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(Fox News)   10 ways to not being an annoying airplane passenger. Leaving your screaming children at home strangely absent   (foxnews.com) divider line
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    More: Obvious, Archie Bunker, airplanes, chill out, airlines  
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13366 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Oct 2011 at 10:43 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Copy Link



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dstanley [TotalFark]  
2011-10-29 7:56:31 PM  
Stay off my goddam airplane.
 
coco ebert  
2011-10-29 8:11:14 PM  
Bratty kids are one thing, but what should people with babies do- not travel?
 
AbbeySomeone  
2011-10-29 8:13:58 PM  
Hey subby - I didn't see fat, sweaty and asthmatic anywhere on that list either.

Leaning into your space.
F*ck U! Buy 2 tickets.
 
2wolves [TotalFark]  
2011-10-29 8:14:04 PM  
#9

Made me use hunter orange tape on my bags when I traveled a third of the month. Easy to see if someone was trying to steal them also.
 
fusillade762  
2011-10-29 8:19:20 PM  
Don't crowd the gate out of turn

That shiat always pisses me off. Just sit the fark down until they call your zone, ffs.
 
give me doughnuts [OhFark]  
2011-10-29 8:24:42 PM  

coco ebert: Bratty kids are one thing, but what should people with babies do- not travel?


Exactly. Stay home. Raise courteous children. Travel with them when they are old enough to tell you if they are hungry, or in pain, or need to go to the bathroom rather than screeching and squalling and leaving you to figure out what is bothering them.

If Nanna and Poppy need to see their precious grandbabies, then they can come to you.
 
Hoban Washburne [TotalFark]  
2011-10-29 8:27:25 PM  

give me doughnuts: Exactly. Stay home. Raise courteous children. Travel with them when they are old enough to tell you if they are hungry, or in pain, or need to go to the bathroom rather than screeching and squalling and leaving you to figure out what is bothering them.

If Nanna and Poppy need to see their precious grandbabies, then they can come to you.
 
Three Crooked Squirrels [TotalFark]  
2011-10-29 8:34:56 PM  

2wolves: #9

Made me use hunter orange tape on my bags when I traveled a third of the month. Easy to see if someone was trying to steal them also.


I once got to the baggage carousel and the luggage was already on the conveyor. Waited awhile and here comes my bag. Checked the tag. Nope, someone else's bag that looked the same. Put it back on the conveyor and waited and waited and waited. Until the only bag left was the one that looked like mine but wasn't. Went to the baggage claim people and told them what had probably happened. They took my name and whatnot and I went home.

Not long after I got home, I got a call from the jackass that took my bag home. I told him his bag was at the airport, and if he could drop my bag off at the airport when he went to get his, the airport would deliver mine to me. He was PISSED. He yelled at me for not taking his bag home so that we could just meet somewhere and exchange bags.

fark you, asshole. Check the farking bag tag next time. Don't get mad at me because you're a farking idiot.
 
coco ebert  
2011-10-29 8:38:57 PM  
What's with all the hatred for children? America is the only society where I've seen this.
 
AbbeySomeone  
2011-10-29 8:42:24 PM  

Three Crooked Squirrels: 2wolves: #9

Made me use hunter orange tape on my bags when I traveled a third of the month. Easy to see if someone was trying to steal them also.

I once got to the baggage carousel and the luggage was already on the conveyor. Waited awhile and here comes my bag. Checked the tag. Nope, someone else's bag that looked the same. Put it back on the conveyor and waited and waited and waited. Until the only bag left was the one that looked like mine but wasn't. Went to the baggage claim people and told them what had probably happened. They took my name and whatnot and I went home.

Not long after I got home, I got a call from the jackass that took my bag home. I told him his bag was at the airport, and if he could drop my bag off at the airport when he went to get his, the airport would deliver mine to me. He was PISSED. He yelled at me for not taking his bag home so that we could just meet somewhere and exchange bags.

fark you, asshole. Check the farking bag tag next time. Don't get mad at me because you're a farking idiot.


Why did you have to bring this up?
My luggage was lost twice in a week on 2 coast to flights.
I showed up after a call that they found it, to luggage that wasn't mine and wearing the ex's clothes. There is a reason those counters are so high.
 
