Beth, I went to a Christmas Party at work and had my wife pick up my D7 and bring her to choir practice at church. I wonder what she thought going into church?
She called me while I was at the party and asked if I wanted her to pick up supper for me. I think she was checking on me. When we are together she acts like she doesn't care what I do...so I take it as a positive.
Also got kind of a ego boost...had three different women flirt with me. I've got to be careful.
JWM - Glad you had some positive signs from your wife. As for flirting, it's harmless and it feels good to be reminded that we are attractive to people.
I had an old friend and business partner call me today. He needs some help with a deal he has been working on. He asked me to join him on a men's weekend retreat that he leads. He is also a minister (talk about a 180...he works as an investment banker.) I told him about my sitch and he said that he had gone through the same thing many years ago.
He re-affirmed everything that we talk about here. He has never read the DB books, but gave me chapter and verse almost exactly what MWD says.
The first thing he said was that all WASs come back. He said it takes 18-24 months. If the LBS is strong, does not get involved with someone else in the meantime, and will truly forgive themselves and their spouse, the M can be restored. The only things that affect the restoration of the M is when either spouse has an addition or is abusive.
He has gone through this himself and his wife returned.
He said the most important thing is to realize that you can't change your WAS's mind. It is important to be patient and work on yourself. He has a strong belief in God and says to leave it in God's hand.
He also said the WAS's affairs never last and the intensity will fade to nothing over time. These relationships are build on falsehood and cannot survive. Only 3% ever marry and 75% of those get divorced.
Sooner than later the WAS will realize that they have destroyed both their life and the lives of their family and children.
All of this we have found in these boards. He had to find these things out himself. It was good for me to hear this from him.
I am thankful for friends like this and for everyone here.
Beth, it's been good to get to know you too. I felt so lost last night and today things seem so much better. This isn't a great thing we have to go through, but we get to find good friends.
I just read through your thread - and I admire your strength and patience. The retreat sounds perfect - have you mentioned it to your W? Curious how she might have responded to it...I was also wondering if she still brings up the stuff about being scared of you, etc.
Carlos, my W does not bring up the scared stuff at all. I think it was just something said to get to me. We have a communication problem. She has a hard time telling me when she is upset. She admits that it is her problem. It has caused problems for her in all of her relationships. We are going to a MC today and intend to work on our communication issues.
The retreat is in Colorado in the spring. It is setup well in advance so the men who attend can get in shape. Everything is backpacked in and the elevation change is over 5000 feet. It takes two days to get to camp.
My friend leads the retreat and has great reviews. As I find out more about it, I'll post the info.
