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7 days ago I wrote my first Twitter rant over here.

It’s time for my 7th Twitter rant.  I’m positive you’ll agree that 

Condensing a Homeric Epic into Less than 140 characters

is a sure-fire recipe for major writing angst, right?  One of my blog readers, Elizabeth of Table4Five, alerted me to this very serious restriction….and of course, I just had to explore more. 

Consider the following!   Let’s say that you have just finished a superlative lunch with your colleagues and discovered the Next Big Killer App and want to share it with this world; how on earth can you twitter this?

"World as we know it will never be the same.  <pause, count characters, resume>.  Set up VC yesterday.  <pause, count characters, resume>.  Hey, wanna come on by and write up proposal for <WAIT!  More than 140 characters!  Must revise! Must revise!  Danger Will Robinson, Danger!>….

Why should I have to contort my brain into mental gymnastics and figure out how to communicate effectively in short grammatical bursts?  Twitter should offer a protocol that automatically takes any selection of text no matter how huge and effortlessly reduces it down into something LESS than 140 characters.

Think how effective that would be!   I could take something like Steve Jobs’ commencement address:

….None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later…MORE….

Paste that into the Twitter Jive Filter, and be returned:

Smart designs work.  …MORE….

Would that be heaven or what???

Now, there ARE filters out there that help you craft the perfect sentence like:

• Klingon Translator - it returns:
  • pagh vo’ vam ghajta’ ‘ach [a] [hope] vo’ vay’ [practical] [application] Daq wIj yIn ‘ach wa’maH [years] [later] ghorgh maH [were] [designing] [the] wa’Dich [Macintosh] [computer] ‘oH Hoch [came] DoH Daq jIH ‘ej maH [designed] ‘oH Hoch [into] [the] [Mac] ‘oH ghaHta’ [the] wa’Dich [computer] tlhej [beautiful] [typography] chugh jIH ghajta’ [never] [dropped] Daq Daq vetlh [single] [course] Daq [college] [the] [Mac] [would] ghaj [never] ghajta’ [multiple] [typefaces] joq [proportionally] [spaced] [fonts] ‘ej [since] [Windows] [just] [copied] [the] [Mac] [its] [likely] vetlh ghobe’ [personal] [computer] [would] ghaj chaH chugh jIH ghajta’ [never] [dropped] [out] jIH [would] ghaj [never] [dropped] Daq Daq vam [calligraphy] [class] ‘ej [personal] [computers] [might] ghobe’ ghaj [the] [wonderful] [typography] vetlh chaH ta’ vo’ [course] ‘oH ghaHta’ [impossible] Daq [connect] [the] [dots] legh [forward] ghorgh jIH ghaHta’ Daq [college] ‘ach ‘oH ghaHta’ [very] [very] [clear] legh [backwards] wa’maH [years] [later…MORE…]
• YodaSpeak - it returns:
  • ….None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. but ten years later, when designing the first macintosh computer, we were, to me it all came back. And we designed it all into the mac.  The first computer with beautiful typography, it was. If never dropped in on that single course in college, had I, never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts, the mac would have. And since windows just copied the mac, its likely that no personal computer, them, would have. If never dropped out, I had, have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, would I, and have the wonderful typography that they do personal computers might not.  Impossible to connect the dots looking forward, of course it was when I was in college. but very, it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later…More….  Herh herh herh.
• Swedish Chef - it returns:
  • ….Nune-a ooff thees hed ifee a hupe-a ooff uny precteecel eppleeceshun in my leeffe-a. Boot tee yeers leter, vhee ve-a vere-a deseegning zee furst Meceentush cumpooter, it ell ceme-a beck tu me-a. Und ve-a deseegned it ell intu zee Mec. It ves zee furst cumpooter veet beooteeffool typugrephy. Iff I hed nefer drupped in oon thet seengle-a cuoorse-a in cullege-a, zee Mec vuoold hefe-a nefer hed moolteeple-a typeffeces oor prupurshunelly speced funts. Und seence-a Veendoos joost cupeeed zee Mec, its leekely thet nu persunel cumpooter vuoold hefe-a zeem. Iff I hed nefer drupped oooot, I vuoold hefe-a nefer drupped in oon thees celleegrephy cless, und persunel cumpooters meeght nut hefe-a zee vunderffool typugrephy thet zeey du. Ooff cuoorse-a it ves impusseeble-a tu cunnect zee duts luukeeng furverd vhee I ves in cullege-a. Boot it ves fery, fery cleer luukeeng beckverds tee yeers leter…MORE…. Bork Bork Bork!
• Valley Girl - it returns:
  • ….None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. Man, ten years later, like, wow, when we were designin’ thuh first Macintosh computer, oh, baby, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into thuh Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that sin’le course in college, fer shure, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied thuh Mac, man, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, oh, baby, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, mostly, and personal computers might not have thuh wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect thuh dots lookin’ forward when I was ya know, like, in college. Man, it was like wow! very, man, very clear lookin’ backwards ten years later…MORE….
• Hacker - it returns:
  • ,,, Yoiu r Lajme becAuse u suX0r,, OLOLOLOLOLOLOLO.. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~~ // ololollo~~~~~ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 n0ne of th1S 4hd even a hope of any practical qapplciation inm my 7idfe, butr te|\| yeafrz l8r, wh3n we were designng teh first /\/\acontosh compuTar, it aLl c4me baX0r top /\/\e… LOOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~ and we Designeed it 4ll into The mac oolololololoolo it \/\/s the ffirstcompuatr wit hbeautifdul tytpography… THEIR IS A RATIO DONT RIPE ME OFGF becausey our 7ame!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~ if i ahd never Dropped in oN that a1ngle ocurse in colleg3, teH mac wwould hvae nvear ahd multip7e Typefaces ro pRoportionall spaecd fonts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~~~ and since windows just Coopeid the mac,, 1t silckly that no lAmEral computeR would have them,, IF I HaD NEVER DROPPED OUT, 1 WOULD AHHVE NE\/R DROPPED 1N ON THI SCALLIGRAPHY CL4SS, AND LAMERAL COMPUTARS MIGHT NOT HAVE TEH WPNDARFUL TPOGRAPHY HTATY THEY DO~~~~ OF COURSE IT wASS IMPOssIBEL TO CONNECT t3H DOTS LOIOKING ROWARD WH3N U WAS 1N COL73GE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 but 1t was very, vary cLeasr Looking bXa0rArDs ten y3arslater…morE…
• Jar Jar Binks - it returns:
  • Huh? None ta dis had even a hope ta any practical application in mesa life. Way? Esqueeze mesa. But ten years later, when wesa wesare designin’ der first Macintosh computer, it all came back to mesa. Way? Esqueeze mesa. And wesa designed it all into der Mac. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa! Mesat was der first computer with beautiful typography. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa! Mesaf Mesa had never dropped in on that single course in college, der Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. Oh, NOOOOO! And since Windows just copied der Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have derm. Way? Esqueeze mesa. Mesaf Mesa had never dropped out, Mesa would have never dropped in on dis calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have der wonderful typography that dery do. Ooh! Mesacky icky goosa! Of course it was impossibulto connect der dots lookin’ forward when Mesa was in college. Oh, NOOOOO! But it was bery, bery clear lookin’ backwards ten years later…MORE…. Huh?

So yep, I think an automatic Twitterizer for text would be most spiffy indeed.  What do you think?

ThankYouVeryMuch!

Owlbert

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ps - and speaking about translators:

FRANKLIN TES-118 ENGLISH SPANISH TRANSLATOR DICTIONARY

Ectaco Electronic Translator - EGP 486T

Interpreter Translator Services in Milwaukee Spanish

PERSONAL POCKET 6 LANGUAGE WORD TRANSLATOR CALCULATOR

New Thai Vietnamese 20 Language Talking Translator

Korean English dictionary translator NEW NURIAN X7

Albanian English Electronic Dictionary Translator Talk

EP800 Polish English Electronic Dictionary Translator

BowLingual Dog Translator - Red

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(By the way, if you have any questions about the topics in this posting "RANT - What Twitter REALLY is missing Part 7 - Twitter Translator!", do comment below - I'll try to clarify any issues).

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