Hoban Washburne [TotalFark]  
2011-10-29 8:53:29 PM  

coco ebert: What's with all the hatred for children? America is the only society where I've seen this.


First, American children are farking assholes. Can't speak much for kids in other parts of the world because I generally avoid children while traveling. I have no problem with well behaved kids. Maybe yours are just fine.

Now, I think what give me doughnuts was talking about is people flying with infants and toddlers. Save the flights for when they are old enough to conduct themselves properly and have some appreciation for the trip. If you want a vacation, find someone to watch them.
 
clancifer  
2011-10-29 8:54:27 PM  
11) Bring a farking breath mint or two.
 
Hoban Washburne [TotalFark]  
2011-10-29 8:59:31 PM  
I'd also like to personally add don't bring hot/cooked food onto the airplane. Maybe it's just me, but I don't want to sit next to your greasy lip smacking and smell your farking chicken strips or whatever. You should be to the airport early enough to eat before you're jockeying for armrest space.
 
MidnightSkulker  
2011-10-29 9:11:19 PM  

Hoban Washburne:

Now, I think what give me doughnuts was talking about is people flying with infants and toddlers. Save the flights for when they are old enough to conduct themselves properly and have some appreciation for the trip. If you want a vacation, find someone to watch them.


People don't just fly for vacations. We're moving to the other side of the continent in a few months. You can bet your ass I'm flying with the kids. No way would I be crazy enough to drive several thousand kilometres in the winter through the majority of Canada. I make every effort to keep my kids from bothering other people, but if my infant daughter gets cranky on the plane, and someone glares at me while I get her calmed down, I am going to glare right back.
 
Hoban Washburne [TotalFark]  
2011-10-29 9:27:21 PM  

MidnightSkulker:
People don't just fly for vacations. We're moving to the other side of the continent in a few months. You can bet your ass I'm flying with the kids. No way would I be crazy enough to drive several thousand kilometres in the winter through the majority of Canada. I make every effort to keep my kids from bothering other people, but if my infant daughter gets cranky on the plane, and someone glares at me while I get her calmed down, I am going to glare right back.


I should have said that I admit that there are some circumstances where it's almost unavoidable. But I'd recommend not taking your farking toddler to Jamaica for fun. I think most babies in the airport aren't making a cross country move.
 
Dead for Tax Reasons [TotalFark]  
2011-10-29 9:34:22 PM  
If I can't turn my ipod up enough to ignore you, you're an an asshole. My ipod volume goes pretty high, so it must be you
 
GAT_00  
2011-10-29 10:00:32 PM  

coco ebert: What's with all the hatred for children? America is the only society where I've seen this.


If I have to get in a flying tin can, like I will at the end of February to go to a conference in NYC, I'm already going to be annoyed. Going through security, getting my connecting flight, keeping track of my luggage, tiny seats with no leg room, the whole thing. If I have to deal with a parent that can't keep their crotchfruit from bugging other people or from kicking the seat, or if they have the brilliant idea of taking a toddler on a plane, then fark you. Everyone else has all these worries already. Children are simply making things worse.

Children should not be allowed free reign to be total assholes. It's the job of parents to prevent that, and if the child is too young to know, they shouldn't be flying.
 
Nadie_AZ  
2011-10-29 10:13:39 PM  

coco ebert: What's with all the hatred for children? America is the only society where I've seen this.


Americans also hate teachers. And the poor. And the idea that you can be poor and hardworking. They also hate education, apparently.

In short, can I come with you?
 
FirstNationalBastard  
2011-10-29 10:15:11 PM  

GAT_00: coco ebert: What's with all the hatred for children? America is the only society where I've seen this.

If I have to get in a flying tin can, like I will at the end of February to go to a conference in NYC, I'm already going to be annoyed. Going through security, getting my connecting flight, keeping track of my luggage, tiny seats with no leg room, the whole thing. If I have to deal with a parent that can't keep their crotchfruit from bugging other people or from kicking the seat, or if they have the brilliant idea of taking a toddler on a plane, then fark you. Everyone else has all these worries already. Children are simply making things worse.

Children should not be allowed free reign to be total assholes. It's the job of parents to prevent that, and if the child is too young to know, they shouldn't be flying.


