Heywood Floyd: HAL, who the hell is sending this?
HAL 9000: I'm sorry, Dr. Floyd, I don't know.
Heywood Floyd: Well, tell whoever it is that I can't take any of this seriously unless I know who I'm talking to.
HAL 9000: Dr. Floyd?
Heywood Floyd: Yes?
HAL 9000: The response is, "I was David Bowman."
HAL 9000: Do you want me to repeat the last response?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: No, no. Tell Curnow that this is no time for jokes.
HAL 9000: Dr. Curnow is not sending the message. He is in access way two.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Well, tell whoever it is that I can't accept that identification without proof.
HAL 9000: The response is, "I understand. It is important that you believe me. Look behind you."
Christopher Floyd: [while exercising] How far away is Jupiter?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Far.
Christopher Floyd: Why does it take two and a half years to go and come back?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: It's so far.
Christopher Floyd: Why don't you go faster?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Can't.
Christopher Floyd: Oh. Are you gonna forget about me?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: No. I love you.
Christopher Floyd: I won't forget about you.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: We'll be able to talk to each other, see each other on television.
Christopher Floyd: Oh. Daddy?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What?
Christopher Floyd: Mommy said you'd be asleep for a long time. Are you gonna die?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What?
Christopher Floyd: Are you gonna die?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Why do you say that?
Christopher Floyd: When Jamie's grandfather died, Mommy said he'd be asleep for a long time.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: No, no, no. This is different. They're gonna put me asleep in orbit... and you'd have to sleep on the way up, and sleep on the way down, otherwise... you'd go cuckoo... and there wouldn't be enough food aboard the flight for everybody.
Christopher Floyd: Oh. I don't understand.
Caroline Floyd: I want to be grown-up and understanding about all this, I really do... I try so hard, but I can't. This won't bring those men back. You've been killing yourself over something you did, or something you didn't do right, and now you're looking for absolution... You know, you could get yourself killed.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: I'll be scared enough for both of us.
Victor Milson: Millson to Floyd: It's been twelve hours since I made my request for information! I need a reply - all hell is breaking loose down here! I have enough problems without you pulling some kind of a stunt! I just hope there's an Earth for you to return to! Make that report I asked for and make it immediately!
Tanya Kirbuk: What do you think that is?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: I don't know. You think Max knows?
Tanya Kirbuk: Dr. Floyd, you are not a very practical man.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: [gesturing to the monolith outside the cockpit window] Look at that thing. Tell me what practical is.
Tanya Kirbuk: You have been drinking your whiskey from Kentucky!
Tanya Kirbuk: Tell me, Dr. Floyd, what has happened to American bravery?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: [testy] It's alive and well, thank you. What happened to Russian common sense?
Dimitri Moisevitch: Have you checked Discovery's orbit lately?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What?
Dimitri Moisevitch: Have you checked the orbit?
Dimitri Moisevitch: [to Dr. Heywood Floyd] Neatness. It's a good quality. You'll make somebody a fine wife.
Dimitri Moisevitch: Here we have our quandary: we are going to get there first, yet you have the knowledge to make the trip work.
[realization dawns across Dr. Floyd's face]
Dimitri Moisevitch: How much time do I have left?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: You just bought yourself an extension.
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Dr. Heywood Floyd: You just read that report? Took you this long to steal our secrets?
Dimitri Moisevitch: How long does it take for your people to steal ours?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Same amount of time.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: I do seem to remember a process where you people ask me questions and I give you answers, and then I ask you questions and you give me answers, and that's the way we find out things. I think I read that in a manual somewhere.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: I don't know if Hal is homicidal, suicidal, neurotic, psychotic, or just plain broken.
HAL 9000: I'm completely operational, and all my circuits are functioning perfectly.
Walter Curnow: If it has to taste like this, I don't care if my electrolytes are imbalanced or not.
Victor Milson: So, here we are on your actual brink. My agency's going to become a part of the military, I've got a president with his finger poised on the button, and you want me to walk across the park and tell him we want to hitch a ride with those very same Russians. Have I missed anything?
Heywood Floyd: That's about it.
Heywood Floyd: I'd love a hot dog.
Walter Curnow: Astrodome. Good hot dogs there.
