Showing posts with label football. Show all posts
Showing posts with label football. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 30, 2021

Jack Grealish / KDB fanfiction, Chapter 5: Margin of Prudence

BBFC rating: PG for mild sex references and mild sexual innuendo




Author's disclaimer: I don't know De Bruyne or Grealish. This story is totally made up.

Catch up on Chapter 4, Red Light, Green Light, here.

Kevin De Bruyne’s 10-day spell in isolation was coming to an end, and for him, it couldn’t come soon enough.

Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Jack Grealish / KDB fanfiction, Chapter 3: Optics

BBFC rating: 12A (one use of strong language and moderate sexual innuendo)

Author's disclaimer: I don't know De Bruyne or Grealish. This story is complete fiction.

Chapter 2, A Spiritual Assist, was here.


As Kevin De Bruyne headed out to the Manchester City Football Academy training ground, he chuckled to himself about how his teammate Jack Grealish had absolutely zero chill around him.

Wednesday, August 18, 2021

Jack Grealish / KDB fanfiction, Chapter 2: A Spiritual Assist

BBFC rating: PG (mild bad language, mild sex references)

Author's disclaimer: I don't know Grealish or De Bruyne. This story is complete fiction. 

Chapter 1 was here.



Whenever a goal was scored in the Premier League, the Fantasy Premier League Twitter account would immediately relay this information to the world, announcing who got the goal, and who provided the assist. 

Tuesday, August 10, 2021

Jack Grealish / KDB fanfiction, Chapter 1: Bruynian Motion

Chapter 1: Bruynian Motion



BBFC rating – U (mild angst)


Author's disclaimer: I don't know De Bruyne, I don't know Grealish. This story is purely the fantastical whimsy of a hyperactive imagination. All feedback welcome, good or bad. If you like the story, let me know so it incentivises me to keep writing!

Sunday, August 04, 2019

My Gal Gadot piercing

As part of my job, I have to sit professional exams in order to become a qualified actuary. My first sitting for these exams were this April, where I sat two. I was fairly confident that I'd passed Statistics but almost certain that I failed Maths.

So, imagine my euphoria come results day in early July, when I saw my name on the pass list for both exams that I sat! An exam pass is so much more satisfying when you've made peace with yourself that you were going to fail it!

As a treat to myself for all that hard work I put into those passes (I was knee-deep in revision notes all the way through April; I didn't even know certain football matches had happened), I got the top of my ear pierced, as photographed below:


Given how passionate I am about films and film star culture, it should come as no surprise to you that I was inspired to get this cartilage piercing, after seeing it on Gal Gadot:


I'm not so vain and deluded that I consider myself remotely in even the same league as Ms. Gadot, but at least now I have something in common with my own pick for the most gorgeous woman in a 2016 film!

Monday, August 13, 2018

My Moneyball moment


Earlier this year, I had a job interview for a Finance role, wherein I had to give a pitch about myself. I found the task a little daunting (how does one sell themselves without sounding egotistical?), but I remembered one of the fundamental tenets of good film writing: show, don't tell.

Rather than tell my interviewers what I could do, I thought I'd show them. I said I had some experience with R, and put my money where my mouth was in the form of this graph:


So there you go: my very own "Jonah Hill in Moneyball" moment. And just like Hill's character convinced Brad Pitt with his expert understanding of baseball economics, I convinced my interviewers thanks to my graph of goals scored by Chelsea players!

And they say films don't teach you anything. ;)

Monday, July 23, 2018

The Perks of Being a Fangirl

It all started last year, when I watched Disney's limp, uninspired live-action reboot of Beauty and the Beast (aka the film that Emma Watson turned La La Land down for. 😏)

Although it was paint-by-numbers filmmaking for the large part, the standout scene was the exuberant 'Gaston' sequence

I was so enamoured with that musical scene, Gaston became my second favourite Disney song (not a cheap compliment if you consider what number one is) and I would look for any excuse to sing the song. For example...

🎶 No-one gazes lovingly at Mbappé like Macron! 🎶

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Guess the Footballer: Hard

Finally, here are eight from The Times, plus an extra (rather awfully drawn, far too on the nose) one that I did.