Yes, but the cult of the child has made everyone believe that their special little snowflakes are above rules of society, so they can scream, wail, and be assholes they want and that's just a-ok. And if you dare to take a parent to task for not controlling their child, you're a child hating piece of shiat.
 
coco ebert  
2011-10-29 10:38:44 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: Yes, but the cult of the child has made everyone believe that their special little snowflakes are above rules of society, so they can scream, wail, and be assholes they want and that's just a-ok. And if you dare to take a parent to task for not controlling their child, you're a child hating piece of shiat.


Maybe it's just my experience but children I come into contact with tend to be well-behaved. Precocious maybe, but I don't on a regular basis have children scream or fling things at me. I dunno, maybe I have a higher tolerance for children. I certainly don't blame babies for crying or parents who have to travel with them.
 
RexTalionis  
2011-10-29 10:42:59 PM  

coco ebert: Bratty kids are one thing, but what should people with babies do- not travel?


A bit of rum in the bottle.
 
Nadie_AZ  
2011-10-29 10:43:58 PM  

coco ebert: FirstNationalBastard: Yes, but the cult of the child has made everyone believe that their special little snowflakes are above rules of society, so they can scream, wail, and be assholes they want and that's just a-ok. And if you dare to take a parent to task for not controlling their child, you're a child hating piece of shiat.

Maybe it's just my experience but children I come into contact with tend to be well-behaved. Precocious maybe, but I don't on a regular basis have children scream or fling things at me. I dunno, maybe I have a higher tolerance for children. I certainly don't blame babies for crying or parents who have to travel with them.


If you have kids or have been around kids, then the noise and activity aren't a big deal. If you are not around them at all, or very little, they are unsettling and scary.

That's what I have seen.
 
RexTalionis  
2011-10-29 10:46:18 PM  

GAT_00: If I have to get in a flying tin can, like I will at the end of February to go to a conference in NYC, I'm already going to be annoyed. Going through security, getting my connecting flight, keeping track of my luggage, tiny seats with no leg room, the whole thing. If I have to deal with a parent that can't keep their crotchfruit from bugging other people or from kicking the seat, or if they have the brilliant idea of taking a toddler on a plane, then fark you. Everyone else has all these worries already. Children are simply making things worse.


I'm guessing that conference is at Jacob Javits. There's a place near there called Uncle Jack's that serves a great porterhouse, but it's expensive, but I think it was worth it.

Just saying.
 
Harv72b  
2011-10-29 10:46:47 PM  

coco ebert: Bratty kids are one thing, but what should people with babies do- not travel?


pennystockexplosion.comView Full Size
 
strathmeyer  
2011-10-29 10:48:27 PM  

coco ebert: Bratty kids are one thing, but what should people with babies do- not travel?


Just raise them correctly. And don't pretend this just applies to air travel.
 
bmihura  
2011-10-29 10:49:54 PM  

coco ebert: Bratty kids are one thing, but what should people with babies do- not travel?


Correct! At least not until they are old enough to be quiet.
 
skinink [OhFark]  
2011-10-29 10:50:14 PM  
Good luck with all that, columnist writer. I can't even expect a normal commute on the subway. Other riders hit you with your bags, block the aisle and doorways and act like they are the only person riding the train. I can't expect these people to remember their manners just because they're boarding a plane.


Next summer trip I take I'm flying first class or whatever the good section is above coach. I wonder if it's much better than coach.
 
Nadie_AZ  
2011-10-29 10:50:38 PM  

strathmeyer: coco ebert: Bratty kids are one thing, but what should people with babies do- not travel?

Just raise them correctly. And don't pretend this just applies to air travel.


Know anything about when personalities begin? I'll give you a hint: before parents are able to parent.

A short tempered 2 year old is going to be hell, no matter the parent. A placid child is heaven for any idiot. It isn't that simple.
 
whatshisname [TotalFark]  
2011-10-29 10:51:59 PM  
If the overhead storage above your seat is full, don't stuff your massive purse, coat and over-sized carry-on into the storage above my seat.
 
Thanks for the Meme-ries [OhFark]  
2011-10-29 10:52:06 PM  

dstanley: Stay off my goddam airplane.


i291.photobucket.comView Full Size
 
theflatline  
2011-10-29 10:52:51 PM  
If you think american children are bad, you have never lived in South America.
 