Heywood Floyd: Astrodome? You can't grow a good hot dog indoors. Yankee Stadium. September. The hot dogs have been boiling since opening day in April. Now that's a hot dog.
Walter Curnow: The yellow mustard or the darker kind?
Heywood Floyd: The darker kind.
Walter Curnow: Very important.
Chandra: Whether we are based on carbon or silicon makes no fundamental difference. We should each be treated with appropriate respect.
Dave Bowman: You see, something's going to happen. You must leave.
Heywood Floyd: What? What's going to happen?
Dave Bowman: Something wonderful.
Heywood Floyd: What?
Dave Bowman: I understand how you feel. You see, it's all very clear to me now. The whole thing. It's wonderful.
Dave Bowman: My God! It's full of stars!
Victor Milson: 'Course, there's one good thing about a reactionary President, he's not into health foods. Last one, we didn't have lunch, we grazed.
SAL-9000: Will I dream?
Dr. Chandra: Of course you will. All intelligent beings dream. Nobody knows why.
HAL-9000: Dr. Chandra, will I dream?
Dr. Chandra: I don't know.
HAL-9000: What is going to happen?
Dave: Something wonderful.
HAL-9000: I'm afraid.
Dave: Don't be. We'll be together.
HAL-9000: Where will we be?
Dave: Where I am now.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Someday, the children of the new sun will meet the children of the old. I think they will be our friends.
Victor Milson: I didn't want your job, you know. I'm not the one who forced you out. I didn't blame the whole thing on you. So if this is your plan to try and get me killed, you got the wrong guy.
Tanya Kirbuk: You think I was wrong to send Max.
Heywood Floyd: Doesn't matter what I think.
Tanya Kirbuk: You think I was wrong.
Heywood Floyd: Yep.
[HAL is told he may have to sacrifice himself to save the crew]
HAL 9000: I understand now, Dr. Chandra. Thank you for telling me the truth.
Dr. Chandra: You deserve it.
[about Dr. Chandra]
Heywood Floyd: Install the device tonight, while he's asleep. If he ever does sleep.
Walter Curnow: How can you tell?
Heywood Floyd: [referencing Discovery's schematic diagrams] Are these the power connections for all the control-based circuits?
Walter Curnow: Most of them, yeah.
Heywood Floyd: What other ones are there?
Walter Curnow: Well, all the environmental controls are fed with this one here...
Heywood Floyd: Yeah yeah yeah, but this is the one that feeds into HAL, right?
Walter Curnow: Right.
Heywood Floyd: Okay... I want you to install this little beauty... right about... there. Just inside the cable trunking.
[hands a small device to Curnow]
Heywood Floyd: I want you to put it where no one can find it without a deliberate search.
Walter Curnow: No shit?
Heywood Floyd: No shit.
Walter Curnow: This is pretty sweet... Non-conducting blade, so there won't be any short-circuits when you trigger it... Where's the remote control?
Heywood Floyd: If I trigger it. The control's in my compartment. Little red calculator? You've seen it. You put in nine '9s'. Take the square root, and then hit 'Integer.' In an emergency, even you could do it.
Walter Curnow: What kind of emergency?
Heywood Floyd: Well if I knew that, I wouldn't need this stupid thing now, would I?
[holds up the device]
Walter Curnow: Y'know, Chandra'd have kittens if he found out.
Heywood Floyd: Yeah. But he isn't gonna find out, is he.
Walter Curnow: Not from me. They could tear off my fingernails, I won't talk.
Heywood Floyd: Good. Install it tonight when he's asleep. If he ever does sleep.
Walter Curnow: How can you tell?
Dr. Chandra: HAL was told to lie - by people who find it easy to lie. HAL doesn't know how.
Heywood Floyd: Reason? There's no TIME to be reasonable!
Victor Milson: You've checked this? Please say you haven't... You aren't saying anything, Floyd.
HAL-9000: [message relayed from monolith] All these worlds are yours, except Europa. Attempt no landing there. Use them together. Use them in peace.
Tanya Kirbuk: We are going to send a probe.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Gooood!
Dr. Vasili Orlov: What was that all about?
Chandra: I've erased all of HAL's memory from the moment the trouble started.
Dr. Vasili Orlov: The 9000 series uses holographic memory so chronological erasures would not work.