The answers to yesterday's medium level puzzlers are at the end of this blog.

Enjoy!

1. 

Thursday, July 12, 2018

Guess the Footballer: Easy

So, England are out of the World Cup, getting beaten by a Croatia side who simply had more guile and experience than them.

As predicted, I am ambivalent about this loss, largely because my main draw for supporting England spent the majority of the tournament warming the bench (at least Gaz had Phil Jones to keep him company).

Also, I despise Jamie Vardy and will never quite forgive the British press (especially a certain football journalist who I used to be on quite good terms with #cryptic) for affording Vardy a free pass for racially abusing a Japanese man.

These same football journalists wrote mini-tomes about racism when Suarez and Terry did it. And to me, an east Asian, the silence from the hacks after Vardy’s choice word selection is a pretty clear sign that the British media don’t think racism against east Asians is problematic.

By not acting, the British press was complicit in the racism that I have suffered and continue to suffer.

That being said, there was a certain spark in the England side of the 2018 World Cup that was a joy to watch at times, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get swept up in the momentous occasion of us winning our first penalty shoot-out in an international tournament since 1996. There's also something to be said for seeing the country unify over a common cause, especially when the weather was so gorgeous too.


In the final, I’ll be supporting France, a decision that I'm not ashamed to admit that is largely driven by aesthetic reasons.


Wednesday, July 04, 2018

The 10 Most Handsome Footballers of the 2018 World Cup

Happy Hump Day!! 

Now that we're through to the quarter-final stage of the 2018 World Cup, I have officially seen all of the talent, shall we say, on display, to be able to have done enough research for who I think are the ten smokeshows of the tournament.

Thus, this is a thirst-heavy blog. Photos, gifs, and general swooning of some Adonises will be in abundance. It was quite a challenge to find variations of saying 'he's hot' over and over, but somehow, I managed it!

As with my choices for best and worst dressed at the 2018 Oscars, I'm not even going to pretend the list isn't heavily influenced by my personal opinion of the men in question (and club loyalties). I also have rather, niche, shall we say, taste in men - check out my list of hottest guys in the 2016 Euros.

10. Ruben Loftus-Cheek (England)

What a handsome man. His smile is like a gift from God, and he manages to balance appearing youthful with working a suave moustache.

Saturday, June 23, 2018

If music be the food of love, play on

My captain didn't play in England's 2-1 win against Tunisia on Monday, and thus, I foresee myself spending much of this World Cup releasing an album, full of nothing but songs moaning about Gaz's lack of game time!

He may not be starting, but Cahill's presence in Russia means the British media are at least taking photos of him in Russian art galleries for me, so I can't whine too much.


Wednesday, June 13, 2018

This is not just a photoshoot. This is an M&S photoshoot.

Happy Hump Day, readers! The World Cup starts tomorrow, and I am officially pumped.

Despite me supporting France in the 2018 World Cup as I did in the 2016 Euros (with my second teams being South Korea, Japan and Croatia), and me following the England national team with the same emotional whiplashing (not-so-subtle plug of a sick Miles Teller film, there) of love and hate that I had for them in the 2016 Euros (because of that racist Vardy), I will of course be keeping a beady eye on the exploits of my national team. How can I not, when Gary Baehill is in the squad?

The team had their official photoshoot yesterday, kitted out in a rather dapper, and more than a little tight Marks and Spencer three-piece-suits:


Couple thoughts on this photo:


Monday, June 11, 2018

13 Lookalikes Why

Season 2 of 13 Reasons Why was so dreadful that I lost interest in the contrived plot at several points, and instead focused on how some of the cast members looked like footballers. In the spirit of the 2018 World Cup, which begins this Thursday, here are thirteen dubious actor/footballer lookalikes!




Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Facebook's somewhat lax policy to racist comments.

Yesterday, I commented on a thread on the Match of the Day account about some footballer being mentored by Jamie Vardy. I wrote something like 'hopefully this player doesn't inherit Vardy's penchant for racially abusing Japanese gentlemen in casinos.'