Clete Orris  
2011-10-29 10:55:13 PM  
Avoiding 45 minute rectum-clearing monopoly of the restroom was strangely missing from the list.

/did that often as unaccompanied minor child :-)
 
Mr. Chainsaw  
2011-10-29 10:55:30 PM  
I sort of understand #3 (I can't imagine FAs enjoy doing it anymore than we enjoy sitting through it) but if this is my 3rd flight of the day, you'll forgive me if I try to get a head start on my nap.
 
detroitdoesntsuckthatbad  
2011-10-29 10:56:07 PM  
Is this the thread where everyone who travels for business gets to biatch about horrible kids on planes. Because I hate dealing with bratty aholes, smelly fat people and morons that don't know how to pack. Flying used to be fun - now its a tremendous pain in the @ss. The only way it's palatable is having status with an airline. Hang out in the lounge, board first & fly business when possible.
 
Plant Rights Activist  
2011-10-29 10:56:11 PM  

coco ebert: What's with all the hatred for children? America is the only society where I've seen this.


You can't hit American children.
 
dforkus  
2011-10-29 10:56:38 PM  

give me doughnuts: coco ebert: Bratty kids are one thing, but what should people with babies do- not travel?

Exactly. Stay home. Raise courteous children. Travel with them when they are old enough to tell you if they are hungry, or in pain, or need to go to the bathroom rather than screeching and squalling and leaving you to figure out what is bothering them.

If Nanna and Poppy need to see their precious grandbabies, then they can come to you.


Unless they are too sick to fly..

//Taking my 15 month old to see Nanna and Poppy this Christmas, I guess I should just stay home, or drive 16 hours down the eastern seaboard..

///On second thought, deal with it you miserable/bitter farks...
 
Happy Hours  
2011-10-29 10:57:49 PM  
#3 and #8 are bullshiat.

I can recline my seat - you should be able to deal with it.

Also, no I should not have to wait for you to block the aisle for 5 minutes while you gather up your things. I was ready to deplane as soon as I stepped into the aisle. You should be too. If you can't, wait for other people who have their shiat together.
 
studebaker hoch  
2011-10-29 10:58:58 PM  
Small children don't know how to compensate for cabin pressure changes at takeoff and landing, nor articulate the great amount of pain they are experiencing other than to caterwaul loud enough to be heard throughout the plane.

If they're old enough, chewing gum can fix the problem. They may even have it on the plane, it's an old pilot's trick to bring some just for that.
 
theknuckler_33  
2011-10-29 10:59:00 PM  
This was greenlit? seriously? What's next, another tipping thread?

Hey self-important frequent flyer... you annoy people too!
 
MurphyMurphy [TotalFark]  
2011-10-29 11:00:08 PM  

give me doughnuts: Exactly. Stay home. Raise courteous children. Travel with them when they are old enough to tell you if they are hungry, or in pain, or need to go to the bathroom rather than screeching and squalling and leaving you to figure out what is bothering them.


this

When my sister and I were too young to travel without being a pain in the ass, we were taken to our grandparents, or my godparents would come visit for a week and watch us, or getting ditched at our aunt and uncles farm.... the only exception I can remember is one trip to Disney World.

And we usually had a blast in that week without the parents. At the very least we learned something having to adapt to someone elses rules and expectations. In fact, some of my best memories as a child were those weeks in the summer when the rents would take off and leave us with someone cool we otherwise only got to see one in a great while.

Taking a 0-9 year old brat on a flight to Grand Canyon/Hawaii/Europe/Mediterranean/wherever does no service to anyone. The child, the parents, the people that have to put up with the brat.

And neither you or they get much out of the vacation. They are too young to get it, and you spend more time keeping them in line than enjoying your vacation.

Wait and take them when they are older and they will get more out of it. Outside of that, stick to the little trips to amusement parks or zoos until they know how to behave.

Both society, and your children, will thank you later.
 
theflatline  
2011-10-29 11:00:09 PM  
I was on a flight three months ago in August, a 40 minute flight in Colombia.

The lady across the aisle got a garbage bag from the stewardess.

Why because he child got motion sickness and air sickness easily. And was apparently unable to confine his spew to the standard issue barf bag.

This was on the ground.