Chandra: I made a tapeworm.
Walter Curnow: You made a what?
Chandra: It's a program that's fed into a system that will hunt down and destroy any desired memories.
HAL 9000: Dr. Floyd?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What is it HAL?
HAL 9000: There is a message for you.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Who's calling?
HAL 9000: There is no identification.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What's the message?
HAL 9000: Message as follows: "It is dangerous to remain here. You must leave within two days."
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What?
HAL 9000: Do you want me to repeat the message, Dr. Floyd?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Who recorded it?
HAL 9000: This is not a recording.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Who's sending it?
HAL 9000: There is no identification.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: I don't understand.
HAL 9000: Neither do I.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Is this message by voice or keyboard?
HAL 9000: I don't know.
Heywood Floyd: My response is, we don't have enough fuel for an earlier departure.
HAL 9000: The answer is, "I am aware of these facts. Nevertheless you must leave within two days."
Heywood Floyd: HAL, who the hell is sending this?
HAL 9000: I'm sorry, Dr. Floyd, I don't know.
Heywood Floyd: Well, tell whoever it is that I can't take any of this seriously unless I know who I'm talking to.
HAL 9000: Dr. Floyd?
Heywood Floyd: Yes?
HAL 9000: The response is, "I was David Bowman."
HAL 9000: Do you want me to repeat the last response?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: No, no. Tell Curnow that this is no time for jokes.
HAL 9000: Dr. Curnow is not sending the message. He is in access way two.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Well, tell whoever it is that I can't accept that identification without proof.
HAL 9000: The response is, "I understand. It is important that you believe me. Look behind you."
Christopher Floyd: [while exercising] How far away is Jupiter?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Far.
Christopher Floyd: Why does it take two and a half years to go and come back?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: It's so far.
Christopher Floyd: Why don't you go faster?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Can't.
Christopher Floyd: Oh. Are you gonna forget about me?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: No. I love you.
Christopher Floyd: I won't forget about you.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: We'll be able to talk to each other, see each other on television.
Christopher Floyd: Oh. Daddy?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What?
Christopher Floyd: Mommy said you'd be asleep for a long time. Are you gonna die?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What?
Christopher Floyd: Are you gonna die?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: Why do you say that?
Christopher Floyd: When Jamie's grandfather died, Mommy said he'd be asleep for a long time.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: No, no, no. This is different. They're gonna put me asleep in orbit... and you'd have to sleep on the way up, and sleep on the way down, otherwise... you'd go cuckoo... and there wouldn't be enough food aboard the flight for everybody.
Christopher Floyd: Oh. I don't understand.
Caroline Floyd: I want to be grown-up and understanding about all this, I really do... I try so hard, but I can't. This won't bring those men back. You've been killing yourself over something you did, or something you didn't do right, and now you're looking for absolution... You know, you could get yourself killed.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: I'll be scared enough for both of us.
Victor Milson: Millson to Floyd: It's been twelve hours since I made my request for information! I need a reply - all hell is breaking loose down here! I have enough problems without you pulling some kind of a stunt! I just hope there's an Earth for you to return to! Make that report I asked for and make it immediately!
Tanya Kirbuk: What do you think that is?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: I don't know. You think Max knows?
Tanya Kirbuk: Dr. Floyd, you are not a very practical man.
Dr. Heywood Floyd: [gesturing to the monolith outside the cockpit window] Look at that thing. Tell me what practical is.
Tanya Kirbuk: You have been drinking your whiskey from Kentucky!
Tanya Kirbuk: Tell me, Dr. Floyd, what has happened to American bravery?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: [testy] It's alive and well, thank you. What happened to Russian common sense?
Dimitri Moisevitch: Have you checked Discovery's orbit lately?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: What?
Dimitri Moisevitch: Have you checked the orbit?
Dimitri Moisevitch: [to Dr. Heywood Floyd] Neatness. It's a good quality. You'll make somebody a fine wife.
Dimitri Moisevitch: Here we have our quandary: we are going to get there first, yet you have the knowledge to make the trip work.
[realization dawns across Dr. Floyd's face]
Dimitri Moisevitch: How much time do I have left?
Dr. Heywood Floyd: You just bought yourself an extension.
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