One Leicester fan, rather lacking in self-awareness, replied with this  (comment at the bottom).


To counter someone complaining about a player from their team for being racist about east Asians, with another, barely veiled racist comment at east Asians, sort of went to illustrate my point.

Unperturbed and unimpressed, I grassed him up to Facebook, only to receive a classic non-response:


So he not-very-subtly called me a 'chink', yet Facebook decided not to take the comment down, instead giving me advice on how to shield my eyes from racist attacks.

No wonder females, and especially females of colour, rarely get involved in football discourse. Cesspit.

I hope you're proud, Gary Lineker, for enabling Vardy, and other Leicester fans' racism, by normalising his usage of 'Jap'. This is the outcome of your careless words.

Friday, June 09, 2017

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

OOTD: Pink is the new blue.

What I wore to watch my team beat Bournemouth 3-0 on Boxing Day!

Glasses: Red or Dead
Scarf: Monsoon Accessorize
Pink thermal top: Uniqlo
Football shirt: Chelsea FC
Trousers: Marks and Spencer
Lipstick: birthday gift from a friend (hehe)


Friday, December 09, 2016

Two Guns (the Sequel).



The last time I waxed lyrical about Gary Cahill's insane biceps, Chelsea had beaten Manchester City at the Etihad. Well, this weekend, we beat Manchester City at the Etihad (ironically enough, the man with the golden guns scored an own-goal, but we'll just chalk that down to him kindly giving Agüero a masterclass in finishing), so it's time for another appreciatory post  for Gazatron's arms!

The best arms in football, bar none. Appreciate his commitment to constantly making them even bigger, too.

------

I shan't be watching Passengers. It stars a certain actress who's acting prowess I don't exactly hold in the highest regard,  and I don't like sci-fi much (Arrival was an exception to this rule). Plus I don't see the point in hate-watching a movie when I barely have time to view the many films I actually want to see.

However, whilst I'm still staunchly 'you'd have to drag me to the cinema to see this', I have to admit the BBFC have trolled me slightly, in that by using 'sexual activity' rather than 'sex' in the short insight, my interest is piqued as to what the 'sexual activity' is.

I've noticed an increase in the prevalence of this curio turn of phrase recently. It seems to be employed for situations rather than intercourse, e.g. describing the masturbation scene in The Survivalist. In Childhood of a Leader (a shining example of a film I'd love to see but sadly didn't because the Odeon didn't screen it), a film rated 12A for moderate sexual activity, the activity in question is a husband running his hand along his wife's leg in a horny manner.

Which is fair enough, it's good to be prescriptive and delineate the lines between a shag and sexual behaviour to the audience. But I'm intrigued as to why it's been used in Passengers' case, given that in interviews about this film, Lawrence has been bleating on and on about her sex scene with Chris Pratt, and even falsely claiming this love scene is her first. (I've seen Serena, Jennifer. You might like to pretend that film never happened, but I saw it).  She also had a sex scene with the late Anton Yelchin (RIP) in Like Crazy, so I don't know why she's pushing selling the fallacious narrative that this is her, quote, 'first sex scene'. To sell more tickets for the film, perhaps? 🤔🤔🤔

So I would have thought Passengers would feature an out-and-out love scene. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they start having Cesc, then J-law's character starts reading her whiny essay about how underpaid she was for American Hustle instead and Pratt's character loses his wood.

Just speculating.

Monday, October 31, 2016

Greetings from Paris.

Had my caricature drawn this evening, which I found amusing:

A caricature. Like Jennifer Lawrence's unbearable performance in American Hustle.

My best friend Anna said the look on my face in this picture is identical to the look on my face when I'm talking to someone who's boring me. Ehehe.

The French get Park Chan-Wook's Handmaiden, my most anticipated movie of 2016, three months before the British do! No fair.

By the way, I like that France has stayed true to the literal meaning of the film's title, Agassi in their translation, rather than giving a slightly more specific meaning to the title, as we've done.

And finally, a side-by-side of the The Accountant poster in the metro in Paris and the underground in London:


Strange how despite staying true to Agassi's title, they decided to re-brand The Accountant with a new title of their own!