The lady on the side of her said she had some benadryl and Dramamine and was welcome to either. The woman said she was not going to drug her child.

Then has the plane started to taxi and the kid wanted to look out the window, I pointed that if he was prone to motion sickness then maybe she should close the window. She said he liked to look.

So 2 minutes after take off the little fark, he was about 10, vomited all over the seat in front of him, and about a gallon of festering chocolate and chicken soup. Cause you know always good to put a big meal into someone who you know is prone to barfing.

So for 40 minutes I had to listen to this woman berate the stewardess because she felt the stewardess should clean the barf up, not here and smell this kids stomach contents.
 
bearcats1983  
2011-10-29 11:00:29 PM  
Can we add fat, smelly, old guy who won't shut the fark up? I got stuck next to this guy on a flight home from Vegas. What part of me being clearly hungover, wearing earbuds, and blankly staring screams "please tell me about your grandkids!"?
 
Clete Orris  
2011-10-29 11:00:55 PM  

Plant Rights Activist: coco ebert: What's with all the hatred for children? America is the only society where I've seen this.

You can't hit American children.


And that is a shameful change from when I was an American child. If I acted out, my ass got swatted. Resultantly, I didn't act out so much.

fark all you "spare the rod, spoil the child" people.
 
theknuckler_33  
2011-10-29 11:01:35 PM  

give me doughnuts: coco ebert: Bratty kids are one thing, but what should people with babies do- not travel?

Exactly. Stay home. Raise courteous children. Travel with them when they are old enough to tell you if they are hungry, or in pain, or need to go to the bathroom rather than screeching and squalling and leaving you to figure out what is bothering them.

If Nanna and Poppy need to see their precious grandbabies, then they can come to you.


Your pretentiousness is far more annoying than a crying baby.
 
Harv72b  
2011-10-29 11:01:57 PM  

Mr. Chainsaw: I sort of understand #3 (I can't imagine FAs enjoy doing it anymore than we enjoy sitting through it) but if this is my 3rd flight of the day, you'll forgive me if I try to get a head start on my nap.


Or, the airline could just make them entertaining:

Crazy About Rugby (new window)
Rich-rolled (new window)
 
Kaiser Bill's Batman  
2011-10-29 11:02:12 PM  
I recently got stuck on a 17 hour, trans-Atlantic flight sandwiched between two men with dueling aftershaves. Please leave the Old Spice at home.
 
PJRart  
2011-10-29 11:02:47 PM  
This is why I load up on Oxy before every flight.
 
duckpoopy  
2011-10-29 11:02:53 PM  
If your carry-on is big enough to need wheels then farking check it asshole. People with this shiat should board and deboard last. fark you asswipes up the ass with a rusty meathook.
 
bravian  
2011-10-29 11:03:14 PM  

GAT_00: If I have to get in a flying tin can, like I will at the end of February to go to a conference in NYC, I'm already going to be annoyed. Going through security, getting my connecting flight, keeping track of my luggage, tiny seats with no leg room, the whole thing. If I have to deal with a parent that can't keep their crotchfruit from bugging other people or from kicking the seat, or if they have the brilliant idea of taking a toddler on a plane, then fark you. Everyone else has all these worries already. Children are simply making things worse.


I don't understand how so many people freak out over air travel. It isn't that big of a deal. Be an adult and deal with it.
 
INeedAName  
2011-10-29 11:03:16 PM  

GAT_00: coco ebert: What's with all the hatred for children? America is the only society where I've seen this.

If I have to get in a flying tin can, like I will at the end of February to go to a conference in NYC, I'm already going to be annoyed. Going through security, getting my connecting flight, keeping track of my luggage, tiny seats with no leg room, the whole thing. If I have to deal with a parent that can't keep their crotchfruit from bugging other people or from kicking the seat, or if they have the brilliant idea of taking a toddler on a plane, then fark you. Everyone else has all these worries already. Children are simply making things worse.

Children should not be allowed free reign to be total assholes. It's the job of parents to prevent that, and if the child is too young to know, they shouldn't be flying.


I know man, you're so effing persecuted. I get that it's a pain in the arse dealing with other people's rotten spoiled crotch fruit who feel like they are some how entitled to the world behaving and treating them in a certain fashion, yet for some reason I still have the patience to not block you.
 
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